I got isekaied but not the way I wanted (wished to be a girl♀ but I’m a guy♂ again)

Yeah no, this isn't what I pictured.

She is gorgeous.

Long brown hair with the ends curled falling gently across her shoulders. Exceptionally good make-up that hides itself, while drawing out her existing beauty. Topped off by a pair of big silver earrings.

After Haruki and Mayumi’s… let’s say more eccentric presentation, I wasn’t imagining the literal spellcaster of the bunch to look so feminine and… normal is the word for it, I guess?

She is scanning the crowd, clearly not recognizing me.

The mass of people this early in the morning isn’t helping.

It’s always busy so close to the station.

I approach,

“Hi, you're Hotaru, right?”

Her eyes flutter and her lips form a voiceless, ‘oh’ for a second.

“Katsumi, right? You weren’t lying about only having your miko outfit, were you?”

I give a pained smile as she studies my simple white t-shirt and jeans combo.

“No?”

“No worries I’ll sort you out and afterwards we visit that lovely grandmother of yours.”

“We kinda, need to swing by my flat before… I uhm… need to get my wig and do… my make-up?”

“So limited time?”

“And money… I don’t have a lot.”

Hotaru erupts in an endearing giggle.

“Gotcha Katsu-chan.”

Oh no, she's doing the same thing as the others, only even more overtly.

Hotaru links arms with me and asks:

“So what do have in mind, what’s your style? Or are we exploring? But I don’t think we have the time for exploring.”

“No, I know, or I think I know?”

WHY IS THIS SO HARD!?

૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

Why am I more nervous simply talking about how I want girl-me to dress than facing a giant demon beetle?

Seriously what is wrong with me?

Get it together man!

We stroll down the shopping district and I try my best to describe and show her on my phone what I envision.

Hotaru listens eagerly and is at times, completely enamored, which leaves me with this warm lingering feeling. This is great. I kinda wanted to share this stuff for a long time.

“I’m glad you’re taking your own comfort into account Katsumi.”

“Ya… uhm I kinda have to, don’t want to look like a… well, I need to hide a lot of stuff so I can look at myself in the mirror without cringing. But once I get my hands on the [※MAGICAL SEX-CHANGE DEVICE 3000※] all bets are off, you’ll see.”

Hotaru unleashes another incredible cute giggle.

“Oh, then I shall enjoy reserved Katsumi while I still have her. But I think I can work with what you gave me. Let’s start, we don’t have much time.”

I’m about to build up the courage to protest the usage of 'her' as she takes my hand and leads me into one of the shops.

It’s one of the big retailers and I’m immediately awestruck by all the pretty clothes. So much so, it takes me a few minutes to fully realize that a girl is holding my hand as if it were nothing.

Thankfully Hotaru is too occupied chatting with a store clerk to notice my burning cheeks.

The short chat ends and, tagging me along, Hotaru starts picking skirt and tops. Gauging my liking of them by holding them up and reading my expression.

She then starts dragging me towards the changing rooms.

“Wait, no.”

“What?”

“I can’t just go and try that stuff on. You can’t expect me to go in there and let the sales assistant hand me women’s clothes!”

“Katsumi, it’s okay. It is.”

“What? No, have you looked at me? It's not. I can’t do that.”

“It really isn’t a big deal and yes I know how you look right now. It’s fine. I’ll be by your side the whole time. Trust me.”

“No absolutely not. Not doing that.”

She pouts a little.

“But you would wear this?”

She holds up a really nice looking ultramarine ankle length skirt.

“Yes. It’s really pretty.”

“But you won’t try in on?”

“Not here, not in front of all these people. Not the way I look right now.”

“Then why even go out like that?”

“Hu?”

“I don’t get you.”

She is clearly displeased with me.

“I…”

“Fine. Have it your way Katsumi. Could you hold up your arms for me like this.”

I follow her order and she holds the skirt against my waist.

I freeze. This is so embarrassing.

