Chapter 107 – Bren
While Siu finally realized that Bren had been there from the start, he could barely hear Milli and Nilli shouting to each other as they collected the remaining, injured disciples.
“Careful, don’t lift him like that!” Nilli called out, only for her sister to answer with a groan.
“Ugh! He’s bleeding through again!”
“Hold this press here!” Neya rushed over to the two, but by then, Siu had moved past them, heading towards the silent, sitting Bren.
Watching him approach, Bren hadn’t moved at all, just kept looking at him as he sat still on the broken trunk, one leg slightly lower than the other due to the uneven wood. As Siu got closer now, even in the dark, he finally could see him more clearly and managed to realize that, despite not groaning and lying on the ground, he looked worse than he had first thought. Much worse, in fact. His clothes were torn everywhere, turning from robes to rags, barely hanging on for dear life. Blood had dried over in layers from his arms to his face, his chest, his neck, probably even on his back that he couldn't see. Some of it wasn’t even his, but he had a feeling that a lot of it was. Looking down at his hands, Siu’s eyes could see some of his finger bones visible under the torn skin and muscles. Both his knuckles were split, too, and both arms were trembling without trying to move them. Even if he could move them, it would probably hurt like nothing else before. He wouldn't be able to fight again if anything attacked them, he was sure of that. And yet... he looked calm, even raising a brow when Siu stopped a few steps away from him.
For a moment, neither of them spoke, and to Siu's surprise, the air between them wasn’t heavy at all, and thinking about it, it wasn’t hostile either. It was... normal? Not something Siu had expected, but he wasn't going to question it.
“Thanks.” Siu had said simply, exhaling, wholly letting go of the tightness in his chest.
“Hm…? For what?” he asked suddenly, and to Siu's surprise, Bren's voice wasn't showing any weakness that his body was displaying.
“For this,” Siu said simply, gesturing lightly toward the clearing behind him. “For helping and saving them.”
“Well… I was already here,” he said, shaking his head.
“Still,” Siu shrugged lightly, “you didn’t have to be.”
“Mhmmm… No,” Bren agreed after a second of thought. “True, I didn’t. But I was, so I helped.”
Siu didn't know what to say to that. But... something was different about him. He tried to guess what, and he may have looked, well, calmer and more collected. Siu had realized that previously, his confidence and posture were hiding multiple things. As for what, he couldn't say for sure, but he had understood now that, back then, it felt fake for him. His current self? The way he spoke and sat there? This wasn't an act anymore... he had... changed.
“You look like shit,” Siu said flatly in the end, forming a small smile, and to that, Bren let out a quiet breath that probably would have been a laugh, but it made him wince, stopping it immediately.
“Ugh… I may look like that... But I feel worse.”
“I can tell,” Siu nodded once. “But at least you are alive, along with the rest.”
“Yeah. I wasn't sure for a while that would be the case... but it worked out.”
As he spoke, Siu studied him more, really looking this time, and the difference was obvious. More than the change in his personality or mindset, whichever it was, the change extended to his body and blood as well.
“Huh…" Siu nodded, realization hitting him, "You broke through.”
"..." Bren’s eyes flickered at that, surprised he picked up on it, but then he nodded once. “Yeah. Partially, it was thanks to you, however weird that sounds.”
"You're... welcome?" He chuckled again, shaking his head, “How long has it been?”
“Not that long,” he answered after thinking back on it. “A few weeks? I stopped caring about the passing of time so... I'm a bit out of the loop.”
"Don't tell me that you forgot to notice the rain, and then that it switched to snow. You have been in here at least half a year!" Siu muttered as he shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.
“It was easier to reach Blood Resonance when I didn't think about it.”
“I see...” Siu tilted his head slightly, looking over him again, “Inner Disciple, huh? Congratulations!”
“Mhm... Thanks.” He nodded, "I wasn't sure it would happen. I didn’t leave to come back, in fact.”
"You didn't?" Siu raised a brow at that... What did he mean by that? But he didn't need to ask, because Bren was still talking.
“Haaaah… I thought I was invincible.” He said bluntly, squinting when exhaling, his chest hurting, “When I fought you,” Bren continued, suppressing the pain, “and lost… something broke in me. Instead of breaking your back, I shattered mine, you see. Along with my pride... I built everything around one idea, following that technique of mine. I found it early, and it fascinated me since reading it in the library,” he said, his gaze going past Siu, returning to the past. “When I read it, I imagined myself becoming someone that... well, something that couldn’t be beaten. That as long as I kept going, pushing through all, I would win.” His lips curved faintly, remembering his idea from all those years ago. “But… As I should have expected, it turns out that’s not how this works.”
"Well, yeah," Siu snorted quietly, “Nothing and nobody is invincible.”
