52. Enough
「Chie 」
The weather is much too nice.
It's the only thought that goes through my head, the only one I've had since my entire world shattered in an alley somewhere in the endless expanse of this city. We didn't remain, of course. Hotaru took me elsewhere. To a… park, maybe. There are trees overhead, a cool breeze. Beautiful clouds drifting by. The sounds of people and life all around.
Its too beautiful. It goes ignored.
It should be raining. Storming! We should be in the depths of a typhoon and an earthquake and who knows what else! At least then it would all make sense. At least then everything would seem right. Like the whole world wasn't mocking my misery.
Just a week ago, my life finally felt whole. I had two girlfriends and a circle of friends who I would die for. Now though… its all gone. Taken away so easily. Only Hotaru remains, my dearest friend, just us two. Like it was before. Like the last year and some change was only a dream and now I've been kicked into an awful reality that I've been desperately ignoring.
I can't take it, if this continues any longer I wont survive it.
"We have to find her, Hotaru," I say again, voice coming dull and lifeless to my ears.
We shouldn't have even let Mayumi go in the first place. Should've done… something… but… Hotaru has always been right about these things in a way I rarely am. I trust her. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes no sense at all.
"We will," she assures.
She cradles my hand in hers, letting me lean against her shoulder. Everything hurts, especially my chest. Just like it used to do when I was younger and alone.
My eyes burn. I can't be alone again…
"What am I even going to do?" I whisper.
I need to find Mayumi, to comfort her. What Haruki said to her bit deep, I know. And its wrong. She isn't selfish and lusting after revenge. She loves us, all of us. She cares. I think that of the five of us she cares the deepest. But even then, finding her wont fix the division between her and Haruki. It won't bring Katsumi back. It wont make this awful reality disappear.
Had it always been here, just under the surface?
"There's only one thing to do, dear. You have to fix this."
"Me?" I exclaim. "How!? I'm not good at…" I gesture wildly. "Emotions! Mine for one. And…"
"You're not good at dealing with yours, but you are perceptive about those of others, and you know both of them. You know they won't solve this on their own. They’re both too stubborn and prideful to look past their pain. Besides," she shrugs, "you are our leader."
Hotaru flashes a smirk. It looks odd on her.
I scoff.
"All I do is plan, not lead I-"
"You're the one who got us out of that fight," she says resolute. "You led the rescue for Mayumi and Haruki, and every time we fought together, you've been guiding us."
A weight settles on my shoulders, heavy. I've never felt so woefully inadequate in my life.
"I don't know how, Hotaru. What do I even tell Haruki?"
"That she's wrong and to get her head out of her ass," she replies matter-of-fact.
I blink, open mouthed.
"What?" she says. "Since Mayumi's gone, I thought I should add some spice." She wiggles her shoulders, grinning.
Oh… she's trying to improve my mood.
It doesn't work.
I shake my head. "You heard what she said to Mayumi, I can't fix that!"
My friend sighs heavily, shoulders slumping. "Haruki is just scared, Chie. Her and Mayumi are protective of us, so with Mayumi nearly a hands-width from death, she… freaked out."
Hmm, sounds so obvious when she puts it like that…
"How can she even believe that of Mayumi," I mutter. Cares more about revenge than us? Absolutely ridiculous.
"Well…" Hotaru begins, faltering when I shoot her a look. "She has changed a great deal in a short amount of time…"
I sigh. "True."
She is certainly less angry.
"And you and Mayumi have been together more since she's practically moved into your place these past weeks."
"Yeah…"
"So Haruki hasn't had the chance to see her as much, especially since she has been busy with her night patrols, trying to make ends meet—metaphorically speaking."
My face falls into my hands. Of course… Mayumi got us this job because she wants to support Haruki's dream, my dream. She wants Haruki to have something of her own, to help her find a place in this world.
But they've been so busy, so of course Haruki missed it. I doubt Mayumi would even think to tell her. They love each other, why else would she do such a thing? It must be so obvious from Mayumi's perspective, and yet Haruki didn't even see it. Working off of established assumptions.
