I’m My Own High School Rival A Gangster Reborn as a Boy in a Matriarchal Clan World

Christina's Arc: Bend or Break

I never thought I'd be so happy to see Christina's stupid red bed and silk sheets. I flung myself onto it. After two hours of being trapped in the dining hall with Trish, Christina, and twelve royal guards consisting of two generations of maternal freaking mothers…because that's how they described themselves.

I hugged one of the pillows; it was too soft, but I didn't want to let it go. The bathroom door opened, and Christina walked out. She was fully dressed in armor. They talked about training. It was hard to tell. Between questioning my ability to perform and trying to make me remember everyone's name, it was lost in translation.

"You don't get to be cute after how you've acted in front of the estate," she said, drying her hair. "Now, I've missed training because of your escape stunt."

She fixed her belt.

I looked her over. I'd be a liar to say it wasn't attractive to see her like that. Maybe I've spent too much time around her.

She looked at me and smiled. My face felt warm.

Crap. I think I've stared too long.

I rolled over, facing away from her.

"Aww. Are you going to miss me?" she said, then the bed dipped.

"Don't be stupid. I just want to know if you'll be back tonight."

"Oh," she said. It sounded like she was right behind me now. "Is it because you want to cuddle? I know it is, but I won't do it if you don't give me a kiss before I go."

Who the hell does she think I am? I'm not so pathetic that I need cuddles… I just… don't want to die in my sleep because of a dream.

I turned around, and she was right there.

"I know what this is, Christina." She raised a brow. "This is Stockholm syndrome."

"Stockholm?"

"Yeah. You kidnapped me, treat me like crap, and then treat me nice to make me think you give a crap about me." She smiled and wiggled closer. "Do you even care about what I'm telling you?"

…

"No."

"Just say yes."

"No."

"What do I do while you're gone?"

"That's part of the kiss deal."

I fought the urge to look at her armor. It's not that I haven't seen it on other women, but it fit her differently.

I closed my eyes. "Worms don't kiss queens, Christina."

"Well, sometimes this one does, worm. Now, shut up and do it."

I opened my eyes, leaned in, and kissed her on the lips, but it was quick.

She slowly opened her eyes. "What the fuck was that?"

"A kiss."

"Antwon, you've done a lot of stupid things. The first was running away from my claim, and the second was claiming that you just kissed me, for half a second."

I frowned deeply. "You didn't set a time limit."

"Fine, but that split second of a kiss is how long I'll return for." She supported her head with her right hand. "You could try again."

I rolled my eyes and leaned in again. She kissed me this time, wrapping her hand around my neck, drinking in more than I wanted her to, and pressing her body against mine.

When I was finally allowed to breathe, she immediately smelled my neck.

I still don't understand why that's a thing.

"Why are you smelling me, Christina? I haven't put anything on to smell nice."

She ignored me and continued investigating my scent.

"I don't remember this being part of the deal either."

She sighed deeply and rolled off the bed. When she stood, she fixed her armor again. "It strengthens the memory and desire. You should try it sometime."

I wiped my mouth and sat up in bed. "Whatever. So, what do I do?"

She walked to the door and turned.

"I don't know what guys do when women work. Ask my father, or one of the servants. Oh, and a guard will be posted outside of your door to ensure your safety, not that it's unsafe on the estate; also, you may leave the room whenever you like," she said with a grin.

"I get that now."

"The opposite is also true. If you don't want to be bothered, just keep the door closed."

She opened the door, and one of the women from the obnoxious feast greeted her with a bow. "Okay, bye hani."

***

As soon as she was gone, I stripped my clothes and wrapped myself in the silk sheets. Ever since I woke up like this, I dreamed of experiencing the strange sensation of my bare body devoured by silk comfort.

