Palimpsest

The faithful do not pray to the woman who killed the god. They pray to the woman who walked the years before the end, who slept in the houses of strangers and left them better than she found them, who took the pain of those she passed into herself and carried it on without being asked and without saying why.

They believe she did not yet know what she was. They believe the mercy was the truer thing, and the killing only what the mercy cost her in the end.

— Chronicle of the First Age. Nirali Archives. Transcriber unknown.

Chapter 37 Ghosts of the Past

When she closed her finger around the bone she didn't know exactly what she was going to do, or what she even could do. All she knew was that the symbol carved into the bone might be Script magic, that the walls around her were older than anything she had ever seen, and that the gift she had learned she possessed since the night the first memory-seal had broken was stirring inside her. Perhaps, if she thought of this symbol as a seal, she could break it and uncover the truth that lay behind it. And yet Kaelin still had no idea what she was actually doing. From time to time this power that woke inside her seemed to take her over and make her try things she would otherwise never attempt. Most of the time it made her feel strong, but it frightened her all the same. This was one of those moments.

She closed her eyes and tried to feel the bone's presence, the person it had once been. But this time, because she was trying to feel something dead, nothing came. As the thought that this was a wasted effort began to take up more space in her mind, she also began to understand that the thing she needed to focus on was something else. So she turned her attention to the symbol on the bone and began to imagine it as a seal. Almost at once the seal began to shine in front of her closed eyes. This time, instead of a sea or a great light, there was the symbol itself, standing in front of her like a great stone monument in the pitch dark. There seemed to be a light behind the symbol, but she couldn't see what it was. It was as if she were inside a cold, dark cave, and the only thing between her and the way out was the symbol itself. In the end, instead of being afraid or careful, Kaelin reached out a hand and touched the symbol. Its surface was cold and hard as rock. She began to press her hand against the unyielding face of it, as if she were trying to push the symbol away. At the same moment, her body began to shine.

The others, who had been watching Kaelin standing in silence with the bone in her hand and her eyes closed, suddenly saw her begin to glow with a red light. The light grew stronger and stronger, overpowered the light from the other lamps, and turned the whole chamber red. At the same moment, the symbol Kaelin was touching at last began to crackle, and cracks began to open across its face. As the brightness grew, the whole symbol began to split. At last, with a great noise, the symbol shattered, and a blinding light was released behind it. The others, faced with the light pouring off Kaelin as it grew suddenly blinding, closed their eyes.

A short time later, when they could open their eyes again, they realised that the light was fading. They had begun to see the chamber once more, and the moment they registered how different it now looked, the whole atmosphere around them shifted. Torches burning in brackets on the walls were lighting the inside, and the inscriptions on the walls looked far newer. First they saw the tools on the shelves, looking newly made; then the wooden cages in the corner. When they saw the bodies chained to the stone platforms, their clothes hanging from them in rags, Vaelra moaned in horror. But no sound came out. The others, faced with the same sight, had held their breath as if they had been punched in the stomach. While they were still trying to grasp what was happening, one of the human-looking bodies on the platforms moaned in pain.

Everyone moved reflexively closer to one another, while Veylith was still looking at Kaelin, who was still standing in the corner with her eyes closed. She was about to take a step toward her when she felt a sudden cold inside her, and something like a ghost passed straight through her body. As she put her hand to her body, trying to understand what had happened, the ghost that had passed through her moved away from her and took on the shape of a person. The person walking toward the platforms became, at last, the form of a tall, thin man with long hair. The moment Veylith realised that he was walking toward Kaelin, she started after him and threw her hand on his shoulder to stop him. But her hand passed straight through his body and fell into empty space. She tried a few more times, as if she were trying to catch hold of smoke, but she couldn't. She tried to shout to Kaelin, but no sound came out of her. It was as if it were they who were the ghosts here — they could neither speak nor touch anything.

The tall man drew up to Kaelin and at last stopped exactly where she was standing. Their bodies stood in the same place at the same time, almost overlapping. The man's body was sharp and present; Kaelin, like a silhouette made of light, was shining inside his body. Because their postures were different they could still be told apart easily. When the man at last reached down to the human on the platform — a woman, as became clear — and seized her by the wrist, he and Kaelin came into exactly the same posture. The bone Kaelin was holding, bent forward as she was with her eyes closed, was now exactly where the arm of the woman on the platform lay. It was as if Kaelin had taken up exactly the same pose as the man, had taken hold of the moaning woman's arm herself. Faced with this, not only Veylith but every one of them began to watch the scene before them in astonishment. Because there was nothing else they could do.

Even though Kaelin still had her eyes closed, she could see the whole scene in her mind. And because they were now in the same position, it was almost as if she were seeing through the man's eyes. On the man's wrist a black symbol had been worked into the skin, almost like a tattoo. But unlike a tattoo, it had no blurred edges where the ink had spread under the skin. Every line was perfect, as if it had been drawn on paper. The shape was made of three lines that met at a single point and an unclosed circle resting over them. There seemed to be no symmetry between the lines and the unfinished circle, and yet, oddly, it did not feel disturbing — it felt natural.

