Chapter 68 – Confession
With eight members now, besides the core of the Spirit Wardens, Siu knew he had to come up with an event, or they might think he just robbed them of their CC, providing them with nothing. Trying to decide, he was sitting in the tower one early evening, surrounded by about a dozen discarded parchments, as he tried to come up with an exercise, something that would help the group get closer and get used to each other. A... Training session? No... that was also stupid, and he didn't know what the rest of them were trained in... Would they even want to share it? It was many times a secret... Haaah... This was harder than he thought! But it also let him see the Elders' work in a different light, once again his mind wandering over to Elder Thane.
“We need something more real than a stupid training,” he muttered, scrunching up another parchment, starting over once again, “But it has to be like training... Tsk, because if they don’t familiarize themselves with each other soon, they’ll stay strangers and the whole thing falls apart.”
“A training day?” Neya asked as she walked into the room, bringing in a pot of tea she had just made and refilling his empty cup.
“Not exactly training,” he answered, leaning back and stretching, thinking aloud. “Maybe paired assignments? Or head to the forest as a group? I want to see how they react to pressure on the field, to be honest.”
"That does sound interesting, but I for one never went to the forest..." Neya muttered, a bit afraid but willing to try it, which was clear if one simply looked at her face. “Heh! You’re already thinking like a Sect Master.”
"Previously, you said I would be an Elder," He snorted, looking at her, seeing her stick her tongue out playfully, “Let’s not go that far because what will come next? Being a God?”
"Well," She was about to tell a joke when a sudden knock interrupted them. “Maybe it's the twins?" She offered, shrugging, "I’ll—”
“Shouldn't be them,” Siu said, also standing up as they walked to the door and opened it.
As for who it was, it made Siu lean back a little, raising his eyebrows... Because it was Varren who stood there. If anybody, it was for sure not the Stone Ward spy he expected to see that night. Also, looking at him, he probably stood before the door for some time already, as heavy snow had piled up on his shoulders, while his lips were slightly blue from the cold.
“Come in,” he said calmly, inviting him in, of course, "No need to knock, you are now part of the group, so you can come in freely."
"T-thanks," He stammered as he stepped inside, watching as they closed the door behind him, but then, none of them spoke at all, and complete silence filled the room.
Unable to handle such awkwardness, Neya got up quickly, poured tea for him too, and then stood beside Siu's chair, watching the two quietly. Nothing. She couldn't help but glance at Arya and Marly from the corner of her eyes, as the two were also woken up by the knocks, now looking on, acting as if they were hidden behind bushes, ready to pounce on the enemy. Maybe Varren also felt it, because he suddenly became even more nervous, his hand trembling as he raised the cup to take a sip from the hot, steaming tea.
“You okay?" Siu asked, breaking the silence, watching his hand tremble, "You look like someone who is about to confess to murder,” he added as a joke, smiling at him, but it had no effect.
“I… need to tell you something.” Varren’s throat moved, barely able to push down the tea.
“Go on.” Siu leaned back, getting curious, and this time, he didn't break the silence, giving Varren all the time he needed.
“They sent me.” He exhaled the moment the words left his mouth, almost deflating like a balloon in his chair.
"Who?" Neya asked quickly, already aware of the situation, like every other core member. But she was simply curious about how honest Varren was in that moment.
"Stone Ward." He said, eyes fixed on his cup, not daring to look at the two, "I'm sorry..."
“I know,” Siu replied when he fell silent, still wearing a smile, and that caught Varren off guard, almost spilling the tea as he looked up at him.
“You… what?”
“I am well aware that you owe them,” he continued, keeping his tone friendly, “And I am well aware that they made contact with you before you came here to join us.”
Varren’s composure cracked instantly after hearing that.
“I didn’t—I didn’t want to! I wasn’t going to...!” His breathing began to shake by the end, “I didn’t join to spy,” he blurted out, “I swear! I just… I needed something different. I needed...”
"Stop." Siu raised a hand watching him, "Take a deep breath, calm down, it's alright. Now that you have come forward, it's alright, okay? Slow down and tell us slowly what is happening on your end. In your point of view, okay?"
“They said they’d freeze the interest I already owe them,” Varren continued after multiple breaths, focusing on his cultivation, regaining his senses, and forcing some calmness onto himself. “They said if I got close to you and told them what you were planning, feeding them inside information, they’d also start reducing it. I thought I could just… give them small things. Nothing important, really, as I'm just a member, that's all.”
"They said more, didn't they?" Siu suddenly asked, seeing his expression, knowing full well what kind of experience he probably had. He knew that way too well... “Look at me.” He raised his voice the moment Varren was about to avert his eyes, forcing him to gaze at each other. To Varren's surprise, he actually didn't see any anger in him. “You were injured on a hunt... about four years ago, yes?” he suddenly asked.
"H-how...?" Varren’s expression changed between shock and surprise. How did he know?
