Unknown Feelings
I wake up again near sundown, frantically checking my body to see that I’m back.
I then look at Scarlet and put my hand on her head. Her scales feel both hard and flexible.
“I guess it wasn’t a dream…Oh! I can speak again! Ane!?”
“Oki!? Are you awake?”
I stand up and look for her, she’s standing next to the campfire eating some stew with Sher Aka and John. I run towards her and give her a hug, almost tripping on the way because my body is completely different than before I went asleep.
“It was really scary, ane. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t speak and I could barely move.”
Rayla tightens her hug, “It’s okay, I’m here. You were never in danger.”
“I know. Even though it was scary I was never that frightened because I knew all of you were there for me.”
“That’s good, I’m glad oki. Come on, sit down with us, have some food.”
I gladly sit down and John puts his arm around me and gives me a bright smile, “Who would have thought that my second friend in life would be a dragon!”
“I…I guess I am huh? Can I ask you guys something? What did I look like when I was in the other body?”
Sher Aka answers, “Honestly, you looked extremely cute. Like a small pink lizard the size of my hand.”
“Really!?” I ask with a bright smile. “Do you think so too John? How about you, ane?”
John chuckles, “Yeah, to be honest I was expecting something ferocious but you looked really cute and harmless.”
“Yeah super cute! You also felt really warm and squishy, oki.”
“Really!? So I’m really cute?”
Sher Aka smiles, “You sure are, does that excite you?”
“Yeah! It’s the first time someone called me cute! Usually it’s just ‘You look shifty’ or ‘You look kind of ugly’ or ‘Eew look at that creep’. It’s really really nice to know that at least I look cute as a dragon!”
Looking up from her bowl, ane asks, “I have a question, oki. Were you able to tell who was holding you?”
“Yeah, from the smell. You were right ane, it really is important!”
“Kekeke of course I was right, I’m your big sister after all. So, who did you feel the most comfortable with? Scarlet or me?”
“Hmm…Honestly, probably John.”
She jumps up from her seat, “What!? Why John!?”
“He has the smoothest hands and he was really gentle.”
John chuckles, “Well, what can I say. I know how to please a man, haha.”
Rayla in response then walks by John and hits him with one of her tails while getting some more stew, “Oh my, oops.”
“Don’t oops me! You did that on purpose!”
“Me~? Never.”
Trying to diffuse the situation, I answer, “It was probably just an accident, John. Tails can be very weird, I accidentally hit myself in the face with mine when I tried to figure it out.”
“Right, oki? Poor John just doesn’t know~”
Sher Aka then clears her throat, “So Thoma Ahad, do you feel any different now? Does it feel like you’ve gained anything new?”
“Hmm, not really. To be honest I feel pretty normal. It was only weird when I was in the other body.”
“And what did you think of Scarlet?”
“She seems nice. I think I’d like to become friends with her. I just hope she won’t feel too sad when I tell her I don’t see her as my sister.”
Sher Aka gives Rayla a short, ‘told you so’ look before asking, “What did you think when Scarlet called you her sister?”
“Hmm…It was a bit weird because I don’t know her but it also felt nice that she seemed to care about me.”
“Does it bother you that she treats you like a girl?”
“No, why would it?”
“Well... Most people would be offended if they were treated like the opposite gender.”
“Hmm…Well I’m not really that attached to being a guy so I guess it doesn’t bother me.”
Both John and Rayla exchange some weird looks as Sher Aka asks, “Is that so…Let’s say you could choose between being male or female. Which would you choose?”
“Hmm… Women definitely have it harder in life but I think I’d still prefer it over being a guy.”
Rayla, seemingly pretty flustered asks, “I-Is this a recent change, oki? Or have you always felt like that?”
“I think I've always felt that way.”
“W-Why didn’t you say anything?”
“No one asked, so there wasn’t really a need to say anything. It’s not like I can change it, I am what I am.”
“...”
“Would you prefer if I refer to you as my sister?”
“Not really. I’m your little brother after all.”
“Yeah...Haha…”
Sher Aka asks, “Does being a guy cause you distress?”
“No it’s not that bad. It’s more like a constant slight discomfort and sometimes it stings a bit.”
Keeping her gentle smile, Sher Aka asks, “Can you explain what you mean with ‘it stings’?”
“Hmm…Sometimes when people would say something that makes me feel bad or I see my reflection somewhere when I don’t expect it my heart feels a sting and I get sad for a bit.”
Rayla suddenly starts crying and I quickly turn to her, “Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”
“No…Not all, I'm just a bit overwhelmed. To think you were suffering in silence all this time and I didn’t know…I have failed as your sister.”
“What? Of course you haven’t! Also I’m not suffering, I'm just a bit uncomfortable. Everyone feels like that sometimes!”
“I…Sorry, oki. I need to calm myself first, I’ll be right back.”
She then walks out of sight and John says, “I’ll go talk to her,” before leaving as well.
Nervousness fills me as I’m left alone with Sher Aka, “Did I say something wrong?”
She shakes her head, sits down next to me and holds my hand, “You did nothing wrong. Rayla is just surprised. None of us knew you felt like that, so it probably made her sad that you were feeling sad, but that’s it.”
“But why? It really isn’t that big of a deal.”
Her gentle smile turning more somber and concerned, she answers, “Well, to be honest Thoma Ahad for people that don’t feel like you do, it sounds like a pretty big problem to have to not feel comfortable in your own skin like that. Especially when we consider the other problems we know you already have.”
“I’m used to it so it’s not really a problem. I don’t know how it feels to live without that uncomfortableness.”
Sher Aka puts her arm around me, “It must have been tough.”
"..."
“Yeah…”
“Would you like us to change how we treat you in the future?”
Swirling around my bowl of broth a bit, I answer, “No, it’s fine the way it is.”
“Alright. If you ever feel like your opinion on this changes, tell us.”
“Okay.”
I then awkwardly eat my stew and after a while Rayla and John come back, “I’m sorry oki. That was a super inappropriate reaction to have given the circumstances. I was just sad that you were having a hard time, I’m not upset that you would prefer being female.”
I give her a smile, “It’s okay. You don’t have to change anything either. I'm fine with the way things are right now.”
“Okay, just tell me if that changes…”
“I will, sorry for making things awkward.”
John puts his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t think about stupid stuff like that, you feel how you feel and that's okay. Let’s talk about more fun things, like do you think you can breathe fire now? It would be super useful to grill some sausages or something while we’re traveling.”
“Haha, I have no idea. I’ll have to ask Scarlet.”
We talk a bit more and after some awkwardness, have a nice relaxing evening before going to sleep.