38 – Somehow the Elf Waifu Tier List Was the Most Normal Thing Today
She caught his collar and yanked him in, the last weak strand of rope snapping completely. Her tongue dragged across his lips as she intensely licked away every drop of blood. Before he had time to process it, her mouth found his, and the world tipped sideways as she drove him back those last few steps until his shoulders hit the wall. She loosened her grip, pinning him there; with her face pressed so close, he could see her better. Her eyes were shut through all of this, making it hard to tell how she was doing, though she looked recovered enough. She released his collar and embraced him, only to press her lips against his neck.
Oh no... don’t tell me...
Crow froze for a beat, still catching up to what had just happened. “Should I say something right now?”
Man, getting kissed in a situation like this, half dead, is... how do I put it... pretty weird.
Sharon gave him a soft kiss against his neck, then stilled for a beat. She turned her face away, unwrapping her arms from around him. "Sorry... it was an instinct. I-I was hungry."
He glanced to his side at a window reinforced with metal, but he couldn't even muster the strength to move, so he didn’t try. Still too close to her, he let his weight settle deeper against the wall. His vision blurred, and his body slid down, leaving a trail of blood along the wall until he hit the floor. "I... didn't know... you kissed people... out of nowhere on instinct—"
Her face turned redder than before. "N-no, I-I..." She turned to look over at him, but Crow had already passed out. She dropped to her knees beside him, whispering, “What do I do now? He's dying... I really hope this works...”
Some time later...
Strange sounds, knuckles hammering wood. "FBI! Open the door!"
What?
The knocking kept going. "We already know you're in there! Last chance to surrender, we're the Fletcher Bureau Inquisitors, and we know you've been buying girl slaves, you lolicon! Three..."
I remember rescuing kids... but this is too much.
"one..."
Crow turned his head and caught a glimpse of hair—
BAM!
The officers kicked the door in and poured into the room, four of them. One carried himself like he outranked the rest. "Well, well, seems like we've caught you in the act, and would you look at that hair." He stepped closer and yanked the covers back, revealing Sharon asleep underneath, while the others fanned out through the room.
Crow tried to move, but the bandages pulled tight against his wounds and the pain kept him from doing much of anything. One of the officers’ eyes lingered a little too long on Sharon, so Crow pulled the covers back over her. "So, officers... looks like you've got the wrong guy, uh, mind leaving me alone? As you can see, I'm a little busy—"
Slap!
The officer who'd just hit him snapped, "Quiet! Nobody gave you permission to talk. And bad news for you, now that we know you're hurt, well, you're finished—"
A guy in a suit interrupted. "You've all done excellent work. Payment will come as agreed, once I've taken her to... well, he's still alive, so maybe I shouldn't say it out loud. Wouldn't want to come off as some 5th-rate villain, would I?"
The officer stepped back and let the man through, bowing slightly while saying, "An honor working with you again, Your Excellency."
The man in the suit wore a mask with a purple stone positioned near his mouth like a headset mic. He walked toward Crow, keeping a careful distance. "Karl... right, Karl... I’ve always hated you.” He gestured to his chest with both hands. “Finally, man, you have no idea how happy I am right now. No idea. Thanks to you, thanks to everything you did yesterday and today, I get to pull off every single one of my plans, and nobody's going to suspect a thing." He threw his arms wide, striking a T-pose while staring up at the ceiling. A single tear slid out from under his mask, down his chin. “This day... IS THE BEST!”
This is too crazy to be real. Sadly, my body hurts too much for this to be a dream...
He crossed to the other side of the room and kept talking. "Sniff... I'm actually crying tears of joy here, man, thank you. You really are a friend. I thought it'd be a problem when you—cough. Better not say it yet, you're still alive after all... not for much longer, though, considering the big guys standing behind me." He swung his right arm back toward the men. "They're going to kill you. And Sharon, poor thing... she 'died' today, and it's your fault. BWAHAHAHAHAHA"
Guess this will be a fight to the death. Where's my sword? Might as well use the fact that this guy's got some issues with me and needs to validate himself before he actually tries to kill me...
Crow glanced around the room out of the corner of his eye, careful not to look at anything head-on, and once he spotted his sword, he nudged Sharon with the arm hidden from view. She didn't wake.
The masked guy looked at him. "Karl... you really don't know anything, do you? She did a life force transfer, that's why you're still breathing. She's not waking up anytime soon. BWAHAHAHAHAHA...” A brief silence. “For someone nicknamed Crow, you're not too smart—"
Bang!
One of the men blocking the door dropped straight down. A pool of blood spread out around his head.
This guy? Well, as long as he's not here to kill me too... right?
