Chapter Seventy Nine: What Refuses to Die
Christina's arc: Bend or Break
The size of the shard had doubled since the hospital, as its glow radiated throughout the void. For the past few days, I interacted with smaller blue shards to avoid the red shard, but whenever I summoned a blue shard, it would pulse its red glow and repel it. I could no longer see its borders. I'd never encountered such an aggressive memory. This must be Antwon's greatest pain, even more so than his killing himself.
But I was safe because I could feel Christina pressed against me, and now that I'm sure she won't make a move, I can use her to anchor me to…
The real world… Can I even call it that?
I reached out, embracing the fragment with both hands, and then the glow consumed me.
***
It…was dark, but I could feel something soft with my fingers. Was it dark, or…
I opened my eyes. The ceiling was crumbling…the texture was familiar. I turned my head to the right, and I knew where I was because I had been there days ago. My heart raced as recognition settled in.
This wasn't Antwon's trauma…
I looked up from my lying position, and a haunting pair of eyes devoured me.
"Good morning—"
I closed my eyes, and then I felt cold hands examining my face. I opened my eyes, and she was right there, looking at me, inches apart.
"What's the matter, Cross? Where did all your confidence go?"
I reached up with a shaky hand and touched the back of hers; she felt solid.
"Y-you can't be real…this is a dream," I said, letting out a faint laugh. "We've done this…we've been here."
My eyes watered.
She sat up on her knees.
"I thought you were different, Cross, but you're just like everyone else."
I looked at the back of my hand.
Did I dream about escaping…was everything a lie!?
Something glimmered, catching my eye, and then I felt a weight against my neck, and then it was gone…
I touched my neck, and it was wet. She sat back down and cleaned her knife with her dress. I clasped my neck with both hands. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't breathe.
Shizuka looked sad through blurry eyes.
I kicked because it was unfair.
I kicked because…I wasn't done.
I kicked because I was sad, too.
If it was all a dream, why couldn't I just stay asleep?
My body shook, the room blurred, and everything felt numb.
***
"Wake up, wake up, wake the fuck up, Antwon!"
I sucked down air and coughed. Lights flickered into existence, blinding me.
"What's going on?" My dad cried out. "Is he hurt? Should we take him to the hospital?"
"I'm not sure…he started kicking me, and when I checked, he… wasn't breathing."
"Antwon!"
I felt hands holding me.
Faces came into focus. I touched my neck, and there was no cut, but sweat. I looked at the door. Everyone, including Yua, was there. Christina was holding me…
"He's pale; we should take him to a hospital," Christina said with more concern in her shaky blue eyes than I've ever seen.
I looked at my window, my gateway into this world, and it was still dark.
"I'm fine," I said, choking on the words.
Sakura walked over to us and wiped my face with her hand.
"Fine doesn't look like crying and shaking. I hate it when you have nightmares, but you never talk about them."
I took several deep breaths.
"Thanks for your concern, but it's still early in the morning, so—"
"It's still late in the afternoon…you've only been sleeping for like an hour," Sakura said.
"Actually, it's been fifteen minutes," Christina chimed in.
I scowled at both of them.
"Well, well, well. I guess you both became such great friends over a meal. But don't you guys have another date in like, two days?"
"It's actually twenty-five days," Christina corrected me.
They looked at each other for a moment. The weight of my words sank in as something sparked in their eyes.
"Shut up, Antwon," Sakura said. "We know what we've got to do."
"I agree. Stop trying to deflect," Christina chimed in.
I wiped sweat from my forehead. I hated that they were right.
Shizuka didn't kill me…so why did she in my dream? What did she mean when she said I was just like the others?
I sat on the bed, surrounded by faces that all looked like they knew something was wrong, like this was bound to happen. I leaned against the wall, still sitting on my bed.
"Can you all just leave…I mean, I'm fine."
I lay back down and covered myself with my bedsheet.
…
"Well, shit. I'm going back to bed. If he wakes up screaming again, just put a pillow over his face," Sakura said.
What an asshole!
I growled, and I could hear her heavy footsteps march off, followed by others.
"Is…everything okay, your grace?"
…
"It's fine, Yua. Go back to sleep."
I closed my eyes but didn't sleep. I wouldn't.
Why was she in that fragment…and why were her actions different? It was like she was alive, too. I can't get that sad look out of my mind. Why would she… No, it wasn't real.
I opened my eyes and looked at my hand. Trembling fingers.
"Antwon," Christina whispered, "we should talk about it."
I didn't respond.
"You are not sleeping…"
I rolled over, turning toward Christina. "Yes?"
"If you don't sleep, you'll get sick."
I blinked slowly.
"I've already told you; I can't sleep unless I'm cuddling someone," I said, lifting the bed sheets.
She crawled over and hugged me.
"Now that this has been established…" She said, rubbing her face against me. "Why did you scream? Remember, I protect you now."
I rolled my eyes because she was still the danger in my life, and I was protecting her future daughter's existence; the existence she was jeopardizing by choosing me.
I could make a joke out of this, but would it help… I could find Jenie and ask her, but she didn't even know that space in my mind was a thing.
"Hey, do you know what happened to the woman who stabbed me?"
…
"She's still in the hospital. She will kneel before the emperor once she recovers. She'll be beheaded on national TV for what she did."
She looked up at me, gripping my shirt with both hands.
"I wanted to kill her myself, but Jade…the Veil wouldn't let me."
Wow… I'm almost touched.
"Christina…do you think I could talk to her before she's sent to die?"
She slid up until I was no longer looking down at her. Her face was back to its typical ferocity.
"No," she said.
"But it's important, Christina."
"Antwon, why the fuck would I let you talk to the woman that stabbed you? She might try again."
"But…you will be there this time."
She must have been clenching her teeth because her cheeks became more defined every time I asked.
"You know what, let's just drop it, Christina."
…
"Fine," she said.
I closed my eyes.
"Antwon… can I ask you a different question?"
I sighed. "No, I didn't sleep with anyone while I was running around Gifu. If you don't believe me, then check my blood."
…
"How the fuck does that assure me of…that's not what I want to ask," she said calmly, yet she gripped the hell out of my shirt.
"As long as it isn't about my dream, sure."
…
"Will you answer honestly?"
…
"That depends on what it is."
…
"What were you going to do with ¥2,000,000,000?"
…
"What are you talking about, Christina?"
"Don't play coy with me. Rika told me that you stole ¥2,000,000,000."
My mind went numb.
"Who…said this?"
She pulled down on my shirt.
"Rika told me that you robbed someone for—"
I wailed in anguish.
"Those assholes told me it was only ¥1,600,000,000!"