6: Don’t Join the Anal Club
Mr. Eladio announced the opening of the school clubs again. As every year, all students were eager to join the clubs of their preference. Some students were allowed to come up with their own clubs as long as they had at least 3 members attending the meetings.
A lot of students were already waiting in line to sign up for their favorite club. The sheep, the losers, those with no agency to come up with their own ideas, were already picking one of the standard ones:
- The White People Club led by Nikla.
- The Rape Club, led by Marko, Kana’s brother.
- The Love Club, led by the janitor, Rodolfo.
- The Anal Club led by Rea.
- The Art Club led by Danna Ai.
- The Gay Club led by Braziel.
- The Soccer Club, led by Macarena.
- And the Cooking Club led by Pillsbury Doughboy.
And Kana’s brother was the best person to lead it. He was a handsome boy with brown hair and green eyes like his sister. But unlike her, who was a cheerful ball of sunshine, Marko was a piece of shit who took advantage of his half Nephilim heritage to get what he wanted.
A long line of boys formed before Marko’s table, eager to learn the subtle art of non-consensual pleasure. However, he was very strict and would only accept the best of the best. "Sorry, you're a fucking jew," Marko told Shantonio.
Shantonio gasped, his yarmulke falling from his curly hair. "But I have plenty of experience raping Jony Jony!"
"Exactly, you're a faggot. What kind of man rapes boys? No man. Besides, you're a jew. Fuck off."
"B-but I can rape a girl, I promise! I'm not a faggot. I love girls!"
"You're not welcome here." Marko waved his hand dismissively.
Shantonio stomped away, tears pouring from his eyes. He joined Camacho. "DID YOU SEE THAT?!"
Camacho nodded. "A blatant act of anti-semitism." He clenched his fists. "It's okay, though. We'll find another club."
They went to the Anal Club. The queen herself, Rea Mertesacker, was sitting there like the arrogant bitch she was. "Absolutely not," she said as soon as she spotted the boys from class C approaching.
"B-but..." Camacho tried to explain his situation, but Rea interrupted him.
"I can smell your loser stench from a mile away. Class C has no place in the Anal Club. I'm amazed you even dare to try to join." Rea crossed her arms. "This club is for the elite, the ones who can appreciate the beauty of the butt."
She had already signed a few people, but only the best of the best. Rea was a princess, the daughter of Rikard, the King of Sponges. All her minions were in the club, and even some British gentlemen who had paid a hefty fee to be part of it. Rea.
Tolosa, her obese minion, walked forward, a greasy strand of hair sticking to her double chin. She threatened to crush the boys with her massive body.
"Back off," she grunted. "The Anal Club doesn't take trash."
"FINE!" Camacho shouted, trembling. "BUT LET ME TELL YOU! YOU'LL NEVER BE A MAN! SO YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FULLY ENJOY ANAL SEX!" The jew ran away, crying like a little bitch.
Nikla was also very strict with who she let into the White People Club. She sat with her feet on the table, her arms crossed, and a scowl on her face. She had only signed a few people: Kana, Livakovich from class A, and a kid from class B named Scheisse.
Jean Pierre didn't know which club to join. His disgusting stepfather was accompanying him, trying to be a good parent. "I think you should join the Anal Club, Jean Pierre. It's a great club."
"Father, I don't want to join that club." Jean Pierre looked at Rea with fear. "The name alone is spooky."
"Pede de merde!" Mbappe, the African immigrant, slapped his son. "You should be more open-minded!
The reptilian man had green skin, a turtle's shell on his back, and a face like a turtle's. His eyes were small and beady, his mouth was a beak. He wore a striped shirt and a beret to try to blend in, but it didn't work.
"But father, the only ones joining that club are perverts."
"Fine then!" Mbappe walked up to the White People Club and pulled the list of requirements. "Let's see... To join, you must have white skin, blue or green eyes, and blonde hair. You must be from Europe and hate anyone who is not from Europe. And you must love Hitler. That's you!"
"I DON'T LOVE HITLER!" Jean Pierre yelled.
“Putain!” Mbappe slapped his son again. "Why can’t you be a man for once?!"
"HEY! YOU FUCKING TURTLE!” shouted Nikla. “If you think you can join my club, you're dead wrong!" Nikla pointed at Mbappe. "You're not white!"
Mbappe's head sank into his shell, his body shrank, and his limbs retracted. Nikla's loud voice had startled him. Now, he was a mere shell on the floor.
Jean Pierre sighed and approached the disgusting shell. "Papa!" He shouted into the shell's opening, his voice echoing inside. "PAPA!"
"Go away! Leave me alone! I'm not your father!" A muffled voice said from within.
"Please come out!"
"I'm not coming out! This is my home!"
The French boy sighed.
BOOM!
