19. Would You Care to Join Us?
“Are you kidding me?”
Mayumi is angry, it’s clear as day, despite her—as usual—monotone delivery.
She shoves me back inside.
I know what she's referring to. It was totally implied. I thought about it all day. I just couldn’t.
I continue staring at the floor of my flat. She closes the door behind us.
The girls want to go shopping with me, which yes it’s a super awesome opportunity. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance? I always dreamed of being included, to be one of the girls, spending time, laughing together, trying on and buying cute clothes and stuff, visiting a café.
I want to, I want to so bad!
But I’m still a guy.
And doing this crossdressed as an honorary girl in training would be nice too, but I panicked, okay?
So I thought, maybe if I go as regular guy-me it will be okay too? I mean I’m used to it. Being the hanger-on to a bunch of girls. It was my high school experience after all. Nothing new there.
Mayumi is clearly of a different opinion.
I have to admit it was super soul crushing, having to watch, being forced to stay outside.
It's tiring.
Mayumi raises her eyebrows at me in expectation.
My mouth opens and then closes again without a sound.
I… have nothing…
The problem is, the crossdressing was fine when it was me on my own at night feeling great. Where the scariest thing was taking the subway, but when I started pretending to be a girl in front of all those elderly people it got like, terrifying so fast. And now the gang wants me to go where lots of people will see me — running around dressed as a girl!?
That’s like…
Don’t they know how fucking difficult that is?
And then they want me to try on women’s clothing while we’re at it?!
What if someone notices, or what if I get that strange feeling and can’t stop crying again?
This could go south so fast.
Ugh.
Get it together man!
I have to be strong for the sake of future girl-me and not get disheartened. This is for her. She will thank me for having made this experience, for not disappointing the other girls. I have to think of her!
I can do this!
~*☆ I can do this! ☆*~
────୨ৎ────
Eep!
I can’t do this!
In the absence of a possible truck, would the ground please be so kind as open and swallow me whole, please?! Pretty please?
Can somebody save me?!
Mayumi slinks into the booth expertly, keeping the drapes closed while she does so.
“Oh that’s cute. We’re taking that one!”
The view in the big mirror of the changing booth is anything but comforting. The dress with the super narrow waist and Peter Pan collar hangs sort of oddly on the frame of my male body.
“It’s so short!”
“Katsu-chan-“
“No. Stop not you too.”
“Look at you.” She turns my head back to the mirror. “How can I resist if you look this adorable?”
I keep staring at the reflection of the not-yet-girl that is supposed to me.
“It’s too girly. I can’t wear that!”
“Are we afraid of losing our masculinity?” she teases.
I glare.
It’s the first time I've gotten more than dead-pan dryness from Mayumi, as her lips part for a grin. “I knew you had a mean girl look.”
I grasp the fabric of the dress and try to calm my nerves, fixing my gaze on the ground, instead of whatever is happening in the mirror.
“It has ruffles. It’s too much.”
“Ya, really fuckin cute, I know. Suits you. Ideal for your next date with Hikari.”
“Stop saying that. I’m not going to crossdress in front of Hikari!”
“I’m sorry Katsu-chan but you wearing a dress is the opposite of crossdressing. And you have to tell her that you’re a girl eventually.”
“I’m not a girl yet! I’m still a guy!”
“Want to tell her that?” She forces my head back up and points at the very stiff looking girl with the wide eyes that is my reflection.
I look away again.
Why does Mayumi keep doing that? I can very much feel the silicon inserts in my bra and the thing between my legs. I’m totally a guy despite how I girly I look at the moment.
And yes, it feels freaking fantastic that I get to look like this. It’s exhilarating and surreal and I don’t want this feeling to ever leave me. Like I want to hold on to it forever and ever and never let go. But there is also a strange bottomless fear and I know this is just a façade. I’m not actually a girl underneath and that’s like the constant gut punch to this wonderful feeling.
I do look really pretty tho. Can’t deny that.
I take another shy peak.
