Camming Down the Rabbit Hole

The next morning I didn’t feel any better, but more importantly, not much worse. I hadn’t taken any medication yet and could feel my throat, sore and scratchy, even my breathing sounded rough. Groaning as I climbed out of bed I immediately winced at the sound I made, it was deep and gravelly.

I don’t think I ever suffered from dysmorphia growing up, of course I was insecure about my appearance just like anyone else, but I’d always kind of enjoyed it when I got a cold and my voice would do this, I guess it made me feel more manly. But now, it felt wrong, it was uncomfortable and not just physically.

I coughed hoping to clear it but if anything it made it worse. Walking to the bathroom making a mental note to fully invest in some voice coaching once it was better, I was getting happy with it before I was ill, the over the top cam girl voice was fun but it wasn’t really me, and I’d briefly found that nice mid tone that still sounded feminine but also still sounded like the me I wanted to hear.

Splashing my face with water I stared glumly at my reflection, I was dishevelled, unkempt and my face and throat visibly a bit puffy. Another wince, as if everything was conspiring to highlight all the things I now really disliked about myself. A few months ago none of this was an issue, and now I was struggling to look past it.

Another splash of water and a deep calming breath, “this is just temporary” I said to myself, I’ll rest, I’ll eat well, I’ll get better in no time. I had no energy to shower, a quick change of clothes into something entirely comfortable I made my morning tea and had a very light bite to eat.

Today was not going to be productive, I probably wasn’t going to exercise, I definitely wasn’t going to be camming which made me a little sad. I checked my phone, the results of my swab test were supposed to come through automatically, although from what I’d read, it could take anywhere from under 24 hours to 3 days. I was praying for a quick negative test but either way I’d have to get over this cold, Covid or otherwise.

Trying to think of things to do that would be helpful I thought about all the supplements I had. I wanted to keep taking them and there were perhaps others I could add to it. Sitting at the computer I researched some more, it was hard digging through the raft of influencers touting the next great thing. But digging deeper I found there were lots of things I should probably be taking for general wellness.

Shopping around I filled an order, I’d never been one to lots of supplements but having seen, and tasted the results I knew it would be worth it. not to mention the additional benefits of better skin and hair. I even threw in some protein powder as well since I was watching what I was eating, but knew growing some muscles and filling out my lower body more would require feeding them.

With the order processing I switched to one of my games, something mindless just to pass the time, the paracetamol doing its job as I wasted a good few hours. It was tempting to fire up Twitch and stream while I was at it, but with my voice and general less than ideal appearance I decided against it.

As I finished up to have some lunch my phone pinged with a message from Marc, asking how I was and if I wanted to chat. My heart immediately caught in my throat, there was no way I could, there was no hiding this voice, and my face, urgh, not even my best work with the concealer and contouring was going to fix it.

Quickly firing a message back I said I was much the same but had lost my voice entirely so it might be a few days before we could speak. And thankfully that seemed to ease his advances, we texted a little more and it was fun to connect with him like this. In a way, having a cold had removed that immediateness of moving things on with us, I could use it as a buffer.

As the conversation wound down I was weirdly grateful for enforced pacing of being ill, despite us not flirting that much, I was hard as anything again, and I knew all too well that if I left it up to my libido, unchecked I’d be firing photos off to him and teasing him to the max. but this way I could be a bit more rational and a bit more in control. I also realised that this would be a way of me using my more neutral voice, since I’d always used the sickly cam girl one with him.

The rest of the day bumbled along, nothing much happened, a brief call with Ellie as I’d sent her a message about my chat with Marc. Naturally she was egging me on to do more with him, but I explained I was already having to restrain myself, not entirely sure why I was so horny when I was ill. She said I had the ‘sick hornies’, which kinda made sense, in the past I’d also get way more involuntary erections when I had a minor illness. I guess now it was made worse by spending all my days getting off.

She cut the phonecall short saying I needed to rest my voice, but it was so nice to catch up, to feel like I had someone to just shoot the shit with and obviously, her being gorgeous made it that much easier. Self-isolation was going to be alright, even if I would have preferred that I was self-isolating with her.

The afternoon and evening passed with a blur of crap tv and basic food. I did briefly drop into my platforms to reply to messages and see how my last vids were doings and it was all fine. Going to plan and seemingly ticking along just as I’d hoped. And uncharacteristically early night was needed though, and I drifted off surprisingly easy.

The next couple of days were much the same, it was frustrating that the results hadn’t come through but I could only assume that meant it wasn’t Covid, I was also starting to feel better and by the end of the third day the only remanence was a slight rasp to my voice. I’d been chatting over messenger to Marc, sometimes briefly, sometimes for a while. I couldn’t shake the desire that was building to see him again and possibly have a repeat of our last encounter.

But I’d been a good girl, when he pushed for a date I’d used my possible infection as a way to defer him for at least 10 days, so he wouldn’t get it and infect his clients, even if it wasn’t Covid, that was bad for his business. He of course bought it, but that did mean there was a countdown, and we’d already casually started talking about places to meet up.

