15. The Taco Truck Incident
DeAndre, who went by the handle DeAndre_Interview, was having a good day. Only an hour into his live-stream, he found a jackpot, a taco truck in a parking lot. About a dozen people were already standing in line. This was good for DeAndre’s TikTok stream. These people weren’t on the move, which meant they were likely to stay put and respond to him shoving a mic into their faces.
With a selfie stick filming both himself and his interviewees, he moved up and down the queue. He had already talked to several people waiting in line, mainly discussing what they thought about Popescu Tacos, which they were queuing up to buy, whether they were regulars, and what their favorites from the menu were. People waiting to be served had nothing much to do, so they listened in, occasionally chiming in to give their opinions. And, apparently, Popescu Tacos was rather popular. The line kept being replenished with newcomers. This was fantastic for DeAndre. He had a crowd. He had a continuous stream of willing participants, who were now engaged among themselves, exchanging stories about emergency toilet visits after particularly spicy tacos. And, look, three more girls came to stand in line.
It was indeed hard not to notice Buttons, a ginger kid with a prosthetic leg and a cane, dressed as if she was about to embark on a journey to Mount Doom.
When DeAndre shoved his mic into Buttons’ face and started asking questions, Rippa patted herself on the back for having had the presence of mind to wear a beanie and a mask. She nevertheless inched out of the frame.
“Oh, oh! Street interview! Are you going to ask me if I can read the clock?”
DeAndre blinked for a second, then burst out laughing. “You’ve spent your time on TikTok, haven’t ya?”
Buttons beamed.
The two then talked about tacos. About whether Buttons could handle spicy food. DeAndre also told Buttons that everyone he had interviewed had praised Popescu Tacos, which made Buttons even more excited.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Buttons bobbed up and down. “America is a fascinating idea. Look, a Romanian serving Mexican food to a Scot.”
“Who’s Romanian?” DeAndre asked.
“Popescu is a Romanian name, no?”
“And you are from Scotland? But you sound British, though.”
“Well, I’m very good at switching my accent,” Buttons explained. She then demonstrated by blurting out a few lines. From the sidelines, Rippa thought Buttons did indeed sound like she was speaking in a Scottish accent to Rippa’s American ears, but it wasn’t English at all. Rippa then wondered if Scotland had a native language.
“I’ve seen ice cream trucks in the past,” Buttons kept on blabbering, “but I didn’t know a truck could fit an entire kitchen and serve a proper meal.”
This remark led to a heated debate between DeAndre and the crowd about whether tacos counted as a proper, full meal. The TikToker was having a good time. This kid was a content goldmine.
“By the way, are you on YouTube? Twitch?” Buttons asked.
“Ah, I’m on TikTok.”
Buttons nodded and stared straight into the camera with a big smile. “Everyone, like and subscribe to…” She then looked up at DeAndre.
“Hahaha. Thank you, thank you. It’s DeAndre underscore interview.”
“D’Andre underscore interview. And hit the notification bell,” Buttons finished her plug with a thumbs-up. “D’Andre underscore interview,” she repeated cheerfully.
Rippa facepalmed again. She made a mental note to talk to Goggles about cutting down the time Buttons spent watching internet videos.
The TikToker and the crowd, on the other hand, laughed. On his second phone, DeAndre could see his viewers were loving this child. Some viewers, though, were demanding that he also interview the pretty blond teenager next to the kid.
In the meantime, the line had moved forward, and it was the kid’s turn to order. DeAndre thought it was a good time to move on to the blond girl. He moved his mic to Miss Pendrake.
“So, what are you ordering—”
At this moment, a trio of loud teenage girls pushed past his selfie stick, shoving it out of the way as they did so.
“Hey!”
Ignoring DeAndre’s protest, the girls started to order.
People in the line grumbled and exchanged looks.
Mr. Popescu, however, was not having it. He leaned out of the truck and gestured wildly. “It’s their turn. Go back in line!”
One of the girls glanced back at Buttons and her friends, then scoffed. “She white. I dun give no fuck.” And with that, the trio loudly insisted on being served first despite Mr. Popescu’s refusal.
“Bitch, I don’t fucking care. Make my tacos,” the girls screamed.
“Miss, it’s not very nice to skip the line,” Buttons told them off, but her voice was drowned out by the trio’s loud yelling.
“Hey,” DeAndre stepped up, “you can’t cut in line like this!”
His stepping up gave a pass to the crowd, who had up until then remained silent. They joined in and booed the trio. Some pulled out their phones and started filming the confrontation.
The girls, however, didn’t seem to mind. They flashed middle fingers to everyone and resumed arguing with Mr. Popescu, who was insistent that it was Buttons’ turn to be served.
“Fine!” One of the girls abruptly turned and faced Buttons. She towered over the kid and asked in a sweet voice, “Hey, it’s OK if we go first, right?”
“No, it’s not OK—”
Rippa reeled Buttons back. “Buttons, it’s OK! Shut up!”
But the kid couldn’t shut up. “No, it’s very impolite to cut in line.”
