Chapter 43
Maybe I don’t understand his feelings because I didn’t even shed a tear when my parents were killed, I had them cremated and then cremated the man who killed them. I was known for not showing much emotion, many found me heartless but only Trina knew the real me.
Not that I wanted them to know me, that would show weakness, something they could use against me later, someone could be an ally today and and enemy tomorrow, it was something I knew from experience that life wasn’t about sunshine and roses, just like how Ghost’s brother was dying even though he gave every cent to treatments he knew was only making his brother suffer more.
A part of my wonders if my parents were a live if I’d be the same person I am today? My mother and father met in the organisation. This is the life I was born into, it’s all I’ve ever known. I was born to forget my identity, I was raised to not have an identity but to have multiple. There was no leaving this life.
That’s why I refuse to fall in love or have children leaving this life meant I would never remember my parents, my friends or colleagues who had been there for me. A life alone was better than a life with no meaning. That’s what my father always told me. He married my mother knowing one day he’d die to protect her.
"Widow." ghost’s voice calls out to me.
I turn to look at him standing by the entrance tears in his eyes.
"I’m sorry you had to see me that way. I know this is traumatic to you since you lost..."
I cut him off. "This isn’t traumatic for me, I don’t understand it. You love them right? Why do you have them here and not at pit where it’s safer, if someone finds them they’ll use them to get to you." I remind him.
"My brother and mother deserve to live their lives freely. I gave up on my freedom after my father ran off so I could provide for them. I promise you Lisa one day you’ll understand there’s more to life than living a life the way you do. And if that day comes I’ll be there for you." He smiles.
I shake my head. "James..."
His smile brightens. "That’s the first time you’ve called me James, we’re friends now?"
I smile too. "No. God no... It means I feel sorry for you... Plus James isn’t even your real name neither is Lisa to me." I remind him.
He smiles shaking his head. We were fifteen when we chose our code names and alias names. He chose James because he loved a singer or actor with the name. I chose Lisa because my father always called me Lisa.
It was the only thing I remembered from my childhood. Most of us had our memories wiped at ten years old to prevent us from having any emotion when dealing with enemies or them using family against us. James is a little different he joined at 11 and didn’t have his memory wiped. He didn’t deal with the same jobs as I did. This wasn’t the first time we’re working together it’s the first time he is taking the lead though.
"Lisa one day I’m telling one day this life it will eat at you." He tells me.
He places his arm around my shoulders. "Thank you for coming with me, and not chewing my ass out."
I nod. "Trina have you handled it?" I ask.
"Yes all record of this has been wiped..." she says.
I nod.
James looks at me gratefully. "Don’t you think you’re going to have your head bashed in for covering this up?" He asks.
I roll my eyes. "No..."
They could try but they wouldn’t dare try to do anything to me. I have too much on them for them to try.
=====
I wake up with a start.
What was that? What did I just remember?
Why did I remember everything but my name? Who was I in the past?
Now I didn’t know if I wanted to know.
That woman was nothing like me. She was confident, fearless and emotionless.
She couldn’t even understand why her friend felt the way he did, yet she still helped him.
Did they wipe my memory because I wanted to protect Stella?
I can’t say for sure. All my memories are in pieces and can’t be sure if its real or not. What if my mind is making these things up because I’m trying to hard to remember? All of these feels more like a freaking movie than real life.
What the hell was I a part of. The product they were talking about must be drugs right?
Was I a part of the mafia?
An undercover cop? No cops wouldn’t have their childhood memories erased.
Then mafia right?
"Carly?" Chase calls out to me.
I look up and see him staring at me.
That’s when I realize I fell asleep on the sofa while we were watching television last night.
"You were restless, I tried waking you, but you kept calling out to James..." he tells me.
I stare at him. Not answering him. I wasn’t sure what to say.
"Was he your lover? Did you remember something?" He asks.
I shake my head. "I’m not sure what I remember... What I remembered. Seems like something I shouldn’t say out loud. It seems James was a colleague of mine, or a friend at the very least..."
Chase looks at me before nodding. "Why don’t we take Stella away from a week or two? We could bring Koah as well. We’ll be back before the hearing. But to help us get our heads out of everything..." he suggests.
I don’t say anything... I didn’t know if it was a good idea. What if I was a danger to Chase and Stella?
I just stared at Chase. I couldn’t deny it. I had feelings for Chase. He was a great man and father to my daughter.
"Do you think that’s a great idea? We have no idea when my past might come and haunt us..." I remind him.
He shakes his head. "Come on. We don’t even need to leave Chicago to get away from the house. We both need to get out. With everything happening some time away might be better for the both of us..." He tells me.
I nod. But I’m already thinking about what the hell I was going to do.
"Did you maybe have a memory about your name?" he asks.
I shake my head. "No, all I got was the name Lisa..."
Chase eyes widen. "What did you just say?" He asks.
"Lisa. It was a name I chose because my father used to call me Lisa. I didn’t remember my real name. I have no idea what that is..." I tell him.
"I remember..." He says.
"What?" I ask.
"I remember now. The night we met in the bar. I remember the night we..." He stops himself blushing.
Now it was my turn to blush. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again.
Why did it come back to this again?
"I remember waking up alone in my hotel room..." He comments...
I frown. "I was alone in mine too... Did someone move us?" I ask.
"Is that even possible? I didn’t tell anyone I was there..." he shakes his head, like he didn’t believe me.
"What the hell is going on? Did I remember wrong? I remember feeling disappointed and relieved at the same time. I don’t know if I’m remembering wrong. I have no memories to begin with. So it’s possible I remembered wrong." I wasn’t sure what was going on.
"Let’s leave it at that for now..." Chase says.
But I could see the wheels turning in his head already.
"Chase..."
He smiles. "Let me make some calls to get our vacation set up.
He walks out of the room.
My phone rings. I pick it up. It’s an unknown number.
I answer it. "Hello?"
"Lisa..." A woman’s breathless voice comes from the other side of the line.
"Who is this?" I ask.
"So it’s true your memories are coming back?" she asks.
"Again who is this?" My voice hardens.
"Just call me an old friend. I’m going to ship you, your medication. Lisa you need to take them. It’s the only way you’ll be able to protect them. This is all you wanted. Now that Amy’s failed to keep you from asking questions. I need to keep my promise to you. Lisa if you want to protect Stella. You need to stop and take those meds. They’ve been keeping your memories buried like they should be. I know I’m not supposed to call you. But I can’t let you throw away the life you’ve wanted to build..." She says.
"What are you..." I was cut off by the dial tone.
I look at the screen in shock. She hung up on me.
I call again. The phone goes straight to voicemail.
I try again. This time the number disappears from my phone.
I couldn’t call the number again.
What the hell is going on?