The two of them have known each other since they were kids, and they lost that friend of theirs. Mayumi's been on a revenge kick ever since, so for years that's all that Haruki saw. She didn't see what I see now.
The tragedy of it is like a knife in my belly. A few tears slip down my cheeks and I just want to scream or sob or both. I do neither. Hotaru is right, I need to fix this. And I… I fix things. That's what I do. I build and I fix. So… So I don't need to cry, I need to think. This is a problem, and I am very good at solving problems.
My glasses have slipped down my nose from the wetness, so I push them up and leap to my feet, beginning to pace. Hotaru watches me with curious eyes.
"But this… this goes deeper, doesn't it?" I mutter under my breath. Hotaru's head tilts, and I start talking out loud. "Sure, I can talk to them, and yes, inform them of the misunderstanding, but that isn't the core of the issue, is it? Because Mayumi went off on her own and got us involved with a powerful demon without speaking to any of us, and no one—least of all me—batted an eye, because this is how we're always done this! She's been getting us tips while the rest of us added our own ideas here and there because it worked and there was no problems, but now there is and we need to fix it!"
"Sure?" Hotaru says, perturbed.
"And see, that's the problem! We don't talk about this stuff! We say we're a team, but we're really just a bunch of friends slash lovers that do demon hunting as a hobby! And, like… do high ranks operate this way? Does anyone with even a shred of professionalism? No! They have meetings, and plan, and operate as one and chose their missions as one, not just throwing out in a group-chat that, hey! I got us this highly dangerous mission to murder a demon CEO just on a whim! Lookin at a solid three mill!"
I cackle. Hotaru is looking at me with unveiled concern.
"And see, this is the thing, I'm the problem!"
I laugh again, oh it's so obvious.
"Chie…"
"No, no, no! See, I'm like, supposed to be the leader, like you said. But all I really do is like… manage and plan, but I don't organize. If we are going to keep doing this, then we need to be serious! And formal! And actually talk about what the fuck we're doing!"
I finish with my arms thrown wide.
After some measure of silence she says, "Umm, yeah."
My arms slowly fall to my sides, my prior energy draining out of me, dropping me back into the horrible reality that is this day. None of that can happen if I don't get my girlfriends back.
"You're worried," Hotaru says.
"Of course I am," I whisper. "What if, no matter what I say, they still don't listen to me? What if they don't want to be together anymore?"
"Chie… those girls love each other, and they love you too."
My heart stutters in my chest.
"I haven't told them… that I love them."
My friend hums, looking to the lovely sky. "Well… Today is as good as any to start."
────୨ৎ────
The street is dingy and reeks something awful. Like cigarette smoke mixed with garbage. Muffled music plays from somewhere, far too loud. I eye the blue dot on my phone's map and look up, taking in the stark grey facade of what must be the worst bar in the city, lit by the fading light of sunset. How Mayumi managed to even find this place sets me on edge.
I share a glance with Hotaru and enter the building.
To no one's surprise, not certainly my own, the place is empty and as drab as the outside. The paint on the walls is peeling behind aged, yellow posters that look to have been thrown up by whatever patrons thought would be interesting. The absolute glut of car posters and pinups of scantily-clad women altered to the point they look more like dolls, tells me that the main patrons of this place are men. The bottom of the barrel kind.
Anxiety is like a cat clawing at the inside of my ribcage.
Empty booths line the walls, sporting cracked faux-leather and obviously sticky tables. A commonality with the tables that occupy the main floor. All look to be on their… last legs… did I really just make a pun?
I shake myself, and it's with a jolt that I see her.
Tucked into the farthest corner of the bar that takes up the back of the place sits Mayumi.
She has her back to me, hunched over, chin on her fist. From here she looks so… small. Defeated. Its an image that is so at odds with what I know her to be. Even though we're the same height, she often seems to tower over me through the sheer force of of her personality. To see her crumpled like an aluminum can…
I cross the barren floor, feet moving of their own accord.
Behind the bar is a younger man, staring at Mayumi out of the corner of his eye with something approaching a comical expression of concern. He stands as far as he can from her while still being behind the bar, washing—or pretending to wash—a glass.
