TYWS Chapter 35
“A… secret?”
Dejected though Siffia was about not being able to express her burgeoning feelings, the idea of learning more about Eris was all too tempting to pass up.
“Yes, a secret. One that only I and my family know of. ...Of course, it’s only a small secret really, but-”
“Ah no! I-I mean, yes, please tell it to me! I’d love to hear it!!!”
In her panic and excitement, Siffia planted her hands on the small space left between them on the couch and leaned eagerly towards Eris. The way her eyes sparkled and shined in the light was so childish and adorable that Eris almost laughed, but the way that the distance had suddenly closed between them because of the way that Siffia had moved forced Eris to straighten up and clasp her lips in surprise and awareness, causing an odd expression to battle on her face for a moment. However, with the pressure of that probing, glittering gaze weighing against her, Eris quickly recomposed herself, compulsively straightening out her dress before letting out all the laughter that had wanted to spill out in a long slow exhale.
“Haa… Ahem. Yes. Well.”
As if steeling herself, Eris’s hands clasped themselves together on her lap. She once more sat with perfect posture, and yet her eyes couldn’t seem to behave themselves, wandering uncomfortably back and forth around the room, and yet somehow always returning to glance at Siffia’s face.
“Mmm, you see… I must warn you that it’s not quite the entire truth of the matter, but…”
Her hands squeezed together even more tightly, as if holding something together, or possibly holding something back.
“I… It was never my intention to join in the war, I’m afraid.”
Surprised by the unexpected topic, Siffia gasped, placing her hands on her cheeks like an astonished child.
“Oh my, really?! Is that so, Lady Eris?!”
For a moment Eris’s face flickered with a tinge of surprise herself at the way that Siffia had reacted, forcing out a small amount of soft, unbidden laughter from her lips, before squeezing her clasped hands together once more to refocus herself.
“...Hmm, yes. It is indeed true. I… joined at the insistence of my father.”
Siffia gaped at the unexpected information. Dozens of thoughts and speculations swirled through her head from this. She’d never expected anyone but the King to be able to force the strong and commanding Eris to ever do something… But even she, in all of her awesomeness, could be forced by a father that outranked her. The thought that perhaps this might be why the relationship between the two seemed so strained passed through her mind, but soon a new revelation occurred.
-What if the pair had already had a tense relationship, and that was why he’d sent her away so dangerously?
However, she quickly dismissed the thought, or at the very least, the reasoning behind it. Yes, it was still completely possible that the pair had already been feuding beforehand, but the reasoning didn’t quite line up with what Siffia knew. Even she, reclusive though she typically was, had overheard a word or two about their commanding officer. Gossip was rampant everywhere, even amongst the drawn out war that they’d found themselves in. Though few nobles were present, that didn’t mean that most of those that joined, whether to escape from something or for the money, didn’t at least vaguely know how to read. Siffia might not have been one for reading the papers, but that didn’t mean that others didn’t have their ways.
So of course they would have discovered the articles about the only Margrave of their nation.
It was to be expected, really. The position of being a ‘Margrave’ held with it a sort of expectation of defense for the nation. The fact that the very man with that very title hadn’t made a single move to join the war, even in the smallest capacity, was of course going to move some mouths. It didn’t take long at all for every news column in the nation to speculate what might be going on. And when Eris was abruptly sent in to fill a commanding spot, the only reply that the Margrave gave to the numerous articles was simply ‘because he had come down with an illness’.
Siffia, in her ignorance, had simply believed such things, thinking that the ever amazing Eris had stepped up of her own accord to replace her sickly father… However, now that she was being told the opposite, she couldn’t help but wonder why she’d never questioned such things before. Certainly, the Margrave that she’d met just now didn’t seem like someone suffering from an illness. Yes, it was true that two years had passed and much could change in such a period, but with all the money and connections that a house like his had, anything that couldn’t be cured by top tier elixirs or the best priests money could buy should have for all intents and purposes been practically incurable, or perhaps even terminal. Even the most stubborn of curable ailment should have only truly ravaged him for a month or two at most, so why had the Margrave not stepped in at any time during their two years of warring, not even to the smallest degree?
Feeling like a criminal stealing illegal knowledge, Siffia looked up through her eyelashes from where she’d pensively had her head bowed, asking a question so quietly that it was almost a whisper.
