Palimpsest

Nirali asks one thing of those who want to stay: a name to write in the register and a season inside the walls without violence or trouble. The name can be new. Most are.

The city has been filling its register this way for four hundred years, and the register has never been shared with another government, another guild, or another court, regardless of what was offered or threatened in exchange. Several things have been offered. Several things have been threatened. The register has not moved.

— Civic Registry of Nirali, public record.

Chapter 39 Strength Doesn't Matter

For the first time in days, with the pleasure of a real fire, everyone had gathered around it and begun to make the best of the last of the food they had left in their hands. Unlike the caves, the open forest air was not cold — in fact, the opposite; since it was summer, it might even have been called heavy. But what the fire gave them was not warmth so much as a soothing sense of safety. That strange feeling of being at home, the one that came from sitting by a fire with the people you loved, was something they badly needed right now — Kaelin most of all.

Everyone was treating her kindly, mostly making small talk about nothing in particular. She was of course aware of what they were trying to do, and she could not have been more grateful for it. Even a person's own family, under the name of showing closeness to your troubles, would more often crowd you and drive you off. But for this strange group she had only just met to know exactly what Kaelin needed, and not to judge her, was almost like a gift. It was a kind of motivation, too — to pull herself together and return to normal, or to whoever she was now.

They had eaten their meal talking, their attention half pulled away from things. Tivver told some ridiculous story, Darian said he was exaggerating again, and the whole thing turned into a quarrel as usual. The two of them spent the entire night needling each other and serving as the others' source of entertainment. Kaelin's stomach was full, now and then someone pressed the last of the drinks into her hand, and no one asked her anything. All at once their last night at Night Forge came back to Kaelin. She let her eyes move over everyone, and the smiles on the faces lit by the fire had almost made her forget what had happened that morning.

As the fire's ashes built up, the exhaustion and the alcohol began to take their toll, and the first to go, as always, were Tivver and Vaelra. Vaelra lay down across Ravah's knee and made a place for herself. Tivver, for his part, was clinging like a pillow to Darian — the very man he had been goading all night — whose eyes could no longer stay open. Elis sat near them, watching them as though they were some entirely different species of creature, while Veylith, off in a corner, had lit a pipe, leaned back against a tree, and pulled her hat down over her eyes. Kaelin rose lightly, without drawing attention, and headed toward a fallen tree trunk on the edge of the hill that overlooked the whole valley.

When she sat down on the broad trunk, the whole valley was visible — the full moon dropping toward the sea in the south, and the red light glowing in the distance. The city itself could not be seen, but the sky Nirali lit could be more or less made out. Like a ghost of the city, or its reflection, it marked where the place lay. Tomorrow they would reach it, and that put her at ease. But having no idea what would happen after that immediately cast a shadow over that ease.

"Tomorrow night we might sleep somewhere completely different," Elis said, coming to Kaelin's side in a whisper. She looked much better, and since she had not been drinking like the others she was not drunk. As she approached from behind the trunk, she startled Kaelin for a moment.

Glancing at her sidelong over her shoulder, Kaelin answered, "Yes, I suppose so," as she turned back to face front.

Then, all at once, she felt a weight on her shoulders. Elis had slowly draped the jacket she had been wearing over Kaelin's shoulders, and then, as if closing it in front, wrapped her arms around her. After that she swung her leg over the tree trunk and sat down beside her.

"There's really no need for this…" Kaelin said, making as if to take the jacket off.

"It's warm enough for me," Elis said, stopping her. "If anything, it had started to feel a little too warm already."

Kaelin said nothing to that and kept the jacket on her shoulders. For a while the two of them watched the valley side by side, and the distant mountain, wondering what lay beyond it.

"Had you ever been there before?" Elis said, breaking the silence.

"I'd never even left the city I lived in," Kaelin answered, looking off into the distance with a proud little smile.

"I'd heard that in Nirali no one looks into your name or your past," Elis went on. "Only an administrator talks with you and listens to your story, and then, if they approve you, they accept you into the city. After that you go on living as whoever or whatever you want to be."

"Sounds like you've done some detailed research."

"When I was leaving my life behind, I didn't have many choices in front of me. To convince myself, I needed every piece of information I could find."

"So you've made up your mind about staying there."

"There aren't many places, unfortunately, that would take in someone like me and let me live an ordinary life."

"And work?" she asked at this, sighing and making it clear she was bored of the subject.

"I'd heard there's all kinds of different work to be done in the city. And what's more, they don't turn you away by calling something men's work."

"Really?" Kaelin said, surprised, clearly pleased by the idea.

"Really. A merchant I met on the road told me I could even be a blacksmith there," Elis said, showing her excitement much more openly now. Then she went on, "I don't know what you're going there for, but someone with your powers could make a fine life there."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"They'd take you gladly," Elis pressed. "And besides — no one said anything today, but I think you did less to that man than he deserved."

