Chapter 68 – Sharing a Weight
It is late afternoon, and a newly opened cafe finds itself in a situation with both advantages and disadvantages.
Seated at an outdoor table was a couple with a little girl. The girl was an adorable, smiling creature with white hair and a small horn, happily eating a slice of apple pie. Her smile was a lethal weapon to anyone who caught sight of it.
Besides being beautiful, the woman had a voluptuous figure accentuated by her modest clothes, drawing both the gazes of men and the ire of women. She smiled, shifting her gaze between the little girl and her cup as she lazily stirred the tea she had ordered.
The man… no, the giant sat opposite the woman. Or rather, it is more accurate to say he was forced to kneel, as the chair was far too small and would likely have broken under his weight. His appearance and aura were worthy of a deity, and despite his massive physique, he handled the cutlery with grace and delicacy.
Their presence was drawing a large crowd, bringing a considerable amount of business to the cafe. However, this inconvenienced the few regulars, and every so often, the crowd would scatter or faint from a strange sensation that beset anyone who dared venture too close to the table, except for the staff who served them, who claimed to have felt nothing amiss.
«Thank you again for stepping in earlier.» Nemuri said, looking up from her cup. «I wasn't exactly in danger, but you certainly saved me a lot of hassle.»
«It was no trouble at all, Midnight-sensei.» Izuku replied, delicately taking hold of his cup's handle. «Compared to the criminals I’ve had to negotiate with in the past, they were a breath of fresh air.»
«Regardless of the place, crime exists everywhere, huh?» Nemuri said with a weary smile. «Anyway, this is on me. Consider it my thanks.»
«Yay!» Eri exclaimed happily.
Seeing the little girl delighted by her statement, Nemuri began to stroke her head, enraptured by that innocent smile. Izuku, on the other hand, offered a faint smile. However, his eyes hid a tinge of sadness as he thought of all the children he had been forced to ignore or exploit during his service to ensure the safety of the Holy Terra and, above all, the Imperial Palace. Nemuri did not miss it.
«Is something wrong, Midoriya-san?»
«It’s nothing in particular.» he said, shaking his head. «I was just reminded of rather unpleasant events.»
«I’m sorry.» Nemuri said quietly.
«You shouldn't be, Midnight-sensei. You are in no way to blame.» he said after taking a sip of tea. «As I told you a couple of months ago, I had to make necessary choices that I am not proud of. And looking at Eri reminded me of her situation.»
«Do you mean to say that your choices resulted in, or were the origin of, situations similar to Eri's?»
Izuku’s body shuddered. Imperceptibly, yet genuinely.
Reality and his memories wouldn't let him answer Nemuri’s question negatively. But he couldn't give a positive one either. The question sparked the first… reflection on the collateral consequences of the decisions he had been forced to make centuries ago. A simple question he had never asked himself, because the safety of the Imperial Palace and the Emperor was the only outcome a Custodian had to achieve at all costs.
With a deliberate movement, Izuku set his teacup back on the table. His expression was complex, but the sorrowful notes stirred a strange sensation within Nemuri, as if her stomach were knotting up, while pangs of pain shot through her heart. Panic seized her, believing she had opened a wound that ought to have remained untouched. She felt an urgent need to retract what she had said, but Izuku’s response not only forestalled her, but left her speechless.
«It could be possible.»
Four simple words. They didn't deny the possibility, nor did they confirm it. It was the statement of someone who, despite bearing no ill will towards others, did not know whether he was the cause of innocent suffering.
He had never intentionally claimed a life nor caused others to suffer, but indirectly? He could not be certain.
«For the Adeptus Custodes, the sanctity of the Imperial Palace and the protection of the Master of Mankind are absolute imperatives that must be maintained at any cost,» Izuku stated, staring into his tea. «But none of us ever cared about the repercussions dictated by our decisions. As long as our duty was fulfilled, nothing else mattered. Therefore, I can never say with certainty whether my actions caused suffering to others.»
Nemuri said nothing. Not because she lacked words, but simply because she knew she had drawn out the fraction of "humanity" that the venerable Custodian before her still possessed. The capacity to hold a "conscience", even if he had already made his peace with it.
