56. Tapestry 13
Kunty Kaur: Fishnet stockings stuck to her in inky lumps, as though the dewlapped critter of a cunt vomited onto her thighs. The leggings deflowered design draped the front of her legs; and the back, criss-crossed in triple-Xs of lace, suggest the profession of her choice
Muhammad ‘Tongkat’ Ali: He sits on a train attired in a seaweed-green silk shirt embroidering a ‘pregnant’ abdomen made conspicuous by consistent food consuming fetishes; a brown chequered sarong hides a forty-nine-year-old erection. White kopiah and grey beard provide hints; perhaps he is the paedophile the cops seek.
Wong Boom Bong: The boy is sleeping and dreaming of computer games. He is the king and an ultimate warrior subjects and opponents fear. In school, he is constantly bullied; he tapes the frame of his specs with bright yellow adhesives. Yet young, in his teens, his ambition is to be the god of death.
William Borg: Made in China body parts are such a bane to this half Swedish, half Singaporean android; but that’s the only country manufacturing them after the War. Nothing fits perfectly, and the organs malfunction the day after the warranty expires. Tagged a police cyborg, but how is he to fight crime with this confidence jolting predicament?
Roanna Fausi: Lawyer turned celebrity; male magazines voted breast-less babe of the year. This was not always the case, cancer robbed her of her mammary, but now she is an inspiration to countless women. Preteens are praying they don’t develop, doctors are cashing in on boob disintegration surgical procedures, and a serial rapist is cutting tits off.
Divalicious: Thirty-something Indian male obsessed with fake eyelashes and sequined gowns, but now a shapeless blob due to excessive hormone injection therapies. Saving up - by working in a rundown Chinese coffee-shop - to go under the knife and emerge a bona fide songstress and showgirl of male fantasies.
Madam Medusa: Arguably, Michelangelo was the second-best sculptor of all time. Topping the list is Medusa, who carves men into stone just by stare. She runs a global conglomerate with diverse interest in masonry, fashion, real estate, media, finance, energy and coffee; and she sits on the advisory board to NUN, the New United Nations.
Pomelo Anderson: Sexpot not happy with her 36DDs. She says they’re too small in an interview with Triple F magazine - Fetish for Fruits. Arch nemesis to Roanna Fausi, she thirsts after male alien genitalia. Currently bitching about her centrespread, that the photographer sucked, the lighting was too hot, the papaya slimy, and she was not paid enough to drop her top.
Manny Masculine: Hobbit with a hotbod. Won Mr. Dwarf for the seventh consecutive time. If still alive, Michelangelo would have begged to sculpt his two-footed, four-footer frame, knowing how much the artist loved chiselled men. He lives alone in his custom-for-midgets apartment with his pet, Rex.
Sergeant Siva & Detective Lingam: Siamese twins in law enforcement. One is writing a novel he doesn’t want anyone to read, and the other is gay. It is hard sharing private space for these two; and when a terrorist threat strikes, the impenitent pair is thrust into brotherhood beyond what they can bear.
Brit Patt: The handsomest guy on Earth. A wink sends women into frenzy. Topless, he drives the fairer sex up the wall. If naked, they would just want to kill him! Denying ladies coitus fancy, he only wishes to exhibit his lean-mean-glorious-nude-machine in front of clothed members of the female clan.
Rex: Rottweiler with an appetite for goldfishes, but now having acquired a taste for human cadavers. This happened when it chanced upon a murder victim. They had to extract fingernails from doggie poop to identify the corpse. Now, Rex is a hero, having helped solve twelve cases; but its greatest challenge lurks around the corner.
Master Wan: Ageless guru endorsing a popular 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, promoted by his silky smooth white hair and beard. The Master is author of the first fully-interactive 3D novel, which words jump out to grab at you. Literally. It is about a dull schoolboy who travels evergreen fairytales, meets flamboyant characters, and eventually becomes saviour to children’s bedtime chronicles. In the last chapter, the Death of Death, the Grim Reaper seeks a successor to pass on the skill.