Chapter 41: Beneath The Falling Snow
"What did you just say?" Aria immediately spun back around to face the lady and asked as her face turned ugly.
"Hm? Oh, it’s nothing, I was just thinking out loud to myself. Sorry, force of habit." The lady responded with a smile.
Clearly, the lady didn’t realize that she had just said out loud was a very big deal to Aria however, as she was then surprised to see the beautiful girl in front of her grab onto her collar and ask the question again.
"I asked... what did you say?! Tell me!"
"I, uh- um- I- I"
"TELL ME!" Aria yelled as her grip around the lady’s collar tightened.
Immediately following that, everyone in the crowd couldn’t help but turn their attention towards the screaming, and they all looked at Aria and the lady Aria had her hands on with confusion in their eyes.
Thankfully, a nearby police officer also heard the screaming and rushed over immediately.
"Ma’am, let go of her this instant. I won’t say it again." The police officer announced sternly.
Upon hearing this, Aria intently looked directly at the lady she had grabbed onto for a few more seconds before finally complying with the officer and letting the lady go.
Afterwards, while Aria’s heart was thumping crazier and crazier by the second, she slowly turned to approach the police officer, and then spoke in a shaky voice.
"T-the d-decapitated body you guys found... d-do you g-guys know w-who it is?"
"Uh..." The officer was surprised when Aria asked him that question, "We’re not allowed to disclose that kind of information right now. Please wait for the official report to be released, ma’am."
"B-but..." Aria paused for a second before continuing, "I personally know the man living in the penthouse here, and I’m really worried about him, so please..."
"..."
"I just need to know if he’s alive. That’s all I want to know." Aria pleaded as she gave the officer the most worried look ever.
Seeing this, the officer couldn’t help but examine Aria’s face for a good bit, and then subconciously ran a hand through his hair while he sighed.
Honestly, she looked so pitiful that it was hard to say no, and coupled with how pretty she was, he simply couldn’t refuse her.
As such, the officer pulled out a pen and paper, mainly because he didn’t want the other people in the small crowd to hear him, and he jotted down some information regarding the body’s description.
A few seconds later, he handed the note to Aria and said, "You seem quite unstable, so it’s best if you read this at a more quiet place instead with not too much people around if you think that you’re going to react negatively in any way."
Aria quickly nodded in response, and after a few more polite exchanges and thanking the police officer for the help, she did as she was told and quickly left the area to read the note in a quieter place while her hands were shaking intensely.
Then after walking for a little bit, and stopping at a nearby empty sidewalk where the sounds of the sirens couldn’t be heard anymore, she immediately unfolded the paper to take a look at it.
And the note read...
’Male. Young adult. Above average height. Lean build.’
There were no particularly distinguishing features written down on the note, and there was nothing definitive enough to allow Aria to fully confirm that it was him.
And yet... somehow...
"..."
A small white flake landed on the paper.
Then another.
And another.
And before she even knew it, it started snowing a lot.
But Aria didn’t move from the sidewalk whatsoever.
Nor did she even bother trying to brush the snow gathering on her hair and shoulders away.
Instead, she just stood there, motionlessly, staring down at the paper in her hands.
After all...
It hurts.
So much.
Even more than all of the other times she has seen him get extremely hurt before.
In fact, she could feel her entire body aching and her chest tightening so much right now that she couldn’t even break down even if she wanted to.
Because deep inside of her heart, she knew it very well.
That Eric was now gone from her life.
And now she had to continue on without him forever.
Whether she liked it or not.
"..."
For a long time, Aria said nothing.
She only stood there beneath the falling snow, with the note still trembling in her hand and her eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
Because it was strange.
Even though she had already more or less realized it from the moment she read the description on the paper, some part of her still couldn’t fully accept it.
It was as if her mind understood it, but her heart refused to follow.
And that made the pain even worse.
Because it left her trapped in the space between knowing and denying.
A place where every breath hurt.
And a place where even thinking hurt.
"...Why...?" Aria finally whispered.