The man in the suit, likely startled though the mask hid it, blurted the question out. "What? Who are you?!"
A man dressed head to toe in leather, scarred with what looked like old bullet marks, wearing a gas mask with two holes punched through the forehead, stepped in, boot pressing down on the body of the man who'd been blocking the door. "I was trying to sleep. I hate it when people interrupt my sleep. Problem?"
Ah, right, I forgot, this guy's a psycho. Either way, I'm getting out of here. There's a window behind me. Moving hurts more than being beaten down, but it’s nothing I can't handle.
Crow forced himself up, grabbed his sword, and swung at the man beside him, who blocked it with his crossbow. The crossbow held, but the impact knocked him back a step from the bed. Crow strapped the sword to his back, scooped Sharon up princess style, and threw himself backward through the window.
Sorry, Sharon. This is going to hurt...
They dropped two floors into somewhere he didn't recognize. He came away with a few scrapes, and when he checked her over, she didn't have a single cut.
Bang! Bang... bang...
Right, I forgot, she's stronger than me. Either way, I need to keep running. Maybe this alley's a good bet, or maybe further right... where am I? How much time's passed... I don't know a single thing. I'll just assume the paladins have already shown up, and things are about to get ugly in this city for anyone who isn't a civilian, us included. The problem is I'm down to just the clothes I had on underneath, and it's freezing out here, and she's stuck in that dress she had on under her cloak and main outfit. Guess vampires handle the cold better than I do.
"Well, well, what do we have here..." A voice, up ahead in the alley.
Come on, this is getting ridiculous. Bandits in an alley, again?
"Hey! Not gonna say anything? And those pajamas, don't tell me you got robbed? That sword's just for show, I'm guessing..."
Crow kept walking, eyes on the dark stretch of alley ahead, checking for more of them besides the one sitting in a wooden chair.
The man kept talking. "Mute too, huh? Hope you're not deaf as well. If I were you, I'd steer clear of this alley, the Inquisitors are running a sweep up ahead."
Just my luck.It seems this guy really isn't a bandit, given the context, it's almost hard to believe.
Crow chose the other path to the left. After walking a short distance, he paused. “I thought you were a crook. Thanks for the heads-up. If it’s not too much to ask, do you know a good way out of the city without drawing attention?”
“Oh, I am a bandit. Difference is, I only steal from the rich. Stealing's stealing, though... Anyway, follow this path and pretty much just keep going straight. We're close to the harbor already, so you can slip out undetected from there... as long as you pay the right person, of course.”
Right...
Crow nodded and went on his way. The walk was quiet; the alleys were deserted, save for a few stray bloodstains here and there. Apparently, the cleanup hadn't been thorough.
Is she going to wake up? This is starting to worry me. She’s breathing and her heart is beating, so she’s alive...
[Level Up]
[Pain Resistance 2 -> 3]
To think I only noticed the pain again after reading the prompt... I'd been carrying it for so long I had simply grown numb to it. I need to check her, too. If she got poisoned again after all that...
[Status...]
Condition: Exhausted and weakened.
Hm, seems like she isn’t. At least one good thing...
Crow kept moving down the path. There wasn’t a single person around, only cats lurking in the dark, and unintelligible voices mumbling from inside the small brick buildings that lined the narrow, distinctly shady alleys. Very, very dubious stuff.
To be honest... a reset would be good now. Hero, can you help out?
Sharon moved a little. “Hmmm...”
At least she’s waking up now.
Crow kept heading straight down the alley. There were other ways to go, but he trusted the fellow from before. He looked down; Sharon was starting to stir again, and opened her eyes. “Where are we? And w-where are my clothes!?” She asked while doing the X-posture in his arms.
He replied, "Bad time to complain about that, we almost got killed. So yeah, we'll have to keep moving in our pajamas... Can you walk? To be honest, I don't know if we'll have to fight."
She looked a bit thoughtful, staring at the walls of the path they were passing through, before finally answering, "I can, but honestly, walking barefoot here is... how can I put it..."
"Right... Princess, making a foot of such beauty walk in this sty would indeed be very wrong..."
She turned bright red. Uncrossing her arms from the X-posture, she covered her face with both hands, and after a few seconds, used her elbows to cover her chest instead.
I’d better stop teasing her. If she keeps covering her face instead of paying attention to our surroundings, things could turn bad real fast. We’re still in hostile territory, after all... Who was that guy? Based on all that rage and jealousy... could he be the same one who tried to assassinate me at the hot springs—
“Y-you’re... enjoying this, aren’t you? S-stop looking at me like that...”
Oh...