While Kaelin was studying the symbol, the symbol suddenly began to shine. But this was not a brightness that spread outward, like the light she made when she used her own gift. The shape only became sharper, more clearly defined against the skin. At that, even though the person whose arm he was gripping was chained and could not move, she began to moan more as if her pain were rising. On the bone Kaelin was holding, where the arm would have been, a symbol cut into it had also begun to shine. But not all of the symbol was shining. A part of it seemed not to belong there. When Kaelin looked more closely at the symbol on the bone, what she was seeing finally began to make sense. The unlit part of the symbol was slowly beginning to brighten. As if someone were carving the symbol into place right then.

When the man gripped the suffering person's arm more tightly, the missing parts of the symbol began to brighten faster. The body on the platform began to writhe more in pain. At last all the colour drained out of her eyes, and a white film began to form over them. By the time the symbol was complete, the eyes of the person on the table were entirely white, and her screams had reached their peak. The man, who was still gripping her arm, watched her with absolute focus. There was neither pity on his face nor any feeling like it. The only thing you could read there was curiosity.

The screams went on for some time, and the man watched the torture in much the same way one might watch the stars on a quiet evening. When at last the screams stopped, the body on the platform seemed to have no energy left in it. After a few rattling breaths, it stopped breathing altogether. At that, with an expression of disappointment, the man let the dead woman's arm fall, almost as if he were throwing it down in anger, and stood up. As he stepped back out of the shared posture, Kaelin was still in the same position, with the bone in her hand, as if she were still holding the dead arm. She was still looking at the face of the woman who had died in pain.

The man took a few more steps and threw a careful glance at the inscriptions on the walls. Veylith was standing just behind him, with one eye on him and one on Kaelin. Then the man, in anger, started back the way he had come, and without giving her so much as a chance to move he walked straight through Veylith and kept walking. As he moved into the dark of the cave he began to blur, and at the same moment the torches on the cave walls went out. At last the dream-like atmosphere they had been in faded and was gone. But they didn't fully understand that they had come back to the real until they heard the sound of Kaelin sobbing from the corner.

Veylith and Vaelra moved at the same moment and came to Kaelin's side. Kaelin was holding the bone tightly in her hand and crying, looking at the empty stone platform. Both of them crouched on either side of her and checked that she was all right. While Veylith was carefully checking her body, Vaelra had pulled Kaelin's head against her chest. As Kaelin went on crying Vaelra held her tighter, and Veylith crouched on her other side. Kaelin, without looking, reached behind her with her free hand, found Veylith's hand, and gripped it tightly. Veylith answered the grip in kind. The others, standing on the far side of the chamber, weren't crying, but they had taken on a kind of mourning, as if they had just watched someone they knew die. For a while no one moved or spoke.

…

Vaelra, Kaelin, and Veylith had sunk down by the wall, their eyes fixed on nothing. Kaelin's eyes were red, but the crying had stopped. She was still holding on to the bone. "I can't believe they did this," she said at last, breaking the long silence. "What we saw was only a moment. How many more times do you think — " The words broke apart in her mouth and she couldn't finish the sentence.

"We'll never know, but — " Darian had begun to answer her, but when he saw her face he didn't finish his sentence either.

Then Ravah, who had been silent for a long time, looking at the platforms, added, in a voice with a clear crack in it, "To them this was only an experiment."

"The kind of thing they do on animals," Tivver added, standing beside her with one hand resting on the platform.

Veylith, still holding Kaelin's hand, said at last what was obvious. "There's nothing we can do for them. The ones who survived the experiments were left here just like this, and over the generations they adapted to it — to the caves, to the cold, to the dark."

"But the outside — " Kaelin began.

"I don't think they would survive out there," Veylith cut in. "And in any case, they would never have been left alone."

Kaelin knew she was right, but the thought of simply walking away tormented her. She also knew that staying here would do no one any good. She let go of Veylith's hand, stood up, and walked toward the creature, which was still half-conscious. When she reached it she crouched beside it again and laid her hand on its forehead. The creature came to itself and tried to get up in a panic. But Kaelin slid her hand from its forehead to its cheek and took its hand with her other hand. At that, the creature settled visibly. It was still uneasy, but it wasn't attacking Kaelin or afraid of her.

Kaelin closed her eyes, and her hand began to shine again. As the creature's face was lit by the light from her hand, Darian, who was nearest to them, noticed that its breathing was quickening. They knew the creature was blind, and Kaelin's eyes were closed. And yet both of them looked as if they were seeing something. At last Kaelin opened her eyes again, and the creature, much calmer now, sat up. They knew it couldn't see her, and yet to all of them it looked as if it were looking right at Kaelin's face.