"I would have scoffed at you a year ago if I heard you say that," Bren huffed a small breath at that, failing to laugh again, “Now though… Yeah. You are right. When that invincibility of mine broke… everything else did too.” With great effort, he raised his trembling hand and tapped his chest lightly with the back of his wrist, unable to actually turn it or use his fingers, “After that fight, I couldn’t move right, heh, I could move more now in this shape than how I was after getting out of the Medicine Hall. Worse, I couldn’t think straight either. No matter what I thought of, everything felt wrong. So I left.”
“To fix it?” Siu asked, curious and interested in his experience, valuing it just as much as if he were talking to an elder of the sect.
“Partially, but that was not exactly my main reason. The technique is complete; there is nothing to fix there. I followed the methods, so my cultivation doesn't need fixing... When we talk about my physique, that is. What was wrong was my understanding of it. So, this trip of mine was... to comprehend it. I had gone wrong, maybe even from the start, so I had to reset my thoughts and mindset. I knew that it wasn't something that could be done, not just like that!” He shook his head, still pondering it, "That's why I was unsure if I would ever go back."
"I guess you succeeded." Siu said with a smile, "Impressive."
"Once again," He smiled back at him, "Thank you."
"Can I ask... what did you learn now, that it helped you break through?"
“Yeah, you can." Bren nodded and made it clear that he was sharing it only because he was asking, and would have said no to others: "There’s no such thing as invincibility. There’s only the pursuit of it.”
"Only the pursuit..." Siu muttered, furrowing his brows and crossing his arms, mulling over his words.
“Yes, that’s what this is,” Bren went on quietly, “Our life as cultivators. It is the same for everyone, is it not? Chasing something that seems unattainable. Without a goal, there is no progress, so my cultivation goal is reaching that... Invincibility.” He explained as his eyes met Siu’s. "But that doesn't make me invincible. I can't let myself believe that I am already invincible, or I will stop dead. The drive to keep chasing it will propel me further and further, closer to it with each step. And... that’s enough.”
"..." Siu said nothing now, only feeling the wind blow past them as they looked at each other. "You are something else..."
"You can't complain yourself either, Siu." Bren smiled again, making Siu shake his head, almost grinning, but then, he tilted his head as another question came to him.
“What about Stone Ward?”
"I have been asking myself the same question for a while," Bren looked past him again, “I quit. I failed as its leader, so it's up to the others to decide how to move forward. They can blame everything on me because they are and would be right to do so. But it needs to go, because just like my cultivation, it was built wrong."
"That's already happening," Siu’s eyes narrowed slightly as he confirmed it for him, "Still, some people are waiting for you to come back."
"I guess," Bren shrugged after hearing that. “I screwed it up... I figured… better to leave and let it fall apart than drag everyone down with me. Now that I can go back, and after I've gotten myself a bit fixed up, I will tell the others still waiting the same thing I told you now... and disband it. Then, I'm moving on.”
"Some may won't let you do so," Siu warned him, but this actually made him chortle.
“I don’t expect everyone to understand,” he shook his head. “And I won't hold a grudge, whatever they say, either. I just… don’t have a problem with anyone anymore.”
"Including me?" Siu asked, watching Bren nod, and then added, sounding a bit unsure for the first time.
"If you do... I can see why. And I'm willing to settle it when you catch up."
"Haaah, forget about it!" Siu shook his head, waving it away, "We can wipe the slate clean and start from the beginning when I get to be an inner disciple myself."
“So... If we cross paths again,” Bren asked, “we start from zero?”
“Yep… Works for me.” Then Siu turned his head slightly, glancing back toward the clearing, looking at everyone, realizing that he indeed was fine with that. Unlike Nue, who went back to threats the moment she returned, he could tell that Bren was sincere about it. And... He wasn't going to hound him about it either. Why should he? With a long inhale, he let all of the lingering grudge and bad thoughts of Bren go, and then turned back to him, deciding to indeed start over their relationship. “You should get that fixed,” he said, nodding at Bren’s hands, "As soon as possible. Do you need bandages or something to wrap it up?
"Mhm," Bren followed his gaze, watching his ruined hand. “Yeah, that would be appreciated. I stemmed the bleeding with my cultivation, but it would be best to cover them up before the freezing weather chills them and makes me lose them.”
"I'll get you them," Siu nodded once, but by then, Arya and Marly appeared, bringing some over, placing them into Bren's lap, but... he could tell the two of them were doing it very much begrudgingly.
"I guess, they aren't happy about it, still?" He asked, starting to unroll a bandage, but then Siu took it from him, helping him out as his fingers couldn't really grip in that state.
"Not really," Siu translated, while Bren simply let him help out, without a word spoken about it between them, "But they will mellow out. Or, if you want to bribe them, get them food."
"That's fine," He answered, shaking his head, "I'm not going to bribe them. I think... I'm done with caring about money, influence, and whatnot. That type of invincibility is not what I'm after."
"Well, now I'm curious," Siu said, looking at him after finishing wrapping up his arms, "When I do get to be an inner disciple... I will have to see what your current invincibility looks like."
"That would be the perfect test," he glanced directly into his eyes, seeing the now-simple excitement in them, "I too will be looking forward to... experience."