At this Kaelin's face noticeably fell. Her smile vanished, and without answering she sighed. Then she slowly rose and stepped behind the trunk. Taking the jacket off her shoulders, she draped it over Elis's. Then she gripped her shoulder with one hand and, after saying "Good night," went back to the fire.

Elis went on looking toward the distant red light with a clear unease on her face. She took the jacket from her shoulders and set it down on the trunk without paying it any mind.

When Kaelin came back to the fire, trying not to make much noise, she saw the gap between Vaelra and Ravah and sank down into it. She took the jacket she had left on the ground, spread it over her legs, and, laying her head against one of the saddlebags beside her, closed her eyes to sleep.

Across the fire, sitting at the foot of a tree, Veylith drew another breath from her pipe, and her open eyes appeared for a moment in the glow of its embers, then disappeared again.

…

When she opened her eyes, the sun had not yet shown itself across the whole of the sky. But for some reason Kaelin had woken, and had begun to let her eyes move over her surroundings. Everyone was scattered around the fire, which was on the verge of going out, sleeping huddled even closer together against the morning chill. Well — almost everyone.

Kaelin pushed herself up without making much noise and lifted Vaelra's leg — sprawled across her in an admirable position — off of herself. She rose slowly, first threw another log on the fire, and then began to walk, glancing around her. At last, on the north side, where the trees grew thicker, she saw her. Though she tried to approach without making a sound, she knew that wasn't really possible. After a few steps she stopped and, without speaking, watched Veylith for a while as she worked, hauling herself up by a branch of the tree.

She had taken off her jacket and shirt and was training in nothing but a cloth wrapped around her chest. Her trousers, pierced in several places and covered with bandages wrapped to close the wounds, and her boots were still on. But because most of her upper body was visible, Kaelin could see the old and new wounds on her back. Amid a great many small scratches and a few large scars that were clearly old, she was looking at the back of a warrior. Yet rather than admiration, what she felt was an involuntary sorrow as she thought of the pain Veylith had lived through. That a body so slender and graceful should belong to a tremendous warrior might be astonishing to many, but for Kaelin the astonishing thing was that she had endured all of it.

Whenever she tried to feel her, beneath that warm, protective personality she always struck a wall. Kaelin could have crossed that wall, but she respected the things Veylith chose not to share. There was a great difference between reading the inside of a person and that person sharing what they had lived through. In the one, people open themselves up and dare to be left defenseless; in the other, you only look from the outside and pass judgment. Kaelin knew she had to wait for it — just as they were waiting for her.

"How much longer are you planning to watch me?" Veylith asked, breaking the silence without pausing in what she was doing.

Startled out of her thoughts in an instant, Kaelin answered, "I didn't want to interrupt." Then she added, slowly beginning to come closer, "But it doesn't look like you're about to get tired, either."

"That's only the result of training every day," Veylith said, still pulling herself up.

"With this physique and this experience, do you really need to do this every day?"

"Knowing how to fight and keeping your body in the best shape are two different things. If I were much heavier than this, or my muscles a little less developed, do you think the advantage of knowing how to fight would still be the same?"

"Have you ever once been proven wrong?" Kaelin pressed, in a mocking tone this time.

"Of course," Veylith answered. Then, as she was pulling herself up, she stopped all at once and let go with one hand. Twisting herself sideways with the single hand gripping the tree, she looked at Kaelin. Every muscle in her arm and shoulder now stood out sharply. "But not about this."

Kaelin looked at her body in admiration for a few seconds, and then answered, "Now you're just showing off."

With a faint smile Veylith let herself down and came over to Kaelin. Saying nothing, she began to look Kaelin's body over.

A little embarrassed by this, Kaelin looked away and asked, "What are you looking at?"

"Your clothes," Veylith answered, still looking her over. "I don't think they'll be a problem."

"What?" Kaelin said, looking at her without understanding.

Veylith raised both hands to shoulder height, palms facing Kaelin. "Now take a stance and throw a punch at my hand."

"What? Now?"

"Do you have other plans?"

"Uh, no. I just wasn't expecting it," she began to mumble.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

At this Kaelin pulled herself together and put on a more serious expression. With Veylith willing to train her, she couldn't afford to act uncertain. Stepping one foot forward, not quite knowing what she was doing, she took a stance. Then, clenching her fist, she swung it toward Veylith's hand. She did the same with her other fist.

"Not bad," Veylith said.

"Are you joking? Your hand didn't even move. I've got no strength at all."

"Again," Veylith said, raising one hand once more.

This time Kaelin swung her fist with a somewhat more serious expression. But just as she struck, Veylith suddenly caught her hand. With one hard push she shoved her back only a few inches. After this move she hadn't seen coming, Kaelin caught her foot on a tree root standing right beside it, staggered backward, and fell.

