Chapter 5.9
“Plus,” Hina-chan says, waggling her phone in her hand. “You’ve always got one eye on your phone anyways. Might as well make use of it, right?”
That gets my attention.
I glance up.
Meet Hina-chan’s eyes.
She raises an eyebrow in challenge.
“…You noticed, huh?” I ask.
She cocks her head in a pitying look.
“Yeeeah,” she says. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are.”
“You sound like Mizuno-kun,” I grumble.
She smirks.
“Let’s have a chat about Fujimura, shall we?”
Shit.
“…Do we have to?”
“We said earlier that we were going to circle back to it.”
“I mean… technically you said that.”
“And now I’m saying it again.”
It comes out a bit harsher than I think she meant it to, so she softens her face a bit.
“I’m not going to force you to talk about it,” she continues. “However that would even work. I’m just saying… it’s something that’s been on my mind. So it would mean a lot to me if we could talk about it.”
“But it’s still my free choice of my own free will to be made by me and me alone? Freely?”
I give a weak grin.
Her answering smile is brighter than mine. Prettier. Realer.
“Exactly.”
I look away from her face for a moment. Stare straight forward.
“…So?” she prods. “Can we talk?”
I spend a moment. Actually think about it.
Do I want to avoid this conversation?
Of course. Like it’ll fucking kill me.
But…
It’s not like it’s going anywhere.
And she did say it could help.
Could make up for “Boyfriend-kun” being such a shitty boyfriend lately.
I sigh.
“Okay.” I swallow. “What do you want to know?”
She gives me a reassuring grin and gets comfortable on the couch beside me.
Great. Gonna be a long one, then.
“Well…” Hina-chan starts. “You told Miu-tan that you and he haven’t spoken in weeks, correct?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask you about that?”
“Like… ask me what?”
“I don’t know. Like…” She pauses, apparently trying to find the least dangerous way to phrase it. “I’m assuming that means he hasn’t needed any help during that time?”
“He hasn’t asked for any help, at least.”
“Okay. And how do you feel about that?”
I freeze again.
Blink.
“What are you feeling right now?”
I think.
“A lot of things, I guess. Tense. Scared. Angry. Um, a little hungry? I guess?”
Hina-chan laughs.
“Okay, let’s ignore that last one for a bit,” she says, her hand settling gently on my shoulder. She squeezes a bit. “‘Tense’?”
“…From this conversation,” I admit a bit sheepishly.
She gives a knowing smile.
“I get that.” She slides her hand down my shoulder, down my arm, and eventually into my hand, interlocking our fingers together. “Better?”
I take a deep breath.
Let it out.
“Yeah,” I say. “Thanks.”
“Can I ask about ‘angry’, then?”
“…Yeah.”
“Are you… angry at me?”
“No!” I squeeze her hand on instinct. “No. Not at you.”
“At Fujimura-kun, then?”
“…Yeah.”
She watches me for a moment.
“…‘Yeah’?”
“He…”
The word catches somewhere in my throat.
“I don’t like that he’s been ignoring me.”
“Ah.” Hina-chan nods. “That makes sense, I guess. You said you used to be friends, so it must have been kind of nice having him back, right?”
“It wasn’t nice,” I spit, and I can see Hina-chan jump from the sudden venom in my voice. “He just drags me around all the time. I hate it. I’m glad he hasn’t contacted me.”
“But…” Her eyebrows pinch together. “I thought you just said you don’t like that he’s been ignoring you.”
“I don’t! It’s just… like…”
I rub my palms against my thighs.
“We’ve been in the same class for almost a year. He could have reached out at literally any time. But he only came back once he wanted something from me, you know?”
“But… didn’t you say he tried to reach out? Some time last year?”
“Ugh.”
Of course she remembers that.
“Yeah. That.”
I grit my teeth, irritation crawling hot beneath my skin.
“He just popped up right the fuck out of nowhere, then didn’t get his way and just gaveup. Basically ignored me the rest of the school year. And this timehe is getting his way and he still ditches me?”
The words are coming faster now.
“And it’s like—yeah, cool, thanks. Way to make me feel fucking appreciated.”
Hina-chan snorts-laughs.
“Did he not get you anything for White Day too?”
“Huh?”
“Sorry.” She waves a hand in front of her face, forcing her giggles to subside. “Dumb joke.”
“…I don’t get it. What’s the joke?”
“Morita-san’s boyfriend always forgets to get her something for White Day. And Miu-tan is a shit listener, so I usually end up being the one listening to her complain.”
Oh.
I stare at her.
“…And you’re saying that’s what I sound like.”
“Look, it was just a stupid joke, okay? I’m sorry.”
“I get that it was a joke.” My jaw tightens. “I’m just a little fucking sick about people making those jokes.”
Hina-chan’s brows furrow.
“I’m sorry, now I’m confused,” she says. “What jokes?”
“The ones about me and Fujimura dating or whatever. We’re not, okay? We never were in the first place, and we’re definitely not now.”
When my eyes focus again, Hina-chan has gone very still.
She’s not laughing anymore.