Chapter 26: Absurd Plans
Zaraki understood what Ryuma meant. The Uchiha were incredibly powerful in terms of prestige, background, and lineage, and the other clans in the village did not want them to become even stronger—especially after living through two consecutive eras under Senju rule. They feared that the Uchiha would turn the Hokage position into a hereditary monarchy system, and the Uchiha certainly possessed a high potential for that. After all, this clan was called a "nest of geniuses"; Madara, Izuna, Tajima, Kenzo, Fugaku, Shisui, Itachi, and many others had proven this. Zaraki scratched his head in frustration.
"Damn clan interests... The Uchiha actually possess excellent potential and are a highly responsible clan. If they ever started ruling the village, perhaps we would experience an uncompromising era just like Tobirama-sama's time... It still gets on my nerves that we didn't receive any reparations from the Third War... We clearly defeated four villages, yet we gained absolutely nothing..."
Ryuma shrugged.
"The past is in the past, let's focus on our job..."
The duo fell silent for a moment, carefully continuing to plan. The Hokage position was the most critical element for their scheme because they needed a fierce leader who would support their plan, and Hiruzen was no longer the man he used to be—even he knew that. After carefully filtering all their conversations, an imaginary lightbulb lit up in Zaraki's mind, and he giggled while rubbing his hands together. Seeing this sight, Ryuma shuddered; only the Wolves and their leader, Sakumo, knew that look. Ryuma spoke cautiously.
"...Zaraki, please let there be a logical plan in your mind, one that isn't crazy."
Zaraki looked taken aback.
"I am always logical."
Ryuma glared at him in annoyance.
"The last time you wore that expression, I found myself surrounded by the Sand Puppet Brigade, the Kazekage, and his advisors! If the Captain hadn't come and saved us, we would have died!"
Zaraki spoke after a moment of thought.
"That was a miscalculation!"
Ryuma refused to accept it.
"I have records of more than twenty similar incidents! Don't get me started! Anyway, spill it, but remember, we don't have a captain to save us this time! Let it be a grounded plan!"
Zaraki sighed, feeling wronged.
"Fine... here is my plan..."
Ryuma was calm at first, then bewildered, then shocked, and finally, he fell into pure stupor. As an elite ANBU commander, he was so astonished that he couldn't even control his voice.
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!"
Zaraki immediately covered his mouth.
"Be quiet, you idiot!"
Ryuma angrily pushed his hand away.
"Idiot?! Do you have any idea of the consequences of this plan? You're not just proposing to steal a technique from the village's Scroll of Seals—you're talking about stealing the ultimate forbidden technique, the Edo Tensei, digging up the Second Hokage's grave, taking a DNA sample from the corpse, offering a human sacrifice, and summoning the Second Hokage! Do you even realize how many rules we are about to break?!"
Zaraki puffed out his chest with pride.
"I think it's a wonderful plan! Tobirama-sama would be proud of us!"
Ryuma spoke with an angry but controlled voice.
"No, he would execute us!"
Zaraki refused to accept this.
"As long as we present the evidence to him, everything will be fine! Besides, thanks to Tobirama-sama, we can clean out the cancer, cure Tsunade-sama, and make her Hokage! Tobirama-sama will establish a more flawless system and return to his eternal sleep! The entire plan will succeed!"
Ryuma still wouldn't accept it.
"This is too risky! If we are detected along the way, we will become rogue ninjas or be executed!"
Zaraki waved his hand dismissively.
"Minor details. We can handle it, the two of us are Senior ANBU Captains! We are the highest authority right after the ANBU Commander! What could possibly go wrong? Not a single soul will notice!"
Ryuma rejected it flatly.
"Absolutely not! We are not doing it!"
Zaraki tried to insist.
"But—"
Ryuma cut him off instantly.
"NO BUTS! THE CAPTAIN WANTED ME TO REIN IN YOUR MADNESS, AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WILL DO! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS! WE WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO FACE THE CAPTAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE, DAMN IT!"
Zaraki pouted unhappily. Just as Ryuma expected, only Sakumo's name could subdue Zaraki. Taking a relieved breath, Ryuma spoke.
"Since this ridiculous plan is out of the question, we are back to square one... Fine, if you want madness, let's do it!"
Zaraki looked at Ryuma in bewilderment.
"No way! We're doing it!?"
Ryuma finally couldn't take it anymore and brought a hard punch down on Zaraki's head.
BANG!
"Ah!"
Ryuma spoke harshly.
"LIKE HELL WE ARE, DAMN IT! LISTEN TO ME!"
Zaraki held his swelling head and focused on Ryuma, who began to speak.
"The plan is the same: we will gather evidence, find Jiraiya-sama, and manipulate his naive side just a little. We will exaggerate his student's son's situation, saying the kid is living in hell. In addition, we will write down some exaggerated accusations on Danzo's ledger, making Jiraiya-sama boil with rage and ensuring he becomes Hokage!"
Zaraki nodded.
"Logical. What about the backup plan?"
Ryuma looked at Zaraki seriously.
"Now look, this plan might cause us to die or end up in a coma..."
Zaraki's eyes gleamed with excitement.
"Something full of madness and extremely dangerous! Just my style."
Ryuma sighed.
"...Probably not... If the Jiraiya-sama plan fails, then... we will kidnap Tsunade-sama, lock her in a room full of blood, and force her to get cured..."
Zaraki turned pale.
"AND YOU CALL ME CRAZY! IF WE DO THAT, SHE WILL FLAY US ALIVE! AND MORE THAN ONCE! YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT PROVOKING OUR BEST DOCTOR! ARE YOU UNDERESTIMATING TSUNADE-SAMA'S WRATH?! I WOULD PREFER TOBIRAMA-SAMA'S SWEET SWORD!"
Ryuma spoke coldly.
"This is a safer plan!"
Zaraki was dumbfounded.
"No! It's not! Absolutely not!"
Ryuma spoke with determination.
"We don't have a better plan."
Zaraki was stunned; indeed, that was the reality.
"...Fine, I accept, but if it really comes down to Tsunade-sama, let's give her the evidence first. If that doesn't work, let's play the emotional card. If that doesn't work, let's convince her to get cured. If that doesn't work, let's beg. If even that doesn't work, let's beat her in gambling and make her Hokage, and if that also fails... let's do this as a last resort."
Ryuma nodded, proudly accepting this.
"Deal. The bloody room is the absolute last resort!"
After nodding his head, Zaraki spoke.
"...Still... let's write our wills in advance."
Ryuma spoke with a decisive voice.
"Agreed."