I got isekaied but not the way I wanted (wished to be a girl♀ but I’m a guy♂ again)

「Katsumi」

“I’ll be right back young miss.” The older thin man with the glasses and mustache says before he vanishes in the back of the shop.

It keeps happening. It’s so annoying.

First time I have to interact with the owner of the dry-cleaner and he immediately mistakes me for a girl.

Sigh...

Maybe it’s for the best. The clothes I left don’t exactly look like they belong to a guy anyway. I’d hoped to run into Yukio, usually this late in the evening it’s only him.

Would’ve been less embarrassing.

After work I went straight back home for a much needed shower and change of clothes, and a fresh sports bra. A quick dip to the pharmacy for a refill and on the way home I thought about getting my stuff back and seeing Yukio.

The old man reemerges, bag in hand and a familiar face trailing behind.

“Hi Katsumi.”

“Hi Yukio.”

The old man straightens, “Itakura, you are familiar with the young miss?”

“Yeah we know each other.”

The owner grins at me, “Then miss, I’ll leave you in his capable hands.”

He’s way too jovial about this.

Taking his leave he gives a meaningful glance at Yukio who in turn waits awkwardly for a few seconds for the old man to be gone.

“Sorry for that.”

Looking away I mumble, “It’s okay. Probably should cut my hair or whatever.”

“Yeah dude, at first glance you kinda look like a…” He stops himself.

“You can say it. I’m not going to get mad at you.”

“A chick…” He quickly adds a rapid pace word vomit: “Not that there is anything wrong with that! That’s like, your whole vibe and shit, with the big t-shirt that makes you look all cute. And the-“

I cut him off with second mumble, “It’s embarrassing.”

Didn’t know you could do that, cutting people off with meek half swallowed words.

Yukio waves his hand dismissively, “Nuh, it’s fine. Aren’t you like, dressing as a girl at night to slay demons?”

“No. I’m done with the crossdressing.”

He looks at me for what feels like super long time, but doesn’t say anything.

I nervously hold my own arm.

“You don’t look very happy about that.” He states in a low flat tone.

“Yeah, whatever!” I snap. “That’s how it is.”

Another uncomfortable pause.

Before he says anything, I better fill it.

“I just… I should just cut my hair off.”

“You don’t sound like you want to do that.”

“Doesn’t matter. If I keep it like this, it’ll keep happening. I’ll get mistaken for a girl.”

Yukio clearly wants to say something, but doesn’t.

Great.

I’m getting the fucking Haruki treatment, with a side dish of nervousness that I might explode at him again or whatever this is.

I ignore our conversation for a second and gesture him that I want to pay.

He complies.

Taking my cleaned outfit I ask, “So, weekend?”

“Oh uh… I’ll pick you up at ■■■ station?”

“Sounds good.”

He glances at my bare legs, “Long pants.”

“Got it.”

“See ya.”

“Bye.”

Out the door into the night.

Fuck.

Let’s face it.

I’m never going to live up to the standards of masculinity. Not even for few more months. Just like in my old life. Always failing. Weak. Pathetic. An Embarrassment.

Can’t even undo it. I died before I could. All that my old mom and dad are going remember of me is how I was an embarrassing effeminate weirdo. I’ll never get to fix that now.

Also what’s wrong with Yukio?

Doesn’t he know if his guys get wind of how he is all nice to me or wants to hang out they’ll call him names and make fun of him?

This is so stupid of Yukio!

Also girls might misinterpret something and then it’ll become even harder for him to get a girlfriend.

That’s not a reputation you want Yukio, trust me.

I make way my back to my flat.

The past few nights, I've visited the old abandoned lot by the train tracks to get some naginata training in. It went horribly. This sucks! Everything sucks!

I get one minute tops before it flickers out. It’s supremely frustrating. Fucking stupid blood loss making me totally weak, it’s going to take forever like this!

I run up the stairs.

Should I even try tonight?

It’ll be useless anyway.

I open the door.

Fuck! No! I’m not giving up!

I’m not!

I’m going to get better and then I’m going to eradicate every fucking ink tiger and any other stupid demon within a kilometer wide radius and I’m going to slay a C-class all on my own and rank up!

I know how to fight and I even know magic!

My flame might only burn for a second at present, but that’s more than enough!

Fuck, why must everything be so hard!?

I throw the yukata top in my closet—not gonna wear that anymore anyway—and leave again.

The night presents itself as unfriendly as the past ones, hot and stuffy with a clear sky above that has its stars wiped away by the permanent light pollution.

Back in my old life, when dad got that promotion we went to a resort on the northern island. It was so quiet there. I remember it clearly, the snow capped mountains and the night sky. It looked huge, filled with so many tiny stars that glittered like rolling beach sand. It was cold, so cold you could see your breath. I was still little and mom pulled me in and tussled my hair.

Dad said I needed to go to bed so I hid in mom’s embrace.

My eyes sting.

I pushed them away, called them names behind their backs. Now I can’t even remember their faces.

Fuck!!!

