Chat, My Friend is a Literal God. What Do I Do?

4. Goggles, Beam Me Up!



Rippa and Dad were at the dining table, silent, contemplating. They were waiting for Mom, who was making coffee for all three. After what happened earlier tonight, they all needed something strong. Rippa and Dad held off on the discussion, for Mom’s input was also needed.

Rippa fidgeted with the ring Goggles had given her. It was a plain silver ring with a small, clear crystal set into it.

“Just put a finger on the crystal, and think, ‘Goggles, beam me up,’ and you will arrive here,” Goggles had instructed. He had come to understand that, although Rippa herself found the portal super cool, Rippa’s dad was not happy with a portal directly leading to his daughter’s bedroom. Besides, Dad argued, the wardrobe, by design, was accessed when, more often than not, Rippa was in need of some clothing, and he didn’t appreciate a full-view window inside the furniture. Goggles had thus closed the portal and instead given them the rings.

“Beam me up? Really?” Dad shook his head. He was also looking at his ring. “He’s got some weird sense of humor.”

Mom brought the coffee and sat down at the table. The three took sips, then raised their heads simultaneously.

“Aliens?” Mom suggested.

“Oh, definitely,” Rippa agreed. “That beach must be some holodeck or something.”

“But the leaf, Filippa. It was real. The sofas were real,” Dad objected.

“I’m thinking,” Rippa tried to explain, “the water and the sky. I mean, the general background could be a hologram. And the rest… the props are maybe 3D-printed?”

“That would explain the day turning to night just like that,” Mom agreed.

“OK, but that still leaves us with some incredibly high-tech aliens,” Dad stood his ground. “Goggles is controlling the holodeck with his brainwaves or something. That’s already beyond human tech. Not to mention all that teleportation shit and the portal. And the robot maids.”

“Shouldn’t we call the CIA?” Mom suggested.

“No!” Rippa and Dad rejected the idea immediately.

“The Feds will kill us all to keep it secret,” said Rippa, convinced.

“And the whole thing probably leads to some alien invasion and all that shit,” Dad added.

“Oh, dear. Let’s not do that,” Mom conceded. Then her mind drifted to another topic. “Why did he say they were Scottish?” Mom wondered aloud. “I mean, if they are aliens…”

“Buttons must be Scottish,” Rippa suggested. “I mean, the girl she’s based on.”

“Oh, the poor thing…” Mom sighed.

The three fell silent for a few seconds.

According to Goggles and Buttons, Buttons was a replica of a dead girl, meant to return to her grieving father and bring happiness back to his life. Unfortunately, things had not worked out as anticipated. The father had passed away before Buttons could reach him.

The two had then tried to steer the topic elsewhere.

“I still don’t get it,” said Rippa. “Why make her at all?”

“Alien logic? Sympathy?” Dad suggested. “Besides, I don’t think that matters to us. What’s important to us now is… Filippa, this alien girl or whatever wants you to be her friend.” He then leaned over the table. “That Penguin girl—”

“Pendrake,” Rippa corrected her dad.

“Right. That Pendrake girl. What if she was also someone this Buttons wanted to be friends with?”

“You mean, like, she is a prisoner?” Mom was now worried.

Rippa thought about the blond girl. Miss Pendrake didn’t seem to be in any distress. Rippa then imagined what she would do if she were to be kept as a prisoner forced into a friendship, and saw a new candidate arrive. ‘Hmm…’ Miss Pendrake had not signaled any warnings or concerns.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Rippa. “Remember the other black guy in Get Out? He tried to warn the main character? She seemed totally fine.”

“But this isn’t a movie,” said Dad.

“And we are dealing with aliens.”

Dad took a breath in. “Fair point.”

“I think we are overlooking one important thing,” Mom steered the topic. “We are the ones who walked into the portal.”

Rippa and Dad looked at her.

“And he closed the portal. And gave us these rings.”

“So he’s not forcing anything on us,” Rippa summarized.

“Exactly,” Mom nodded. “Besides, the kid looked genuine.”

Dad groaned. “Yeah, she did.”

***

Rippa lay in her bed. The family had not reached a conclusive decision, and it was already getting too late. They had decided to sleep on it for now. Rippa, though, first had to spend a full half hour putting her clothes back in the wardrobe.

Now resting her head on the pillow, Rippa thought about Buttons holding her breath. And the pleading eyes.

‘Shit, I feel like a jerk.’

She then got out of her bed and went to her desk. There, next to the mouse, was the ring. Rippa picked it up and fidgeted with it. This whole thing was too fantastical. Like a movie. Perhaps she was dreaming?

She looked at the ring. What was the magic word again? ‘Goggles, beam me up?’

And she was back on the beach. In the lounge, to be exact.

“Oh, shit,” Rippa muttered.

Buttons was in the kitchen, in front of the sink. She stood there, facing up, her mouth wide open and frothing. A doll maid had been brushing her teeth, but had now stopped, her head turned toward Rippa. Next to her, Miss Pendrake stood with a towel in her hands. She, too, was looking at Rippa. Buttons’ eyes rolled toward Rippa. She tried to say something, but the maid held her head steady, and her attempt to talk only resulted in bubbles and gurgles.

“Experimenting?” Goggles’ voice startled Rippa.

“Ah, oh, yes. Sorry,” Rippa turned around. ‘Shit, how do I go back?’

Goggles was sitting on a sofa. He had a cup of tea in his hand. He nodded.

“Beam me down,” Goggles said, and sipped his tea.

“Oh. Right. Thank you.” Rippa put a finger on the crystal and closed her eyes tight. ‘Goggles, beam me down!’

And Rippa was back in her room.

“Holy fucking shit, that was embarrassing!”

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