Chapter 89. There Are No Ghosts
Minnelil still didn’t say anything. Goddamn, what was wrong with her? She shifted, only enough to let me know she was still on the other side of the door.
I sighed. “I can’t promise anything. I hadn’t touched anyone for a really long time, and now that I could, I couldn’t not. And you’re great and kind and probably exactly what I need at the moment. But.” I took a breath to keep going while I still could make myself. “I don’t know if it’s fair to you. I can’t promise anything, I really mean it. What if I become a ghost or make myself into a skeleton?”
“There are no ghosts,” she said softly.
“There are a ton of ghosts, trust me,” I said, squeezing my knees to my chest with my arms. My face was a tense clump of muscles, so I grimaced and let the tension fall away. “What if we end up haunting each other? I need you now, and you have to tolerate me because of it, and neither of us can get rid of the other, even when none of it makes any sense.”
I wasn’t sure if I could have kept going if I wasn’t still numb from the Null, my mind lacquered with ice. On the other hand, if I hadn’t, maybe I would have just laughed for joy at seeing her again and tried to kiss her. “Falar said I’m a dog that’s been mistreated so long I bite at everyone who comes close,” I muttered.
“What a horrible thing to say to a person,” Minnelil said.
“But what if he’s right? What if you’re looking for a dog to save and I’m for someone to bite?”
“I’m coming in.”
“Wait, what, it’s not—”
She pushed on the door. I strained myself against it for a heartbeat, but then scooted away. I stumbled up as Minnelil stepped in. Clickens paced around the table, claws snagging on the wood.
When I turned around, her face was pale, but she stood straight. “The others were getting too interested,” she said. “What I want to say is for you.”
“Are you... okay?” I asked.
“Roll me out of the room if I collapse,” she said, flashing me a brave smile. The smile fell away and she sighed. “I’m my own person, Lina. I like to think of myself as well-adjusted. If I wanted to get a dog, I’d get a dog.”
I walked backward away from her. Maybe that would make the Null thinner for her. “That’s not what I mean.”
She followed after me. “I know what you meant and that you meant it, but I mean what I say too. I won’t force anything on you. Never. But we elves are patient. Did you know that most elven relationships aren’t any longer than your human ones? We don’t spend hundreds of years with a single person.” She wiped her face with a trembling hand. It was pale, with dark circles under her eyes and red spots around her cheeks like someone with a high fever might have. “What I mean to say is that you can take your time. I’ll be your friend until you can decide, and afterward as well, no matter what.”
“Min,” I said. She looked ready to drop. She talked a big game about being patient, but she was walking toward me, legs wobbling under her and breath coming short. “You’re as dumb as Fek.”
She grinned, reaching out both hands. “Catch me if I fall,” she said.
I stepped in, wrapping my arms around her waist as she slumped. “I’ll never let you fall.”
“What a sappy thing to say,” she muttered, eyes almost closed. “Let me try something.”
“What?” I asked, breath catching. Her lips were blue and getting bluer as I watched. I touched her cheek and from what I could tell through my frostbitten fingers, it was cold.
She breathed in, a feeble gasp. Her lips stayed slightly parted, the exhale not happening.
“What... what?” I said. “Min?” I shook her and her head wobbled from side to side.
“Stop shaking me,” she said, eyes still closed.
“You’re scaring me. Come on, let’s get you out of here!”
“I did that whole speech and you’re still about to throw me out?” she said, smiling like holding back a laugh. The veins in her neck were black against pallid skin. She opened her eyes and they were pitch black.
“That had to be the scariest thing I have ever seen!” I shouted.
“Sorry,” Minnelil said, rubbing at her side. “You still didn’t need to fling me across the room.”
“I should have kicked your ass too. You spent two days with Jextor and ended up like this? I’m forbidding you from seeing him anymore.”
Minnelil giggled, an unnerving sound as she looked like a monster from some children’s tale. Her skin was pale, streaked by black trails running from her eyes. She crossed the room to take my hands. Hers were cold, almost as cold as mine. “I finally did it. He thought I already could have a long time ago, but I needed a push.”
“What was the push? Me?”
She shook her head, grinning like a skeleton. “I wanted to see you, but I didn’t believe how bad it would be in here. Reading Coratorus’ book really helped. Most people don’t start with physical enhancement, but I needed to be able to stay.”
I touched her mouth, traced my finger along the blue lips that were so wide. “Will you be careful? Did Jextor warn you about everything?”
Someone banged on the door. “Did you go in? It’s not safe!” Marcus shouted from the other side.
“Watch this,” Minnelil whispered. She opened her mouth wide and lolled her tongue out, then wrenched the door open. “Uuurgh,” she said.
Marcus jumped back yelping, then sighed. “Goddamnit, student,” he said, pressing a hand on his face. “But congratulations. Seems you finally did it. Now get out of there before you have to stay. Jextor is waiting for you.”
I walked up behind her and pushed the door shut in Marcus’ face. “Do you think real corpses ever kiss?”
“We can find out what it would be like,” she said, closing her black eyes and leaning closer to me.
“No teeth,” I said. “I could probably bite through a steel pipe.”
“This is probably pretty dangerous,” she murmured.
I leaned closer, pressing my cheek against hers. I would need to wash my face of the black pitch later. “Hasn’t stopped either of us so far.”
She kissed me and the kiss felt like fire. Her lips were cold, but my body responded to it, thawing and heating up. I whimpered as the Null pressed on my skin from the inside. Clickens wove its way around our legs, bumping into my ankles.
“More,” I said.
