11. The Deep End
Arxet crept along the halls of Nilim Manor. They knew these halls well, their family had resided here for five generations, since the first king of Tiskin had granted their family nearly a third of the country and made the first heir of each generation following the Count of Nilimir. Someday that would be their honor too, or so they’d always been told. Now the birthright they’d been tantalized with since they were young was in doubt, ever since that damn blizzard.
As they strained their little rat ears they could pick up bits of conversation in their mother’s study. “-matter, we’ll find a solution. It’s not the worst we’ve seen.” The voice of their mother, strict and forthright rang through the hall. She was a daughter of another family, a smaller band of nobles who resided in the northernmost stretch of Nilimir and helped enforce the law for Arxet’s father.
“Too many people know, Ylexi. He’s not exactly hid it as he’s supposed to.” There was Arxet’s father, the Count. “The headband isn’t cutting it, and was never a long term solution.”
Arxet’s hand crept up to their brow where the coldmark perched. The headband was always slipping down and covering their eyes or coming undone. Nearly all the castle staff had seen it since their incident two winters ago, and rumors spread like wildfire. They knew that people wouldn’t let a cold one take the title of Count, even if they had the birthright. Both of the winters since they’d gotten lost in the blizzard had lasted far longer than normal and the entire kingdom was in famine. Whispers that they’d brought a curse on were making the rounds in the street.
“It’s just superstition, dear.” Ylexi pleaded. “He got the mark because of the harsh winters, not the other-”
“I won’t hear any more of this.” Arxet’s father stopped her in her tracks. “Even the king has taken note of our inaction. He’s asking to meet Arxet.”
The king? Arxet’s tail hugged to their waist and their hands covered their mouth to stifle their gasp. They’d met the king twice before, their father was one of the three counts of Tiskin after all, but they’d never received a personal audience before.
“He’s going to be in the city in two days,” He continued, “the courier just came with the news this morning. His older brother was banished for less you kn-”
“We are not giving him up! I am not giving up on him!” Ylexi sounded desperate. “He’s only 11, how would he-”
“He’s not my concern, my realm is. We can have another heir, one who we won’t allow to be corrupted like this.” Their father’s words came down with the weight and finality of a boulder. They couldn’t be argued. Arxet knew they would be forced to go soon.
With a groan and a shudder of wings Arxet returned to the waking world. She was curled up someplace warm and dark. Remarkably her eyes could still make out excellent detail in her surroundings despite the low light. Wherever she was was cramped and… scaly. As she slowly blinked the drowsiness from her eyes she began to pick up on other details of her surroundings: the sound of slow bassy breathing, the steady heartbeat.
As soon as she realized where she was she burst into movement to get to her feet and get out. However, she didn’t get far. The events of the morning prior had slipped her mind and she had attempted to escape as a ratfolk would: on two legs. She tripped backwards and landed on her own wings, waking the sleeping dragon she’d been so lovingly tucked under the wing of.
“Ooh- oh, I’m so sorry, dear.” Amjazel’s voice rang in Arxet’s mind, it wasn’t as overwhelming as it was before, but it still didn’t feel natural yet. The leathery membrane above Arxet’s head lifted. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I was trying to keep an eye on you. You had a particularly difficult transformation and passed out, so we brought you home.”
Arxet fought to roll back over but found that she was stuck on her back with no room to maneuver back onto her front, nothing to grab onto to pull herself up, and wings in the way of her trying to push herself up. She opened her mouth to speak and a rumbling sort of reptilian whine emerged instead. Right, she couldn’t speak with her mouth anymore. She had been told to expect that. “I’m stuck…” The embarrassment and discomfort at the situation was made very clear in the mental connection. She was already unhappy with where she’d woken up, but being made a fool of in her first conscious moments as a dragon just soured her mood even more. Across her inexperienced mental link all of this was shared, whether she wanted it to be or not.
“Oh! So sorry.” Amjazel lifted her tail and rolled onto her side, creating an opening for Arxet to flip over and escape out into a more open and less humiliating space.
