The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

The carriage stopped.

I remained lying down.

For several seconds, nobody said anything.

Excellent.

Perhaps the driver had decided Zenith Academy was close enough and intended to let me finish my nap.

A reasonable man.

Then someone knocked against the carriage door.

"Young Master."

Traitor.

I opened one eye.

Dream Haven was beneath my head, perfectly adjusted to support my neck.

Warm.

Soft.

Comfortable.

Everything Zenith Academy was unlikely to be.

"Young Master, we’ve arrived."

"I heard you the first time."

Silence.

I closed my eye again.

Five seconds passed.

"Young Master?"

Persistent traitor.

I sighed and sat up.

"Normal size."

Dream Haven contracted beneath me until the enormous mattress became a silver pillow again.

I tucked it beneath my arm.

Then opened the carriage door.

Sunlight immediately attacked me.

I squinted.

And looked upward.

...

"Oh."

Zenith Academy was large.

That was an understatement.

The word Academy had created certain expectations.

Buildings.

Classrooms.

Training grounds.

Perhaps a library.

Zenith apparently disagreed with moderation.

The entire Academy occupied a massive section of mountainous land, surrounded by walls taller than many city fortifications.

White stone towers rose behind them.

Dozens.

Maybe hundreds.

Bridges connected some of the higher structures.

Several enormous floating platforms drifted through the sky, supported by formations I couldn’t identify from this distance.

Mana lamps lined wide stone roads.

Students moved everywhere.

Carriages arrived constantly through the main gates.

And beyond everything stood one enormous central structure with several towers rising above the rest.

I stared.

’System.’

[Yes?]

’That’s excessive.’

[This is considered the greatest magical academy in the kingdom.]

’Still excessive.’

My driver had already unloaded my luggage.

Not much.

Most of my belongings were inside my storage ring.

Civilization had achieved many great things.

Spatial storage ranked extremely high among them.

I stepped down.

The moment my boots touched the ground, several people looked toward me.

Then toward Dream Haven.

Then back at me.

I sighed.

It had begun.

"Young Master."

The driver bowed.

"I’ll return to the estate after your belongings are transferred."

"Thank you."

He seemed briefly surprised.

I frowned.

Had I forgotten to thank him before?

Possible.

I added it to the growing list of mortal habits apparently requiring conscious maintenance.

I walked through Zenith’s enormous gates.

Two uniformed guards stood on either side.

Both had A-ranked cores.

For gate guards.

Right.

Zenith.

I should probably stop being surprised.

A crystal embedded into the entrance arch briefly glowed when I passed beneath it.

One guard glanced at a floating screen.

"Alash Vortex."

"Unfortunately."

He looked at me.

I looked at him.

"...Welcome to Zenith Academy."

"Thank you."

His eyes moved toward my pillow.

He clearly wanted to ask something.

He didn’t.

Professionalism.

Excellent.

I continued.

I had gone perhaps fifty meters when I heard a familiar voice.

"Alash!"

I turned.

Purple hair.

Violet eyes.

Penelope was walking toward me.

She wore Zenith’s first-year uniform.

Dark blue jacket.

White shirt.

Black skirt.

Silver trimming along the sleeves.

The Academy crest sat over her chest.

She looked...

Different.

Not dramatically.

Just enough.

At the infirmary, she had always been surrounded by schedules, reports, healers and patients.

Here she looked like what she actually was.

A fifteen-year-old student.

A very organized fifteen-year-old student.

Which was dangerous in a completely different way.

I raised my hand.

"You’re alive."

Penelope stopped in front of me.

"What kind of greeting is that?"

"A reassuring one."

"I’ve been gone for one week."

"Exactly."

She looked at Dream Haven.

"Of course you brought it."

"Obviously."

"I don’t know why I expected anything else."

"I don’t either."

She smiled.

That was good.

No signs of examination trauma.

I studied her.

"No injuries?"

"No."

"Psychological damage?"

Her smile disappeared.

"From the entrance exam?"

"Yes."

"Maybe."

I frowned.

Penelope laughed.

"It wasn’t that bad."

"What did they make you do?"

"I’m not allowed to explain the exact exam until all results are officially posted."

I stared at her.

"That’s inconvenient."

"They made us sign confidentiality agreements before entering."

"Very inconvenient."

"You’ll survive."

"Unconfirmed."

We started walking.

Apparently Penelope already knew where everything was.

Of course she did.

She had been here for a week.

I had been here for approximately four minutes and already wanted directions to the nearest bed.

"Results are posted this afternoon," she said.

"I know."

