36. You Are Welcome to Die
“What the fuck! What the fuck!” Rippa was screaming. The hearing was getting so tense that she had briefly forgotten about Buttons’ planned visit to Congress. But even then, she had not expected Goggles to be the landing party.
After the Capri Sun miracle, this was the second time he had displayed supernatural power on screen. Understandably, YouTube chat was going absolutely mental.
***
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Goggles addressed the stunned Congressmen and Congresswomen before him. “I have come to relieve these gentlemen of their undue suffering.”
The three stunned CIA men exchanged glances. They were both relieved and devastated. In their time of need, a god had their backs. But at the same time, the world had just turned upside down.
“But I am merely a butler,” Goggles said. “If you do not mind, I would like to make some preparations for Her Ladyship’s arrival.”
Without waiting for permission, Goggles turned to face the CIA trio and politely gestured for them to stand up and move. The men stood and stepped away, their eyes still locked on the cosmic butler.
Goggles waved his hand, and the tables and chairs were pushed away. People were gently lifted from the floor and moved to the sides of the room, where they were softly let down. Many screamed in fear during the process.
With the floor cleared, Goggles summoned a dais. A stepped platform encrusted with gold and silver and pearls and shiny jewels rose from the floor. On top was a throne, decorated and engraved with ornamentation befitting a god.
More portals opened, and streams of marble Roman soldiers marched out. They stationed themselves around the dais.
The armed security staff in the room did not even dare to react. They were, after all, just as stunned as everyone else.
Goggles examined his work. Satisfied, he opened a portal high above in the ceiling.
Buttons poked her head out through the portal. When Goggles nodded, she tumbled through the magical wormhole and, like a falling leaf, slowly descended, swaying left and right. She was dressed in a white, sleeveless, lace-trimmed one-piece dress, and she fell like a feather into Goggles’ waiting arms.
Goggles safely caught the ojousama and sat her down on the throne. Madam J.D. teleported in and placed a glass of water on the armrest.
Expressionless, Buttons looked at the Senators and Representatives below her.
“You sought my audience? You may speak.”
***
Rippa was stunned. Her chat was scrolling so fast, but she paid no attention to it.
“Buttons, what are you doing?”
Something was off. The tone. The manner. The bling. This wasn’t her gremlin kid-friend.
“What are you doing, Buttons?” Rippa repeated.
***
A House Representative stepped up and demanded that Buttons take the oath.
“How would that work?” Buttons asked in return.
“You put your hand on this book and swear you will tell the truth and nothing but the truth.”
Buttons scoffed. “I speak the truth, and whatever I say will be accepted as truth. I need not take an oath.”
That caused a great commotion among those in the chamber. After some back-and-forth, the Representative gave up and asked instead.
“What exactly are you?”
Buttons nodded to Goggles, who, in turn, waved his hand again. Two gigantic view portals appeared in the air, hovering above everyone. Through one, the Curiosity rover on Mars could be seen. In the other, a pride of lions resting under a tree.
Goggles then created a walkway made of sparkling light and breeze, connecting the view portals to the dais.
The whole thing was just too fantastic. There were not even gasps. Utter silence.
Madam J.D. handed Buttons her cane. The child stood up from the throne and stepped onto the walkway.
As she slowly made her way to the first portal, Buttons spoke thus:
“I am timeless. My presence is woven into the fabric of space-time.”
She stopped by the first portal.
“The universe bends to my whims to accommodate my will.”
Buttons stepped onto Mars and stood in front of Curiosity. She waved to the camera before exiting onto the walkway.
The world watched in silence as the kid entered the savanna. The lions came to the child and licked her hands and affectionately brushed against her leg. They purred in satisfaction when Buttons patted their heads.
Buttons walked back to the throne and sat down. The view portals and the walkway disappeared.
“I will not be argued against. I do not debate. I do not discuss. I dictate.”
She surveyed the room before her. “If you cannot live with that simple fact of life, you are welcome to die.”
With that, Buttons stood up again and waited for someone to die. Nobody did. Satisfied, she nodded to Goggles, who, in return, opened a portal before her.
Before leaving, as if as an afterthought, Buttons added, “But for now, I have nothing I want from you.” She surveyed the room once more before finally saying, “As you were.”
And then she left.
More portals appeared, through which the marble soldiers marched back in. When they were all gone, Goggles despawned the dais and turned to the Congressmen.
“I heard you are in need of a mailbox.” He shook his head slightly. “The truth is, you do not need it. When she has something to say, you will hear from Her Ladyship, in one way or another.”
He looked around the room one last time. “That will be all. Have a good day.” With that, he left through a portal, which closed behind him.
***
Rippa sank into her chair.
Her chat was in absolute chaos. Amidst the endless scroll of ‘WTF?’ and ‘Jesus Christ!’ and Cinema emojis, people were divided and fighting each other. Half of her viewers were celebrating the massive dunk Buttons had unleashed on the politicians. The other half were very concerned that their beloved Buttolls had disrespected their country’s elected officials so dismissively.
“It’s so unlike her,” Rippa muttered.
‘What was she thinking? Why did she do something like this?’
She addressed her chat. “Guys, I’m gonna go check on her real quick. I’ll be right back.” With that, she muted her mic. She stood up and put her headphones down on the desk.
But before Rippa could leave her desk, her door flew open, and Buttons rushed in.
“Rippa, Rippa, I did great, didn’t I?”