Now free, she had a chance to examine her surroundings. It was some sort of underground chamber shaped out of solid stone, probably a chamber in the vast tunnel system built to house the dragons below the city. Amjazel had curled herself back up on top of some sort of huge padded blanket with floral patterns embroidered on. The walls were filled with shelves of valuable looking jewelry and sculptures, broken off monster horns, mounted taxidermied heads of beasts, and various tapestries. The ceiling was domed with a dim magical light attached to the highest point which lit the whole space in warm yellow light. A hammock hung from one of the corners down near Amjazel’s head, and after a moment of squinting Arxet realized Emren was stirring inside.
“Wh-where is this?” She backed up as far as she could before she tripped on her own feet and collapsed onto her side.
Amjazel rose and padded over to her with a concerned expression. “Careful, Arxet. It’s only your first day, you have to acclimate to your new body. You’ve already had a harder time than most, I’ve only ever seen a few newborns pass out at the altar. Your transformation was more draining than most.”
“I’m not a newborn!” She snapped and tried to push herself back to her feet.
“It’s- it’s just an expression dear. It’s a rebirth, I know you’re not an infant.” She settled down onto her haunches and lowered her head down to eye level with Arxet. “You came out beautifully. You should be proud!’
“Why am I here?” She tried her best to sidestep the compliment.
“Like I said, you passed out, we had to-”
“WHY WERE YOU CUDD- W-WRAPPED AROUND ME!” If she were still a ratfolk her cheeks would be burning. This was not the sort of professional relationship she was expecting.
“We were worried for your wellbeing.” Emren dropped down from her hammock, bounced off of Amjazel’s wing, and landed on her hands and knees before standing straight and coming to check on the new dragon. “Your transformation was particularly painful, Amjazel could feel parts of it through the link. So we brought you back to monitor you.”
“You could have put me on the blanket!” Arxet snapped back.
“I’m sorry.” Amjazel seemed desperate to deescalate. “Please, calm down, don’t overexert yourself. You need to eat and rest.”
Arxet opened their mouth to argue out of pure habit and made a pathetic squealing little roar instead. “D-dammit.” She shook her head and whipped her tail in agitation.
“Just lay down for a minute” Emren instructed her and touched a hand to her face. “I’ll bring some food down for you. Your sister brought in a few boars for you for your first meals as a dragon. Do you want to try eating them raw or do you want me to cook them?”
Arxet narrowed her eyes and pulled her head back in offense at the tender touch. “I don’t have a sister? If I did she’d want nothing to do with me.”
“Not so, dear.” Amjazel cooed. “Rubis seems to like you quite a bit just based on your time with her as a ratfolk! She seemed impressed with your pick-pocketing.”
“She spent a decent few years as a street urchin too, kiddo. Since… I was sort of absent for a while.” Emren grinned sheepishly.
“Rubis? What- she’s not- I just met her last week!” She huffed at the implication.
Amjazel and Emren exchanged confused glances. “Yes… but you joined the family, dear. I don’t mean to be overbearing with the cuddling, I’m just a little broody after having my first child in a hundred years.”
The implication began to set in with Arxet. “B-but- but I- the whole family talk was metaphorical! It’s like how The Roots call themselves a crime family even if they’re not related! This was supposed- I thought it was professional!”
Amjazel started to laugh before catching herself. “No, no dear. All dragons are a very literal family, the children of Tiamat. We are all her blood descendants, you no longer carry the blood of the ratfolk who birthed you. I am her daughter, you are her granddaughter. Emren told you before that I was a direct daughter of Tiamat.”
“I-I thought you were made the old fashioned way! Like- like the way you told me took forever! With the eggs and the incubation and-” Her eyes were darting, she was beginning to look and feel like a cornered animal.
“Please, calm down.” Amjazel turned toward Arxet and lowered her head down to the floor to rest just before her daughter to look up at her from below. “We can talk further on this later, right now you’re weak after the transformation. Let yourself eat and rest. We will give you space if you need it. Just don’t hurt yourself, dear.”