She glanced at me.

"You remembered?"

"Yes."

"Without being reminded?"

"Penelope."

"I’m impressed."

"You’re becoming disrespectful."

"Seniority."

I stopped walking.

She kept going.

I stared at her back.

No.

We had settled this.

There was no seniority.

She looked over her shoulder.

"Coming?"

I narrowed my eyes.

Then followed.

Retreat.

Strategic retreat.

The Academy grounds became increasingly crowded as we moved deeper inside.

Students from different years wore slightly different uniform trims.

Professors were easier to identify.

Mostly because everyone moved out of their way.

There were also statues everywhere.

Old mages.

Warriors.

Founders.

Former headmasters.

People who had apparently accomplished enough during their lives to become permanent obstacles for future pedestrians.

Penelope pointed toward a massive building ahead.

"That’s the central hall. Orientation is tomorrow morning."

"Time?"

"Eight."

I grimaced.

"Morning?"

"Eight is usually morning."

"Unnecessarily so."

"You should arrive early."

"No."

"Alash."

"I will arrive."

"Early."

"I will arrive."

She sighed.

Victory.

Again.

Probably.

We passed several groups of students.

Conversations stopped as I approached.

Then resumed after I passed.

I caught pieces.

"...that’s him..."

"...Vortex..."

"...SSS..."

"...pillow..."

The pillow had apparently achieved independent fame.

I looked down at Dream Haven.

"You’re becoming a celebrity."

[You are speaking to an artifact.]

’Jealous?’

[Deeply.]

Penelope glanced sideways at me.

"What?"

"Nothing."

She stared.

I smiled.

She looked suspicious.

Fair.

We eventually reached a massive open plaza.

That was when I saw the board.

Board was perhaps the wrong word.

There were six enormous black stone panels standing upright around the plaza.

Each was nearly three meters tall.

Students had gathered around them.

A lot of students.

Some were cheering.

Others looked disappointed.

A few were crying.

One boy simply stood completely still while staring at the board as though his soul had disconnected.

Penelope slowed.

"The results."

I looked at her.

She tried to look calm.

Failed slightly.

Ah.

So she was nervous.

Interesting.

"You look worried."

"I am not worried."

"Your shoulders disagree."

She immediately adjusted them.

I smiled.

Penelope narrowed her eyes.

"Don’t start."

"I didn’t say anything."

"You were about to."

Probably.

I adjusted Dream Haven beneath my arm.

"Let’s go."

We joined the crowd.

That was a mistake.

People.

Too many people.

Far too many.

Someone bumped into my shoulder.

Someone else stepped on my foot.

Another student was loudly celebrating approximately twenty centimeters from my ear.

I considered deploying a shield purely for personal space.

[Do not.]

’I wasn’t going to.’

[You considered it.]

’Briefly.’

Penelope caught my sleeve.

"This way."

Apparently administration training also granted crowd-navigation abilities.

She pulled us along the edge until we reached one of the result panels.

Names covered the surface.

Hundreds.

Potential.

Entrance result.

Class assignment.

Residence.

Everything had been arranged together.

At the very top was an announcement.

ZENITH ACADEMY — FIRST YEAR ADMISSIONS

Total Accepted Students: 187

Below it:

Automatic Admissions

SSS Potential: 5

SS Potential: 3

S Potential: 12

Then:

Entrance Examination Admissions

A Potential: 63

B Potential: 104

I stared.

"So many people voluntarily came here."

Penelope ignored me.

Her eyes moved rapidly across the names.

I did the same.

Well.

I attempted to.

Then decided efficiency was better.

"P."

Penelope looked at me.

"What?"

"Your surname begins with D."

"Yes."

"Why am I looking under P?"

She stared at me.

I stared back.

Then she closed her eyes.

"Declair."

"Right."

We moved.

A few seconds later..

"There."

Her finger stopped.

PENELOPE DECLAIR

Potential: B

Entrance Examination: PASS

Class Assignment: CLASS FIVE

Residence: FIFTH RESIDENCE

Silence.

Penelope stared.

I stared.

Then I nodded.

"Obviously."

Her shoulders dropped.

Just slightly.

Relief.

I smiled.

"Told you."

"You never told me."

"I thought it."

"That doesn’t count."

"It should."

She continued staring at her name.

Then frowned.

"Class Five."

I stopped.

Oh.

Class.

I looked farther down.

Alash Vortex wouldn’t be under D.

I knew that much.

Eventually.

We moved toward V.

There.