The abandoned lot sits as empty as ever under the light of the street lamps, right next to the raised train tracks of the regional line, a few strips of grass and the odd house or shop resting nearby. It’s a comparably lonely neighborhood, as lonely as it gets in a city of fourteen million. A faint smell of iron hangs in the air besides the smothering tide of ozone. It’s quiet here.

I start off as usual with a few breath exercises and good stretches. Even if my weapon flickers out fast I’m going to take this exactly as seriously as before.

I get ready to summon my naginata—but my hand remains empty.

I stare at the gravel beneath my feet.

I see Mayumi forcing my head back up to point at a stiff looking person in super girly dress reflected in a changing booth mirror. I see a young woman in a pencil skirt taking my reflection, an older aunt standing behind her. I see Hikari with her devilish grin showing me picture of a girl in pink yukata with a smile of pure radiant joy and my face gets all wet. I feel the pincers of the demon again but this time they’re crushing my chest.

This is so stupid…

…so unfair!

It was supposed to be training for later.

Why does the thought alone leave me like this, some embarrassing crying mess?

Why do I wish I was wearing a skirt right now?

I just wanna do my make-up and see her again.

I totally did this to myself, ruined everything. Can’t even see myself in a relationship unless I imagine myself as a girl. Always had these stupid fantasies and when nothing worked and even stepping outside became an insurmountable task they were my only refuge and now I’m stuck like this; unable to be a guy.

If I just had the body of a girl, instead of this… not-quite-thing that feels like a cruel joke at this point. A girl at first glance but not really.

Fuck the naginata! A sword is easier to maintain.

I summon it, its bright rainbow blade glittering in the darkness.

First cut, second cut, third cut—all at the old thick wooden pole left on this barren lot—forth, fuck!

Messed up the edge alignment.

Again!

I hack away.

Again and again.

I need this to work!

I need to get better!

No mistakes!

The glow flickers… and my hands are empty.

My mana gone so fast, it’s comical.

How am I supposed to be a hunter like this?

A voice comes from behind me, feminine yet low, “I almost thought you were her. You do look very much alike, your sister and you.”

I snap around to see the silhouette of a tall girl in a suit, long raven hair falling past her shoulders and a cold smirk on her lips, standing on the sidewalk at the corner of the empty gravel lot.

I didn’t hear her. How long has she been standing there?

Did she see me cry?

“Wha-What are you doing here?”

“I was told this is where she trains.”

“How…? Who told you?”

“Pretty shrine maidens performing naginata forms with a glowing blade at night are not inconspicuous.”

We’ve reached new levels of creepy territory. I know the shop owner down the road saw me a few times, greeted me on his way home, but… how did she manage to track me down?

“You two live together?” she adds.

As we are the same person, “Yes…?”

“Tell her to come tomorrow.”

Eh?

She turns around starts walking down the road.

So rude!

Should I run after her?

Pfff—as if!

It would be useless anyway.

She wants my “sister”, all that lame old guy-me gets is her back and the cold shoulder. She’s so annoying!

All right, if she is so desperate for the girl on my Hunter ID she can have her, but I’m not going to be some meek push-over shrine maiden this time. That’s not how it’s going to be! I’m done with that! If she wants a Kojou girl, she can have a Kojou girl—I’m going to be like Kaori!

Like in spirit, I don’t exactly have a suit that looks like it’s worth a yearly salary, but I have my pretty boy villain glare, and confidence can be faked or whatever!

I’ll show Miss Rude-and-cryptic who’s the boss!

Digging into my stuff all stalkery and just fucking-off after dropping a few lines, who does that!?

I stomp back home.

────୨ৎ────

Took an extra long shower after work, got everything clean and smooth.

I’m so gonna show her!

Miss tall and beautiful thinks she is so much better?

Ha!

She thinks she can do as she pleases because all the gazes follow her, yeah!?

Whatever!

She’ll see!

I can look at least as good as she does and I’m not even a real girl!

How embarrassing, being out shone by a crossdresser.

Also today at work I finally remembered why her name sounded so familiar. It was on the big chart at the Kojou residence. Kodoku one of the nine noble demon-hunter families. I mean all the noble clans hunted demons at one point or another, was kind of their duty, but those are the Legendary Nine. Named so—well, because they have legends told about them. Mine is of course also on said chart.

The specialty with house Kodoku being they aren’t the old warrior clan sword nobility type, they were court nobility in the old days. Staying with the emperor, being his personal guard against demons, working from the shadows.

Not that that’s still happening. These days the Emperor gets protected by some branch of the government, not some noble house, so our Miss Haughty is no better than me.

I take in the sight in the mirror that has me all excited.

I totally outdid myself.

Immaculate makeup, sharp eyeliner; pink glitter eye shadow; rosy blush highlighting the nice cheeks of my pretty boy face and a hint of cherry lipgloss at the center of my lips.

I put some volume in my hair and with the help of a sterile set redid my pierced earlobes—stupid things closed on me—so I’m also sporting the cherry blossom earrings Ouha gifted.

