Ch. 2.26 | Reconciliation and Reflection
PoV: Sanya
Since Aisha and Fazl made the decision to abandon Glorestra, Aisha gave everyone a day off to prepare, rest, and study. Well—mostly the day off.
The funeral rites for Zahira would happen that evening. Everyone should and would attend that. There was no excuse not to.
The decision to abandon came, of course, along with Nadiyya sending the declaration to Zulfaqar earlier. He would have received it by this time. Aisha would not be surrendering or whatever Zulfaqar's negotiations wanted.
By tomorrow, Aisha fully expected Zulfaqar to be knocking on either Calderae or Hope. Since Hope was mostly just a small city for what remained of and had grown out of the old Spatial mage academy, nobody wanted it to be Zulfaqar's target.
Which meant it probably would be. Although nothing said a terrible ruler like attacking a town of a bunch of student kids and teenagers.
So, with their day off, Sanya and Mai sat at a place for lunch—once again not at the guild hall. It was the same place they ate at yesterday. It had a wonderful porch with a pergola draped in all sorts of vines with colorful flowers, at which of course they sat. The chairs and table were made of a mesh metal which would probably be miserable to sit on during the summer. Now, it was just cold and hard. Unfortunately, metal was easier to purchase than wood and easier to work than stone.
The place also baked goods, so it always had the most divine smells. None of them came close to the way Mai smelled—of course.
Mai was in much more acceptable clothing than last night and the morning. On the topic of clothing, Sanya should check in with the Speleothem tailor and clothier to see if her clothes were ready. Of course, teleporting there might be a problem, if Sanya should avoid using her [Globetrot Anchors]. She had a theory that she would be fine now, but she could still doubt it.
Oh, yeah, speaking of maybe being able to use those spells again, the ephemeral gray had consumed most of her lower body, and had been inching up her torso. Soon it might be revealed around her neck. Would it continue until her entire body was like that? Looking like some strangely diseased cavern folk?
People already looked at her funny. Would those looks increase once that happened? Would Mai no longer like looking at Sanya if she changed—would she be uglier?
Anyway—the lunch. They had both gotten different kinds of soup with a sandwich. Mai had ordered flatbread too. The place was influenced somewhat by cavern dweller food. It was still mostly surface food.
Neither Sanya nor Mai touched their meals. Why order extra just to not eat it? . . . Mai would not be able to confirm if it was better than sex if she did not eat it.
Maybe that was the point—she would not eat so she would not have to retract her statement.
Whatever, at least for Sanya, it was true. Everything was better than sex.
As for not eating, at least for Sanya, Zahira's death and everything else was still on her mind. The same was probably for Mai.
With all of the recent developments, should Sanya really drop what she wanted to say to Mai? It would be quite terrible timing, to add another thing to worry about on top of everything else. Best to get it over with, though . . . maybe?
She swallowed. “Mai.” Sanya sucked in a breath, she was going to say it!
“Yeah?” Ugh. Mai was way too cute, unfairly so. Sanya liked everything about her—her eyes, the way she always wore her hair, her freckles, a face too precious for any mortal, and the way she could style outfits . . .
Why even stop at her looks? Mai was witty, and could speak up her mind and talk for all the shy people in the group. She was good at helping people and making them feel appreciated.
Sanya felt appreciated. All of this felt wrong—what she was about to say. Yet . . . argh . . . Mai was just . . . too amazing. Too amazing for Sanya, definitely.
“I think . . . I think you should be free to pursue someone else,” Sanya forced out, averting her gaze. “We're both only eighteen. You should go out there and explore and . . .”
Mai's expression dropped.
Sanya winced. She was already regretting this, but it had to be said sooner or later. “I . . . I never want to do what we did last night ever again. A-and, you obviously enjoyed it. I just can't give what you want out of any kind of courtship—”
Mai's expression hardened into an iron resolve. “No.”
“. . . No?”
“No,” Mai echoed. “You are the only one I want. As for last night, thank you for conceding to that. We will never have to do it again, and I won't ask you.”
Assertive Mai was kind-of scary, but also still attractive. “But didn't you—?”
Mai cut Sanya off again. “I like you. A lot. Yes, sure, it was fun. I would like to do it—but I'll cede it. For you.”
“I don't . . . I'm difficult, and I offer you nothing—”
Mai reached across the table with her good hand. Sanya lost her words at that. Mai looked like she was about to close Sanya's jaw to stop her from talking. At the last second, she instead pointed only her index finger and tapped Sanya on the nose.
“Shut,” Mai said simply.
Sanya blinked.
A touch of red crept up Mai's face. “You're noble. You wanted to sacrifice yourself to save everybody. Wrong, of course, but I still applaud the line of thinking. You defeated that wolf monster back in Subturrier. You're really good at killing monsters and saving people . . . it's kind of hot.
“You have a cold exterior often but I know you're a big massive softie on the inside. You've always tried your best to try and make sure I'm having a good time, even going as far as to do things you vehemently hate.
