TYWS Chapter 42
AN: I'm very late with this chapter. The past few weeks have been quite hard on me. I did my best. I'm tired of apologizing lol.
I'll still try to put out the two chapters that should be out this week though, plus this one. Thank you for all the likes and support<3
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“...I don’t understand.”
Her father’s lifeless voice called out, still afraid to venture any closer.
“...Why do you look like you’re giving up? If you’ve realized what your feelings are, then-”
“I know that you’re happy for me, father. You believe this to be some sort of good, great thing.”
“...Isn’t it?”
The already expected response made Eris emit yet another sigh. Her eyes slowly narrowed, as if looking at some greatly despised thing.
“How could it possibly be good? These overwhelming amounts of new emotions that I’m feeling… There’s no way that they couldn’t be dangerous.”
“What…? But-”
“I’m not bright or 'kind' like you are, Father. I can’t keep myself together in one piece like you, either. Being with Mother filled you with happiness and joy, it made you a better man, but for me… I only feel myself becoming worse.”
“...”
Taking a sudden uneven breath, Eris turned her face, placing her cheeks onto her knees. When her voice managed to come out again a moment later, it was muffled enough that he felt the need to step closer, so as not to miss a single word.
“...It’s turning me into an angry and unruly coward. I can’t act like I do with others when I’m around her… Or perhaps even if I could, I don’t know if I’d even want to. Even before I learned the truth I’d already been wary of her being left alone with others, protective and possessive of her… and now it’s only grown worse, to a degree that I can no longer control. It’s as if I feel constantly anxious and worried if I can’t place my eyes on her.”
“But that’s perfectly normal for an alpha in love. Why-”
“No, it can’t be!!! These emotions, these urges that are overcoming me, I’m certain that even my strong resolve will not be enough to reign them in forever… And when I do fail and they succeed, I’m terrified of what they’ll lead me to do!”
“Eris-”
“I know full well what monsters alphas can become… You can hear about them constantly in the papers. …I don’t want to become like them. I’m worried that this vicious and possessive love that’s boiling up inside of me will one day become too strong and break its already fragile target. She deserves so much more, so much better... She deserves someone who will cherish and coddle her, someone gentle and warm hearted. …Who could possibly say that about me, Father? ...I’ll just be a poison to her…”
She buried her face even harder into her knees, the slight glimpse of her haunted eyes that had still been visible up until now being completely hidden. Her already tightly clenched hands seemed to only gain strength. It was surprising that her nails weren’t already drawing blood.
With worry and compassion overwhelming him, her father gently knelt in front of his pitiful daughter. His voice was soft and solemn, pleading but warm, coaxing her.
“...I don’t know why you have such a bleak view on this, dear daughter, but let me just say this; Someone as dutiful as you, and who cares about someone’s thoughts and feelings so greatly as you are, would never treat the one they love harshly. No one who would torment themselves over it like this would be careless in how they treat their lover, either. Unlike those alphas in the papers, you would rather harm yourself than harm the target of your affection. You haven’t even committed a single sin, and yet look at how shaken just the mere possibility makes you!”
“...”
“And what’s this about not being what she deserves? I can’t say for sure whether you act gently or warm hearted towards Lady Heston when you’re alone, but from the amount of food, dresses, and care packages you’ve been sending her, I’d certainly say that you’ve at least been cherishing and coddling her-”
“Father please!”
Eris’s head immediately whipped up at his teasing, an indignant look on her glaring and flushed face. Her father broke out into gleeful laughter, having finally succeeded in getting his daughter to look at him.
“Yes yes, there’s my gloomy and cowardly daughter! I’d recognize that embarrassed, flushed face anywhere!”
“You!”
One of Eris's legs stomped down onto the floor, and her newly released hand seemed to form a claw, swiping towards her father. Luckily he was skilled enough to swiftly dodge it, laughing all the while.
“Oh how vicious, how deadly. My dear red-faced daughter, so ready to fight off her caring father who was only speaking the truth! How monstrous!”
“Ugh!!!”
Springing up from her chair, Eris’s eyes pinned him down murderously, chasing after her fleeing father with swipe after furious swipe.
“I thought you weren’t going to carry the weight of everything all by yourself anymore. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that what you said to me two years ago? ‘Oh Father, I just can’t take this anymore~! I’m quitting, I’m leaving, I’m running away~!’ I suppose things aren’t so different all these years later, are they~?”
“How dare you mock my sincerity in this way?!”
She lunged at him, as if to tackle him down. Her father however, seemingly having been waiting for this moment, simply sprung at her as well, deftly catching his daughter in a big, firm, hug. His hand soothingly patted and stroked her back to calm her, causing her dangerously raised arms to slightly droop, losing steam.
“...If you were going to come to me with such resolve and say you weren’t going to carry it all by yourself, then why are you trying to do it now? Do you think it would make Lady Heston happy, seeing you tormenting yourself like this? Do you truly think that bottling your love up like this is the right thing to do? …Do you truly think you’ll even be able to? I doubt anything would be able to pull you away from her now, not even yourself.”
Eris seemed to just stand there quietly in thought, not accepting the hug but not moving herself out of it either. Seeing this, her father couldn’t help but wistfully sigh, pulling back to plant a kiss on her forehead and gaze down at her.
“Well… I know it was like that with your mother and I. You’re right that falling in love with her was the greatest thing that ever happened to me... And now, if you can be brave enough, I hope that you can also experience such happiness. Truly, it’s a wonderful thing, just as great as it can be heartbreaking.”
Though her face seemed to twitch with various emotions many times as he spoke, Eris still didn’t reply to him, not even attempting to bring her gaze over to look at him. Feeling that he needed to give her a little while to think, he awkwardly released her, shooting her one last hopeful smile.
“Of course, I can't force you to seek your happiness in the same way that I did... You'll have to make that choice on your own. But you are my daughter after all; I can't help but wonder if you won't feel the same way, in the end.”
And with those words he turned to leave, only to abruptly stop a moment later, when a broken training dummy caught his eye. After staring at where it helplessly laid, he tilted his head back, familiarly looking at the perch that it had fallen from, recognizing where it should be from the similar layout of his own training grounds.
“Huh. As I recall, Lady Heston was a mage… Then it seems that this must be my dear daughter’s handiwork…?”
He turned back once again, looking at Eris in confusion.
“...But that is quite unlike you. You wouldn’t wastefully do away with an expensive training dummy like this.”
Frozen though she had seemed to be, Eris still reacted embarrassedly to being called out so directly. Although she already hadn’t been looking at him, her eyes seemed to reflexively avert even further away, as if she’d been caught doing something bad.
And for the first time in a while, she finally replied back.
“...I was carelessly distracted at the time. It was difficult to modulate my power.”
Though she couldn’t see him, the cheeks on Eris’s disgruntled face still slowly reddened, able to feel the cheeky grin that was blossoming on her father’s face.
“Oho. I see! I can guess why~.”
And with those sly and teasing words her father finally left the room, leaving Eris to feel as if a tornado had just passed.