The young dragon could only grit her teeth and agree. She felt as if she’d just swam across the lake without a meal or any sleep. Every single one of her muscles burned just from standing. She flopped back down onto the dragon sized blanket and splayed out. “Fine…” She considered her ‘mother’s’ words about her now being a descendant of a goddess. That came with a fair amount of fame and influence at least didn’t it- wait. “Wait, why did you say I was Tiamat’s granddaughter?”
Amjazel tilted her head and exchanged looks with Emren. “Well dear, your new body is that of a female. The draconic body you receive after the ritual is based on YOUR desires, so…”
“BULLSHIT!” Arxet’s head shot back up. “I never wanted to be a- I’m not- what do you mean female? How do you tell?” She tried examining her underbelly but found only smooth blue neatly interlocking scales.
“A few different things. Males have two rows of dorsal spines, females have one or none at all. Males also have more spikes around their jaws, and females tales are longer. There are reasonably common exceptions, but in the majority of cases… one dorsal spine, a longer tail, and fewer chin spikes means you… lay eggs” Amjazel seemed even more confused than Arxet. “I know I picked up on feelings of jealousy from you when you saw me, and it was not only for my draconic form. I felt something else th-”
“Are you saying you know my own head better than I do?” Arxet growled and bared her teeth. This was ludicrous! Who was this dragon who had just met her to decide she secretly wanted to be a girl. “I may have- there’s some jealousy there sometimes, but that’s normal! I like being a boy! Just because I think about- other options- it doesn’t! No way!”
“Most boys aren’t jealous of girls for being girls, my love.” Emren giggled and smirked from Amjazel’s shoulders until catching a look from her wife and putting her hands up in surrender. “We will refer to you however you want, but you can’t just ignore all the signs.”
“I can do whatever I damn please!” She hissed. “This isn’t what I was promised!”
“We told you everything you needed to know beforehand.” Amjazel loomed over her again. “I can understand being frustrated, but watch your tone, little one. I wouldn’t even let an equal speak to me the way you are. You are my dau- my child, and I love you, but I expect the same respect you’d give to anyone else.”
“Well this is who you adopted ‘mom’!” She rolled onto her back and covered her face with her claws. “I’m a thief and an asshole who hates his birth mother and authority! Why would we get along?”
Amjazel considers her words for a moment before laughing.“Don’t see me as an authority then. Rubis comes to me for advice, but she was quite independent when I brought her into the family. You’re much the same. I am here to help you, not to command you. All I ask in return is time with you, as a member of my family.”
Arxet scowls up at the dragon for her sentimentality. “Still not calling you mom. Or calling Rubis my sister. Why would I?”
“She did break you out of jail and then cover for you with me.” Emren pointed out from Amjazel’s shoulder.
“Does everyone know about that?” The girl exclaimed and flailed her claws above her. “Even Tiamat knew!”
“The guards came to my house to ask if I’d been robbed by you. You told them my name. And the three of you came home together rather late that night.” The cat smirked down at her daughter. “I was going to get you out of jail myself if Rubis hadn’t. And I decided not to say anything since she put the work in to keep you out of trouble. I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
“It is news to me though.” Amjazel made a rumbling whine at Emren’s words and brought her head down to nuzzle Arxet. Even now as a dragon Amjazel’s head was almost as large as her. “They didn’t hurt you, did they? What happened?”
“I got a bit bruised up but nothing worse than what I got in the ring at the school.” The former rat tried to roll over and shuffle away from the touch but got stuck on her back again. She wasn’t used to her wings yet and couldn’t quite use them in tandem to move back onto her stomach with ease. “Shop owner took my money and then told the guards that I probably stole it all. I… I never actually got the necklace I paid for, actually. Fucking asshole!” She was now fuming again. “That guy robbed me and then got me thrown in jail!”