Mayumi takes my arm, “Let’s show the others.”
No, please, no.
『 Resistance is futile. 』
She drags me out in front of the girls and I get to witness the full range of reactions. Hotaru shines her brightest smile yet, she's really giddy. Haruki gives the satisfied if restrained smile of a pleased mother, and Chie is, well… awestruck?
“Looking good,” Haruki comments, in her casually confident way, that makes you believe every word she says.
It has my cheeks burning and this damn wig feeling super stuffy.
Hotaru skips towards me to take my hands.
“Please say you like it!”
“I… I do.”
“Wonderful, then no changing back.”
“What?”
Mayumi elaborates instead of Hotaru, "Yeah the old outfit is for visiting Hikari's parents, this one is for a nice time out with your friends."
I throw daggers with my eyes at her. It doesn’t seem to faze her in the least. No reaction at all.
She wraps her arm around me, my top and long skirt I wore before already in her hand.
“The dress works perfectly with the new shoes.”
She's right, the very pretty shoes with the tiny heels we bought earlier—and they encouraged me to wear them immediately too—harmonize totally well with the dress. But this is such a flashy outfit now! With the thigh high socks and the super feminine cutesy dress and my hair in a ponytail, that’s like, a look for Hikari, not for me.
It’s so attention grabbing!
( ˶˃ - ˂˶ )
I wish I were invisible or at home or…
The gang steers me toward the counter and with the dress, my savings of the past month have finally evaporated completely.
Four bags of clothes and two new pairs of shoes. If I wasn't broke, the girls wouldn’t stop until they filled my whole closet with nothing but girl clothes.
So this is mercy, I guess.
I was able save a decent amount, not buying meals and with the steady trickle of minor demon pay-outs. Horrible hourly wage if I were to calculate it, but it’s not nothing either.
All gone now.
But it was for a good cause:
☆ top-tier quality girl-training ☆
It's going to be so awesome when I'm finally girl! I can't wait for it. I mean not having to edit my thoughts and interests all time is going to be great too, like the most important part, but even these little things like this mall trip feel so fantastic. I'm looking so forward to finally being able to live.
Also, I want a body like my friends have so badly, it's hard to keep my envy contained at times. Not that I've said something inappropriate, but I had to bite my tongue, like twice today and that… I'm not proud of.
Moving along I catch the reflection of us together in one of the glass fronts. I have to blink, there is no miss-match. I’m no longer the odd one out, just one of the girls.
I'm a deer in the headlights until Hotaru links arms with me. "Look who's smiling. I like that new confidence of yours."
"I'm still scared and you're all insufferable."
"Yes, we are monsters." She grins sheepishly. "A bunch of witches, delinquents and misfits. But you chose to hang out with us, so this is on you Katsu-chan."
"Whatever shall her parents think, that we are out here corrupting their daughter?” Mayumi mocks from the side.
“Dunno, they threw me out.”
Silence.
Concern written on the faces of my friends.
Shit, I brought the mood down. That was a dumb thing to say.
Better try salvaging this. “It’s not… I…”
“Fuuuck…"Mayumi groans. "‘course they did. Assholes.”
“They shouldn't have done that,” Haruki adds
“You've done nothing wrong,” Hotaru reassures.
Well, that's not true, I kind of did, or the former management did. Pretty boy was a sadistic douchebag, an entitled prick and a major disappointment. My refusal of everything post-reincarnation didn’t really help there. It probably only reinforced the idea that their son was nothing but an embarrassment and a total failure.
Good that my new parents don’t see me pretending to be a girl. Can’t imagine that improving much of anything.
Hotaru pulls me into a full hug. A warm embrace. She's super soft. Getting hugs from girls is the best, if only I were a girl too, then it be just supreme!
“Never let anyone tell you you’re wrong for who you are, Katsumi. You’re wonderful, understood?”
Eh?
She is holding me very tight. I’m not going to get released until I agree, am I?
I nod.
Hotaru gives me free and tugs we along again.
