Greatness is Never Promised

My eyes are glimmering as I eagerly accept the quest request from Cotton Candy Mayor, "We'll do it!"

A smile tugs at the edges of his jovial lips. He places his hands upon his wide and large belly, before turning whilst stating, "Excellent, you'll need a map of the area, one we can easily acquire at my house." We follow the cotton candy mayor through the village. We see many cotton candy people, they all wave at us with warm smiles on their faces. Heading up a long winding path, we eventually reach a large manor, the only two-story building in the entire village. It's there that we're greeted by a similarly shaped yet slightly more slender, Mrs. Cotton Candy Mayor. She exclaims loudly "Oh honey, you found the heroes already? This is such great news and they've made it in the perfect time .Come in, I'll have breakfast hot and ready in just a short moment."

I make eyes with Ruby, excitement blistering on my face. She shares my look, but there's something teasing that lays just underneath her glimmer of happiness. I feel suspicion grow, nagging at my stomach, but it's quickly whisked away as we step into the wondrous cotton candy mayor's house. It's unlike anything I've seen before, well, it's pretty much exactly like a nicer house that I've seen many times. Only everything is made cotton candy. I turn to Ruby, "Wouldn't it be kind of weird to live in this house as a cotton candy person? Imagine living in a house fully made of human, it would be so creepy." She just laughs and rolls her eyes.

The Cotton Candy Mayor gestures for us to sit at a dining table. There are four places set with dishes. "I'll go hope my wife prepare breakfast, please give me a moment."

I turn to Ruby, immediate conversation sparking. "Holy shit, I wonder what we're gonna have. Do you think it'll just be like cotton candy but in the shape of eggs and bacon? I bet you already know actually." She gives me a suspiciously evil grin before shrugging her shoulders unconvincingly. My eyes narrow at her, my mouth dries slightly, "Hey, what do you have pla-"

An uproarious sound of a fart that could only be emitted from just through the wall inside the kitchen. Without a shred of embarrassment a high-pitched voice hollers out, "Breakfasts ready!" and instantly Mr. Cotton Candy Mayor and his missus strut into the room holding plates full of what can only be a turd-shaped cotton candy. Mrs. Cotton Candy's face is visibly red and flustered.

My jaw has almost hit the floor. Glancing to my side, I see Ruby has a palm tightly grasping her mouth, her shoulders shaking, her laughter barely being kept from being audible. Now that the Cotton Candy Pair have closed in, I can see the "breakfast" cotton candy is… steaming. I quickly turn to Ruby, my voice a harsh a harsh whisper, "What are you doing? What is this? Some kind of fetish? Your way of telling me you want to become vegan? Please help me, I feel like I've been thrown to deep end."

Ruby can no longer keep it contained, her hand slamming violently into the table, sending the cotton candy forks and spoons clattering through the air. She lets out an uproarious, unending bark of laughter. Tears are freely streaming from both of her eyes. She grips onto her stomach, before falling to the floor, rolling around on the ground wheezing. At last, her fits of laughter turn into slight chuckles before she manages to steel herself ,wiping her face clean of the tears it is now streaked with. She takes a long deep breath before looking at me Her eyes red from the crying, "No, no, it's nothing like that I just, I know you told me about your," her eyes shifting to the side as she gulps slightly, "Your... vulnerable moment with the queen. I was hoping that this might help, I don't know, introduce some humor to pooping and hopefully ease the pain a little. It'll give you something else to think about, you know, before every time you make."

I put my head into my hand, slutting out a slow sigh. I really appreciate the thought, Rube. You just, you did go at it a bit like a bull in a china shop. I look back at her, my eyes now gleaming, with a brightness that they haven't seen in quite some time. But you know what, damn it, maybe that's exactly what I was needing. I stand up, the vigor in my step now.

Cotton Candy Mayor looks between us confused, the plates still steaming in his hands. "Um, what's going on? Would you two like to sit down so we can share this meal together before you adventure off?"

Ruby shakes her head. "No, I don't think we'll be doing that."

Cotton Candy Mayor's eyebrows narrow, shrinking down onto his eyes, angrily furrowed. "This disrespect will not be allowed," his voice lowering into a deep and angry tone. "The heroes must share a meal with the mayor." Mrs. Cotton Candy drops the plates on the floor, rage fierce in her eyes. "Honey, I don't think these bastards are gonna eat what I took so much time and pressure and gods.. so much squeezing to make. Go get your battle-axe. Now." Cotton Candy Mayor doesn't miss a beat and quickly turns the plates towards us launching them at our faces. Ruby dives towards me tackling me to the ground as we both narrowly dodge the 'cotton candy' that's now smeared on the wall.

