At the Altar of Dragons

Session 28 | Chapter 10

I climb and climb until my legs are burning. Higher and higher I go until the staircase spits me out into the cool air of the upper courtyard. Leaning against the stone wall, I close my eyes, my breath ragged. But not from running up the stairs or the fight with Layna moments ago.

My breathing is shallow as I feel panic start to rise again. My chest pinches and I fight to get control of it before I’m on the ground once more. I lift my head, scanning my surroundings for anywhere private, where I can hide and take a moment to myself. My eyes trail across the courtyard, but stop when I see a figure at the far end near the navigation tower.

Lendys is sitting at the edge of the cliff overlooking the lower courtyard, staring out at the world below. He’s not in his dragon form, but rather the middle aged human version of himself. My short breaths pause, stopping completely as I freeze at the sight of him. This is the first opportunity I have had to speak to him alone, truly alone since finding out his identity.

After a deep breath, I take a step forward to walk over to him. At the second, the Priest slips into the forefront of my mind, Huntress… His tone is a warning, but I brush him aside and cross the expanse of the courtyard between us.

When I’m around ten feet from him, I clear my throat and say, trying to sound nonchalant, “Looks like we have the same taste in hiding places.”

He turns, looking over his shoulder, and his eyes go wide at the sight of me. Surprise written all over his features, he replies, “Well I thought this place would be as good as any other to clear my head.” He leans back, propping himself up with his elbows and looking back out over the horizon. “What brings you out here? I thought you would be bathing with the others by now?”

My chest tightens at the thought of being in the bathing room with the other women at this moment. I don’t know where this apprehension comes from–if it has something to do with my confused feelings about Perona or something else. We’ve all used bath houses together before, so they’ve seen the scars on my body before, though I’ve kept my forearm hidden. I have no reason to hide the rest. Maybe it’s the context of the situation? But all I do know is my body had a visceral reaction at the thought of being in that room right now. I felt more fear and anxiety about the idea of that than walking across this courtyard to confront the god that lied to me and sealed my soul’s fate.

“None of it was a lie.”

I sit down at the cliff, tucking one leg into my chest and letting the other hang over the edge. Doing my best to seem unbothered, I scoff and hold up my left arm, “Really didn’t want to have to explain these. After not wanting me to spar with Layna, I feel like Perona would lose it if she learned about the blood rituals.”

“Ah–your rune etchings,” he muses. There’s a silence between us in this brief moment before he speaks next–a silence that feels too familiar, too comfortable, too easy. I hold it at bay though, leashing the feeling of being in each other’s presence once more, keeping it from feeling immediately as it did before. But it’s there–under the surface. I can’t deny it, nor do I think I really want to.

Lendys falls back into the grass and rubs his hands over his face before declaring, “Maire, you do know I’m sorry right?”

It feels like the world comes to a screeching halt around me–time stands still, the castle hangs suspended in a single location. My breathing stops as my chest constricts, threatening to unleash the emotions that have been lingering all too close to the surface following the spar.

It’s just the adrenaline. I’m fine. It’s fine.

I close my eyes and allow my words to flow freely. “Are you?” I ask, my voice choking up and betraying the hurt beneath the surface, “Or were you just sorry you got caught?” Opening my eyes, I blink rapidly to ensure no tears fall before continuing to stare out across the landscape beyond.

He pokes my side and it takes everything in me not to physically recoil at the touch. My eyes snap closed as a single tear spills over the edge of my eye and down my cheek. “I wouldn’t have lied in the beginning if it wasn’t a taboo,” Lendys states. I hear him sit up and scoot over beside me.

Clenching my jaw, determined to hold the rest of my emotions inside, I think to myself, You hurt me so much. Even thinking the words sends a pang of fear through me. Admitting he hurt me is only opening myself up to more hurt. I don’t know how much more I could handle. We were trained for fighting through physical pain in battle, but the conclave never taught us about emotional wounds, about forgiveness, about friendship.

This tale has been pilfered from NovelFire. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

He leans forward, trying to meet my gaze, and says, “I’m sorry for lying. I hate that I went against my very nature to keep this secret for as long as I did.”

I whip my head to face him at that statement and snap, “Then why did you?” I scoff, “Taboo? Lying and deceiving people are pretty taboo also you know?”

His face remains neutral, showing clearly more restraint than I have.

Or maybe he just doesn’t care…

In a calm tone, he replies, “Because I defied the gods, and you not knowing that is what saved you from receiving some sort of divine punishment.” Lendys turns his gaze to his hands as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt “And it seems like what I did saved me too,” he adds solemnly.