Actually I’m wearing the whole outfit. When it comes to outshining others there truly isn’t anything better in my closet at present.

My face may have gotten all red when I put on the stockings and noticed how they looked on my new squishy thighs, totally like a girl’s. And those stupid panties also took some time to put on without getting severely embarrassed, but I can’t like wear my regular underwear with the short skirt. It would’ve been wrong on like so many levels.

I opted to forgo the bra inserts, not that I’m filling these cups but they aren’t exactly empty either anymore. And I don’t look flat—that’s for sure. The white top gives the impression of a cute if modest chest right above the pink sash wrapped around my narrow waist and the pleated dark gray skirt flares out giving me more hips than I have for real. My legs in their black stockings look like so nice and graceful I actually stare at them for a while in disbelief.

Like fuck I look so feminine it’s insane.

Throwing the traditionally cut airy white jacket over gives the flashy outfit a bit more of a dignified demure look. Ouha thought of everything.

I’m still the son of some warrior clan after all, even my fake twin sister alter-ego should reflect that.

I make it to about the door before my nerves get the better of me.

Am I really to go outside like this!?

I have to set some ground rules for myself I guess.

No subway, no crowds, just down to the train tracks of the old regional line, to give that pompous Miss Huntress some of her own medicine and then back to flat without running into anyone else.

I close my eyes and step outside.

Why is my heart doing the racehorse thing again?

That’s so stupid.

It’s nothing!

Nothing!

I hasten down the stairs and then along the narrow paths towards my destination.

These shoes with the their wedged heels aren’t as bad as I thought.

Surprisingly comfortable, even with my current tempo.

I catch the dark silhouette as I reach the familiar abandoned lot. She has been waiting on me. Hope it was long!

I slow down to better emulate Kaori’s aloof confident strut.

One has to make the appropriate impression.

With a haughty hair flip I come to a rest not far from Miss Kodoku. If pretty boy hadn’t been so short, this would’ve been way cooler. As it is I have to look up at her.

Why is she so tall? Like even the old coat-hanger me from my former life would’ve been shorter and he was significantly taller than I am currently.

Before I can say anything, the slender beauty in her simple if well tailored suit gives a deep and elegantly executed bow.

“Lady Kojou, I’m elated that you were able to make it.”

Tsk! What’s with that weird respectful tone.

So this rude and haughty girl completely changes her tune when talking to another girl? So that’s how it is? How shallow.

And getting played by a crossdresser? Now that’s just sad!

I put the months of voice training to good use. As clear as a bell, as sharp a sword, I chide her, “I can’t say the same about meeting you again, Lady Kodoku. I don’t much appreciate people digging into my private affairs.”

So let’s see how this suddenly oh so respectful girl deals with the beauty she’s after being mad at her.

“It was all publicly available information, but if I should have offended you, Lady Kojou, I deeply regret it.”

What’s with the heartfelt and sincere expression?

Is she that good of an actor?

That’s scary.

Don’t know if it’s all the girl hormones in my body or whatever, but her apology only sets me more on edge. Like what the fuck is this!?

“Why even do this, dig into my demon-hunter career and my family? Even going so far as to locate my training grounds.”

“What can I say, you peaked my interested. The beauty of a girl fighting. I saw you and curiosity hit me. A beautiful shrine maiden who fights with grace amidst a group of ruffians, limiting herself. And when I took a deeper look I discovered the only other demon-hunter who is like me, one of pure conviction. Someone who hunts not for glory or fame or money and status. In an outfit that isn’t a costume but a declaration of her pure intentions. A hunting maiden who protects the elderly and those in need.”

“Yeah, that’s not me.”

“Are you calling all those elders who talked about their miko liars?”

“No…”

But I’m not that! I’m just a selfish scumbag who is doing this so he gets to be a girl eventually. Nothing noble or pure about that—totally the opposite honestly.

Miss Kodoku sighs, “But the miko with the pure conviction abandoned her pursuit. Her patrols became infrequent and most egregiously ordinary. As if she were just another hunter chasing money. I can only surmise it’s those rotten girl's fault, who are dragging you down, same as they were holding you back in the fight on the beach.”

What an odd interpretation.

To be fair… I was going on patrol with Haruki for money, she isn’t wrong there. But that was because of Haruki, money wasn’t my concern.

And I would’ve gone on more patrols, but doing it alone is too dangerous and the girls are always so busy!

Miss Stalker got it all backwards! I’m not some pure shrine maiden that got like, corrupted or whatever she is trying to imply. And the girls weren’t dragging me down, if anything they were like supremely helpful, they were just a hindrance in one specific way.

So yeah…

It’s better that I’m alone for the time being, but I’ll go back to them once I’m a girl.

Hopefully they don’t hate me by then.

“You got that all wrong.”

“Is that so. Then tell me, where have you been as of late?”

She crosses the gulf between us, her eyes trained on me as she invades my personal space. I don’t move.

Close to me her voice becomes a low purr full of barely hidden intentions, “You know, pretty girls shouldn’t hide〜.”