“You continued on when you were abandoned. You found a way to continue on when things got rough in the academy. You could have ended yourself for this whole parasite thing, but you're still here. Now I'll watch you find a way through this too—it is what you do. Even if you needed a little prodding.
“You picked up spells like they were nothing—understanding and applying faster than anyone else. You found a few Spatial spells on your own, too.
“Don't attribute that to the parasite within you. It's from some other place that probably doesn't have magic like we do. How would it know the magic you learned? That was all you.
“So . . . you are good at persevering and finding ways to continue on. Let's persevere through this and find a way to continue to exist together.
“Unless you don't like me? . . . If you can't reciprocate, then I understand.”
Sanya opened her mouth to speak.
“Oh,” Mai added, her pointer finger raised. “Don't lie just to break it off, okay?”
Mai.
She had watched Sanya kill a fellow student. Sanya had then severed the ends of the fingers on one of Mai's hands. They broke up once. Then got back together in all but name. They've been through so much tumult and yet were still barely holding it together.
That last night . . . Sanya realized she could not do this anymore. Not as they had.
Yet, Mai said she was willing to cede that.
Sanya took a deep breath. After all of this, Mai still wanted to be with her?
Mai really was too good for her.
Sanya did not want to still be together just to watch her die.
She had remembered what the librarian had said about her divination and all the future chance nonsense.
One more likely outcome was Sanya losing Mai, and then traveling down some dark path.
She couldn't lose Mai if she severed that connection herself and distanced from her, preparing for that to happen.
Sanya did not want to lose Mai. She wanted her to be safe—and to be free.
She didn't want to lose Mai and yet was pushing her away.
If it was inevitable, she wanted to do it on her own terms. To part before the parting happened for them. To say, “this is done” instead of it just being so, because Mai was gone. In this way, Sanya was a coward, she supposed.
Very well, Sanya would at least try to fill Mai with as many happy moments as possible.
But that would hurt if she left.
So, then, she wouldn't. Sanya would do everything to protect her from whatever potential future lay ahead where Mai dies. They would find that future where they stay alive, together, and victorious.
“We . . . can try to continue. You will not ask for . . . my services again,” Sanya pushed out.
Mai looked at Sanya as if expecting more. “You did not answer my question.”
“I think my last statement was answer enough.”
“Why is it so hard to say?” Mai frowned.
Sanya shrugged. It was—a bit. Why? She gathered her breaths and her words. They came out smooth and seamlessly. “I like you too. There.”
“You didn't look at me when you said it.”
Sanya sighed.
“Okay . . . maybe that's a bit of a hard ask,” Mai admitted with a groan, rubbing her face with her hands. “Sorry, we just started again and it was on the wrong foot.”
Sanya said nothing. Why did Sanya saying it with conviction and eye contact mean so much to Mai? Didn't, well, everything else show that she liked Mai?
Well, I did just try to let her go . . . If words were not enough, maybe something else or other things could show that she still liked Mai.
While she would not ever want to do last night again, there were some things she might do . . . sometimes. She would offer Mai these as a middle ground.
“I . . .” Sanya swallowed. “I wouldn't mind hugging occasionally. I think I could kiss again, maybe.”
“Could we do that right now?” Mai grinned mischievously.
Sanya gave Mai a flat stare. “Don't push your luck. I also would not be opposed to some hand-holding, once in a while, as a treat.”
“Ooh,” Mai smirked. “Hand-holding, how scandalous. What's next, are you going to show me your ankles?”
“Not for free.”
“I'll pay any price you want,” Mai flirted.
Sanya finally dug into her food, now that it was getting cold. She ate slowly, barely doing more than nibbling—idly.
It felt traitorous to eat when Zahira's death was so fresh. It felt harder to eat still with a war looking over them all.
How many people would die? How many people would Sanya lose? How many people would she have to kill before Calderae and Hope were safe?
People were not the same as monsters. They had consciousness and history and lives. All of Zulfaqar's warriors probably had people waiting for them at home.
Yet, here they were, going to threaten the sovereignty of Sanya's new home, and the tens of thousands of lives around her.
Could Aisha simply give up her reign and hand over the cities to Zulfaqar? So that no one may die? Was he a good ruler like Aisha or was he an iron fist?
If the time came for Sanya to be called upon to battle, would she? She could wipe an army out with a single uttered spell. Would she?
“Sanya?”
“Yeah?”
“You know how you hurt my hand?”
Sanya's expression jumped off a cliff. “I-I'm sorry.” Why did she being that up? Where is she going with this?
“I can't use my hands to pick up my sandwich and eat,” Mai smiled.
Oh. Okay then. Two can play that game.
Sanya rolled her eyes. “That's tragic. What ever are you going to do?”
“Hmm,” Mai tapped her chin with her good pointer finger. “You can atone by helping me eat.”
Sanya snorted. “You're so weird.”
She obliged Mai. She did not care to look at the reactions of anyone else, and their weird little public display of affection. Could a strange ephemeral gray woman in a witch hat not assist her partner in eating? She did not care to look, but she saw a few looks anyway. At least the owner thought it was cute when she came out to hand a couple their meals.