48. I’m Thinking of Launching a Crypto
The poor woman was getting dunked on social media so badly, Rippa felt sorry. ‘11-year-old child destroys a performative activist,’ was the common title that went with the clip, but Rippa disagreed with that framing.
‘Performative activists know no shame. Had she been one, she wouldn’t have run away in shame, but instead would have doubled down,’ Rippa thought. Besides, Rippa had this feeling that the embarrassment the woman had felt wasn’t about losing an argument, but about having had a bad thought. An impulse to enact violence on a small child.
‘That impulse was what triggered Miss Pendrake.’ Rippa was sure about that.
Although today’s stream did not feature Buttons, Rippa felt she had to address this particular Buttons-related incident and clarify things.
“—so, chat, I think she was genuine,” Rippa told her chat.
‘Genuine communist.’
‘Nah, she woke Karen.’
‘IRL Rippa so pretty.’
“No, chat, I mean it. I think she really thought world hunger could be solved. It’s just… she barked up the wrong tree.”
‘She was acting entitled tho.’
‘L take, Rippa.’
“L take—, no, chat, shut the fuck up and think about it,” Rippa doubled down. “I know a disingenuous retard when I see one. They DM me and tag me every day. They tell me if I killed myself, the world would be a better place. And here’s my point. Even when they are proven wrong or get ratioed, they never delete their posts, but they instead double down. You know what I mean?”
Rippa’s chat thought about it, recalling countless narrative battles they had fought.
‘I see where you are coming from,’ some viewers conceded.
‘Doesn’t make her behavior right, though.’
“True,” Rippa nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s true she was a bit of a Karen. She was rude and… her cause wasn’t Buttons’ to solve to begin with— YoungJoon, thank you for the Super Chat! ‘Are you the woman next to Buttons in the video? So beautiful.’”
Here, Rippa blinked a couple of times. ‘That’s what you focus on?’ But, on the other hand, it was a good opportunity to stop the topic from getting too heated. She faced her viewers. “Thank you, YoungJoon. But, chat, no gooning, guys. A certain kid watches my stream.”
‘This is a family-friendly channel.’
‘PEGI 11.’
“Ah, but she gets ready for bed at around ten, so keep that in mind, nudge nudge wink wink.”
Rippa then returned to the topic. “So, anyway. I understand everyone is having fun dunking on the lady. It makes you feel good, but it doesn’t make the problem go away. This Karen woman at least tried, so let’s not forget that.”
‘But Rippa, some problems don’t even exist in the first place.’
“Oh, you raise a good point,” Rippa’s avatar bobbed up and down on screen. “Chat, but I think world hunger is a real problem. On the other hand, though, I agree some problems are just manufactured.”
And then Rippa and chat made a tier list of problems, tiers going from ‘Fake’ all the way up to ‘Should have been solved yesterday.’ That somehow led to a heated debate about solar power vs nuclear power, which then resulted in Rippa watching a YouTube video about how China was successfully turning desert into farmland.
***
Rippa’s next stream with Buttons had to be scheduled in the morning. She needed the afternoon slot for a sponsored stream that had been reserved long ago, to coincide with a gacha game’s version update. For the evening slot, she had a collab with a VTuber in Japan that, once again, had been scheduled months ago. Due to time zones and both VTubers having their own schedules packed, there wasn’t any wriggle room.
She could, of course, have moved Buttons to another day, but her fans were so happy. “Wow, three bangers in one day. We eating good,” they were saying. Rippa didn’t have the heart to spoil the excitement. Besides, one very intense full day of streaming was better for her stamina than two consecutive, quite intense days.
“Marco Twang, thanks for five dollars! ‘Isn’t Buttons lolibaba?’ Huh?” Rippa had to do some thinking about that. Technically, Marco Twang wasn’t wrong. But slapping the label of loli on Buttons was dangerous.
The kid herself was laughing her ass off, and it showed. Buttons’ character in Minecraft was twitching left and right.
“I don’t actually know,” said Buttons, after calming herself down. As was usual whenever she was engaged in deep thought, the Minecraft Buttons started chopping trees. “Am I a little girl? A lass? A lady? Or a granny?”
“Does our scale even apply to you?” asked Rippa.
“Yo, that’s a good question.”
Staring at her monitor, Rippa gloated to herself.
Buttons continued, “Yeah, I’ve lived a long time, sure. But when the end is nowhere in sight, how do I even grow, really?”
“Hmm… like the clock arm moves forward, but the clock itself is getting bigger?”
‘Duh, just use a digital clock.’
‘Isn’t that like the universe expanding faster than the speed of light?’
“Rippa! You excel yourself today!” Buttons exclaimed. She resumed chopping trees. “I was thinking of a goalpost running away, but yours is much better. So, anyway. You guys have certain expectations, no? Milestones. Stages, and such.”
“Like puberty, menopause, death, that kinda stuff?”
“Yeah. But me? What have I yet to reach? What have I yet to learn and experience?”
“That’s deep, bruh.”
“When am I no longer a kid?”
‘You are forever our little Buttolls.’
“Chat,” Rippa addressed her viewers playfully. “Buttons humble bragging about her long life wasn’t on my bingo card today.”
“Rippa!”
After everyone had a good laugh, Rippa asked. “So, when you say you don’t know when the end is… you can’t see the future? Can you read the future?”
‘Good question, Rippa!’
“No, I can’t,” Buttons answered.
“How about Goggles?”
“He can’t either. But he knows many things. And he’s also very smart, so he can make fairly accurate guesses.”
“Informed guesses, you mean.”
“Right.”
“Well, that’s a bummer. I was going to ask him for the next winning lottery numbers,” Rippa joked. “Or predict the stock market.”
“Hmm, as far as I know, he isn’t interested in guessing winning numbers. But he does some stuff with graphs and things,” said Buttons.
“Yeah, he told me asset and equity thingy was his hobby.” Rippa then turned to her chat. “By the way, chat, that’s his hobby. And doing taxes.”
‘Rippa drip-feeding lore again…’
“I wonder if he does Bitcoin as well,” Rippa wondered aloud.
“Oh, speaking of which, I’ve been studying crypto,” said Buttons.
Rippa felt a chill running down her spine. “Buttons, no—”
“I’ve been thinking,” the kid went on.
“Buttons, don’t you dare—”
“I’m thinking of launching a crypto.”
“Buttons!”
And just like that, many alarm bells rang around the world.
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