Greatness is Never Promised

"Hmm? Oh no, I don't have a last name. I was born a peasant so they basically never gave me one and by the time I was well respected enough to possibly be granted one—like my little Ms. Spellweaver—it was more of an infamy situation so they just relegated me with the moniker everyone knows and loves. Why, what's up?"

Motherfucker nothing with this damn woman can ever be simple. I had just walked into what appeared to be a war scene. The entire house was in complete disarray, metal cooking instruments dented with ominously head shaped divots. There were various bubbling sludges scattered all throughout the floor, stretching up the walls, dripping and hanging off the ceiling. Speaking of the ceiling, or what is left of it, there are massive gaping holes scattered throughout it with a large section which seems to be entirely unconnected to the rest, leaving the impression that some petty [Telekinesis] magic was cast to keep the whole thing afloat. Not to mention the 4 active fires, thankfully only of which was spreading. The other 3 were naturally completely irregular in color, a green one, a rainbow one, and awesome one the color of the fucking ocean.

But all of this shit is the least of my concerns, I mean who am I to care? Let the grown up do their weird dumb grown up shit. Plus if Ruby the Red Mage doesn't have any of this shit under control I don't think me sweating is exactly gonna help out the situation. She can always just tell me exactly what to do and I can follow like the well trained street mutt that I am.

I cannot have Ruby the Red Mage stealing on my girl's name. But I also can clearly see how much of a venomous bitch she is, given not only the disarray of the room but also the large eye-bags resting comfortable on both MM and Ruby the Red Mage's faces.

Oh wow you stayed up all fucking night torturing MM. Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy with your life decisiosns?

Yes, she most obviously and readily is. When I walked in the ear to ear grin plastered smack fucking dab in the middle of her face demonstrated that all too well.

So what now? Where can I go with this? Thankfully, Ruby is tied up cooking us up a killer lunch but I know this show can't go on. I have to slow this thing down before it crashes into either my love life or any hopes I have at becoming a strong enough wizard to blow up transphobia. But for now, my mind remains blank and I'm just going to push past it.

I finally respond to my teacher, "Uh, it's nothing. I was just wondering if I could call you Mrs something or the other." One last shot because might as well.

She shakes her head from side to side, "No, I've never really liked formal titles. It reminds me way too much of the royals who were just soooo insistent on their Majesties and the bowing and how you eat and walk and even fucking breath. Like fuck! Are you that damned bored? There are people out here fucking dying if you could give two shits. But noooooo. Let's critic the new wizard because she slurps her fucking soup. My bad, I've never had an actual meal before that was nourishing my lord. Please oh please forgive me for my injustices."

Well now that her tirade is over I'm just going to cut my losses and give up.

MM looks towards Ruby the Red Mage and blinks stupidly. She scratches her cheek for a moment before uttering, "Where's Ruby at? Is she not with you?"

I blush momentarily before responding, "She's actually cooking us all lunch right now, after the breakfast she made me I'll just say we are in for an absolute treat. We also have some special news for y'all."

"Oh what, is that you're da-"

BONK

I see now exactly where all those silly shaped dents are coming from. The broadside of MM's head.

Ruby the Red Mage grabs her face pulling it close to her before whispering with a tightly compressed rage, "If you don't shut the fuck up and let them have their moment. I'm going to remove your ability to blink and let your eyes slowly lose their moisture as you sleep rendering you blind within days."

MM whimpers and gives a very small nod.

They honestly make a cute couple aside from the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. So basically nothing but the scraps. But I have a feeling that with time they can work out their differences.

MM turns to me, clear determination to ruin my day in her eyes, "But you know", she taps her chin and looks upward toward the morning sky beaming through her decimated roof, "you and Jessica's... friend have the same exact name."

Ruby the Red Mage hovers over the me plopping down on my shoulder like the parrot that she is, "So what?"

"Well won't it get confusing?"

I shoot a death glare at MM. I can't believe it. She must have figured out what I was trying to do. And now she's taking it out on me because she can't do anything to Ruby the Red Mage. She's so fucking immature and such a damned disgrace.

I hear the crackle of lightning as I draw up a painful elemental spell in my palm, prepared to make MM feel the wrath of a spiteful woman. But I'm stopped by a gentle realization. Not one of my own, but of my teacher. My true teacher.

"You're right MM. Thank you for bringing that up to me." She stretched a small hand upwards barely reaching the top of my head from my shoulder where she gently ruffles my hair. "That must be what you were skirting around this morning. You know you can just be straightforward with me Jessica. You're the only one with the privilege. Well you and anyone who might be special in your life. Which I'm hoping will come the fruition very soon."

"Then- I- What will we call you?"

"So you'd want your girlfriend to keep her name and not someone who is literally written into the history books?"

"I haven't told you that yet!!!"

Ruby the Red Mage giggles, with a delighted smile so thrilled to be tormenting me so. "What would you like to call me Jessica?"

"Well I was hoping to keep some part of your name." I kick at the floor looking sullen. "I didn't want to just take everything..."

"Well then maybe you ought to give me a last name, that way your plan will just happen to work out, won't it."

"Are you sure?" A worried twist forms in my gut. I mean sure I've given myself and even another a name. But those felt so inconsequential. This is someone who everyone knows. Am I allowed to even do something like this?

Ruby the Red Mage places her hand gently on my shoulder, "Jessica, as long as you don't name me something vile, I'm going to love it. I promise."

Behind her MM is shaking her head with wide eyes mouthing, "You're so dead if it's not up to her impossibly high standards."

I avert my eyes from her. You know, she's right. Ruby the Red Mage that is. MM is full of shit like always. I take a deep breath closing my eyes and I find myself wading back into my river as I always do. The water feels cool and it washes the anxiety directly from my bones.

I open my eyes, looking into the fiery gaze of the most notorious wizard in all of history, "Your name will be Ruby Hellretour."

She grins and tries it out, "Ruby Hellretour. That's pretty sweet. I think it adds to me legacy."

"So then, Miss Hellretour?"

"That's Teacher Hellretour to you kiddo."

I lead Teacher Hellretour and Useless MM over toward the house that Ruby and I are sharing. But I have no doubts we could all find it blindfolded. The lingering aroma in the air smells heavenly.