I closed my eyes, promising not to sleep. I moaned my acceptance of a big bed and empty room. The red sheets emitted their crimson glory, glowing brighter than ever.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

My eyes shot open, and a pair of soulless eyes cast their downward gaze. I had fallen asleep. Now, I was face-to-face with my memory of Shizuka. The dream that slit my throat. But why did I have to deal with this? Why can't I just enjoy my captivity like the caged animal I am?

"Hey, you're still going to kill me, right?"

She brought her face closer to mine, nearly brushing noses.

"Yes," she said, without any emotion.

The silk cocoon made this conversation weird.

I'm going to die anyway, so why not try something different?

I reached up, held her neck, and pulled her down, and learned her scent the way Christina had reminded herself of mine.

I could feel Shizuka grip the bed near me. The whole thing felt so damn real, but it wasn't. She pulled back slowly, and I noticed something.

She didn't really smell like anything. Was it because she was a fake?

"Cross, what was that?"

I thought for a moment about how aware of the dream Shizuka was. Did she know what I knew? Does she know that I know her name?

"What was that, Cross?"

"I just thought you smelled interesting, is all. Hey, before you kill me, can I ask you for a favor?"

Even dead, I could see curiosity flash across her face.

"Don't worry, I don't need more time, or anything like that."

"Favors of the flesh then."

I rolled over and sat up. "You are an attractive woman, but I think that's been proposed before."

She craned her neck, but I'm still alive, so something must be working. She scooted closer. Our knees touched. "I'm listening."

"Okay. Take me with you."

…

She blinked excessively.

"What do you mean?"

"You let me live. The bus, the bench, this room. I know you want to chase me because I can't win the rematch I asked for. You're faster and stronger than me. So, take me, and kill me when it's over."

"How did you know that I was going to—"

"Shizuka," Her eyes widened. "We've already done this, and I won, just like I won the fight in the alleyway… Kind of."

"Then where is here, Cross? Are we dead?"

"You are in my head, but you are not the real Shizuka…the real you is in a hospital, but you're going to be executed for the men you've killed." I touched where she stabbed me. "You also tried to kill me."

I stood, and she did the same.

"I don't know if I believe you, Cross. Can you prove it?"

I looked around the room.

The source of my trauma must be somewhere.

"What are you doing now, Cross?"

I walked to the bathroom, but nothing caught my attention. "I'm looking for the thing that binds me here. The thing looks different in every red shard."

"Maybe it's me."

I looked at her, and she wasn't glowing. I shook my head.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

She sat on the bed. "I'm not sure. This all seems extravagant, but you haven't tried to run, you don't want to give me your body as currency, and you didn't beg for your life. What's confusing me, Cross, is if you wanted to come with me, why didn't you kill the boy on the bus?"

…

"Because I didn't want to. Why didn't you kill me in the alleyway?"

She brushed the hair on the side of her face, securing it behind her ear. "Because I liked the way you fought. It was like you had done it before, and even when I wanted to kill you by stabbing you in the side, you surprised me; you're still surprising me, Cross."

…

"But you were faster."

"Yes, I am faster than you are, but you were willing to break ceremony, Cross." She smiled the warmest smile I had ever seen. "You were willing to rip my throat open with your teeth. No one I've fought or killed has ever sacrificed what makes them human to survive."

She stood up and walked over to me, radiating warmth.

"If I am in your head, and this isn't real, find me, and share everything you've told me with me."

…

"Where is your knife?"

She turned around and walked to the bed. She lifted up the mattress and removed her knife… It…wasn't glowing.

"Oh, I thought that would be it."

"Oh?"

"It made sense. You stabbed me with it."

She stepped closer, knife pointed at me. I considered running, like I did in reality, but why run here? It's a dream with teeth. If she kills me, it'll hurt like hell, but I'll be alive.

She pressed the knife against my chest, but she didn't push hard enough to stab me. Then she flipped the handle around.

"Okay, Cross. Now, I trust you."

I took the handle. Nothing happened.

