7 Deadly Instincts (The Sinfire Chronicles Book 1)

It was a killing wind sweeping across the Belly of the World.

Gray was pretty sure it was the coldest thing he’d ever felt, but no, the feeling of an envy steed stealing his mana was colder.

Luckily, Gray and Pinch weren’t out in the elements for long.

The Lust Goddess’s Loft was the Pleasure Market’s biggest, grandest inn, and it was in the very center of the den of depravity. The fact that it was monstrously expensive kept most people away but not Gray and Pinch, not that night.

Gray forced Pinch to eat—the room came with meats and cheeses, fruits and nuts, with a freshly baked loaf of bread waiting for them.

After his day of searching for her, he was famished. He wolfed down food. She was far more dainty but that was because she was barely able to get the food to her mouth. She soon passed out.

He got in her the bed, which was a canopied grand thing off to the side. The room was ridiculously spacious—the pleasure god’s suite, or that was what the petite she-orc had called it. Even she raised her eyebrows at the price—ten thousand shekels a night. It was one tenth of Pinch’s winnings. At least they got something from Hama Hama Avarica besides an interesting conversation.

It was all red velvet, polished brass, wood panels, and delicate drapes lacey drapes which were pulled back, so they had a view of the freezing city, huddled down against that vicious wind. In the far distance was the Pride Tower, the lights at the top twinkling.

With the former fae duchess taken care of, Gray went to one of the many couches and laid down, his mind whirling from his conversation with one of the most powerful people in the Belly. Then there was the fact that he was in this room, this very expensive room, fit for a prince and not arena slaves from Cradleport.

He fell asleep, but he didn’t stay in the pleasure god’s suite at the Lust Goddess’s Loft, but instead, walked across the water toward the shack in the distance.

The voice was there, aged, soft, and soothing. “My little dreamer! It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to be back.” He stopped walking. What was the point? In these visions, if he wasn’t on the island, he’d never reach it on his own. He had to let the dream happen to him, and besides, talking to the mysterious voice felt more important than trying to explore the island—shack, trees, rock and well.

He could still hear the voices of the women laughing and the smells were all the same—charbrew and bacon and morning breakfast smells after a happy night of love and connection.

His heart swelled, and he felt such gratitude, that it surprised him.

He thought of Settie, and family, and Rynn, holding her poor Aunt Florence until she passed away.

“I can’t believe Aunt Florence is dead,” he said quietly.

“Oh, death.” Oma chuckled. “Death thinks it has the final word. It doesn’t. Life continues. Maybe not there, on the streets where Aunt Florence walked, but in other places. A moment is born. It shines so brightly. And then it passes. Until the next moment is born. Roses wither. The moments endure.”

“Grist Gulnash talked about the eternal battlefield. I don’t suppose it’s on another island around here. He’s not coming back, is he?”

Again, soft laughter. “No. He has moved on. Poor Froggy. The conversation with the woman she let go won’t be easy. But Froggy’s Thunder will be there to compete in the Reckoning.”

“I worry about Tomi,” Gray said absently.

“Tomi has known some sorrowful minutes in her life. But she has found a home in your hearts, the hearts of you and your little family.”

“I hope that’s true.” Gray paused. “But is there an eternal battlefield? How does the afterlife work?”

“If I revealed to you the secrets of the universe, what would you have to look forward to? Let’s just say that those who want a battlefield get it. And those who want the peaceful fields get that. But most enjoy the dance of the stars, souls circling each other, dancing and dancing and dancing until there is no more dancing to be had. Until that one perfect moment passes, while the lovers smile at each other, a final kiss, and then?”

“Nothing,” Gray whispered. “Darkness.”

“Sleep,” Oma countered. “Until the next dance begins. You have a dancer in your family.”

“Lilian.”

“Lilian,” the voice echoed. “Empty. Weak. Dangerous. That’s what Ames said of her. Some dancers are dangerous but not because of the dance but because of the despair. That is the true danger, and you’ve felt that. You turn your despair into anger, into hate, into a knife you would plunge into the heart of the world for hurting you. Others, turn that wrath inward and try to cut out their hearts to eat them. Because they are bitter. And because they are their hearts.”

Gray bent and touched the water. It was warm and dark and somehow…kind. He didn’t see any faces of the dead, and he was glad for that. “We shouldn’t keep her around then, after we win the Reckoning. Six is more than enough for a good recruit squad.”

