I’m the King but it’s Chess.

Knight to D six. I wondered if that old man knew what I was doing to him.

I hoped he died a brutal death at the hands of the enemy queen, because that would put the enemy queen, whoever she was. In the hands of my pawn at E Five. It would end the war faster, that could only be good no?

That was my royal guard? I hadn’t even met them, or the person who commanded them?

My queen had told me they were a woman, but I had only sparred with men.

Perhaps one of the armored figures I had fought or commanded in the past week was a woman and I had not noticed?

They must not have spoken, I normally have an ear for voices.

Dinner came and went, the queen introduce the two maids to the environment and they cleaned after us. But the queen they wait for a dessert she wanted to try.

A surprise, she wanted the maids to try it.

So I sat in a parlor of some sort, dismal but for the graceful lanterns, crackling fire and shiny decorative picture frames, the happy oil portraits of past kings, queens, dukes, duchesses, some black, some white. All happy.

An odd change in worlds.

I had not seen many oil paintings capture joy. Especially not tastefully.

The dim flickering light didn’t make the gentle smiles seem uncanny, nor did they seem unhealthy, nor did they seem forced.

Natural peace and tranquility in the faces of those who looked down upon those who relaxed within this small warm, firelit carpeted room.

I I was just above and slightly to the right of the dining hall, as I sit upon the throne at the head of the table.

There it was, bait taken, a quick man, the panther moved to take my knight.

If it could be called bait, I wasn’t going to seek the better move. But if I was panther I think I would have taken the same move.

A pawn, from C Seven to D six. Blocking the queen, as I had expected.

“Is that a game?” Bunhead asked me as if she was interested in it.

In another world I had taught cheerleaders to play Battle for Wesnoth.

In hindsight I had done what few men could. Is it wrong I am proud of that achievement beyond the more standard ones?

Truly you do not know what you have until it is gone. It seemed now like a mirror into a better less sinful world. One where people appreciated being alive.

Or maybe it was just pretty girls smiling at me and putting up with my nonsense.

It wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Yea it’s a game it’s called chess.” I wondered at this world, most seemed somewhat aware of the rules already, but none specifically had named this “game.”

“Would the lion show me how to play?” She beamed at me. The smile was uncomfortable, as if she was trying to smile more than she ever had.

I guess she probably was, but I didn’t know what she thought she might gain from me.

They say people get a strange fever around gold, maybe it’s the same around nobility.

People liken it to greed, but I wonder if it is fear and cowardice. Like a child holding a weapon, they think it is more than it is. “Not a toy.” Doesn’t yet translate to a child as “I’m important and this is my toy.”

Toys are dangerous, intention disregarded.

Hence gold fever. Too much toy in one place, makes the old lizard brain panic.

I produced a slip of velum and copied the board state.

“What are you writing? Is it for your queen?”

“No it is my board state, I don’t want to forget.”

“Oh is this game important?”

“To me.”

It occurred to me that she just managed to acquire access to a very important lever of control in my kingdom.

Bunhead had speed run peasant girl to geopolitical nightmare.

But somehow the weakness of man makes me suspect Bunhead was not a record holder.

“Oh” she dared not touch the pieces and waited silently watching standing at an awkward tilt, as if advertising her interest in the game.

“You can sit” I told her, mid scribble.

She sat on a pillowed couch I had never seen anyone sit on.

Though I had only been here a weeks

If it needed repeating I was in some parlor adjacent to the dining hall, a few scrolls set upon a rack, a fireplace in the corner blasting heat round in circles and a patchwork of exotic carpets spread across the floor. Bunhead was required to wear special slippers to walk upon carpets in the castle.

Don’t let anyone tell you the ancients were not hygienic, we had more time and much more disposable labor to worry about such things.

Maybe we lacked economy of scale and had to scam the lowborns into not buying soap to prevent some minor social ills but that’s happening in your hotels right now. Hardly a problem of knowledge. And you wouldn’t say you don’t bathe, but finding a lack of soap in your vacation tub after an earthquake would tell an anthropologist…

“This basin was made for the sacrifice of adult virgins, household pets and other prized possessions.” I can hear them now.