Ruby quickly hops to her feet, extending a hand downward, which I grasp onto firmly, raising myself up. Her bicep muscle bulges. My eyes linger on it for a bit too long. She pretends not to notice, glancing around. I follow her gaze and see the Cotton Candy Mayoral Couple have completely disappeared somewhere into the house. I turn to Ruby. "Well, what now? Are they gonna, like, sneak up on us? Should we chase after them?"

Ruby shakes her head grimly. "No, they know that we need the map to complete the quest, so they'll be waiting for us."

I turn to her chuckling. "Well, if they've gone aggro, why exactly should we still do the quest for them?"

She responds in a completely matter-of-the-fact tone as if I had asked something completely stupid and irrelevant. "The sword is really cool, Jessica." She leans towards me, pressing a finger into my chest. "Plus, there may be something especially nifty for you at the end of all this. But mostly I didn't think about... motive. I got really caught up in the joke."

Not wanting to embarrass or question her and this awesome date that she has planned for me any further, I quickly put my hands on my hips, pushing my chest out, announcing like some type of hero, "Then onwards we must trek. To the map!"

We creep through the house inspecting each and every room in its utmost but we hear nothing, find nothing. Finally the first floor has been fully searched, Ruby and I make eye contact, upstairs we go. As we slowly and quietly climb the stairs, a cotton candy battle axe cuts through the banister heading directly for my neck. A bolt of lightning shoots out of Ruby's fingers, shattering the battle axe right before it gets to me. We hear a muffled "Fuck!" before feet scamper off. I scream, "Let's get them!" and Ruby and I race up the stairs, in hot pursuit.

Cotton Candy Mayor dashes into a room at the end of the hall. The door is quickly slammed by what can only be Mrs. Cotton Candy. I charge head first, boosting my leg with a bolt of magic which smashes the door into splinters. They both stand there, weapons in hands, slashing them at me. But I don't stop, bolting past them, their weapons catching nothing but air. Ruby is crouching at the end of the hallway, a thick purple hue of magic covering her upper body, slowly condensing into a ball that fires into the middle of the room, ripping and tearing the fabric of reality. It slowly compresses the gravity between both cotton candy people, tearing them apart and creating one massive blob of delicious looking cotton candy in their wake.

Ruby runs into the room, throwing some ice magic on the floor, sliding over to me, where I greet her with a massive thunderous high five. "Yeah, we got their asses!"

We hurry over to the map, and I am met with yet another joke. Drawn poorly onto a sheet of paper are two words, 'Just Fly.'

I turn to Ruby with a proud look in my eyes. "Looks like you caught that loophole, nicked her right in the bud."

She shakes her head, putting her hands on her hips, letting out a long sigh. "Don't know if I would describe it as that if I ended up implementing the loophole."

We hold hands and smash out of the upstairs window, flying over the Cotton Candy Village before we soar through the air towards the volcano. On our way there, we're met with nothing but barren land, Ruby turning to me, explaining, "I really hoped to give you an awesome quest where we adventure through the wilderness of Cotton Candy World, but frankly, it's a pain in the ass to put together complex biomes like that. It's a lot easier to just do big-ass snowy mountains or fuck all else in them. The village kind of took up a majority of my time, and before I knew it, here we were."

I give her a big grin with love filling my eyes, "This was so much fun. I don't even care about any of that. You had me on my toes the whole time, isn't that the most important thing?"

Ruby lets out a small, satisfied hum. Smiling brightly and turning towards the volcano. We're getting nearer to it, and she guides me slowly to the ground where we land just in front of a cave, a crack in the ground, rupturing outwards and leading deep into the depths below, down towards where the volcano must be flowing. As we wander into the cave, the air becomes warm and humid. Ruby snaps her fingers, sending a ball of light dancing ahead of us, illuminating the darkness, pulling the shadows in long, strange ways as it dances between the rough turns of the path ahead of us. We travel for half an hour, hand in hand, fingers interlocked.

Light begins to glimmer in front of us, the ball of light no longer needed. Ruby quickly dispels it, coating us in a layer of darkness and shadow. But there it is, massive pools of magma stream upward in a spiral originating from a glowing epicenter. A massive white scaled dragon curled around can only be a magical staff. The only thing I've seen in this world not made of cotton candy. My eyes go wide, but I keep my voice low, whispering urgently to Ruby. "Is that what I think it is? No fucking way. Didn't the cotton candy mayor guy say something about a sword? Why is it a staff?"

She grins wickedly. "If I had told you it was a staff, that would have totally ruined the surprise." A slight flush creeps up her neck onto her cheeks. "Plus, like you said, keep you near your toes, right?" She flashes an embarrassed smile.

I'm still in shock and awe. My mind's going a mile a minute. "Plus a dragon? Oh my god, are we gonna fight it? Is it gonna like, try to make us solve a puzzle or a riddle or something?"