Hotaru does the same with the second skirt and then pulls my arms down.

Holding one of the tops up to my torso she asks, “What size of bra do you usually wear?”

“Uhm…”

Trying to ignore my surroundings I mumble the answer, which has Hotaru staring at the light brown top in deep contemplation.

“We'll take this one a size larger then, not that I don’t think it won’t fit you otherwise.”

With that her momentary frown disappears and she is all friendly smiles again.

“Come.”

────୨ৎ────

The house of the kind old lady looms.

Okay, it doesn’t actually loom. The sun is out and the weather is nice and the house is definitely pretty and cozy and welcoming. A bit on the older side, with a nice, well maintained garden.

But it looms in my head, okay!?

I mean, I’m about to pretend to be a girl, a thing that I’m so clearly not. Not with this accursed male body, which my current—very pretty—light brown top and long skirt combination isn’t nearly hiding as well as my shrine maiden getup.

I feel like a goddamn ogre next to Hotaru.

Why did I ever think this is a better idea then coming clean?

She squeezes my hand.

“Relax Katsu-chan, no-one is going to mistake you for a man.”

Mistake me!?

I am a man!

That’s like, the whole problem here! If I were a girl everything would be peachy, but I’m not.

I gotta remember what she said back in the flat, ‘Your make-up is so pretty, makes you shine.’

Need to keep that picture of the pretty girl in the mirror in mind.

No-one will notice.

A last exhale.

I let Hotaru take the lead with the introduction and manage to get through it reasonably unscathed. Surely the old ladies don’t mind that I have the volume of a kitchen mouse and all my words are half swallowed.

It’s how all the socially inept girls talk these days.

Yay! ⋆˚✿˖°

Then it's time for the three grandmas to take my hands unprompted to gang up on me and shower me in compliments. I get told how beautiful I am and how elegant and handsome my face is.

(⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝)

I melt away, in the sheer surreal nature of the encounter.

This… this is nice actually.

I’m surrounded by sweet smiles and banter. Never have I experienced anything like this. I wasn’t granted access to this world before. I’m an interloper even now.

Mrs. Fujita makes a raunchy joke and I nearly choke on my own saliva.

More follow.

There is a lot of talk about me and men all of a sudden, future boyfriends and would-be husbands. The three start a discussion that somehow includes me, despite my missing input, what I should do if my future husband were to demand that I’d stop hunting. The consensus lands on that I shouldn’t, but we aren’t done.

I look at the dark brown tiles of the floor. I watch the shadows of the trees outside cascade past the window and us five there, wedged between living room and kitchen. The unsteady gentle waves of the wind translated into the dance of leaves.

“… with the first child it’s over …”

“… it wouldn’t be good for the baby, doing all this physical activity while pregnant …”

I feel Hotaru’s hand on me as she expertly corrals the gaggle of old ladies away from me towards the table.

She whispers into my ear,“You’re into girls, aren’t you?”

I give an absent nod.

It isn’t true. Not exactly. If I were a girl I would be, but as I guy… the thought alone repulses me. I’m a passive observer. An onlooker. Nothing more.

As she moves past me her fingers hook mine.

I help setting the table and Hotaru and I start giving out the small parcels of nicely cooked food. It smells heavenly. I forgot how wonderful a full meal could be.

We say our thanks and begin to eat.

The conversation soon picks up again, digs and endearing triva about our talkative company get shared before Hotaru and I become the main topic once more.

“No Katsumi is our newest member. She is very fresh, but she has talent.”

I do?

Hotaru has our host and her friends enamored. I’m super glad she is here, with out her I would've made a mumbling embarrassment out of myself.

“ …she's up in the front. I’m what one would call support. I learned to cast from my grandmother. I help the girls out, keep them safe…”

Hotaru gets peppered with questions and she explains to her captured audience how one casts a spell.

According to her it’s like performing invisible calligraphy in midair while speaking the corresponding incantation out loud, it has to be very precise.

