Chapter 159
"That’s not the same thing."
Christian’s expression remained calm. "No?"
He moved a little closer.
Kylie immediately straightened. "You have a fiancée."
"I have never had any interaction with her."
"That doesn’t change what everyone else thinks."
"I don’t care what everyone else thinks."
"I do."
The words came sharper than she intended.
Christian stopped.
Kylie held his gaze for a moment before looking away.
"I care," she repeated, quieter this time. "I don’t want to be involved with someone who is publicly attached to another woman."
"You’re not."
"I know what I’m saying."
"What’s the problem? Talk to me, Kylie."
She took a deep breath. "The problem is that this isn’t as simple as you want it to be." She pointed between them. "This would never be simple."
Christian’s jaw tightened slightly. "I never said it was simple."
"You act like it is."
"I’m trying to tell you the truth."
"And I’m trying to tell you that the truth doesn’t make me comfortable." She deadpanned. "How long do you think you would enjoy this before your marital responsibility catches up with you?"
Silence settled between them.
The apartment had gone strangely still.
The television had long since gone dark. The only light came from the lamp beside the couch, leaving the rest of the room dim and quiet.
Christian didn’t argue immediately.
Kylie rubbed her palms against the sides of her nightdress and exhaled.
"You don’t get to stand there and tell me that your engagement doesn’t matter because you personally don’t consider yourself engaged."
"I didn’t choose it."
"I know that too."
"And I’ve never even spoken to Isabel outside of the circumstances my mother created."
"I don’t really care if you live with her, Christian."
"Then why are we still arguing about it?"
"You don’t understand what it looks like from where I’m standing."
He was quiet.
Kylie looked at him again.
"I don’t want to become part of another woman’s story without her even knowing I’m there."
His expressiom softened. He immediately folded. "You wouldn’t be."
"You can’t promise that."
"I can promise what I do."
"No." Kylie shook her head. "You can promise what you intend to do. That’s different."
That finally made him look away thoughtfully.
Kylie continued before she could lose the nerve. "You can learn to like her too. You might even fall in love with her. I promise you this."
Christian’s attention returned to her.
"Just channel this whole energy into her. It’s been five months, Christain." Her voice remained steady. "We’ve had this push and pull for five months. If you can like me in just five months, I believe you can love Isabel with a little time attached. Marriage is a life time so there would be no rush."
"No, I won’t." His brows pulled together slightly. He looked more disappointed than offended. "Don’t try to reduce what I feel for you to something that happened because we’ve been around each other too much."
Kylie went still.
"This isn’t proximity, Kylie. It isn’t familiarity. It isn’t some temporary attachment that will disappear if I give someone else enough time." His voice remained quiet, but there was something unshakable beneath it. "I could spend ten years beside Isabel and still wake up wanting you."
He held her gaze.
"So don’t ask me to convince myself that what I feel for you is something that can be recreated with somebody else just because we happen to share a life."
His jaw tightened slightly.
"People aren’t substitutes, Kylie. And love isn’t a space you fill because there happens to be an empty one."
He paused. "If I marry Isabel, I want it to be because I chose her. Not because I failed to stop choosing you."
Christian’s gaze dropped briefly to the floor. He avoided her gaze, having said too much.
Kylie sighed. "I’m not telling you to marry Isabel."
"I don’t even know Isabel." He looked back at her. "Why are you so invested in a marriage I have never considered? It feels as if you are trying to punish me."
Kylie hesitated.
Christian studied her. For once, there was no joke waiting behind his eyes.
The clock on the wall caught Kylie’s attention.
Her eyes widened slightly.
12:21 a.m.
She stared at it for a second, then at him.
Christian followed her gaze.
"It’s New Year." she mumured.
He looked at the clock again.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
They had missed midnight.
Not because they were kissing, and not because they were celebrating.
They had spent the beginning of the year standing in her living room arguing about marriage, parents, fear, and what they were doing to each other.
Kylie rubbed her forehead. "It’s New Year, Christian. I’m tired." she inhaled and exhaled. "I don’t want to talk. This conversation is exhusting."
He nodded. "Okay." he shrugged in acceptance.
The calmness in his voice made something in her chest tighten. She turned toward the stairs.
"I’m going to bed."
"Okay."
She took two steps.
Christain clenched and unclenched his fist. He tried not to call after her, but his restraint broke, and then his lips parted. "Kylie."
She stopped. She did not turn.
Christian crossed the short distance between them.
"Wait." He reached for her arm. His fingers closed around it.
Kylie reacted instantly.
She ripped her arm out of his grip so aggressively that his hand dropped to his side.
"Don’t."
Christian froze.
Kylie breathed hard through her nose. For a second, neither of them moved.
Christian nodded once. "Okay."
He didn’t reach for her again.
Kylie looked at the place where his hand had been around her arm.
"I’m sorry."
Christian said nothing.
"I’m sorry about everything, Christian," she said, her voice lower now. "But you should leave tomorrow."
His face remained composed. "Tomorrow?"
"Yes."
A beat passed.
"Okay."
Kylie looked at him.
She had expected an argument.
Maybe a question.
Maybe that irritating little smile he used whenever he thought he could talk his way out of something.
There was none of it.
"Goodnight," she said.
"Goodnight, Kylie."
She climbed the stairs. Halfway up, she stopped. She didn’t turn around immediately.
Then, without looking at him, she said, "Happy New Year, Christain."
Christian stood beneath the dim light of the living room.
"Happy New Year."