ALASH VORTEX

Potential: SSS

Admission: AUTOMATIC

Class Assignment: CLASS FIVE — LEADER

Residence: FIFTH RESIDENCE

My good mood disappeared.

Leader.

They had actually written it.

Publicly.

For everyone.

Terrible institution.

Penelope read beside me.

Then smiled.

"No."

"I didn’t say anything."

"You were going to."

"I was going to congratulate you."

"You’re lying."

"Maybe."

I looked at her assignment again.

Class Five.

Same class.

Excellent.

Somewhere in the world, administrative competence still existed.

"At least you’re in my class."

Penelope glanced at me.

"You sound relieved."

"I am."

"Because we’re friends?"

"Because you know how schedules work."

Her expression flattened.

I considered correcting the answer.

Too late.

"Also friends."

"Better."

Then...

The System spoke.

Not casually.

Not sarcastically.

The tone immediately changed.

[Akashic resonance detected.]

My body went still.

Penelope noticed.

"Alash?"

I didn’t answer.

The crowd around us suddenly felt different.

Hundreds of voices.

Hundreds of students.

Mana everywhere.

People moving around every side of me.

But the System continued.

[Multiple Akashic fragments detected.]

My eyes slowly moved across the plaza.

’How many?’

A pause.

[Four.]

...

There it was.

Confirmation.

For a moment, the noise around me faded.

Four.

All four.

Here.

Elizabeth Aurelius.

James Vellaroux.

Sophie Trohan.

Daphne Spinster.

Somewhere nearby.

’Where?’

[Unable to determine exact locations.]

I frowned.

’Why?’

[Multiple fragments are within detection range simultaneously. Resonance overlap and surrounding mana signatures are interfering with precise localization.]

My gaze moved through the crowd.

Students.

Parents.

Servants.

Professors.

Hundreds of people.

’Can you separate them?’

[Not currently.]

’Can you confirm all four are here?’

[Yes.]

That was enough.

More than enough.

"Alash?"

Penelope’s voice pulled my attention back.

I looked at her.

She was watching me carefully.

"What?"

"You froze."

"I was thinking."

Her eyebrows rose.

"That seriously?"

"Thinking is difficult."

"Apparently."

She continued studying me.

"What were you thinking about?"

"People."

That was technically true.

Penelope looked around at the packed plaza.

"That’s unusually social of you."

"I have moments."

"Rare ones."

"Very."

Her eyes remained on me for another second.

Clearly unconvinced.

But she didn’t push.

Good.

Because explaining would require explaining the Akashic Key.

Then the System.

Then my previous existence.

Then demons.

Then why four teenagers neither of us had properly met were carrying pieces of an ancient artifact inside them.

Far too much conversation.

Especially before a nap.

Penelope turned back toward the board.

I looked across the plaza once more.

Somewhere among all these students were the four people connected to my Main Quest.

For years they had been distant concepts.

Unknown newborns.

Fragments.

Objectives.

Now...

They were here.

Real people.

I already knew their names.

Their faces.

Their titles.

And probably before long, I would meet them properly.

[You appear unusually calm.]

’Why wouldn’t I be?’

[You have spent years wondering about the other vessels.]

’And now I’ve found them.’

[Technically, I found them.]

’We.’

[I detected them.]

’Our success.’

[...]

Teamwork.

Important leadership skill.

I was already improving.

Penelope had moved to another panel.

"Alash."

"What?"

"They posted the full classes."

I approached.

Five sections divided the board.

Class One.

Class Two.

Class Three.

Class Four.

Class Five.

Each contained its entire roster.

At the top of each was the SSS leader.

Elizabeth Aurelius — Class One.

James Vellaroux — Class Two.

Sophie Trohan — Class Three.

Daphne Spinster — Class Four.

Alash Vortex — Class Five.

There they were.

All five.

I stared for a moment longer than necessary.

The System had already confirmed it.

No more likely.

No more almost.

Those four were the vessels.

I smiled slightly.

One problem solved.

Unfortunately, my Main Quest didn’t say:

Locate the vessels.

It said:

Establish bonds with the other vessels.

Much worse.

Finding people was simple.

Relationships required effort.

I disliked effort.

Penelope was reading our class list.

"Thirty-seven students."

"Too many."

"That’s a normal class size."

"Thirty-six would be better."

"Why?"

"One fewer person."

She ignored me.

Our class had:

One SSS.

No SS.

Three S.

Fourteen A.

Nineteen B.

Including Penelope.

I noticed a few students beside us examining the same distribution.

One whispered something about Class Five having no SS potential.

Another compared us with James Vellaroux’s class.

I didn’t care.