My heart flutters as I come upon her. Her dark skirt and top are dirty, the sleeve of her right arm burnt off. She definitely looks as through she's been in a fight, and some instinct within me rears its head, crowing. She doesn't belong here, wasting away in this horrible place. She belongs with me. In our home, in our bed, where I can keep her heart safe.
Slowly, I lower myself to sit at her right side. The now-healed remains of her wound right in my face. The reminder that I almost lost her this morning sends my heart pounding. I almost lost you… I almost lost you, so please come with me so I can keep you safe.
"Fuck off," she mutters, words tinged with slur.
Her face is hidden in the curtain of her dark hair, and her eyes don't leave her glass. The verbal rejection, that act of pushing away, is enough to make me pause. But she likely doesn't know its me. And… besides, I will not leave this place without her.
"No," I say.
Her head swivels to me slowly, confusion there instead of anger. When her bloodshot eyes meet mine, they are soft and vulnerable for the briefest of moments before they narrow.
"How did you find me?" she asks, tone like an eye roll.
I swallow.
"I've tracked all our phones ever since we rescued you and Haruki."
Her face sours at that, but she doesn't comment.
I lay a hand over her own, pleading with my grip as much as the words I speak next. "Mayumi, please. Come home with me."
"Why?" she scoffs, "Didn't you hear? I'm a mistake. Everything I am or have ever done is a mistake. Her loving me was a mistake."
My chest twists horribly. My grip on her hand tightens, as if she will somehow fade and leave me alone. She will not go. I wont let her. I can't.
"You are not a mistake!" I nearly shout. She winces at my outburst, but I continue. "Haruki was wrong!"
Her bleary gaze falls to the bartop.
"Leave me, Chie," she whispers. "Before I get you killed, just like…"
She trails off.
"No," I say again. "I will not, nor will I ever leave you. There is no chance. In this world or any other."
She looks at me then, eyes full of… fear, I realize. Terror. She is terrified of hurting me, isn't she?
Leaning into her, I continue.
"Haruki was wrong. You are not selfish and you do care. You won't hurt us, not on purpose. But, you did make a mistake. And it nearly was the death of us."
I see the flicker in her eye, she's already pulling away, shutting the door. My hand goes to her cheek, stilling her. "You were right that we could handle it, but you should have told us everything. And I should have asked. We should have talked it out together. From the beginning. Before you even got us the job. It will not happen in the future. Next time, we'll go through it all as a team. There will be no leaving things out."
I say it as assertively as I can, in way that sends anxiety skittering down my nerves. But it seems to get through to her, just a bit.
Still she looks away.
"Next time…" she mutters bitterly. "There won't be a next time. Haruki won't forgive me. Not for this."
"She will." As I say it I know it to be true. "I'll talk to her. I'll tell her what you told me. That you did this for her, for all of us. I'll defend you, because I…" My voice falters. "Because I love you."
Her gaze whips to mine, wide eyed. My smile is soft as I can make it.
"Chie…"
"I love you and I love her and I will not let this break us. But… I need something from you."
Her arched brows draw together. "What?"
"Trust. I need you to trust me."
"I do trust you-"
I squeeze her hand, cutting her off.
"I know, but I need you to trust me with her. I love Haruki as much as I love you, and I need to know that you'll trust me with her. That… if you come up with a plan like this again, then you'll trust me to be there alongside you. Trust me to help you. Can you do that?"
Her eyes fall to our joined hands contemplatively, but she nods.
"I can't believe you love me…" she mutters. "We aren't even technically dating, ya know?"
"Pfft, so? I've loved you both since the first few months, I just didn't want to say it."
"Of course."
Despite the teasing quirk to her mouth, her expression remains so vulnerable and sad. I stand, pulling at her.
"Lets go home. So I can hold you."
And keep you safe. I keep that one inside though, looking back to the glass on the countertop. Mayumi may seek to protect us, but she also needs protection. From herself most of all. She only hesitates for a second before standing, wobbling in my arms.
"How much did you drink?" I ask, trying to be humorous, despite my worry. She doesn't need that right now.
Mayumi gives me a smirk that's somehow mean and teasing at once, and above all, its that smirk that makes me believe for a second that everything will be okay.
"Enough."