“Oh, yeah? What a cripple like you gonna do about it, cracker kid?” the girl sneered.
“Buttons, shut up. It’s OK!” Rippa hissed, but then she saw Miss Pendrake was about to move forward. “Oh, no, you stay put!” Rippa reached out and wrapped her arms around the Heroic Spirit, but that resulted in losing her grip on Buttons.
“What you gonna do?” the girl egged on, confident there was nothing Buttons could do.
“I will judge you badly,” Buttons snapped, “for a very long time.”
The rude girl was briefly taken aback, but then she burst out laughing. “Ooh~ so scary.” Then she turned back.
Much to Rippa’s dismay, Buttons just couldn’t stop running her mouth.
“How uncivilized.”
All hell broke loose.
While Rippa watched her day fall apart right before her eyes, DeAndre’s camera caught everything. Front row, VVIP seat.
The rude girl spun around and swung, but Buttons ducked low. From below, the cane shot up like a rocket, and the round head of the stick smacked into the girl’s mouth. The girl was knocked on her back, spurting blood and broken teeth.
“Buttons!” Rippa screamed. She felt Miss Pendrake breaking out of her embrace.
The other two of the trio lunged at Buttons. A hand was about to grab the kid’s hair, but Miss Pendrake was faster. She blocked and held the arm, and kicked the armpit, dislocating the limb from its socket. Then she slammed the arm down against her knee, snapping the elbow the wrong way. At the same time, the third girl took a blow to her temple from Buttons’ cane and dropped to the ground unconscious.
“Buttons!” Rippa screamed again.
The whole thing was over within seconds. Buttons stood upright, looking at the downed girls. Miss Pendrake had her back, now watching the crowd for any other threats.
“What the fuck…” DeAndre finally remembered to breathe and muttered. His chat was going crazy. “What the actual fuck…”
The ginger kid noticed she was still being streamed live. She gave a quick smile. “Like and subscribe to—”
Rippa covered Buttons’ mouth with a hand and lifted the kid off the ground. Adrenaline pumping, she dashed across the parking lot toward her pickup truck. Miss Pendrake jogged along.
“Holy shit. Holy fucking shit, Buttons!”
Reaching the truck, Rippa tossed Buttons in the backseat. She then shoved Miss Pendrake in as well. “Buckle her up!”
Without waiting, she started the engine and stepped on the pedal. Leaving the chaos behind, Rippa sped out of the lot.
***
Thanks to Rippa’s wild driving, Miss Pendrake struggled a little, but eventually managed to settle Buttons in the booster seat and fasten the seatbelt. She then buckled herself up.
“Buttons! Why did you have to run your mouth like that?” Rippa yelled, fuming. “You can’t just beat them up like that!” Rippa quickly glanced at Miss Pendrake in the rearview mirror. “And you, too! What’s wrong with you people?”
Buttons sat upright in her seat. “No, Rippa. When you are as small as me, you have to be a ferocious hedgehog! You stand firm. You kick and bite. If you don’t, they slap your face until your ears ring. They beat you purple. They strip you naked. They saw your wooden leg off and leave you in the gutter!” She sank back into her seat. “But if you fight back, even if you lose, they leave you alone the next time.”
Rippa didn’t know what to say. This was too much. She glanced at the small child in the mirror.
“Is that what happened?”
But Buttons didn’t answer.
Rippa bit her lip. Just what kind of a life had her little princess lived?
***
By the time Rippa pulled up in her driveway, Buttons was fast asleep, which was understandable, given how their little excursion to the neighboring town had been incredibly exciting.
She carried the sleeping child in her arms and walked up to the front door. Buttons’ cheeks were rosy, her mouth slightly ajar. ‘The little devil sleeps like an angel,’ Rippa thought.
Miss Pendrake opened the door for Rippa, and when they entered the house, Goggles was waiting on the living room sofa with Mom and Dad. He came up and gently took Buttons from Rippa, but did not say anything.
“Filippa, what the hell happened?” Dad, on the other hand, demanded. He showed his phone. “Buttons is all over X!”
“The full clip, or just the brawl?” Rippa asked in return, but she knew it didn’t matter. She was experienced enough to know that context only mattered to those who sought it.
***
After putting Buttons to bed, Goggles went down to the tea room and sat alone for a cup of soothing tea. Madam J.D. and Miss Pendrake were in their usual stations, guarding the child from all imaginable threats.
Goggles convened a telepathic conference. Madam J.D., Miss Pendrake, and Buttons the pilot joined.
The four went over every microsecond of the violent event. They applied human theories of physics, and after a careful review of the angular velocities of limbs and extremities, and calculating the kinetic and impact energies of each and every single motion and blow, they concluded both Buttons and Miss Pendrake had moved within the realm of what was possible with their respective humanoid height and body mass. Goggles and Madam J.D. congratulated Buttons and her bodyguard for a job well done adhering to the restrictions, even in such a high-stress circumstance.
Confident that no suspicions would arise, they ended the conference. Buttons the pilot went back to watching the child’s brain dream.