Chie mumbles as if she solved a difficult equation, “Cake. Pastries, we need pastries.”
So by her degree we make our way to the cafe at on the second floor.
The mall has this big central plaza with two curved enclosed streets radiating from it on opposite sides and a second floor with walkways that let you look down. Our little resting place on the second floor is located on of these arms but still has a nice view over to the plaza.
We take a table with a bench on one side, which leads to Chie protesting. "Why do I gotta sit in the middle?"
Haruki, already on the bench, looks up at Chie and Mayumi with amusement. Mayumi cocks an eyebrow.
"Are you seriously complaining about being between us? Really?"
A hot blush climbs up Chie's neck mumbling, "Well…"
Still standing, same as me, Hotaru snickers. Which has me hiding my grin behind a hand.
"Rightttt…" Mayumi continues, "Be a good girl for me, and hop in!"
She waves her hands in a shooing motion and Chie sits with a pout.
With a wholly casual motion, Haruki pulls Chie against her, making her yelp and blush some more. Mayumi slips in beside them, trapping her between them and suddenly the supposed 'fearless leader' of our team looks so small and cute between the two fierce-looking girls.
Me and Hotaru take the chairs, while the teasing on the bench continues. Looking at Hotaru she silently mouths ‘get used to it’.
With a grin I'm unable to suppress, I start studying the menu.
I know what I want.
I will take one of those super cute cakes with the strawberry on top. I mean, the way I currently look that’s the thing to go for. I have to keep up appearances after all. Also I’m going to eat it all delicate and stuff, as it is customary for pretty girls in dresses.
(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
『 click 』
Mortified I look up and see a smirking Mayumi pointing her phone camera at me. “Perfect.”
『 ! ! ! 』
“D-did you …”
“Had to. Look.” She turns her phone around and I almost drop everything.
The mirror in the changing booth and the reflection was one thing… I grab the phone.
The picture is of a girl caught with a totally cute smile on her face. She looks so happy. I’ve never before seen a picture of me where I look happy. Okay, I also never had a picture of myself where I look like a girl.
SERIOUSLY. HOW AM I THAT PERSON!?
What witchcraft is this!?
Mayumi snatches her phone back. "That's one for the group chat."
Some part of me wants me to protest, but that part is stupid and can shut it. I want that picture too.
The scene becomes lively with banter and for a moment I enjoy this thing I feel I've been denied up to now.
Watching Chie and the others talk, it clicks. Those three are together… and that thing Chie said when she had me wearing that weird harness…
I have to suppress a little squeak.
Ohhhh…
Not sure what it is, the confidence, the clothes, the high from that photo but whatever it is it gets the better of me and with a grin I say.
"Chie?"
She looks at me, totally unaware.
This is thrilling.
"How are your… strategy games?"
And like that her jaw drops. Eyes go wide. Cheeks beet-red.
My smile widens.
On either side of her, Mayumi and Haruki share curious glances.
Hotaru gets it tho, I think, because a laugh erupts out of her.
Mayumi quirks another eyebrow, her lips pressed together.
"What's all this about?" she asks.
I bite my lip, unable to explain. I'm too focused on holding down a laugh.
Mayumi turns her eyebrow on Chie, and the girl hides her face in her hands.
"You're all so mean to me!" Chie mumbles.
"I for one, am very nice to you," Haruki says, squeezing Chie closer.
It rends a short giggle from me.
Something flashes in Mayumi's eyes, and she mumbles, "Strategy games?" in Chie's ear. "Seriously?"
"I panicked!" Chie says. "Okay?"
Mayumi tsk-tsks with clicks of her tongue.
"My team is a bunch of menaces," Chie groans, dropping her head into her arms.
"You love us," Haruki says, patting her head.
"Besides," Mayumi says, "Can't get rid of us now."
"Not after the demon crabs," Hotaru adds.
Demon crabs?!
I'm curious.
"What's that about?"
The girls burst into collective laughter.