“The Margrave… wasn’t really sick, was he?”
Eris seemed to pause for a moment, her expression staying mostly stiff, except for the slight drooping of her eyelids. It was as if Siffia were watching the fire in an oven slowly extinguishing, just before its last few sparks ran out. And yet, for some reason, a small tired smile was slowly growing itself on Eris’s lips.
“...Ha, yes. You are indeed smart, Lady Siffia. As befits a mage, discovering the truth that so many others seemed to have so easily missed.”
As if those words had taken the last of her energy away, Eris quickly slumped against the back of the couch, closing her dimming eyes, and yet still not looking even the slightest bit relaxed.
“Yes, my father was never sick… or at the very least not sick in a way that would have made him unable to participate in the war. It was all feigned, in order to force his oldest child, Eris Mescal, to take his place.”
Siffia pursed her lips, looking carefully at Eris, both in worry and deep confusion. There was a certain apprehension in her that she might say the wrong thing in what was obviously a delicate conversation, and yet she desperately wished to understand, so much that she couldn’t help the question that escaped her lips.
“But… But why? Why would he do such a thing?”
Eris’s eyes opened once more at the question, staring off into the distance with a small wry smile. Siffia couldn’t help but think that the tired melancholy that was held in those eyes didn’t quite match her mouth’s expression, however.
“Well, it was an attempt to make me realize something, I suppose… Or perhaps it was simply a punishment for not following along with his vision for me.”
“His… vision for you?”
“Yes.”
Eris’s head suddenly turned towards her from where it had been resting against the back of the couch, causing Siffia to slightly jump. The look in her eyes which had previously been melancholic seemed to have suddenly taken a turn, the reminiscence held in them now filling with growing irritation.
“He had a great many expectations for me, you see. And I, as the eldest, always performed my dutiful best to meet each of them. It was an exhausting time, filled with nothing enjoyable. A decade of just eating, sleeping, learning, working, everything on repeat, as if set on a spinning wheel… I did my best for so long, but… well it’s only inevitable that I couldn’t keep going.”
As Eris lifelessly laughed, Siffia felt as if her heart might just break. Though she’d spoken about it calmly, as if it was just something unfortunate that she had already gotten over, Siffia could tell; Eris was still very much hurting inside from it. She’d seen the way Eris talked about her family, how she reacted to their presence. And even now, she could see the traces of damage in the depths of Eris’s eyes.
Without another thought, Siffia’s hands full of concern placed themselves on top of Eris’s tightly clasped ones.
“Was there… truly nothing enjoyable? Nothing at all...?”
Perhaps Siffia too had been beaten down by her own strained relationship with her family. Perhaps she, still suffering from it and lacking in social experience, had no idea how to comfort Eris in this situation. But at least Siffia, even during all her years of suffering, had had something that she’d enjoyed learning. Even in the pits of despair, if someone could find at least one enjoyable thing to lean on, then perhaps all was not yet lost.
If Eris didn’t even have that, then Siffia just couldn’t bear it.
“Hmm… Well, I suppose that’s not quite true. I did truly enjoy learning swordsmanship… although it could simply be because it was the only time I was allowed to move around a good amount after a day full of sitting and learning. Of course, it was a mandatory curriculum as the child of a swordsman, but there were a great number of times when I was truly stressed that I snuck off in the night to clear my mind while training…”
Eris’s eyes seemed to glaze a bit in remembrance, a trace amount of pleasant surprise coloring her expression. Siffia felt like she could finally breathe, thanking the heavens that there was something, at least something, that had been a haven for Eris. So much joy and relief filled her in fact that Siffia couldn’t help but suddenly spring up from where she’d been sitting, filled with a restless energy.
"Alright!!!"
“...Lady Siffia?”
Understandably, Eris looked up at her confused, unable to comprehend why she’d suddenly stood up, but Siffia simply shook her head and shot out her hand, offering it to her with a lively voice.
“Let’s go then, Lady Eris! Let go and train, right now!!!”
“...Hmm…?”
Eris looked back and forth in confusion between Siffia’s practically glowing face and the hand that had been shoved towards her. However, after a few moments she gently placed her hand atop of Siffia’s, seemingly giving in.
“Um, alright…? I suppose… we could?”
Still, the bevies of question marks never seemed to leave her face.