God of the Game

I must have offended Jai-I’s father when I was so frank and blatant about his ‘cockeye.’ But he did provide me a clue, and it’s now up to me to figure this all out.

So here goes.

Sanguine Lover as Sha-Rronne and Sharon. If I apply the same fucking analogy, as Jahr puts it, then Sanguine Lover should be Angelina Jolie, and Sha-Rronne aka Sharon is Lara Croft. Just as Angelina plays Lara, Sanguine Lover plays Sha-Rronne. (We’ll just skip the Sharon part from now on since it’s understood Sha-Rronne and Sharon are one. And by the way, that teenage bloody bitch shot my face and mutilated my cock! I still hold resentment.) And if Croft existed before Jolie’s possession, then Sha-Rronne would be a separate entity as well, and my Sanguine Lover (perhaps directed by me) took control of Sha-Rronne the moment we met at the fight club in ZOOL.A.ND. Hmm...this is piecing together. Sha-Rronne, before our acquaintance, is a goddess outside of this book I’m writing. She is far off my fantasy. She is what you would call God in human terms. She is so out of my league and beyond my wildest imagination that I don’t even bother trying to fathom her existence. Should I, my castles in the air would be way out of line and inaccurate that I would only succeed in erecting a worthless idol which is too distant from the truth. Perhaps...perhaps in another book, when I’m wiser and I’d accumulated greater knowledge; then I’ll endeavour, and hopefully do justice in the telling of her tale.

My relationship with Sha-Rronne loops from that particular point in ZOOL.A.ND to our exit through Elizabeth Amber’s UFO, down the Vitruvian Man, and finally, awake in a future ruled by the Illuminati when she took the form of fourteen-year-old Sharon. But in this small window of Sha-Rronne’s entire existence, it is my Sanguine Lover as Sha-Rronne. My Sanguine Lover acting as Sha-Rronne. In fact, Sharon was the name of one of her friends on Earth. But what possessed Sanguine Lover to play Sha-Rronne? Perhaps she misses me just as I miss her. Or, again, this could all simply be the figment of my imagination. My imagination and yearning so great it directs a movie, borrowing a life from Earth it is familiar with (Sanguine Lover) and fusing it with the great unknown (Sha-Rronne) to create an abomination (Sharon).

But conversely, if all the players of this game are consenting adults, why then would someone as eternal as Sha-Rronne allow herself to be used by my incongruous whim and fancy? I am but microscopically insignificant. Why would she care about a worm? Unless it’s a masochistic and submissive desire she cherishes to have worms crawling all over her...hehe. If you can believe in immaculate conceptions, then it is not too farfetched to accept the meddling of omnipotent beings in corporeal affairs. Sha-Rronne wants to be of use; but big-headed as she is, I don’t know what to do with her. My pea-brain slaps mysteries and contradictory theological theories, enacts anecdotes to justify its own paradoxical existence in eternal horizons, but never ever attaining a straightforward answer. It continues to worship this goddess, this Sha-Rronne, this aged-old misconception inherited from our forefathers; no one ever possessing the entire picture, just shreds, fragments of a parchment, torn fragile pages of an ancient book; moulding gods out of rock and wood, out of the smoke of our minds, out of feeling. All wrong, all incorrect. For in truth, the more exalted the deity, the greater their triviality; the more you know, the more you have fun, the more you chill, the more you relax. The less you go to war, the less you fight, the less conceited you are to cringe in bitter hurt. Only lesser beings bicker in pride, and are smothered by insecurities. True gods aren’t so drugged out and wasted on inferiority complex that they require worship from mortals; only false ones, created by men, need such ass-kissing therapy; for in reality, man only prays to his ignorant and ignominious self.

Thus to my unholy triune goddess Sha-Rronne, Sanguine Lover and Sharon - the Mother, Lover and Bitch as One - I dedicate a shrine. In this union, the glory has left, and the door to Ichabod is open.