“O lion?” The impatient maid had the impudence to speak without being spoken to.

But I was in a good mood.

“Yes?”

“Are you done?”

“Yes” and I was, vellum key to return to my board state aside, I began to return the pieces to their starting positions, carefully folding my velum cheat sheet and hiding it in a small pocket of my robes.

Bunhead asked what each piece was and I explained.

“How do you remember all the rules?” She asked innocently.

I didn’t know.

“they really are not that hard if you play once or twice it’s hard to forget them.”

I was white this girl across from me was black which means I moved first, which is probably best for teaching someone how to play the game.

My queen was off the tower and the dessert was not yet ready so this maid and I had nothing better to do then play chess

I moved my queen’s pawn to D four.

“It’s your move” I prompted the girl.

And I had seen this before she made excuses that she was confused. She dithered and tried to get me to explain to her every single possible move that she could make, and what each move would do.

She giggled and laughed, and did everything possible not to play the game

Because naturally she couldn’t escape a game she was playing with me right now. They didn’t involve this board at all one. I had no interest and likely never would have an interest in playing.

I’m a simple man maybe a caveman you might say. I like foreplay as much as the next but will you won’t you is not the sort of game I find amusing.

Eventually, after coaxing Bunhead settled on queen pawn to D five.

She placed the piece so quickly it flopped over in front of my own pawn.

“S… Sorry” she stammered

I stood the piece back up, and moved out a knight, wondering about the fate person it, Knight platinum, the old man who had jousted with me, represented.

Why was it so warm.

“Your turn.”

“Again?” The girl complained, her placid smile turning to a form of pain.

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“Nothing.”

Her face said otherwise.

But dutifully she moved her hand near the board.

With the same uncomfortable speed as before she mirrored my move.

I had forgotten how to counter a mirror player. I knew it could be done, especially as white.

“Are we done?” The girl asked, hand nervously in her hand.

“I thought I told you, players continue until the king has no more moves.”

“Isn’t that depressing? The king is the freest man in the kingdom! Do you play just to remind yourself of what pain is?”

I moved another pawn up, kings pawn to E four, perhaps if she took a piece she would feel better about the game.

My knight was at C three though, it was poised to punish that pawn, but for a new player I wouldn’t be so mean.

“Doesn’t it hurt you?” The girl asked?

“No, what so painful about it?”

We sat briefly on the pillows seats of nobility each looking at the other as if something must be wrong with the other.

“They do burn your fingers and give you a headache don’t they?”

“No?” I replied.

She held out her hand and it revealed burns that would become blisters upon her finger tips that had moved the pieces.

“I can’t play this game O king!” She cried. “Please take pity upon me!”

A sliver of horror flicked across my mind, she had tried to play and hide her pain.

Thank goodness I had found an honest soul. I would have not guessed…

But before I could reply, or think of a solution for this poor girl’s problem, the board, as if a living entity on its own, shook the pieces.

With a clicking noise each piece shuffled itself across the board rapidly,

Prices captured IRL shuffled off the board and arranged themselves, orderly in defeat.

I looked at my velum sheet, and then back at the board in disbelief.

What was going on here?

Well I suppose I should count myself lucky reassembling the board was not some cheat skill.

Though, in hindsight, teaching a game on the chessboard. THE chessboard, the one that gave my peons orders might have been dangerous.

I should count myself lucky if all it does is burn the hands of those who touch it, before calmly returning to the proper board state.

In the myriad of possible solutions in a magical world, that was probably the gentlest.

“I understand you and the Queen are powerful agents of divine power!” The girl murmured, but please don’t forget that your subjects are but humble people unworthy of your stable hand!” Bunhead, my unfortunately curious maid, sucked at her burnt fingers. “Does it not burn you?” She asked.

“No, it should be a simple game.” I replied, "Young men often play it. But sadly this board is more powerful than I realized. I apologize, I had not expected it to hurt you.”

I guess I had no choice but to move the queen to B Four and destroy that knight of my enemy.