Minnelil wrapped her fingers around my bicep and her grip was hard and strong. Her other arm was around my waist and she lifted me into the air. That felt fun. My skin prickled from a thousand slivers of ice fleeing my flesh. She licked my throat and her tongue was cold and wet like the nose of a large dog.
“You’re crying,” she said, her own face streaked with black.
“It’s just the Null,” I said.
“And your nose is bleeding black, a lot.”
“It’s fine. That’s why the robes are black.”
She put me down, and my legs wobbled. Her hand felt very cold. My feet slipped on the black liquid on the floor. Must have bled from the soles of my feet. Clickens rubbed a paw on the black footprint and mewed.
“I’ll ask Marcus to check up on you,” Minnelil said, looking at her palm that glistened with black and red. “I should go show Jextor this so I can bleed it out myself. That’s at least ten credits!”
She gave a little skip as she walked to the door, smiling back at me. Maybe she was like Jextor, not glum enough to be affected too much by the Null. “I’ll see you soon,” she said, slinking out of the door.
I had a hard time imagining being that happy when that mired in Null. She had been pale like Falar. Her touch had kicked the darkness out of me and I shivered at the stale air, the harsh touch of cloth on my raw skin. My shirt was damp from black ichor. Where did it all come from? At least it didn’t smell like blood, which was nice.
Marcus would need Fek to blast the room, as it was so thick with discarded Null. It collected in the corners, cold and heavy. It was probably dangerous for even me to stay in here. I stood and made sure my legs could carry me. Time to face the world.
Marcus complained, but let me out in the end. He was confused how I had gotten rid of the Null so fast, but I said Minnelil and Clickens had stolen it. It was true enough. Clickens felt more dangerous than the frozen tiger had. It perched on my shoulder and when I ran my fingers over its skull, its surface felt nothing like bone. More like porous glass. Something like dark fog bled out from its eye sockets. Ugh, I’d have to be more careful in the future. If I accidentally sicced it on Fek a third time, he might actually get hurt.
The shower felt like torture and the thing that I wanted most of all in the world. The black stuff didn’t mix with the water. It looked like the dark vinegar mixed with oil that they sometimes served with the salad. I wondered what they had done with the kitchens since the lunch attack. The food that had been brought to me in the infirmary had been decent, so at least the school probably wasn’t starving. Clickens waited outside of the shower, mewing all the time. It couldn’t even get wet. Silly cat.
The dorm was empty when I went to get myself a clean robe and new clothes. The ones I had worn in the quarantine I would probably need to burn. How would they burn, stained with black goo? One of Minnelil’s shirts was in my chest. It had probably ended up there the night we spent together. I hesitated and pulled it over my head. It was a little tight for me, but not too much, and it smelled of her. I’d give it back soon. Maybe I could show her I was wearing it. She would probably think it was fun.
It was nearly dinnertime, so maybe I’d find the others there. I smiled as I walked up the stairs toward the Dining Hall. Maybe all the Null I had first stitched to my bones and then expelled had left me untethered to it for now. Would Falar be able to make himself happy at will by suddenly giving up being half-dead? Was that the reason he never did it?
I sighed. Hopefully the others would be there. Too many thoughts. How did I have any left, after sitting in a room for days? “Urgh, stop it,” I said, grabbing the door handle. The noise of clinking plates and singing and people clapping met me. Frederik was leading another song. It was a toast of some kind. Grit was easy to spot. She sat at the back of the room, stark white, next to Fek. I waved at them and walked closer, but noticed Ferne standing by the door leading back to the kitchen and walked to her first.
She was leaning her back against the wall, face slack. She waved a hand at me and I walked up to her. “Hey. Marcus let you out already? Good to see you. Your friend has been a nuisance.”
“I haven’t done anything! There haven’t even been any classes!” Fek shouted from the table.
“You set the Beach on fire!” Ferne shouted at him, before turning back to me. “Tried to impress the girls. At first the Bursar was angry about the ruined sand, but glass turned out to be valuable.”
My smile widened throughout the story, and at the end I laughed out loud. Ferne gave me a surprised glance. “Sorry, I’ve been stuck in a room. What are you... are you guarding the kitchen?”
“Yes, we maintain a presence to keep everyone calm.”
“Not to keep the thing out of the kitchens?” I asked.
“The Principal made sure of that already. Nothing will get in that way anymore. Falar and the Chancellor tried to break the wards together to test them, but didn’t even manage to dent them. They’ll hold.”
I tried to peek in as a skeleton slipped through the door, but it was pitch black inside. If it was only skeletons, they wouldn’t need any lights. “Coratorus warded it? Like the door in the Cleaning Closet?”
“Of course you know about the door,” Ferne said, sighing. “Stay away from it, you hear?”
“That’s what the janitor said as well.”
“Good, then you might even listen.”
“I won’t!” Fek shouted.
“Quiet, you!” Ferne shouted back. She groaned, slouching back against the wall. “Half of maintaining presence is keeping you lot from sneaking into the kitchen to search for a way to the mountains.”
“Would there be one? One day we will need to go back,” I said. “A shortcut would be nice.”
She looked at me, going quiet for a while. “You really think so? Don’t you? You’ll just go back, try to kill a deathless, unknown thing that has humbled the most powerful members of this faculty already?”
“Where... where else would I go? Run away? It’s in my dreams, Ferne. It already came for me, so huddling here isn’t safe either.”
She nodded slowly. “I see,” she said after a moment. “Go eat, you bloodthirsty little imp. They’ll start clearing the tables in a moment. Don’t let Fek poke the door.”
I nodded back. She seemed to get it. “I’ll try.”