Letters had become much less impressive after years at the border.

Potential didn’t stop claws.

Or poison.

Or bad decisions.

Penelope finished examining the roster.

"We should go to the residence."

"Finally."

"You’ve been here less than an hour."

"Exactly."

She pointed toward a road branching west.

"This way."

I followed immediately.

Residence sounded similar enough to bedroom that motivation appeared naturally.

***

The five buildings were impossible to miss.

Zenith had apparently constructed an entirely new residential section for our generation.

Five enormous buildings stood around a circular courtyard.

Equal distance apart.

Equal height.

Equal size.

No building was obviously better than another.

Intentional, probably.

Each had five floors.

Training areas stood behind them.

Gardens separated the structures.

Covered walkways connected the central courtyard to common facilities.

And above each entrance floated a large silver number.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE.

FOUR.

FIVE.

I stared.

"They built all this because of the new class system?"

Penelope nodded.

"Each permanent class stays together in one residence."

"For all our years here?"

"Yes."

I looked at Residence Five.

Then at the other four.

That meant each of the vessels would be living only a short walk away.

Convenient.

Suspiciously convenient.

[Your Main Quest appears to approve.]

’My Main Quest doesn’t have opinions.’

[You complain about it as though it does.]

Fair.

Students from the same class would apparently live together for their entire Academy education.

Each residence contained:

individual student rooms,

shared lounges,

study rooms,

small training halls,

meeting rooms,

kitchens,

laundry facilities,

and one larger strategy room specifically intended for class activities.

That last one sounded suspiciously like work.

Our building stood at the far end.

FIFTH RESIDENCE.

Students were already entering.

Some carried enormous luggage.

Others had servants helping them.

A few families remained outside saying goodbye.

I had arrived alone.

That was intentional.

Father had offered to come.

I told him absolutely not.

If Duke Vortex personally escorted me into Zenith, half the noble students would immediately start watching.

I already had enough attention.

Penelope glanced at me.

"Ready?"

I looked at the building.

Thirty-six classmates inside.

A leadership position I had never requested.

Four Akashic vessels somewhere nearby.

Orientation tomorrow morning.

Probably professors.

Training.

Schedules.

Responsibilities.

I looked down at Dream Haven.

"No."

Penelope opened the door.

"Too bad."

I followed her inside.

The entrance hall was enormous.

A notice board stood directly ahead.

Room assignments.

I searched.

Found mine.

Third floor.

Penelope found hers.

Also third floor.

Two corridors away.

Even better.

Someone at Zenith understood logistics.

We climbed the stairs.

When I reached my room, I opened the door.

Bed.

Desk.

Wardrobe.

Bookshelf.

Large window.

Private bathroom.

Simple.

Clean.

Quiet.

I walked directly toward the bed.

Penelope remained in the doorway.

"You’re not even going to unpack?"

I raised my hand.

Storage ring.

She sighed.

"Right."

I placed Dream Haven on the mattress.

Then looked at the ordinary Academy pillow already there.

Poor thing.

It never had a chance.

I moved it respectfully onto a chair.

Penelope crossed her arms.

"Orientation tomorrow."

"I remember."

"Eight."

"I remember."

"Be there early."

"I remember hearing you say that."

"Alash."

I looked at her.

She pointed at me.

"Seven forty-five."

"Seven fifty-five."

"Seven forty-five."

"Fifty."

"Forty-five."

Negotiations.

I considered my position.

"Seven forty-nine."

Penelope stared at me.

I remained firm.

"...Seven fifty."

"Deal."

Victory.

She shook her head and turned toward the door.

"Get some rest."

I blinked.

"Penelope."

She stopped.

"What?"

My hand went to my chest.

"That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said."

"Enjoy it. Tomorrow classes start."

The door closed.

I stared at it.

Then at Dream Haven.

Then smiled.

Four vessels.

Confirmed.

Penelope passed.

Same class.

Everything was going suspiciously well.

[That thought usually precedes disaster.]

’Don’t ruin this.’

[I am merely observing a pattern.]

I lay down.

Dream Haven expanded just enough to cover the mattress.

Perfect.

Tomorrow was orientation.

Nothing difficult.

Nothing dangerous.

Just speeches.

Introductions.

Probably several hours of professors explaining rules nobody wanted to hear.

I closed my eyes.

For once...

Zenith seemed manageable.

[Host.]

’No.’

[I didn’t say anything.]

’Good.’

Silence returned.

I pulled Dream Haven closer.

Then fell asleep completely unaware that tomorrow’s orientation would be considerably less peaceful than advertised.