Her voice was so quiet that even she could barely hear it herself.
Then she slowly lifted her head and looked up at the dark winter sky, as if she truly expected someone to be there.
As if she truly expected him to answer.
"Why did it have to turn out like this...?"
The tears gathered in her eyes more heavily, but they still didn’t fall.
"Why did you have to become this important to me so quickly...?"
Her fingers tightened around the note.
"Why did you have to make me think that maybe... maybe things could actually become better...?"
A shaky breath escaped her lips.
"Why did you have to do all of that...?"
The wind blew past her then, cold and sharp, making the snow swirl around her feet.
But still, no answer came.
Aria lowered her gaze a little, and a weak, broken laugh nearly escaped from her throat.
It was the kind of laugh that only came when someone was already too hurt to cry properly.
"You really changed everything so suddenly..."
Her voice was still soft.
Still trembling.
Still small.
"You showed up out of nowhere..."
"You said things I didn’t understand..."
"You acted like you knew everything..."
"You gave me answers nobody else ever could..."
"And you quickly made yourself become someone I couldn’t ignore..."
"Then you just..."
She stopped.
Her lips trembled.
Her throat tightened so badly that for a few seconds, no sound came out at all.
Then at last, she forced the words out.
"And then you just left...?"
The tears finally spilled over after that, silently trailing down her face one after another.
Aria stared upward again with glistening eyes.
"How am I supposed to accept that...?"
Her breathing was becoming uneven now.
"And what was I even supposed to be to you...?"
The question came out much more fragile than angry.
More wounded than accusing.
Because that was what hurt the most.
Not just that he was gone.
But that now she would never know for sure.
Never know what she had meant to him.
Never know whether all of this had mattered to him as much as it had mattered to her.
"...Did I really mean anything to you at all...?"
Silence.
Nothing answered her.
Only the distant murmur of the city.
Only the winter wind brushing past the bare trees.
And only the soft sound of snow collecting on the ground around her.
Aria’s expression slowly began to twist after that.
Because the grief that had been keeping her frozen in place this entire time was finally beginning to turn into something else.
Something uglier.
Something harsher.
Something much more desperate.
Her voice rose slightly.
"Say something..."
She stepped forward, as though she could somehow get closer to someone who was no longer there.
"Just say something..."
Her shoulders shook violently now.
Her tears wouldn’t stop.
"ANSWER ME, ERIC..."
That was when she finally broke.
"WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?!"
Her voice rang out into the empty night.
"WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME BEHIND LIKE THIS?!"
The note in her hand crumpled from how tightly she was gripping it.
"DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST DO THAT TO ME?!"
"DO YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE SOME HIGHER BEING, YOU CAN COME AND GO WHENEVER YOU WANT?!"
"LIKE I’M JUST SOMEONE YOU CAN SAVE, RUIN, AND THEN THROW AWAY ONCE YOU’RE DONE?!"
Her words became more broken with every sentence.
More desperate.
More helpless.
"WAS I REALLY JUST THAT INSIGNIFICANT TO YOU?!"
"IF I WAS, THEN FINE!"
"FINE!"
"BUT THEN TELL ME WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO NOW!"
"TELL ME HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THIS!"
"TELL ME HOW TO MAKE THIS STOP HURTING!"
"AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, TELL ME HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON FROM ALL OF THIS!"
Her voice cracked completely on the last line.
Then after that, there was only silence again.
A horrible, empty silence.
Aria stood there for a few more seconds, breathing unevenly, as if she was still waiting.
Still hoping.
Still foolishly believing that this time, somehow, a voice would answer back.
But nothing came.
Nothing except the cold winter wind that howled through the street and made the nearby trees and street lights sway.
Then all at once, whatever little strength had been holding her up disappeared.
And her legs gave out beneath her.
She then collapsed onto the freezing ground, still clutching the note tightly against her as if letting go of it would make everything even more real.
And as the snow fell over her small, trembling figure, it looked almost as if heaven itself was grieving alongside her.