«Hundreds have died at my hands or by my command. Humans, mutants, xenos, cultists of dark and cruel gods. All of them died to protect the Emperor.» Izuku resumed in a contemplative tone. «Not once did I ask myself if they had a family or a loved one waiting for them at home, to whom they had made a promise to keep. Not once did I hesitate, for I knew that hesitation would bring danger to my Lord or the deaths of dozens of innocents.»
«…You told me that you made choices dictated by mathematics and necessity rather than your conscience.» Nemuri spoke softly yet gently. «The place you were in, that universe where you lived for twenty-five centuries… is it truly that… cruel?»
«Cruel?» Izuku asked with a soft chuckle; a laugh rich with weary irony. «That word is as fitting as it is inadequate, in my view. It is not something one can easily describe; only "living" it makes you understand what it means to look cruelty in the eyes and realise that it is merely the tip of the iceberg.»
Nemuri felt a lump in her throat, a strange sense of guilt for having "forced" the wounded man before her to speak of something so bleak and depressing. She felt guilty because it felt as though she had insulted him, even though he had helped her with those two thugs.
«Midoriya-san, I—»
«Please do not worry, Midnight-sensei,» Izuku said with a resigned smile. «You have nothing to feel guilty about.»
«Izuku-niisan.» Eri called out, oblivious to the topic just discussed. «May I have another slice?»
Izuku’s attention shifted to the little Eri, her mouth smudged and her smile radiant. Until that moment, the little girl’s attention had been entirely captured by her slice of pie. He wiped her lips, sighing with amusement at her innocence.
*****
The afternoon flew by as they took Eri to the playground, allowing Nemuri to take a few photos and endure several sugar rushes of sheer sweetness and adorability courtesy of the little girl.
At dinner, besides chatting about this and that, Izuku entertained their guest and his family members by recounting the wonders of the Imperial Palace and the few, exceedingly rare, breathtaking landscapes of worlds where war raged, yet somehow survived its cruelty. His stories and descriptions were so vivid that those listening could picture them with absolute clarity.
The evening drew to a close when Eri fell asleep in her adoptive mother’s arms. As she carried her off to bed, Inko told Izuku to walk Nemuri to the edge of the campus.
«Thank you for the evening.» Nemuri said kindly. «I had a lovely time.»
«Thank you for indulging my mother’s whims, Midnight-sensei,» Izuku said, mildly embarrassed. «I’ll make sure it doesn't become a habit of hers.»
At his comment, Nemuri chuckled, amused by the venerable Custodian’s embarrassment, before remembering the complex, reflective expression he had worn during their afternoon tea.
«Midoriya-san.» she called out, her tone remorseful. «I’m sorry if I made you recall unpleasant memories and thoughts this afternoon. I’ll try to be more tactful next time.» She bowed her head, thoroughly crestfallen.
«Sensei.» Izuku called to her after a brief pause. «You have nothing to apologise for, and you know it. If anything, I am grateful to you for asking and for listening to me. I was glad to share it; in fact, talking to you about it came almost naturally.»
Nemuri’s eyes widened in surprise. Izuku was kneeling before her so she wouldn't have to tilt her head up too far to meet his gaze. Those ancient, deep green eyes, witnesses to countless atrocities, looked at her with gratitude, while a gentle, sincere smile formed on his lips. No giant or Custodian stood before her now, just a young man grateful to have shared a fragment of his suffering with someone.
Nemuri’s cheeks flushed red, and her heart leapt with joy. For the first time, the mantra she had repeated to herself so often about not being interested in men older than her failed to take shape in her mind. The longer they maintained eye contact, the more flustered she became, until she eventually looked away.
«Nemuri...» she sighed, embarrassed.
«Hm? What did you say, Midnight-sensei?»
«My name.» she said bashfully. «Nemuri Kayama is my real name. When there’s no one else around, you can use my name.»
…?! What on earth did I say?!!!
«As you wish... Nemuri-sensei.» Izuku said, caught off guard.
«Y-yes!» she exclaimed, her face turned a steaming shade of crimson. «I think I’d better go now! G-goodnight!»
Completely out of character, as if her body refused to obey her will, Nemuri darted towards Izuku and, for no logical reason at all, planted a kiss on his forehead, astounding not only herself, but Izuku as well.
W-w-what has gotten into meeee!!! Nemuri shrieked in her head as she bolted home, clutching her burning face without ever looking back.