“Then that’s a debt that will have to be repaid.” Amjazel’s change in tone was sudden and dark. Arxet feared for the jeweler’s life. She wanted to fuck the guy over hard but the dragon looked ready to burn his store down.
“I can take care of it myself. Once I get a rider… well, I have a few ideas.” Was she seriously defending that prick from Amjazel? What had the world come to?
After that Amjazel and Emren gave Arxet some space. Amjazel brought in a mirror for her and Emren delivered an entire roast pig. Arxet struggled to even decide which to do first, admire herself or stuff herself. Ultimately her hunger won out. The change really had drained her more than she had expected or initially realized.
With a fair amount of giddy excitement she found her new jaws were powerful enough to crack open the bones and her tongue nimble enough to get every bit of marrow from inside. Her new tongue was rough and spiny and perfect for stripping every last ounce of meat from every bone. Each bone she crushed and licked clean was immensely satisfying. She hated wasting food, and now she was built to eat it more efficiently than ever! By the time she was done both she and the floor were a greasy meaty mess.
She had always been an aggressive and quick eater, chronic food insecurity could do that to a person, but she even shocked herself with this display. An entire pig was gone. She was large now, certainly, Emren only came up to her shoulder, but that pig was probably a quarter of her body mass at least. She’d eaten the entire damn thing in one sitting and barely gone up for air. She felt bloated and her eyes were getting heavy again but she knew she couldn’t just lay down on the blanket like this. She’d absolutely ruin it with all the pig guts and grease.
She stepped over to the mirror to get a better idea of the damage... And also maybe a good look at her new body, that was possibly important.
She had to admit the resemblance between her and Amjazel was strong, she was just a deep sapphire blue instead of a wine purple. Her spikes surrounding her jaw and brow were laid out similarly, just pointing forward rather than swept back, and her spines didn’t have the massive wavy membranes between them that Amjazel had, but were sharper and stiffer, maybe even capable of causing damage with a careless (or deliberate) swing of the tail. “Fuck, I do look like her daugh- son. I guess I did drink her blood and all”. She slowly turned and admired herself. Her scales had the same depth of shine as the sapphires she’d coveted those weeks ago and where the magical ceiling light reflected off her directly she could see bits of purple. Her underbelly was a slightly lighter and duller shade of blue without any of the purple tinge, but still had their own less glossy luster. Sparkling internal light seemed to emanate from her lime green eyes, reflecting off the magical light in the ceiling. Her pupils were slitted similar to the other dragons she’d seen, but seemed much narrower than Amjazel’s or Rubis’s. Other dragons probably would assume relation just by her appearance if they knew Amjazel at all. It was somewhat demeaning. Amjazel’s claim over her would last for the foreseeable future, maybe forever in some respect...
As she finishes her once over of her entire body her eyes finally drift to her brow. The place on her body she’d spent so much time staring at her reflection in. The cold mark was still there. If anything it was more pronounced than ever. On her old dusty-gray fur it was noticeable, sure, but it could maybe be mistaken for an eyebrow or a scar. However, against her glossy blue scales it was unmistakable. Each scale that made up the white pattern was an ashen white without any of the shine of her blue scales, and was even more jagged and took up even more space on her head than it had as a ratfolk. Well, at least people would think twice about saying something about it to a dragon. She was still a ‘newborn’ by dragon standards apparently, but still as large as a draft horse. She could crush someone easily, and that wasn’t even mentioning her new claws, jaws, or flame breath.
With some trepidation she brought her claw to her face and began trying to lick herself clean. Her dragonology class had explained dragon grooming some but once again she hadn’t listened. She just knew that dragons mostly used their tongues to clean themselves off if their rider wasn’t available or they didn’t have one. It was awkward and cumbersome trying to move in this new body to get a proper angle on herself. Her forelimbs lacked the same range of motion that she enjoyed as a rat, but still had far more than she would expect in a non-magical quadruped like a dog or cat. She couldn’t really move her elbows above her shoulder or angle the outside of her elbow towards her center anymore, but her long serpentine neck helped to make up for much of that.
