4. @ Uncle Toni’s Pasta & Wine
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“So, where do you come from?” the titillating Spanish lady asked sumptuously as she sucked on a spaghetti meatball. Her accent on the other hand was nowhere European; it was unidentifiable. Mouthed and moulded in the vast lands of Jai-I’s alternate reality by hordes of file sharers and virtual characters.
Sha-Rronne was no longer the celestial mystery in fight club; she was an elegant Mediterranean female in a leaf-motif earth-tone strapless dress.
Her tanned legs were exposed beneath the knees, which led to laced sandals with a slight platform and a huge wooden ethnic button painted blue with decoration. Her toes, visible; and the nails, polished in a matching sky-blue. They were both alluring and welcoming in their intricate feminine curves.
I was a gentleman in linen, comfortable and smooth as the breeze.
“Syurga,” I replied, “but before that, Earth.
“And yourself?” I enquired.
“I was born…if you can say born…created… well, that’s not the right word either. Formed…hmm. I guess the best word to describe is that I woke up in ZOOL.A.ND. I have no idea how I came to be!” she exclaimed. Her hands swayed in dark bimbo confusion, womanly, translated in my manly mind as balancing generous jugs.
“Tell me more about Earth,” she added.
I started…stopped…stammered, scratched my head, searched for one thing about the blue planet worth mentioning. I couldn’t, but had to say something. I had left Earth so long ago, not long after my transfiguration from frail biological being, coded by DNA wrought in flesh and blood, to divine son of many godfathers. I still consider myself human though; I guess it gives me some kind of self-identity in this everlasting abode.
But my mortal Earth life had been painful. Empty. I had no problems leaving it behind. There was love, there was lust; there was un-fulfilment and a ton of regret. There was Gee Ni, and she left me. I don’t think it was coincidental that her name was somewhat similar to a lamp-dweller’s. She answered my three wishes and leeched on to another master; a lover, and not a fucking loser. “A provider,” she said, “a man who wear’s the pants.” Oh…fuck her.
Rub the lamp…ooo…Gee Ni appears in red-hot leather underwear with garter belts, stockings and heels to match. She wears a cheeky PVC cap, and holds a black rubber baton dildo.
“What is your wish, my master?” she purrs.
“I wish for pure nasty sex with you…slave.”
“Your wish is my command, masssterrr…”
O yeah, baby…o yeah, lady…o yeah, you bitch…ahhhhurrgghhhhh…
Rub the lamp…ahhh…Gee Ni materializes in a cloud of smoke, dressed in simple pyjamas, post-coitus after freshening up.
“What is your wish, my dear?” she asked.
“I wish to share my heart with you.”
“Tell mama what’s bothering you, baby.”
Sob…sob…you are my inspiration, girl.
Rub the lamp…hmmm…Gee Ni is in shorts and baby-t.
“What is your wish?” she wanted to know coldly.
“Marry me and have my babies.”
“No way. I got another man. Gonna leave by the front door…but we can have sex one last time.”
Ahhhhrrrggghhhhh…
“That was your last wish. And don’t call me anymore. By the way, I’m taking this back with me.” She grabs the lamp and disappears.
“Well, Earth’s different, depending on when and where you are.” I told Sha-Rronne.
“And when and where were you?”
“I lived in a country called Malaysia.” Simultaneously I transferred all information on that nation through brainwaves, as well as some recorded video memories of my childhood. Funny ones, those I didn’t find too embarrassing.
She chuckled. We shared pictures by parallel vision. Uncle Toni loomed into view.
“How is the food?” he asked with his thick Italian accent.
“Very good.” We answered in unison.
Uncle Toni is the purveyor of Uncle Toni’s Pasta & Wine. He’s a short, chubby fella, and if I’m not mistaken, the godfather of a mafia family too.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he rubbed his tummy, “more wine?”
“Yes, please.” We responded together again.
“What do you mean you woke up in ZOOL.A.ND?” I poked after a few more glasses and a gallon of flirtatious chat.
“Literally, just woke up,” she said stupidly, her eyes wide like goldfishes’, her mouth agape. “I opened my eyes and I existed. I have no knowledge of growing up,” she said sadly.
“No idea who or what made you? No sign of a father or mother?”
“No,” she answered, and added shortly after, “I envy you. I envy your childhood.”
I was silent. Then I said, “Ever tried looking for your maker?”
“Occasionally. But it doesn’t really bother me.”
She lied. It did bother her. I could sense it.
“What if I could help? I know the programmer of ZOOL.A.ND.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Sha-Rronne shrugged. “I can’t leave this place. My being is attached…whatever that means.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” I replied, and that was when I realized I was spooning her.