Chapter 37 36:
"Give the diary back to the nato."
That request was uncomfortable, which only worsened the silence even further. Nouwlan was surprised, but also raised an eyebrow at the request, had this woman already reached her mental limit?
"Are you insane?" he asked, and although the words were harsh, his tone was not as much. But it was the only thing he thought about this woman. How the hell could she leave something like these manuscripts so lightly? This could cost the careers, or the lives, of everyone involved both directly and indirectly.
"That notebook contains heretical thoughts far too severe, we have eradicated entire races for less than that. Can you imagine what could happen to us, Vexa-6? If someone else found it, if some superior from the council were to see it...".
"But they won't," Vexa interrupted him, her voice suddenly losing all trace of mockery. "The fact that you alone found it has only been luck, I'm not going to deny that. But it was actually just a complete coincidence. You're the only instructor so involved in the movements of his natos, especially with Korr's movements. Besides that, it was also the latter's carelessness, since he couldn't hand me the notebook at the last moment."
She said, deepening even more just how involved she was.
Nouwlan still did not respond, in fact, he did not dare agree because too much was at stake.
A simple notebook could become extremely problematic for both of them.
"That nato," she continued, gesturing toward the notebook with her chin. "is different. We're not simply talking about his ferocity, that is secondary, not to mention that it can only take you so far. His true potential lies in the way he thinks. He is the first thinker in years to emerge from the elite class, something never seen in millennia. Do you understand what that means? The first who dares to look at the empire beyond being a soldier. He has a word for this... let's see, anarchist, no... what did he call it? Ah, yes, now I remember. An 'analyst.' And what he's seeing, Nouwl-an, is the same thing you and I see, but that we have never allowed ourselves to name."
The silence became denser. Nouwl-an felt the weight of his own contradictions tightening around his chest.
And what if she was right? The matter was that it still remained complete madness.
"The nato sees the problem," Vexa insisted, taking one step closer. "The problem that we call 'normality.' The problem the council calls 'collateral costs.' The problem that Tragg calls 'the price of the race's glory.' He sees it, and he also writes it in order to clarify what remains hidden from us because of our lack of knowledge. Nouwl-an, you've been reading him, you've been reading him because he interests you."
Nouwlan averted his gaze.
"That nato has potential," he finally said, his voice lower, admitting it in his heart. "Besides warrior potential, he can be an excellent strategist. His thinking is... out of the ordinary, outside the box."
"Then." Vexa slightly tilted her head, insisting. "Why do you insist on turning him into a berserker?"
The question was uncomfortable for Nouwlan, who now did not know whether to continue with the plans he had for the nato.
"Because he also has that potential, Vexa. Are you going to tell me you didn't have the same thought when you met him? He has the touch, he would be an excellent warrior." He responded, and although the phrase was a defense, his tone was more of a confession and desire. "A berserker, in the right place, can be a propulsion toward a meritorious position. They are unique in moments of invasion, when the demonstration of brute force is more effective than any strategy. From opening breaches in defenses that even the brightest strategists couldn't, their actions are completely erratic and unpredictable. The fear they generate crumbles entire armies before the first blow is even struck. Are you going to tell me you don't desire a wildcard like this in your ranks?"
"And you've seen how they die," Vexa added, without cruelty, only with the precision of one stating a fact. "Berserkers do not grow old, Nouwl-an. They wear out long before reaching middle age. Is that what you want for Korr-add?"
Nouwlan did not respond, he had no answer, worse still, he did not want to formulate the answer.
Trying to do so would make him look incompetent, and he did not want to acknowledge that perhaps, he had not made the right decision regarding the future of that nato in particular.
"Perhaps I was mistaken," he finally admitted, sighing. "Maybe I only saw what I wanted to see, without paying attention to the other things he might have."
Vexa nodded, letting her tense smile become something more relaxed and genuine.
"Then suppress that desire of yours to have a hound of mass destruction, or find yourself another one, I don't know." She said softly. "Let him develop his thinking. If he manages to measure up, if he manages to articulate what he intuits, he could offer a solution to the problem the empire has been dragging along since, since that brute."
"Vexa-6, shut up!"
Nouwl-an's shout was like an explosion.
His fist slammed against the worktable, and the metal slightly caved under the impact.
"Do not touch that subject," he whispered, turning dangerous for a moment. "Never again. Understood?" he warned her.
Vexa looked at him silently without having given much importance to Nouwlan's words, and she did not apologize either.
She only waited in silence until Nouwl-an's breathing returned to its normal rhythm and the tension in his shoulders dissipated.
"Understood, don't worry, just tell me you'll do what I'm asking, alright?" she said.
Nouwlan exhaled tiredly, and then, with a slow gesture, looked at the notebook that rested in his hand.
"Fine," he said, feeling that concession cost him something. "I'll give it back to him, but on one condition."
Vexa raised an eyebrow, expectant, although she waited for him to say exactly what.
"I will inspect his manuscripts periodically," Nouwl-an continued, his seriousness palpable. "More than interest, I need to know what can and cannot be censored, for the benefit of the empire. If this nato truly has something to say, I want to be the first to hear it. I want to evaluate him, measure him, understand how far his thinking goes. But if at any moment I consider that he crosses a line..." He did not finish his words, because both of them knew what he meant.
"He won't cross it, don't be so strict," Vexa interrupted him. "That nato is not a traitor. He doesn't want to destroy the empire, but he doesn't agree with, well. He's too sentimental. He only wants to understand his reality."
Nouwlan looked at her for a long moment, but then sighed, averting his gaze.
"Fine," he finally said, handing over the notebook. "Go and tell the nato that his execution for deviation of thought has been suspended."
Vexa smiled, and this time there was some mockery in her expression.
"I don't think he even knew he was at risk of execution," she said, while heading toward the door. "But I'll let him know, don't worry."