The pig residue still tasted exquisite when scraped off her scales at least. However, her tongue was not able to reach the entirety of her face or neck where it had splattered over her. “Need a bath”, She mentally grumbled and began to awkwardly waddle to the door of the chamber and pushed past the curtain.
Beyond the threshold of her room was a long dimly lit hallway, large enough to fit an entire building within. Another room sat directly across from her and reeked distinctly of Amjazel and Emren. Her new nose was already doing her favors. She didn’t need to give the broody dragon an excuse to give her another tongue bath.
Checking her left the hallway went on for some ways, perhaps a mile? Her sense of scale had been thrown off in a big way since her size had changed so drastically. More curtain covered archways dotted the sides, all with their own unique draconic scents mixing together as they wafted towards her fresh and untrained nose.
To her right were more hallways and doors, but also a ramp up towards a pair of large wooden trap doors, one larger and the other a much smaller and more manageable size for younger dragons like her. Small slivers of light seeped through between the planks and gap between panels. She could recall a well and pool in the courtyard from her time staying in the house as a rat. It was probably for bathing in, right?
One step at a time she started to hobble toward the stairs. The new shape of her legs and feet were still alien to her, and she was only going about as fast as an actual baby. No wonder she was considered a newborn. Every step was shaky and felt like a small gamble, and she had to be careful to be well aware of every step and not try to let habit take over. She had no muscle memory in this form and trying to let it take the wheel ended in disaster every time. Just making it thirty feet down the hall she stumbled and slammed one of her horns painfully into the stone wall. Her horn was well reinforced into her skull, sure, so she had no need to worry about it breaking off, but it was ultimately a tool for goring fleshy targets, not ramming. It acted like a giant painful lever when used improperly and left her head ringing.
“I’m sure she’ll come around.” The words echoed out of the room across from her. Emren was only barely speaking in a whisper, but the stone walls reverberated sound well in addition to her new and more sensitive ears. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but she could hardly move quickly enough to get away from hearing range. Or at least that was what she told herself.
“Don’t be ridiculous. She doesn’t hate you, she can’t. She barely knows you yet.” She continued. The sound of a heavy sigh from Amjazel follows, probably strong enough to lift Arxet off the ground if her wings were spread. Arxet began trying to pick up her pace, with those two so close they could sniff her out “Give it time. She just misunderstood us is all. I promise not to give up on her if you don’t.” Arxet froze. Those words echoed in her mind and reminded her of a time she had listened in on her mother and father once before… “Let her have her space tonight, and maybe you two can bond over training when she’s got her strength back.”
“Listening in?” An unfamiliar mental voice probed into Arxet’s mind. Her head whipped around to find the source of the intrusion. New light was streaming into the hallway, the doors to the surface had been opened and Rubis was grinning down at her from the top of the stairs.
“I wasn’t- I just needed to wash off. They shouldn’t be talking so loud.” She deflected.
“Hey, don’t worry. First day is stressful. You’re getting around on all fours better than I first did.” She nosed the trap door so that it rests open and began her way down. “Need a little help? You might not be up for stairs yet.” She sounded very similar to Emren. She had a similar smug aura.
Arxet groaned slightly on the red dragoness’s approach. Those stairs did look quite formidable right now. “Yeah, fine. Better than a tongue bath.”
“Hey, don’t knock it.” Rubis chuckled and ducked her head for Arxet to climb on. “Mom and I still do communal grooming. Most dragon families do.”
“Well she’s not my mom.” Arxet retorted as she clambered over the red dragon’s horns and onto her neck with one leg hanging limp over Rubis’s eye. “I just met her. It’s weird.”
“Then I guess I’m not your sister and I shouldn’t carry you up to the pool?” Oh, she was so proud of that retort, Arxet could feel it radiating off her.
“So breaking me out of prison is on the table but this isn’t?”
“No, no. Those guards had it coming. But yes, you joining the family soon did play a part.” She started to move. Arxet knew she was all talk. “Either way, you’re stuck with me. You’re cute as a button after all.”