"Heh heh heh, let's go find out."

We creep silently towards the glowing white creature, its size dwarfing us. It must be bigger than the manor we traversed through earlier. Yet the small point of its tail is tightly curled around my beautiful new staff.

The staff has a simple design. It's a long, spiraling piece of wood with a dark finish polished into it. It's smooth with small etchings of animals scattered across it's length. There's a handhold carved into it that would rest approximately where my stomach is. The total height reaches just to my neck with a large white gem affixed to the top of it. It's totally badass and I need it immediately. I do have to admit the white gem looks right at home amongst the dragon's glistening pearl colored scales.

Ruby and I creep forward, slowing with every movement, but all of our attempts are for naught. The moment we reach the light emitting from the swirling magma, the dragon's eyes snap open, a piercing glacial blue, peering directly at us. The dragon immediately reaches a foot forward, hoisting itself up onto its forefeet, its tail gently swishing behind, cradling the staff ever closer before it tauntingly swishes it in front of us, letting its tail drape slowly just beneath its risen head. It's as if it knows exactly why we're here.

A deep gravelly voice pierces directly inside of our head. It sounds like it's rattling around between my temples.

"I know why you're here. Convince me of your worth, puny creatures."

So it's that route, huh? My body, once rife with tension, eases as I take deep breaths, evoking a calmness over my mind, clearing out my worries, any desires of fighting. I stare confidently upwards, directly at the dragon. "Because I will make unbelievable use of that sweet ass stab. Just imagine the wind blowing my hair, lightning flashing behind me, casting shadows over my face as that beautiful white orb glows, throwing flaming balls of magma at my enemies. How could you not allow the world such a blessing?"

Ruby stifles laughter, poorly concealed with a cough. I side-eye her, flashing an unserious glare.

The dragon in all of its magnificence can only angrily stamp its front foot at us. Admittedly, it causes quite the effect. The ground begins to shake, rumbling. Small rocks drop from the cavernous ceiling. Those magnificent blue eyes narrow, anger exuding from its very being.

"YOU ARE UNWORTHY!"

Eh, yeah, should have figured. I turn to Ruby, about to ask, "What now?" But in that moment, I see the dragon's mouth is now agape. Something that definitely didn't need to happen for earlier conversation. That, as well as the rising heat in the room, can only mean one thing. Ruby and I both dash to opposite sides, barely avoiding the jet of compressed flame that melts through the floor and rock walls.

"Oh, it's on now, motherfucker," I jeer.

Ruby races to get behind the dragon. Catching what she's doing, I take a hard stop and begin running in the opposite direction. We're now circling the dragon perfectly. It steps in its own circle unsteadily, tail swishing violently. It's constantly checking between the two of us, trying to keep our positions in check. I can only think how lucky we are that this is our arena. The inside of this volcanic cavern. It's kept the dragon's mighty wings, compressed tightly against its body. As I circle, rounding directly behind the dragon, it takes a large step backwards, whipping its tail directly at me. I narrowly put a shield up just in time, bouncing me off of the high velocity impact. Flying through the air, I see crater carved into the floor from the impact.

The dragon wastes no time. It leaps forward. Massively clawed paws race to either side of Ruby. Its bared fangs aimed directly at her. But I ain't no bitch, and that little tail whip did not indispose me. Unbeknownst to Mr. Wise Sage Dragon here, the item of obsession is already in my grasp. That tail flick it did gave me just the perfect opportunity to snag this beautiful thing that I now hold in my hands. And it's time to test its power. As I channel my river, the gleaming white rock affixed to its tip glows brightly, and I slam the dragon into the ground, casting a heavy gravity spell upon it.

Distracted and struggling to raise itself back up off of the ground, I use the opportunity to sweep past the dragon, picking Ruby up like a princess as we swoop upwards, zipping out of the top of the volcano.

"Why did we run away?" She yells against the whipping wind.

I just nod my head over slightly over to the right and her eyes follow to the floating staff dragging itself just behind us. Ruby's eyes go wide, and she just mutters, "Damn, you're more slick than I gave you credit for. I thought you were supposed to be an awkward magician."

Not after that killer date. I look deeply in her eyes, my heart racing. I pull her in, feeling her embrace, giving her a long kiss on the lips.

"Thanks for the staff, baby." We whisk away off the planet, the pink slowly fading from an all-encompassing view down to the small marble it once was as we jet towards the glowing light in front of us.

"I can't wait to show it off to everyone," I proudly say, rubbing my chest up against her.

She purrs, dragging a finger slowly across my arm, I" just hope you get some good use out of that." Then she looks up at me, her eyes wide and hopeful, such a cute sight I can hardly withstand it without screaming. "So are you gonna take me wherever you go from now on? "

"Damn right, Rubes. Just make sure you always stay safe behind me."