Shadows of a second life

The letter from Selene lay open on Elias’s desk like an accusation.

The sound of crickets creating a rhythmic backdrop and amplifying his somber mood of the night even further.

He sat on the edge of his bed that evening, staring at the neatly written words. University of Magic. The idea of formal schooling — structured classes, teachers, other students, expectations — stirred something deep and unpleasant in his chest.

It dragged him back.

Back to the very shadow he's been trying to break free from ever since his rebirth and that was none other than his past life.

Haruto Takahashi’s Story

I had never been good at academics, never.

I was a complete joke academically speaking,an anomaly of academic failure.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I pushed myself,the numbers and kanji blurred together. Tests felt like traps to me . Homework was a daily punishment. I absolutely despised studying with every fiber of my being, often staring out the window instead of at my books.

Yes, that's just who I was.

But is it wrong not to be perfect, not to be good at something,was it all my fault?

Maybe I shared some blame but just a little bit of it,it wasn't all my fault right?

"Wrong."

"I was wrong."

Everything I did was very wrong.

My entire life was so full of costly mistakes.

My parents’ pressure only made it worse.

My mother in particular,she compared me constantly to the neighbors’ children. “Why can’t you be more like Hiroshi or taichi? They always gets top marks.” “Look at Aiko — she’s the same age and already in advanced classes.” The words cut deeper every time.

One particularly bad evening, after another disappointing report card, I had enough and I snapped.

“Why can’t you be like other parents?!” I shouted back at them. I wasn't being disrespectful by choice,I had never spoken to my parents that way before. My voice was laced with frustration and raw hurt. “Other moms and dads actually spend time with their kids! You’re never here!”

The silence that followed was heavier than any scolding. My mother’s face had crumpled. My dear father looked exhausted. I regretted the words immediately, but the damage was already done.

Can I ever forgive myself?

I was such a fool,I probably made them cry unnecessarily.

I don't deserve to live, I'm supposed to be long dead and yet somehow I'm alive.

I'm supposed to be dead and as you can see,I'm still here,I literally wasted my life and blood with my own brains.

I'm scum, absolute and unchanging.

I betrayed their efforts and I really felt that it was all their fault? what a joke

Back in the present, ten-year-old Elias sat with his head in his hands.

After two lives and over ten years of quiet reflection, he understood now. His parents had been doing everything they could. Moving to Tokyo had been really expensive. They worked long hours to give him the best possible life — better schools, a decent apartment, opportunities they never had. They loved him. They just didn’t know how to show it in the way he needed.

And then he had died.

No,he literally threw his life away.

Why did he do that? Just because of a little breakup.

They must have mourned me, he thought, throat tightening. They probably blamed themselves. Thought they failed me. All because I was reckless and weak,I was completely useless,a prodigal son who never learned his place in the world.

Tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to hold them back, but they spilled over anyway, hot and silent.

Lira, passing by his room, noticed immediately. She stepped inside without hesitation, concern etched on her gentle face.

“Elias? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? What happened to you?”

He didn’t answer with words. Instead, he stood up and wrapped his arms around her in a tight, desperate hug, burying his face in her shoulder.

“Mum… I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice muffled. “I don’t deserve such a great mum like you.”

Lira was stunned. She hugged him back instinctively, one hand gently stroking his dark hair,her face etched with worry. “What on earth is wrong with my boy tonight?” she murmured, half to herself. She pulled back slightly, cupping his tear-streaked face. “I love you more than anything. You know that, right? Tell me what made you cry like this.”

Elias shook his head, refusing to spill the full truth of his past life. “I just… I don’t want to go to school. At all. I want to stay home with you and Father and Maria and Elara. That’s all.”

I just want to stay with my family.

Lira’s expression softened completely. She wiped his tears away with her thumb, smiling tenderly. “Then you don’t have to go. You already know how to read, write, and do mathematics better than most children twice your age. And you’re a Rare-grade water-wind mage. There’s nothing a normal school could teach you that you can’t learn right here with us.”

She kissed his forehead. “You’re the perfect son anyone could wish for, Elias. Never doubt that.”

He hugged her again, tighter this time, letting the warmth of her words sink in. The guilt from his past life didn’t vanish, but it felt a little lighter in her arms.

For the first time in a long while, the idea of “home” felt like enough.