"When I said 'not bad,' I meant your determination. Your strength doesn't matter much here," Veylith said, without breaking her stance at all.

"Ouch," Kaelin said in a wry tone. "It's wonderful how you can hurt my pride faster than my ass."

Veylith took a step and came closer to her. "Strength doesn't matter, because if you trust only your muscles you won't live very long," she said, and, bending down, held out her hand. "Do you think I used strength to bring you down?"

"No, but I'm not ruling out the possibility of a plan laid with the tree root on the ground, either," she said, gripping her hand.

Veylith pulled her up to her feet. "In war I've seen dwarves bring down orcs taller than me. Strength is an advantage where it serves, but the thing that really matters is being able to turn everything to your favor," she said, pulling her fully toward herself. "There's always someone stronger, and in the end all of them die. Finding your enemy's weak points and using the battlefield against him won't make you a hero, but it can keep you alive long enough." She gripped Kaelin's hand harder. "And that's the only thing that matters." Then she released her hand and watched Kaelin think over what she had said. "But there are also plenty of simple ways to increase your strength when you need it," she said at last, cutting into her thoughts.

Kaelin lifted her head and looked at her with curiosity. "There are techniques I can use to increase my strength too?"

Veylith smiled with confidence, then came up to Kaelin and moved behind her. Tapping one of her feet lightly to push it forward, she gripped Kaelin by the waist and said, "You need to plant your feet firmly, so you can draw strength from the ground."

Kaelin tensed all at once and began to flush faintly.

Veylith brought her other foot to the same tree root that had tripped her a moment ago. "The thing I used to knock you down, you're now going to use for yourself," she said, and then she raised Kaelin's arms and set her in a fighting stance. "Now clench your arms as if you're about to throw a punch."

Kaelin clenched her fists and began to tense herself. A more serious expression formed on her face, but when Veylith touched her sides she went back to that same awkwardness.

Running her hands over Kaelin's body and back, Veylith went on explaining. "All these muscles that are tensed right now are far stronger than the ones in your arms. If you want to be strong in a fight, you have to use these too. Not just your arm."

"How?" Kaelin asked, trying not to show that she was a little flustered.

"Instead of swinging your arms, you'll hold them fixed and swing your whole upper body. That is, you'll strike not just with your arms but with your whole body," Veylith said, and at last she let Kaelin go and stepped in front of her again. She raised her right hand once more. "Now draw strength from your feet and throw another punch, swinging your entire body."

Kaelin first checked her feet, taking firm support from the tree root. Then, tensing nearly her whole body, she swung her fist fast at Veylith as though spinning in place. This time she felt herself strike the hand with much greater force, and managed to push Veylith back a step.

"See?" Veylith said, giving her a meaningful look.

Kaelin, with the strange lift that came from suddenly feeling much stronger, looked at her hands and began to smile. Then she looked at Veylith with the same expression. Kaelin gazing at her with that light shining in her eyes stirred a different sort of satisfaction in Veylith.

"Mold me, master potter," Kaelin said, suddenly dropping to her knees in front of Veylith, bowing her head and raising her arms toward her.

"Shut up," Veylith said with a faint smile, and then touched Kaelin with the tip of her foot. But even that small touch landed on such a specific point that Kaelin lost her balance all at once and rolled to the ground. Without stopping or looking back, Veylith walked on, and called out, "We need to get moving now."

"This is going to be more fun than I thought," Kaelin whispered to herself with a smile, lying on the ground, watching Veylith walk back to camp and pull her shirt on along the way.

…

They had packed up the camp and set out on relatively empty stomachs, and had covered more than a few hours of road. Though the city had begun to rise up before them, they were walking to the southeast, toward where the gate they would enter lay. The smell of the sea grew steadily stronger, and the city's walls drew steadily nearer.

On top of the food that had run out the evening before, the water they had to drink had run out a short while ago as well. Exhaustion and the hunger just beginning to make itself felt had started to show on nearly all their faces. Even Tivver and Darian weren't attempting to bicker. But it was not far off from the rumbling of their stomachs turning into a conversation of its own. Kaelin, though livelier from the morning's training, hadn't been able to hide her disappointment when she realized there was nothing to eat on top of it. Even Ravah, sweating now under a sun that had climbed to its peak, had begun to look as though she might kill someone. But a few minutes later the expression on all their faces changed at the same moment.

When they crested one last hill, the city's walls stretched out before them and they could see the west gate they would enter. A look of relief, and a little happiness, appeared on everyone. Kaelin, for a moment, forgot her hunger; before the new world standing in front of her, her curiosity had pushed past every other feeling. As she looked at the city with a satisfied smile, she whispered to herself, "Finally."