Dark Age Swimming Lessons
The queen walked uncharacteristically slowly.
Perhaps she wasn’t as fit as she remembered. Perhaps this winding footpath up the side of a mountain was traditionally traversed slowly.
We were probably four to seven thousand feet up maybe half way to the peak.
I could see a good portion of the kingdom, fractured as it was with the naked eye. But the queen assured me the better views were further up.
The trees thinned ,
And that’s how I knew the air was getting thin. It put us at almost eight thousand feet in my mind.
A little pool of water, almost a mirror before us, just below a ridge of rock we crested.
Peaceful little trees and soft green foliage surrounded the mossy stones.
I looked into the pond.
Not a fish, not a critter that skittered or crawled.
Perfectly clear, still, snow melt water.
There was still snow upon the mountain in patches but it was late spring. Much of the snow seemed filthy.
What was this mirror of purity before me? Falsehood?
My queen knelt before it, placing her staff in between the branches of a small and threadbare tree.
I suppressed the urge to slap her rear and send her tumbling into the inviting pool.
Wait why would I suppress that urge?
She was my wife, I was the king.
I could do this to anyone, it was not improper, I had not the binding lessons of an aggressive three year old anymore.
And ruin the sanctity of this potentially sacred site?
Of course!
She had no chance, I tumbled her soft form into the water as she knelt to fill her water skin.
She yelped for an instant.
To be a good sport I followed her in, tumbling into the cold water with a glorious splash.
She jumped on my shoulders and tried to drag me under with her. But to no avail.
Horseplay, who should have expected it?
“Ruin my clothes? So thoughtless!” She growled in my ear.
“Hmmm” I grunted back, turning my head to see her and caught a face full of breast shielded by wet button down.
She pulled herself up by way of my neck.
“Ow”
And her stomach was in my face, breasts on my head.
I looked around remembering that a sheathed blade had just soaked itself in water.
But this was distilled mountain water?
Well it tasted like something, from a spring, so there were impurities.
And that meant my poor sword was going to suffer.
I reached around my queen, her cold clothing blocking my hand.
I needed to pull her away from my face, just a little, so I could see.
So I fought her a bit, she was grabbing my head with wet clammy hands.
I briefly imagined her drowning me.
Well at least I had tried this, I wouldn’t wish I could.
That I would never have the chance again was my fear only moments ago.
It was colder and stickier than I had imagined.
I waded to shore, obscured by the wet strands of my queens hair which tumbled into my face.
“Don’t drop me!” She yelled.
Was she scared of water?
No, this was playful.
She shoved my head and compensating I pulled her back to my head. My cruddy boots fumbled through the slimy rocks beneath. My body teetered, nearly losing balance.
She laughed an evil laugh.
“Careful king… don’t fall” she murmured as if in bed.
My thumb finally found my sword belt.
*click* it was free.
The water splashed as I grabbed the center of the blades gravity through the scabbard and tossed it to the shore.
And with that…
My right arm around the queen, I grabbed her arm.
My left hand having tossed… what to grab?
Her free leg?
Her neck?
Could I grab her neck?
Not over her breasts ironically, perhaps if she was skinnier.
A deep breath filled my lungs. I wondered if the Lion before my residency ever did this.
Leg it was
“O li..?”
She didn’t finish her sentence for my grip tightened and I fell, no, threw myself under water with the queen on my shoulder.
She scrambled from my grip as a cat scrambles from the arms of a toddler
Panic?
Was that panic I detected?
We splashed into the little pool I was a foot underneath, water would have blasted the nearby rocks that contained this little sanctuary.
My queen followed after me, I couldn’t see her through the turbulent water, indeed my eyes were closed,
Instead I felt her legs tighten against me and kick as she struggled pathetically to stay above the water.
Uh oh…
I focused on not breathing in, breathing slowly out. I opened my eyes underwater to the blurry sting of cold.
Just in time to block her soaked riding boot from smashing me in the face.
I guess the Middle Ages didn’t have swimming lessons, or pool parties, this poor wife of mine probably only dimly understood I was having fun.
What had I really done here?
I guess I would have to save my pretty queen from this panic I induced in her. I released her from my grip.
She seemed so confident a second ago.
I smiled at the power I temporarily had over her. I suppose there was value in this. Even if it wasn’t what I imagined.
I lifted her up in hopes she quit panicking
But now her feet didn’t touch the ground.
I should get out from under her…
But would she panic more?
Slow is smooth smooth is fast.
But standing up in the water and wedging my boots against heavy rocks that didn’t have room for my feet to slip. Picked up the slippery queen who found herself out of her element.
“Shhhh shhh” I whispered to her panicked breaths “water is for relaxing, it punishes those who panic.”
She slowed in my arms. No longer terrified. Very kind of her, trusting even.
Her breathing?
She coughed and choked.
“Water isn’t supposed to be breathed” I chided.
She kept hacking unable to respond.
I waded to the stony “shore” a ridge of stones I had tossed her from.
She had played it so cool at first, but this poor girl couldn’t swim.
The Dove, The Queen couldn’t swim?
Interesting. I would think an old wizard would have acquired the skill.
But I suppose people can go entire lives not swimming.
Besides cold water, especially flowing, is dangerous.
“Can you conjure towels my Poor Dove?” I whispered to her. “We needs dry ourselves.”
“Yes” she choked.
“You can’t swim?” I asked.
She coughed in response. I set her upon one of the sunnier stones. She flopped helplessly upon it as if liquid.
“No” the wet mess responded.
I climbed out after her on one of the sturdier, but colder stones. My sword lay at the other side of the pool. Where had we entered?
I supposed this was how people got lost on mountains.
Where her staff was.
That’s where we came from.
“Bring me my staff.” My queen weakly managed.
I almost asked her to say please.
“I’ll have to teach you to swim someday. Perhaps in warmer waters.” I responded.
I guess I was going to touch the staff. If she saw fit to end me or send me to some other hell I guess it was her problem not mine.
I was still wearing gloves, sopping wet they would cause my hands to ache. Were they cotton? They felt as cotton. Perhaps they would protect me from her staff. The only other person I had seen grab it died within the minute.
But who was I to disobey this queen, and it was uncomfortably cold and wet.
The towels we used after bathing at the castle were surprisingly modern feeling. A blessing I suppose.
I grabbed the staff.
I didn’t feel any different.
I looked at the terrain and identified the path we had once traveled.
I looked back over to my queen who was sitting up and I could see that now she was shivering.
What a pathetic sight. Let’s not delay this.
Staff back in her hand she summoned towels and a few dry robes.
The sun was still high, and we laid our first set of clothes out upon the sun.
Both of us were naked and cold. Wrapped only in a towel or two each.
She fretted over the blood on my clothing and commanded it out with magic.
I found a large warm stone and lay upon it absorbing the heat.
Soon my shivering queen was right next to me. Understandably, it was the warmest place to be.
We fell to talking in each others arms again.
She was not mad, and she rather wanted to learn to swim.
“Next time I shall warm the water first and it shall be much more enjoyable.” She told me.