It’s about how it was described in the original light novel, if a bit more poetically.

She gives a tiny demonstration of a barrier spell and I understand the gulf between a description read on a bright screen and the real thing.

It looks like nothing and at the same time I see the immense concentration in her face and the intricacies of the fast flick of her hand and fingers.

Everything is deliberate.

It has to be.

I watch real tangible magic unfold in front of me.

Not one created by something so crude like the bluetooth enabled bracelet currently wrapped around my wrist which is essential nothing more than a high-tech omamori. A talisman which draws on my own mana to manifest a weapon of protection.

Hotaru has no need for such a thing.

I’m in awe.

The spectacle ends and Hotaru gets the veneration she deserves, by the three old ladies and me.

We all cheer her on.

I excuse myself for a visit to the bathroom.

The short respite lets me take in my surroundings.

On the shelves stand countless pictures frames. This place is filled with photos of our host, with what I presume are her children and grandchildren.

Moments captured on film. It dawns on me.

Lingering memories.

This house, this neighborhood, is filled with them. The people are gone but their memories and the memories of them remain.

And the demons come in to feed off them, like little critters munching on fallen leaves.

Okay, they aren’t little, and pretty aggressive but still, that’s why they’re here.

I move past a small house shrine.

In a different world, there now is one with my picture. There isn’t one for pretty boy, even tho he’s gone too. I know that, somehow.

Guy croaked and I got settled with his debt.

I see mom and dad dressed in black, munching on dry sushi that isn’t worth being eaten.

I wasn’t much of a son, was I?

I’m doing better this time. I’m helping people, incidentally, but I think that still counts.

The son part? Less so. I’m going to turn myself into a girl.

But it’s probably better you don’t know that, you wouldn't be pleased.

Be glad I spared you of that particular embarrassment.

Ah, found the bathroom.

────୨ৎ────

It's late in the afternoon when we finally leave.

Who would’ve known that a bunch of grandmas could talk so much?

Before we set off, Mrs. Fujita told us that a friend of hers has a demon problem of the same variety and a friend of a friend of hers too. So, I’ve somehow ended up on the receiving end of an old lady demon scouting network and they all expect theirmiko to help them out. If the Guild isn’t paying me they’re going to do it, in food and affection.

I’m not complaining. I need the training.

The absurdity strikes me, somewhere out there, Tarō, our light novel hero is having his epic battles while I hunt oversized bugs for a bunch of old ladies while crossdressed.

Maybe I should link up with him? Compare notes?

Eh, probably not a good idea, pretty boy was the 'protagonist’s' bully.

Also best not to interfere with the plot of the story any more than I already did, you never know what you might mess up.

Hotaru takes my hand.

We don’t use the direct route back, she has us walking in the shade of the forest. The city seems distant and the soundscape of nature envelopes us.

I feel myself smiling.

"That was actually great. I got in so much girl-training today. It was crazy."

Hotaru giggles.

"Girl-training?"

"Yes, girl-training, for later when I get to be girl. You know, I don't want to fuck it up, that would be totally embarrassing. So I'm trying to get a head start."

Hotaru bites her lip and clearly suppresses another bout of cute noises. She shakes her head.

A solemn shadow washes over her face.

“Katsumi can I ask you something? Today in the metro you gushed about how girls have it better—and you talked a lot about clothing.”

“Yes sorry, never had someone to talk to about that stuff before.”

“It’s fine. I like it, I enjoyed talking about fashion. But Katsumi… you do know that life as a woman can be… challenging at times?”

I follow the line where the asphalt meets the grass with my gaze.

“I… know. I know that once I become a girl, things will be more difficult. In my old life, before I became a shut-in, I had female friends you know? And I saw how they and all the other girls were treated. And they told me how they struggled. And I see how Mr. Kataoka and Shiro are treating Hikari and it just makes me want to punch them in the face…”

I become aware in that moment how I’ve been using the more feminine form of speaking for hours now and it doesn’t feel strange. The fruits of my dedication.