The room felt silent.
The doors opened.
And the most dangerous gang in the world entered the hall.
Kristen, Chong Chong, and Caillou walked in.
They were the Trio of Danger, the most dangerous gang in the world. Their presence commanded the room, and everyone held their breath. They were notorious. They were feared. They were dangerous!
Among their members, we could find the leader, Caillou. His cancer made him bald and ugly. His temper was always short, and he was always ready to cry and throw a tantrum.
Chong Chong was the gentle giant of the group. His penis and balls were tied with a cord, making them swell and throb. He was the only one who cared about the group, but his kindness was taken for weakness.
Kristen was the most pathetic of the three. He was a simp who was hopelessly in love with Nikla. He would do anything for her, even if it meant getting humiliated in front of everyone. His penis had broken the Guinness World Record for the smallest penis in the world.
The three boys were trembling, their disgusting bodies shaking with fear. Kristen was even drooling, his eyes rolled back. He had a mental breakdown whenever he was near Nikla.
"Guys..." Caillou said in a low voice, trying to keep his composure. "We need to find a club willing to accept us."
Kristen's eyes filled with tears as he looked around. "What club would take us?" he asked himself, his lip quivering.
The boys moved from table to table, getting rejected at each one. Before Kristen could approach Nikla's table with the banner, he was shot in the leg by her. "DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" She yelled.
He fell to the floor, holding his bleeding leg. "N-Niku!"
The others dragged him away before he could say anything stupid. "Let's try the Gay Club," Chong Chong suggested.
Caillou slapped the Chinese boy. "You idiot! Do you want to be gay?"
"No, but we've been rejected by most clubs!"
"Wait! We can still try the Art club. It's the only club besides the Gay Club that still has available spots."
Chong Chong nodded and dragged the crying Kristen away.
"Kristen. You're Danna's best friend. Convince her to accept us!" Caillou pushed his friend to the desk.
"BUT WE'RE NOT FRIENDS!" Kristen cried, but Caillou ignored him.
Kristen approached the Art Club's table, where Danna Ai was sitting. The loli-bodied girl was drawing something on a piece of paper. "H-hey... c-can we join?"
Danna Ai looked up from her drawing and smiled. "Slug. I knew you'd try to gain my sympathy in times of need." She giggled. "When Judas betrayed Jesus, he did so with a kiss. Such an intimate gesture of friendship turned into the ultimate betrayal." She sighed. "And now, 3000 years later, you come to me for help, after you've sold me to the Romans and had me crucified on a cross of lies and hatred.
“You, Slug, are the embodiment of betrayal itself. You're the snake that hides in the grass, waiting to strike at the innocent rabbit that hops by. And yet, despite your treachery, your ego is so inflated, so full of air, that you think you can use me as your stepping stone to success. You're the epitome of greed, the personification of self-centeredness."
Kristen farted out of fear. The sound was loud and disgusting. "I didn't understand a thing!"
Danna Ai's smile widened, her eyes glinting with mischief. "I've found, in the deepest parts of my soul, a well of compassion so vast, so profound, that it could fill the oceans of this world. And so, after meditating on the nature of your existence, I've decided to let you join, and your little friends too."
The Trio of Danger let out a sigh of relief. "Approach the table," she commanded.
Kristen, Caillou, and Chong Chong approached, their hearts pounding in their chests.
"I'll spare you the bureaucracy." Danna Ai said as she pulled out the forms they needed to fill out. "All you have to do is sign the contract."
The contract was a piece of paper with a drawing of a creepy doll on it.
Kristen took the pen and read a short passage of the contract. "I, Kristen 'Slug' Kristensen de los Lopez, hereby swear my soul to the Art Club and its leader, Danna Ai. I will serve her for all eternity, in this life and the next. I declare that I will be mocked for eternity. I will never have a girlfriend. My mother is a whore. I will have my testicles kicked at least once a day and my anal virginity taken by a man weighing at least 300lbs before the new moon."
Kristen's eyes widened in horror. "W-what?! My mother is not a whore! And I don't want a 300lbs man to take my anal virginity!"
"It's a simple formality, Slug. All you have to do is sign." Danna nodded. "Or would you rather stay clubless for the rest of your high school life?"
Kristen turned to his ugly friends. They were reading their contracts too. However, theirs were simpler. All they needed to do was remove their penises and testicles and give them to Mrs. Doris to prepare a special meal for everyone.
"NO WAY!" Caillou yelled. “HOW AM I GOING TO PEE WITHOUT IT?"
Chong Chong was considering it for a while, but in the end, he decided against it. He liked his ugly genitals, even if they were tied up most of the time.
The Trio of Danger walked away, losing their last chance to join a club. They were destined to be losers for the rest of their pathetic lives.
TO BE CONTINUED...