“You can’t see me rolling my eyes but I promise I am.” A growl loosened from her lips over the cute comment. “Did you realize you were getting into an entire family when you were changed?”
“You didn’t? The whole speech about joining our family didn’t tip you off?”
“I thought it was metaphorical! And I definitely didn’t expect to be turned into a girl!” She hadn’t meant to say the second more embarrassing part. It had simply slipped out.
“You haven’t been turned into a girl, having that body doesn’t automatically make you anything.” She shot back before continuing. “Look, you are what you are. Your dragon body is based on your desires, so I think there’s a reason you got what you got, including the cold mark, but don’t let your body dictate your identity.” She slowly started up the stairs, placing a wing gently over Arxet to hold her in place as her back tilted and became more diagonal to the floor.
“So which is it? Listen to the body I have or ignore it?” She tried to adjust to avoid sliding down the back of the red dragon’s long neck as the tilt began.
“What I’m saying is don’t rush yourself to figure everything out or make any hasty decisions based on appearance, but try to think about why you ended up that way. I used to have a nasty scar from when I was little. It carried over with me when I became a dragon.” She held up one of her forelimbs as if to show her little sister.
“I don’t see a scar anywhere.”
“Well sure. It healed when my mom and I- Emren I mean, finally patched things up.” She crested the top and Arxet was forced to cover her face with a wing as the harsh sunlight accosted her. “They were linked to old emotional wounds as much as physical and I had a chip on my shoulder about them. When those emotional wounds healed the physical ones did too. Dragons are funny that way. Our body, spirit, and mind are linked in much deeper ways than other beings. There have been dragons, mind you, that have bodies we see as typically feminine but still see themselves as male, and that’s all their choice. Some even change by the year or the decade how they see themselves. Gender is a strange thing. Like I said, think about it.” She finally lowered her head back down next to the pool so that Arxet can clamber down.
The smaller dragon couldn’t even look at her ‘sister’ with the swirling torrent of conflicting emotion boiling within her. The idea she could be anything other than what she’d always been- well. She wasn’t what she’d always been anymore, was she? She wasn’t a rat anymore. Maybe it was only natural for other things to change with it? “I’ll think about-” A massive wave of chilling water slammed into her and knocked her off her feet as Rubis leapt full force into the deeper end of the pool. She was even almost pulled in as the water receded.
“Come on! The water’s great today! I can even help you get clean! I won’t use my tongue if you don’t want.” She twirled and flapped her wings to generate waves that surge up and splash Arxet again.
“I’ll do just fine. I-” As she attempted to stand her claws slipped and she went tumbling into the deep end. As the water surrounded her she began to panic and thrash. She couldn’t even swim as a rat, let alone in a new unfamiliar body. Her claws scratched fruitlessly at the stone walls, leaving deep gouges but failing to find any purchase to pull her out until she hit the bottom. However, her panic didn’t last long as a pressure settled over her tail and dragged her up from the bottom to deposit her onto the steps at the shallow end.
“Arxet! Are you okay? I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to- just breath ok!” Such genuine concern and fear emanated from Rubis across the mental link that Arxet was taken aback as she sputtered and coughed up water.
“I’m fine.” The former rat was still coughing and gagging, but through the miracle of mental magic was still capable of speech. It was a strange feeling.
Rubis didn’t seem convinced and gently draped a wing over Arxet and began more closely examining her. “Are you sure? You’re still-”
“Get away from me! I’m fine!” There it was again. These people she barely knew had such care and concern for her despite her not deserving it. She couldn’t decide if she was more frustrated with being dragged into the pool by a careless ‘splash’ of water, or the strange care Rubis showed her after. That speech Amjazel gave her last night was nice and all but in retrospect it felt like a stretch. She didn’t deserve this. “I’ll take it from here, I’m fine.” She turned away from the larger dragon and resumed her self grooming. “I’ll get back down to my room myself. Leave me alone.”