“…so yes, I know how it’s probably going to be when I’m a girl.”

I can’t look at Hotaru, not yet anyway. Past the shallow ditch the terrain raises sharply. I study the small pebbles that have fallen down littering the street.

I continue.

“But it doesn’t matter because it’s already difficult for me. I’m not cut out to be a guy Hotaru. I’m not! All the things that came natural to the other boys, I had to force myself. For other men it’s no big deal being a man, they seem to enjoy it for whatever reason. I don’t get it. Because for me it’s exhausting and I’m tired. I’m so tired and I don’t want to anymore. That’s why I’m going to be become a girl.”

I kick one of the pebbles. It flies off into the forest.

I sigh.

“You must think I’m a lazy coward, who is taking the easy way out. But I tried okay, I tried.”

There is suddenly fire in my lungs.

Letting go of Hotaru’s hand I stop to rant, my gaze still trained on the ground,

“I don’t get it! Why would anybody want to a guy? It’s the worst!”

That’s when I look up, my nails dug into the palms of my hands.

Why do I feel like crying?

Hotaru doesn’t say anything, she simply takes my hand and we continue our walk.

Minutes pass in silence.

Just us, the deserted street and the rustling of leaves.

“Katsumi are you actually taking the pills Mayumi gave you?”

“Uhm… yes.”

“Don’t swallow them, put them between your teeth and gum or under your tongue and let them dissolve there. I’ll send you the name of another drug, it has progesterone. Take that one before you go to sleep. And you’re going to go to a lab and get your blood drawn. It shouldn’t be more than 4000¥. And you’re sending me the results. I’ll write down what they should test for.”

Hu?

I stare at her completely baffled.

Hotaru replies to my confusion, “My mother is a nurse and I tried to get into medical college, failed the entrance exam three times. I still want to try again, but… I currently have other obligations. So can you do these things for me Katsumi?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

She seems a tinge irritated, but not at me.

Hmm…

“Wait are you angry at Mayumi?”

“Yes, she shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what she was thinking.”

“But I should keep taking the pills?”

“You? Yes you should definitely keep taking them, Katsumi.”

“Okay.”

We fall silent for a second time.

Before we reach the main street, Hotaru stops me and says, “Can I ask you something else?”

“Yes.”

“Why even show up looking like you did this morning? You appear a lot more comfortable like you are now.”

『 ??? 』

( º～º )

“Wait are you suggesting I should dress like a girl all the time?”

“Yes?”

“What? Why? This was a one off thing because the nice grandma thinks I’m a girl. I’m not going to crossdress all the time, that would be weird. I can’t do that. Also it’s terrifying. I was so nervous they would find out that I’m a guy.”

“No-one is going to find out. You heard the ladies, they think you’re pretty.”

“One called me handsome, and the other said I had the face of a fox.”

“That’s a compliment.”

“Okay. Also that’s only because of the make-up, without it I’ll look like a dude.”

“I think you could manage without make-up. You have quite the striking face Katsumi, perfect for a host club. And in a few months you'll have a hard time convincing anyone you’re a man, you’ll see.”

“Eh?”

Hotaru unleashes an incredible cute giggle.

“You know, you’re adorable Katsu-chan. Come let’s get you home.”

I’m still hung up on that host-club thing.

She has a point, pretty boy could totally work at a host club.

I could make so much money!

( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

Why didn’t I ever think of that?

Oh yeah right because I’m girl-love obsessed loser shut-in who’s first reaction upon waking up in another world and finding a bulge in my pants and pretty boy's face in the mirror was utter despair.

Hmm… working at a host club would probably eat into my demon-hunting time. Not good. And then there is the whole social aspect, I don’t think girls would find anything past my appearance pleasing. Current company excluded.

Don’t think the average client would be into their host telling them what he would wear after he turned himself into a girl.

Oh well, konbini life it is.