The creature slowly raised its free hand toward Kaelin. At the same moment, on reflex, Ravah and Veylith reached for their weapons. But the creature touched her face gently. It then began to run its fingertips along the lines of her face. Veylith and Ravah relaxed their hands, but they didn't let the weapons go. For a while, the creature went on running its fingers as if it were trying to learn Kaelin's face. Then, just as Kaelin had done to it, it settled its hand on her cheek. For a moment the two of them stood as if they were looking at one another.

Kaelin was the first to break it; then the creature took its hand from her face. Then Kaelin made to stand up, and, still holding the creature's hand, drew it up with her. She helped it gently to its feet. The creature was shorter than her, and had tilted its head up as if it were looking at her. They stood for a few seconds without letting go of each other's hands, and then Kaelin made to release its hand. But the creature gripped her hand tighter, refused to let go, and even drew her hand slightly toward itself and turned it so that the inside of her forearm was facing up. Before Kaelin could understand what was happening, the creature began to run a finger from its other hand along Kaelin's arm. After making movements as if it were drawing something, it slowly let her arm go. Then it gave a small whistle and stepped backwards toward the doorway behind them, and disappeared into the dark. From inside the dark, the same whistle came back in different tones for a while.

"What just happened?" Tivver asked, looking at her in bewilderment; he had said aloud what every one of them was thinking. Veylith and Vaelra had got up and were going to Kaelin, while the others, too, began drawing closer.

"I promised it we would never hurt any of them again," Kaelin said, still looking into the dark where the creature had disappeared.

"So you spoke with it, then," Vaelra put in, impressed.

"No," Kaelin answered.

Tivver, even more confused, looked at her, while Darian had broken into a clear smile. There was a kind of pride mixed with sadness on his face.

"I showed it that no one was after them anymore," Kaelin went on, "but I also told it that if anyone ever did come here again, they were to do nothing but hide."

"And it understood you?" Tivver said.

"I know it understood," Kaelin answered. There was a different kind of calm on her face. "We won't see them again," she said at last, turning to the others.

"What did it do to your arm?" Veylith asked, with a touch of worry, reaching out to her arm.

"I don't understand it, but it did this," Kaelin answered, taking Veylith's hand and running her finger along her own arm.

"Huh," Veylith said, with the faintest hint of a smile.

"What?" Kaelin pressed.

"Right, left, left," Veylith said, sure of herself, and a little relieved. "She told you the way out."

At that, Kaelin turned back to look into the dark again and smiled, though the sadness in her did not leave her face all the same.

"Ready to go?" Veylith asked, stepping up behind her and speaking close to her ear. Kaelin looked into the dark for another moment, then turned to Veylith and nodded yes. Then, as if they had been wrung out by all the tense moments they had been through, they slowly gathered up their things and started walking forward into the dark ahead.

…

They kept walking the way the creature had shown them for hours, because they hadn't come across any other wide chamber where they could stop and make camp. Almost all of them had lost any sense of time, but Veylith was aware that nearly three days had passed since they had entered the caves. Since crossing the mountains by way of the pass takes at least five days, she did not expect to reach the way out immediately. Even so, she hoped to come out on the other side in a shorter time, because they had also made their last turn. More than five days had passed since they had left Crestwick, and they had already covered more than half of the road. If they could come out of the caves soon, they would have covered a seven- or eight-day journey in five days. That would put the time and the distance they needed between them and the Hunter, all the way to Nirali.

Along the way they had talked, in fits and starts, about the creature and the experiment they had seen, but no one could understand why those experiments had been done. Vaelra put forward a theory that someone had been trying to make workers who could carve through the mountains in the dark, but the reason was still unclear. Kaelin didn't say much through any of it, because she knew the others were talking to take their own minds off what they had been through — and to try to make her feel better, too.

At the end of the hours, the fatigue and the suffocating dark had made all of them stop talking. They were only walking now, and hoping for a light to appear ahead of them. The lamp in Veylith's hand was about to go out, and there was no oil left to refill it. It wasn't much different for Ravah, walking at the front. But Veylith noticed that the cave walls ahead of them were beginning to lighten, faintly. A few minutes later Ravah said, "Light," and that was enough to lift them. Before long the cave was much brighter, and the daylight at the end of the cave made the lamps unnecessary. They were very close to the outside now, but Ravah suddenly raised her arm and stopped. Tivver, walking distractedly, ran into her again, and only just managed to stop.

When all of them had lined up behind Ravah and pressed against the cave wall, Veylith came up to the front, beside her. Vaelra and Elis had stayed back a little further with the horses, waiting. Without making a sound, Veylith crouched beside Ravah and looked out, narrowing her eyes. Then she asked, quietly, "How many?"

"Two," Ravah answered. "Scouts."

At that, Veylith checked the ammunition in her pockets. During the rests she had made and loaded as many rounds as she could, but she didn't want to make too much noise at the cave mouth, where it would echo. So she reached for the small knives in her boot and at her belt.

Kaelin came up behind Veylith carefully but curiously, and asked, "What is it?"

Without turning, with the knives gripped in her hand, Veylith whispered back: "We're not alone."