“It's a nasty spiral...” Siu shrugged, shaking his head, because he simply recited what was in the files that he received from Lorean, "It is a trap you had fallen into, which wasn't even your fault." It was also something that he experienced, and why he was now here, acting as the leader of the Spirit Wardens.
“How do you... know all this?” Varren muttered, looking at him both with horror, fear, but also a bit of awe.
“That's not the important part,” he said, waving a hand to dismiss the question, especially because if he calmed down and thought about it, it would be easy to see why they had filled out a form before joining. “Varren, I know that there is nothing more dangerous than being surrounded by people and still feeling that you are alone. It can make you feel like you're worth nothing, or start breeding resentment towards the others, and both paths are wrong.”
“I didn’t want to...” Varren whispered, but he couldn't really finish what he wanted to say, because even he didn't know what he didn't want to. Spying? Yes, he didn't want to spy... but... he also didn't want to feel like how Siu just described it.
“I know.” He heard Siu say it again, and somehow he knew he meant it, and that feeling alone broke him.
“I’m tired,” he muttered hoarsely, putting his face into his hands, wanting to hide the fact that he couldn't hold back his tears. “I’m just… tired.”
"I know," Siu stood up, then walked over to his side, before he placed a firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. "You did well. You can relax now, I promise.”
“I don’t know what to do...” He wailed, trying to breathe again, the way he was taught, but it barely had any effect.
“Well, for starters, you can stop trying to handle it alone.” He answered, smiling, patting his back, making him straighten up, while giving him a handkerchief, "Second, blow your nose, and third? Drink your tea, it will go cold!"
Neya just watched Siu speak to Varren, doing so effortlessly, calming him down, while she began to feel her chest tighten. He was... well, she knew how he was, or how she imagined him to be, after all, he helped her just the same at the start. But seeing it happen made her blush a lot... She was just happy Siu was now focused on Varren and not her, that would be... too embarrassing!
“You are not my enemy, nor are you their pawns, okay?" Siu continued in the meantime, right after Varren managed to clean his face, "You are now a member of the Spirit Wardens."
“They’ll hurt me if...”
“I swear to you,” he said quietly before he could say anything else, “we will fix this. Okay?”
"Um..." Varren nodded a bit absentmindedly, while his breathing steadied slightly, “How?”
“That’s my problem to think of.” Siu answered him with a chuckle, "But we will think of something."
“You’re not... angry?” Varren asked, realizing that there was no shouting, threats, or anything like that. He didn't even raise his voice! Why?
“I would be,” Siu replied honestly, “if you had hidden it. Believe me, we would have made use of you until a certain point, before confronting you with the facts, and then throwing you out.”
"..." Suddenly, he felt really low again, but Siu squeezed his shoulder the moment his thoughts went that way.
“But you didn’t. So, we won't do that. Tell me, does anyone else know it? Or you acted alone?” He asked, just in case, watching Varren shook his head.
“I don’t have anyone else,” he said honestly, "Turns out, finding friends is not what I'm good at..."
"Mhm, it's not easy," Siu said as his expression softened again, “But you do now. Even if you pay for being part of the group, so... Err... It may look a bit weird if you take that into consideration...”
"Well, it is more open than the friendships I had before," Varren added, finally able to smile a little, his eyes just a tad bit less sad and terrified than before.
"Listen," Siu began after Varren finally recollected himself and emptied his cup, "We will move on from this, the same way as we planned from before, but, with you being so honest with us, we can make it even better."
"Like... how?"
"They won't believe you if you suddenly start relaying information," Siu continued, crossing his arms, thinking out loud, "So at first, you will have nothing to report back. They may be angry about it or even threaten you."
"Like usual, then."
"Yes," He nodded, watching Varren's hollow smile, "But then again, it will be the realistic approach. You just have to tell them you are working on getting closer to the core, and we will make sure you will have something to report back."
"So... Like a spying spy? Double spy?"
"Double agent?" Neya offered, making them all smile.
"Yes," Siu nodded, sitting up on the table, "We should keep it up as long as possible and lead them by their nose. Plus, I expect them to send in members later on, people similar to you, others who are in their pockets; it is inevitable. Even if our screening misses them, because they have become so cautious or they prepared, they will still make contact with you. You will be and stay their first spy, and you could then coordinate with them."
"And I report back to you." He caught on quickly, "I can do that. No problems."
"Mhm." Siu smiled, still thinking about it, "We will see what kind of people they will be, if they appear. Maybe we can lend a hand to them, too, maybe not. I knew people like Bren Tarr; I had seen them a lot... and I know how they like to act. And this time around..." He whispered, mostly to himself, "I have the means to fight back."
Even if Siu hadn't realize it at that moment, but, he was more then getting into his role as the leader of a group, and the excitement he began feeling, the thought of bringing down someone like Bren... was igniting a drive in him, one that was fueled by the memories he had about the disciples, kicking him around when he was younger.