“But seven is better. Little Akazel the Bound thought he would stop with six wives, but then, there are seven instincts, seven blood races, seven cities around the Weeping Well. Lilian can be empty and weak and dangerous, but she doesn’t have to be. She will either find healing or she won’t. Some don’t. Some choose not to dance at all.”

Gray then had realization that he couldn’t shake. “And they choose their sadness. And there’s nothing I can do to help them.”

“Nothing. Everyone in the world must learn to manage their divine instinct—despair versus hope. Others can help, but every soul must learn that lesson their own. Be careful, Gray. Be very careful. There are forces conspiring against you that want to end your dance because they want despair in the world. They want horror and sorrow and loss. Your dance will bring you close to the edge of death but keep on dancing. If there is one lesson you can learn from poor Settie, it’s that.”

Gray smiled, thinking of the very drunk captain from the night before and how she’d been uncharacteristically candid about her involvement in the Night of Sorrow and Wrath. “Settie was there the night the Wrath Tower fell.”

Oma’s laughter sounded sad, like the rumble of thunder from far away on an already stormy day. “If Malchutt is the troublemaker, always causing mischief on Midmere, then Little Dani Wither hand is history’s fool, always in the wrong place at the wrong time. It would hurt her pride to hear that, however true it is, but then, humility is the one great lesson all can learn, both gods and mortals alike.”

“History’s fool.” Gray said the words to see how they felt in his mouth. “Maybe with the Fall of Alastria, she could be considered foolish. But if she went to the Wrath Tower with her lieutenant and the dragon assassin to usurp power from the Rothrock family, she wasn’t history’s fool. It sounds like she was a villain.”

Gentle chuckling followed, like storm clouds on a hot day, happy to be giving people some relief. “Maybe the great villains of the world are history’s fools, each and every one of them. Pride, madness, hate, and all the darker aspects of the seven instincts are at play in not only the hearts of everyone who has ever lived but also in the innermost workings of the gods themselves. Even me, my little dreamer. Even me.”

Out in the real world, he heard Pinch sob, but she was there in the place of water and stars with him for a second, caught between him and the island. Her back was turned to him, she had her face in her hands, and she was crying.

Seeing her there jarred him awake.

He swung his legs off the couch and sat.

Pinch was at the window, staring out. She wasn’t crying, at least not right then. It was the middle of the night and the wind continued to blow. No one was out on the street, no one, and he’d never seen Pit City so seemingly empty. It felt like the end of the world. The little boats on the Wrath Tower Memorial were even dark.

Even the stars above seemed to be frozen in place. It was as if you could throw rock and shatter the entire sky.

“Are you okay?”

The fae girl turned. Tears were on her face. She stared at him for several long minutes. Then she got embarrassed and turned ack away, sniffed, and angrily wiped all the tears away. “Yes. I’m fine. Don’t be an idiot.” She sounded sober but she couldn’t be, not after she’d stacked up that pile of wine glasses around her after her time at the chaos house’s dice table.

Gray picked up the couch, impressing himself with his own strength, and carried it over to her. He set it down and collapsed back down, stretching out his legs.

“I’ve seen this view before, when I was with Settie, on her back. She flew me around Pit City, showing me the sights.”

Pinch chuckled unexpectedly. “I’ll bet. Showing you the sights. Did you get to see her tits? I bet she has nice tits.”

“Not as a dragon.” He laughed at his own joke before getting serious again. “I’m sorry you lost all that money.”

The finally relented and sat down next to him, accidentally getting too close to him. Their legs touched, and she shifted away from a second, before shifting back.

He had to admit—her heat and touch felt good, even though she didn’t smell too good. It had been days since she’d bathed, there had been the stress of the gambling, and then there was the lingering stink of the alcohol around her.

The laugh came out of nowhere. “Fucking Grayson Fade, it’s not the losing that money that hurts. No, I knew that was going to happen eventually. It’s losing that feeling…that feeling of power, that nothing can go wrong, that you’re in this magical place where you simply can’t lose.”

He thought he understood. “Losing the can’t-lose feeling.”

She gently pushed on his arm. “Exactly. That’s heartbreaking. I was drunk, still am, but right before I threw those dice, with all that money on the line, I knew I’d get another seven. Didn’t I say it? I had one more seven in me. Turns out I didn’t. When what happened?”

“You tried to steal Hama’s food and one of her many magic rings sent you flying.”