“Relax, I was lost in thought, didn’t mean anything... really.” He walked a bit further ahead and saw the docks. “Yeah, going through there is gonna be really bad, there's some kind of inspection going on. Honestly, it makes sense based on the amount of crime in the city.”
Sharon, still with her hands on her face, parted her fingers a bit to see what was happening, and looking to the side, she saw some shops where people arriving from the port were heading. “Yes! E-er, I mean let’s go there, we can find a clothing shop, so... we can solve this problem.”
“Almost all my coins were on my coat and in my shirt, I probably have some in the pants pocket but... Yeah, let’s go take a look, before I freeze to death here.”
After talking, Crow took a step forward, leaving the alley. Once on the main port street, shops lining both sides, the place looked like something out of old London.
This world is definitely going in a completely different direction from the game. Honestly, maybe the next events won't even be the way I remember, but one thing is for sure, nothing that being high level can't solve. Just a bit more and I'll reach the shop. I hope I have enough money. The city isn't that cold, but this thin shirt really isn't doing the job.
Upon entering the shop, still with the princess in his arms, he was welcomed by a dwarf. “Welcome... er, forgive my rudeness but... you do have money, don't you? Things here are... very ‘fancy’, right?”
Crow approached a couch and sat Sharon down, and meanwhile he answered the dwarf, saying, “Yeah, things here are... very ‘inflammable,’ right?”
“WHAT!?” The dwarf jumped back.
Crow looked at him. “Old man, what is wrong? Things here are... very ‘invaluable,’ right?”
The dwarf looked from side to side several times and waved his hands back and forth in denial. Then, pointing a finger at Crow, he laughed and said, “You’re quite the joker, customer... haha!”
Crow kept a blank expression.
The dwarf’s laughter faded and his smile dropped. He began rubbing his hands together. "U-uh, customer? What can I get for you? We have many items on sale..." he asked, his eyes drifting to the sword on Crow’s back.
He went to the couch, sat down beside Sharon, and said, "Clothes for me and for her. First, bring some footwear for the princess." Crow gave a thumbs-up, gesturing toward Sharon.
“P-princess!?” The dwarf jumped again, turning pale. “O-of course, right away, just a moment.”
As the dwarf walked away, Crow felt a pinch on his arm and heard a whisper, “Pssst, stop saying that in public, what if someone suspects us...”
He looked at her. “Relax, everything is under control.”
Sharon narrowed her eyes, locking her gaze on him. “If this is your idea of 'under control,' I’d hate to see what total chaos looks like when—”
The front door burst open. A man walked in alongside two female elves. The taller, curvier elf, who easily towered over the man, spoke up, “Master, please... you don't have to do this. We're just slaves, there's no need to—”
The man replied, “Stop. Where I come from, we don't stand for slavery. I still don't get why you want to keep those collars on anyway—” He cut himself off. Catching sight of Crow and Sharon sitting on the couch, he threw both hands over his head and gasped, “Unbelievable... this story is spinning out of control.”
What?
The 2nd elf, who was about his height and just as curvy as the 1st elf, gave him a puzzled look. She approached him from behind and put her hands on his shoulders while he was staring at Sharon on the couch. “Master? Are you alright?”
He glanced back at Sharon before answering the elf. “Y-yeah... I just remembered something, and... well... nevermind. Pick out whatever you want, girls. Money’s no object after... well, you know.”
He walked over to the center of the shop and sat on the couch opposite Crow's. While the elves browsed for clothes, the dwarf approached, glanced at them without a word for some reason, and walked past them to bring Sharon a few shoe boxes.
Seems like he’s a VIP here. That phrase, “this story is spinning out of control...” hm... This guy—
The dwarf handed Sharon a few pairs. While she was trying them on, the man who was the master of the elves pulled a small book out of his coat pocket. “You guys from out of town? Never seen you around here before.”
Crow looked at him. “It’s a big city. Makes sense you’ve never run into us.”
What a weird conversation... is he transmigrated, too? Why did he look at Sharon and say that—
The guy continued, “Are you familiar with that currency... what was it called? XP, I think? I don't know, maybe there was another letter. Anyway, I can tell you’re the quiet type, but since we’ve got time to kill...”
XP? Is he talking about experience points, or... never mind.
“XP, yeah, maybe I know—” Crow was cut off as the book was thrown right at him. Catching it, he muttered, “What is the meaning...”
The Last Days of Men... Walkthrough notes. Oh... Yeah?
The guy closed his eyes and nodded with a smirk. “By your expression... seems like I was right.”
Crow flipped the book open to the very last page.
S-rank Elf waifus tierlist to recru—
The elf-enjoyer snapped his eyes open and jumped from the couch. “Oi! Who starts reading from the back?!”