Of course Ellie was ecstatic, as always my biggest fan and worst influence, but in these last few days I’d been able to sit with my feelings, and think about how I wanted to proceed with my life. The chaos of last week seemed like a distant memory although the occasional flashback of panic and nausea did keep me grounded. I’d found a therapist and we’d exchanged a few emails, a proper session was yet to be confirmed but just opening that dialog did a lot to ease my self-doubts.

My hand had been healing well too, it was still red around where I’d cut it, the stitches had held perfectly and I had to guess it was not going to be that visible once fully healed. Under Ellies guidance I treated it each day and kept it clean, it wasn’t causing me any discomfort and as it got better so did my mind, the trauma that had led to the injury softening with each application of ointment.

Waking up and immediately feeling better compared to the previous day I checked my phone as usual. And there, in capitals was a text from the NHS, opening it and scanning down, the all-important part highlighted ‘COVID RESULTS: NEGATIVE’. Sighing the biggest sigh I fell back into bed, smiling up to the ceiling.

Obviously I had a feeling I was negative, it started to get better after all, but it was still a massive relief, finally I could start to get back to normal. That is my normal, orgasming on camera for hundreds of fans. Truth be told I’d really missed it, sure I’d posted the odd photo and short video to keep things ticking along, but hadn’t had any direct contact with them. There really was nothing like having that direct feedback and performing for a crowd to boost the ego.

My throat still felt a little scratchy but had been improving every day, I ran through my vocal training exercises a bit easier than previously. My tone still sounding a little rough but the pitch and weight being much more to my liking. My throat however was still straining to lift to the higher notes but it was just about passable if I needed to venture out.

I also realised that I would still be able to go to my Salon booking which was tomorrow, it was only a consultation, but if they had any availability I’d grab a few pampering sessions to make myself feel better while I was there. And definitely get the messed up gels on my left hand fixed, I was sure they would chew me out for what I’d done to them, wincing at the damage to my nails, and the cut now free of bandage but still healing.

The yoga session went better as well, feeling my tight muscles begin to stretch again, returning somewhat to my previous flexibility. I could get back on track, follow the plan I’d written and start working towards it. I still had a channel I needed to grow, still needed to keep pushing so that I could feel secure in my life and more importantly start getting off more regularly.

My libido had peaked the day before my throat was at its absolute worst and then faded a bit, but in the last few days it was ramping up again. I felt like I was constantly in a state of having a semi, which may or may not have had anything to do with the impending package being delivered from Biggie. It would be here any day now.

Today however I really wanted to get back in front of the camera, hopping in the shower I cleaned and primped myself, lamenting a little that my hairs were starting to grow back, but knowing I’d need them for the salon visit so they could see what they were working with. The thought of being permanently hairless felt so incredibly settling, it didn’t make me feel giddy like I expected it would, instead it was like I was ticking off a significant check box. An important step into becoming the new me.

For my first live show in a few days I wanted to make a big deal of it. it might have been the morning but I wanted to look as devastating as I could. Heavier makeup, the largest breast forms, and a sexy black lace outfit which pinched and pulled my body paired with heels that brought it all together. Knowing how much of a hair trigger I was operating with I also added a medium sized chastity cage. It wouldn’t be uncomfortable but it would be tight, and absolutely mean I would have to work harder to get myself over the edge.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to fit a cage when you’re really horny, once you’ve got the ring and the belt on, its like trying to put one of those joke springs back in the can, it just keeps popping out the sides and twisting any which way. before getting fully hard and refusing to soften. A few ice cubes later and a lot of cussing I clicked the lock and was all set even if I was already dripping and not just from the melting ice.

Standing in front of the mirror I beamed at myself with pride. I looked amazing, instantly feeling myself swell in the metal confines of the cage. This was going to be a great show. I grabbed my phone and snapped a few photos, firing them off to Ellie with the caption ‘feeling much better 😉’. The ticks had barely turned blue before a string of emojis fired back leading me to believe she liked what she saw.

I adjusted my camera and lighting setups, pinged off some notifications to say I’d be going live shortly and made sure everything was set. I was nervous for no reason, I guess it was more excitement, having been offline again for a few days I just wanted to get back out there, and even more so, I felt the need to perform and wield that power I had over a bunch of people online who would hang on my every word and action for a few hours, it really was addictive.

A last minute check of makeup, cameras set to record, I started up the stream. The moment my fans started to trickle in I could feel the energy inside me build, I didn’t feel 100% yet, but this was far more effective than any drug. Chatting away I leaned in on the vocal training I’d been doing, pushing a bit more air to sound softer despite the remaining raspiness of my throat.

It was met with a lot of praise, and I had to admit I liked it too. Although they were less happy when I mentioned I wouldn’t be deep throating any of my toys for obvious reasons, but they recovered soon enough when I stated I planned to do a super long show and aimed to have multiple orgasms so they couldn’t be too disappointed.

Getting the show underway we set some targets and challenges for me, since my throat wasn’t going to take any abuse and my cock was already locked up it took very little time before I was working my way through my anal toys. Naturally I wanted to be free from the cage but that was already limited to only coming off after I hit the first target, which meant cumming with it on, so would be a long while before I could release myself.

That didn’t stop me from leaking, with each toy growing bigger in size I was at a near constant drip, items of clothing being peeled off and using my mouth as deep as I’d dare.