The fae girl nodded. “Because I lost. She doesn’t want to deal with losers. And I felt that. Fucking dwarf bitch and all her fucking dwarf gold. I’d call her an idiot, but she’s not. I’m the idiot for thinking I could beat her. All she had to do was wait on my luck to leave me. And it always leaves me. Like it will leave you.”

Her voice quaked and a tear slid down her cheek.

“Pam, I—”

She shushed. “No. Let me finish. When I saw you out there on the field, at that stupid cooking game, it…it hurt me not to be there with you. To protect you. I don’t matter, not anymore, not really. But you do.”

He felt the emotion in his throat. He was suddenly so moved, but he didn’t know why.

Tears continued to track down her cheeks. “I suddenly saw you dying, and it…I couldn’t. I couldn’t imagine my life without you…without the squad. And we both know, without you, there is no Squad 23. You’re everything, and it’s not just your core, it’s who you are. Your strength, your focus, your…the love you have inside of you. And yes, you’re a fucking idiot—we all are—but you’re also funny.”

Gray didn’t know what to say. Her words felt more precious to him than the hundred thousand shekels she’d just lost.

She closed her eyes and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. “And Lilian. Fucking Lilian.”

“What about her?” he was surprised at how his own voice sounded.

Pinch let her head fall back. “It felt good to have someone to complain with, and the princess can certainly complain. Truly, I find her hate inspiring.” She laughed and laughed even as tears leaked down her face. “She has such a special hatred for you, certainly. This can’t be supsiring.”

“It’s not,” he said. “I think we’re better after the Redemption Midnight. Not perfect but better. We have bad history between us.”

“Oh, I know. I know a bit too much.” Pinch closed her eyes. “Listening to her go from complaining about you to remembering all the delicious lust you shared was difficult for me. She had you. I never will.”

“No,” he agreed. “Probably not. Not with—” He hesitated. Could he talk about her core? But then he went ahead and finished his thought. “Not with your core oath.”

“It hurts to hear you talk about it. It hurts and it helps. You now know things about no one else does. During the ritual, the fae never ask anyone to reveal the nature of their oath, even as the magic is bound to their core. You must think I’m an idiot.”

“No,” he said. “You were young. You didn’t know.”

“I would take it back,” she whispered. “I would give up my power and my money and everything else to take it back. You make this infinitely harder, Grayson Fade. You know that, right?”

“I don’t mean to.”

They stared into each other’s faces.

She reached out and touched his cheek before running her fingers through his hair. “I know. And I know that I can find other kinds of love. I see how Midj and Tomi are together, how they have a love there that has nothing to do with sex. I can have that with them, if I let myself. I don’t know why it’s hard to let myself be a friend, but it is.”

He smiled at her. “Because we’re fucking idiots.”

Pinch laughed. “Oh, you all are, without a doubt. From Settie who could’ve hired someone to sponsor you to the poor training for Culling Day to you, Grayson Fade. You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to play Malcon Crewel’s games.”

“You’re right. And I didn’t play his game, not when your life was on the line.” He thought for a moment. “But this is the task in front of me. It may not be important to me, but it’s vital to Settie and to Rynn. She’s going to be so happy when I tell her that Hama Avarica is courting us.”

“Hama Hama Avarica,” Pinch corrected.

“As for Settie, she’s flawed in all kinds of ways. History’s fool.” He recalled what Oma had just told him about her. “I think our captain wants people to hate her. I think it helps her to keep fighting. I don’t see her directing things from the shadow—her pride wouldn’t let her. She needs to be there, in her idiotic mask and hat, proving to all of her enemies she’s not afraid.”

“Hama said our lives are in danger…”

Gray nodded. “Yes, they are. And it’s Hama Hama.”

Pinch laughed and snuggled next to him. “Can you hold me, Gray? Can we pretend I don’t have a core oath, and I’m just a girl, and you’re just a boy, and we can hope for love and happiness like in the stories. A happily ever after…for us.”

He enfolded her into his arms. “A happily ever after for you, Pam. And for me. For us all.”

The fae girl’s laughter was as light as a whisper. “For Grayson Fade, for Pamalee Thornpinch, and for our many, many wives.”

He laughed too because it wasn’t meant to be. Pinch had her core oath, and if he tried to bond with anyone else, the explosion of mana might destroy half the city.

He held her until she was fast asleep.

Then he fell asleep.

He woke to snow. And Rynn.