At the sight of his nervous form, my shoulders relax a little, but my lip still starts to quiver. I turn back towards the courtyard so he won’t see me fighting back the tears. Divine punishment? How is this not some divine punishment anyways? The din of screams creeps in from the corners of my mind. I want to scream along with them. I want to run my sword through the nearest cultist and fight the rest until my dying breath. And part of me, I fearfully realize, considers if it’s even worth putting off the inevitable. Why not just begin my contracted servitude directly with Bahamut now? What is the point of everything between if that is what I’m chasing, if his attention and blessings are what I seek?

I close my eyes, letting the slight breeze wash over me and cool the dampness building around my eye lids. Without thinking, I speak from a place of full vulnerability, “Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it.”

Lendys nudges my back softly. “Hey, we don’t get to talk like that, Ranger.” He gets to his feet and stands right at the edge, holding out his hand for me. “It’s not a matter of it being worth it. What matters is if you’re willing to continue paying the price for it.”

I stare at his outstretched hand, taking in his words and all my mind can form is, I’m not strong enough for this. I meet his eyes, my hands remaining exactly where they are, and ask solemnly, “Shouldn’t you know if it’s worth it before you pay that price?”

Lendys crouches down to be eye level with me. There’s surety and faith in his eyes–the softness of their lines, the bright glint in his sky blue pupils. With more wisdom and delicacy than I’ve heard in my time with him, he proclaims, “Life and freedom have prices that anyone should be willing to pay no matter what.” He holds out his hand once more between us, waiting for me to meet him halfway.

My eyes burn as the tears continue to build. They feel so tired, all of me feels so tired, like the last five days have snuck up on me and sucked every ounce of energy from my body. My gaze flicks to his hand, and I warily ask, “How–how am I supposed to just trust you again after this?” I meet his gaze and add, “You were more than just a ‘spirit’ to me…I thought we were really friends.”

He drops his head, sighing, and plops back onto the grass beside me. He crosses his legs and meets my eyes once more. “We are really friends, and I’m not going to say it’ll be easy, but I hope you do come to trust me again,” he replies, “I know it’s going to take some time, but I’ll wait for you.”

“None of it was a lie.”

My chest knots and I start to curl in on myself, fighting everything in me screaming to turn towards him. I wrap my arms around my knees, hugging them tight to my torso. Rocking slightly, feeling the emotion gain momentum over my restraint, everything releases and I let everything out. “I’m so mad at you for what you did! So mad, Lendys!” I suck in a shuddering breath, “I have felt so alone and lost the last few days. And the worst part of all of this is the only person I wanted to talk to about it is you!” My eyes close as my thoughts scream, I just miss my friend!

When I open them again, Lendys’ arms are outstretched and he gestures to me, inviting me to come to him. “Then talk to me. I may have lied about who I was, but I have not betrayed you. I will never betray you. I want us to go back to how we were, but I need you to let me try.”

There is no pressure, no pulling, no grasping at me. Only an extended hand and an offering of trust. The sight of it is too much and I drop the leash, letting all of the tears fall. His acceptance of my anger and his apology feel as though the gash through my chest has begun stitching together slowly. The feeling is equal parts terrifying and liberating all at once.

My mind drifts back to Goose tucking his head beneath my bleeding arm, supporting me before I turned into him, laying back against his scaled body and giving myself over to his comfort. This feels dangerously close to that. My heart has been bleeding since the moment he turned to dust before my eyes and no one’s been able to catch me. His arms, outstretched to me now, feel like the strongest healing potion being offered to me.

I grumble, “This doesn’t mean I forgive you okay?” I scoot away from the cliff edge and into his arms, tucking my body against his and breathing in his familiar scent of soot and pine. The knot in my chest instantly releases as I breathe and feel his heart beating against my ear. “This is just so fucked up and I have no idea what feels right anymore,” I choke out between sobs.

He then wraps his arms around me, stroking my head as I cry into his chest. “I’m not asking you to forgive me right away, Maire, but I hope you find the ability to soon because I think this feels right,” Lendys states, barely above a whisper.

Surrounded by the smell of pine and juniper and soot, his warmth encompassing me, my mind drifts and a dangerous thought, a dangerously easy thought, crosses my mind, You’ve always felt like home to me. My chest tightens with a pang as I confess to myself, And I’m so mad at myself for that right now!

My emotions fully overtake me at this point, sobbing and crying against him unhindered. All the while, he softly strokes my head, holding me firmly, but not too tight. His breathing is steady as he speaks softly, “Everything is fine, Maire. Don’t hold anything back.”

And I don’t.