"Buncha demon crabs were infesting a fishpacking plant," Chie says after they die down. "We helped."
"Oh, you are so boring," Mayumi says, waving her off with a hand. "So, check this. When we were all F-Ranks. Me and hot stuff got wind of an infestation at the docks, right? F-classes are nothing, but a whole bunch in one spot? Easy money."
"Me and Chie had the same idea," Hotaru adds.
"Oh?" I say, a tilt to my head. "You were a team already?"
"Mmhmm! Chie asked me to be on her team. Looked me up in the database. I was a bit skeptical, but," She holds her hands out to Chie. "Look at her! Cute and clever! Who could resist?"
Something like 'Aww' or 'Thanks' comes from Chie. She is serious competition when it comes to swallowing words, and here I thought I had the crown secured.
"Anyway," Mayumi says, picking up the story. "We show up, and it is a mess. Fish? Everywhere. Crabs? Everywhere. Hundreds of the things! We're going along, just" She mimes spearing a crab. "Collecting the hearts as we go. Its slippery, its nasty, and it smells like week old fish."
My mouth crumples in disgust.
Haruki jumps in.
"About halfway in, I'm up on this slide thing. Fish go from a conveyor belt down this slide to the lower part of the plant. Lotta crabs were on it—either way, I'm right on the edge-"
"And she falls!" Mayumi shouts, hand slapping the table.
My breath catches.
"I go straight down the slide-" Haruki says.
"And you landed right atop me," Chie grumbles.
"What?!" I blurt.
"Yep!" Haruki beams, "I go straight into her! And I look down—dripping fish guts I might add—and say-"
"Well… you might be the nicest thing I've found here yet," Chie says with a blush.
I cover my mouth while the table bursts into laughter. Only Haruki abstains with a prideful grin.
"And you teamed up after?" I ask.
"Yep!" Haruki says, "We cleared out the place, split our earnings, and that was that!"
"Friends ever since," Chie finishes with a soft smile.
Past the thick cloth of conversations and the rush of hundreds of foot falls, something drops. Like a blackout, a city going dark, but its the sudden absents of noise, not light. Then a loud wave of screams. A lot of screams. They’re high-pitched and unrestrained. A low crash, and something massive falls.
Chie jumps first and stares, her hand gripping Haruki’s.
I turn around to look behind. Down the enclosed alley on the big plaza of the mall, I see the head of something massive. It stands on hind-legs, with white, almost translucent, skin and the general appearance of a salamander. It’s huge, its head nearly scrapes the ceiling.
It has its back to us, but I don’t need to see its face to know it has no eyes.
This is the ‘mall event’ from the light novel and I with my luck walked right into it. This thing is A-class, a misery eater that has been fed so well it outgrew it’s original ‘C’ classification, brought here by some idiot. The media will call him a ‘disturbed man’.
I know this because I read it.
I can feel a cold taking hold of me.
We need to get out of here!
This is Tarō’s big fight, the one where he proves himself.
We can't be here!
I hear Chie, “We need to get its attention!”
I yell, “WHAT!?” My voice sounds as if from a great distance.
She points down to the undulating mass at the demon’s feet. “The people, we need to get it away from the people, give them a chance to flee!”
Chie pulls Mayumi with her.
I’m not here. I can’t be.
I watch the two of them run towards the railing of the upper floor walkway, summoning their weapons. Mayumi has her bow and Chie sports a rifle I haven't seen before. It looks like the ones the guys from the Defense Forces use. I can only think how difficult it must have been to summon. I can only think about that. Chie explained once that to summon a firearm, one has to know its full blueprint and breakdown. Because the bullets might be pure mana but you have to summon a fully functioning gun or its only a very fancy club. I think about that, how much time she must have put into studying just to have this weapon. I can’t think about anything else. I can't.
I can't.
I can't…
Something familiar and firm on my shoulder.
I blink, above me Haruki stands, sword at the ready. A serene, if determined, look in her face.
"How about you join this dance, pretty girl? We could use you."