I looked around the room to see if anything had changed, but it was all the same. Maybe leaving the room was the point. Wait…

"Where is my knife?" She reached into her dress pocket and produced my knife, which was smaller than hers. More importantly, it had a red glow.

"But why is my knife glowing red?"

She touched the blade of my knife. Her eyes didn't reflect its glow. "I don't see anything. Are you sure that it's glowing?"

I looked at Shizuka, then at my reflection. "Maybe…I need to stab you with it?"

Her eyes cut sharply.

"No! I mean…just no, but like what if that's the answer…"

She craned her neck.

"Look," I said, lowering the knife, "think of it the way I see it. You are a memory that doesn't feel like any memory I've interacted with." She raised a brow. "Just forget about it."

"Cross," she said, "you said that I already stabbed you."

"You did, right here," I said, pointing at the bottom of my ribs.

She walked over and examined where I pointed.

"So, I didn't want you to die immediately, or rather, I wanted you to live long enough to see something completed."

"Like what?"

She walked back to the bed, sat down, and started yawning. Then she patted the space next to her.

Ah, even the women in my head boss me around.

I walked over and sat next to her. "You know what? You act like a mom. I think that's why I was tricked."

"Maybe."

"So, why did you stab me like that?"

She brushed her hair out of her face. "Did I ever tell you why I kill?"

I poked at my bottom lip. "You started to, but I cut you off because…I was stabbed, you know? But tell me both."

She smiled, and it made me feel happy, even though I wasn't trying to.

"Well, I wanted someone to witness my murders, someone to talk to me about them. Every kill was done in such a way that it would reveal art itself. This broken-down building filled with men was going to be my final performance, Cross."

So…she's just crazy…okay.

"But why, Shizuka?"

Her smile didn't fade, but it took on a new meaning; a sadder edge.

"I did it because death is the only art I can create, Cross."

I tilted my head. Death is her only art… What does that even mean? She could have bought a paintbrush and a blank canvas, or a sketch pad. I rubbed my head, and then I checked my hair. It was frizzy.

Maybe the third worst part about this memory.

Shizuka rubbed my head, too.

Good grief, with all her motherly affection, she may as well… Oh!

"Shizuka…is that a good enough reason to kill people?"

She lay back on the bed.

"Cross, we live in a country where lineage is everything for both men and women. I have a face fit for a queen, but what good is a face if no guy will stay. What good is life if time will continue to remind me that I'm alone because the gods didn't grace me with the ability to create beautiful sculptures?

I lay down beside her.

"We all turn into ash, Cross. But our lineage keeps us alive," she closed her eyes. "No one will keep me alive. So I etched my art into the bodies of the boys I've taken."

"Wow. That's deep. Can't you just find a guy who can't have kids and live with him?"

"Boys who can't have kids tend to sell themselves for a price."

…

"Fair."

"But you, Cross. I saw myself in your eyes, and I wanted you to kill with me."

She opened her eyes; they were so soft.

"Cross, let me see the wound I made; let me see my art."

…

"Sure, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"

I lifted my shirt, and once I got to the wound, it had a red glow.

…

"I don't see anything, Cross."

Why can't it ever be something simple?

"Hey, I'm going to ask you to do something crazy… I'm going to sound crazy. Take this knife and stab me right here?" She took my knife. "But…be gentle this time."

"Are you certain?"

I nodded.

She reared her arm back while placing her left hand above my ribs. Then the knife approached.

"Wait!"

She stopped.

"Give me like five minutes to—"

A sharp pain exploded. She sank the blade into me, and the room shattered into pieces of the red shard.

"Where are we, Cross!"

Then I felt nothing, as I always do in the void.

"Hold on to me, Shizuka."

She grabbed me, and when I looked down, I saw the blade vanish into my body.

"Cross!"

"You don't have to yell. This is his memory well, or that's what I'm going to call it, since I'm the only one who ever comes here, until now."

She was a red silhouette now. But I'd never seen one leave its shard.