Chapter 44 – Frustration
Light always generates shadows. Even the stars shine only because they are surrounded by darkness. But this light is suffocated by its darkness. That light remains firm despite the surrounding corruption.
A chipped blade, demonstrating the numerous clashes. Fresh, bright blood dresses that blade, but it does not rejoice in the lives it tears. It cries. It cries in frustration at how the purity it extolled is irremediably corrupt. It wants to get rid of its protégé's corruption. But it must be broken. The blade must be broken in order to purify it.
Once broken, it can be purified from the blood of a mortally wounded eagle and reforged, tinged with duty and purpose. The blade will become a sharp eye and replace the eye of a lion that cannot see what the darkness hides and the dangers to face.
*****
Light came in through the window, and the birds chirped. The first thing Melissa saw, as soon as she opened her eyes, was a ceiling she didn't recognise. It wasn't that of a hospital, the infirmary, or her home. When Melissa realised this, her head hurt, and she put her hand to her head in excruciating pain.
A large calloused hand stopped her, preventing Melissa from sitting down.
«You haven't fully recovered yet, as far as I can see.» a male voice calmly stated «This way you learn what happens when you recklessly use Conservai's full potential.»
Although she felt her head explode, she turned to the origin of the voice.
«Midoriya-san?»
«Yes, I'm Izuku Midoriya, Shield-san.» he stated indifferently «Good morning.»
Izuku stood beside her, dressed in a short-sleeved black shirt that stretched over his muscles and baggy grey canvas trousers. He read the business page of a newspaper, his emerald green eyes focused.
«W-where am I?» asked Melissa with difficulty.
«In the guest room of my house, my reckless student.» Izuku replied with a calm but slightly annoyed tone.
«Wait. Wha-»
"Don't ask questions. Close your eyes, start meditating," Izuku cut in. "Any more info and your brain might escape."
«B-but-»
«Don't argue and do it. Then we can talk.» Izuku said, giving her an authoritarian, decisive look.
Melissa didn't argue any further. She closed her eyes and began to breathe: four seconds for inhalation, four for exhalation. The pounding pain in her head loosened. Melissa continued to meditate, isolating herself; in that isolation, the head found peace again. She didn't know how much time had passed, but when she opened her eyes again she felt... normal. She didn't know how else to define it.
At the same time, Melissa felt her left arm go rigid, and when she looked down, she noticed it was immobilised in a cast.
«Are you feeling better now?»
«Y-yes.» she stated timidly «What, what happened after my fight with Todoroki-san?»
«You lost not only because you fainted, but also because you were thrown out of the ring.» Izuku began by folding the newspaper and turning his full attention to her «And it's been a good 71 hours and 29 minutes since then. The festival ended while you were still unconscious.»
«T-three days?!» she asked in surprise.
«Exactly. Luckily for you, students were allowed to rest on the two consecutive days of the festival.»
«Three days...?! But then why am I at your house?»
Izuku stood up and approached, casting a shadow over Melissa. She shifted uncomfortably as he lowered himself to her height and tapped her lightly on the forehead. Though the gesture was gentle for him, it was painful for her, and Melissa immediately touched her forehead, complaining about the pain.
«You're in the guest room because of you, foolish student.» he said, annoyance clear. «Why use Conservai's full potential when you barely manage the basics?»
«Did I- did I use Conservai?» she asked doubtfully «But, it was you who-»
«I allowed you to use what I taught you, not to show everyone your natural talent for the martial Ka'tha.» he sighed heavily «If Todoroki-san hadn't made you faint, I would've.»
«W-what did you say? Talent?»
«I don't know why you went all out against Todoroki-san, and I have no right to know.» he said seriously «But during the fight, you showed a surprising affinity with the Conservai. I bet you could predict your opponent's moves, simulate scenarios, and weigh variables, right?»
Melissa didn't answer right away; her thoughts drifted back to the clash with Todoroki. The room faded as she recalled ...Now that I think about it, it's true. I felt like I was seeing every single movement, every reaction, and every possibility.
«That's Conservai.» Izuku stated dryly, seeing how eloquent Melissa's expression was «In your recklessness and above all ignorance, you used it without realising the consequences you faced.»
«Consequences?»
«As I already anticipated before I started educating you...» Izuku began «what I am teaching you are the martial arts created and used by the Adeptus Custodes. Between a Custodes and a normal human, there is a sharp, deep chasm. Conservai enhances the reception and assimilation of information, simulation speed, and decision-making skills beyond all limits. Unlike a Custodes, a human brain is not at all suited to such a performance. If you had continued using it, at best you would have ended up in a coma and, at worst, you would have been brain dead.»
The statement sent shivers running down Melissa's back, and she lowered her head immediately afterwards, her gaze fixed on her right hand. It was shaking.
The simple yet direct explanation made Melissa realise that Izuku was teaching her something powerful and, at the same time, extremely dangerous. Aware of this, she trembled with fear and turned white.
«I yelled at you and called you reckless. But it is also true that the blame for this situation lies entirely on me, your teacher. I ask your forgiveness.»
Izuku's words startled Melissa. His head had lowered in a bow of apology.
«I was blinded by arrogance when I decided to teach you the Ka'thas, without taking into account the possible dangers that could compromise your health.»
«What are you saying, Midoriya-san?» Melissa asked
«You are the first non-Custodes human to be taught a part of the Ka'thas. In the 41st millennium and in the Imperial Archives, there is no precedent for a normal human being ever learning or using the Ka'thas. Only when I witnessed your clash did I realise the danger it entailed.»
Melissa didn't know what to say. From her point of view, accepting his apology wasn't strange, but at the same time it was. She felt as much a victim as an executioner of her own situation. In the end, all she said was just a question.
«Now what will happen?»
«Go back to everyday life.» Izuku said, raising his head «However, you are prohibited from using Conservai. You won't be taught Rendax either. Your workouts will be limited to physical exercises, meditative sessions, and combat simulations.»
The decision was logical. Seeing the result on her body for the careless use of Conservai, it was natural to prohibit further learning of martial Ka'thas, let alone a new one. However, Melissa was frustrated: she felt that something had just been torn from her that defined her identity, and she wanted to continue, even though the road ahead was so dangerous it was lethal.
«...Can't it be avoided?»
«......» Izuku's gaze had become sharp
«Is there really no way for me to learn and master Conservai and Rendax?»
«...Did you see what happened to-»
«You said it too, Midoriya-san. What happened was a consequence of my arrogance, my ignorance, and my recklessness.» she interrupted, staring him in the eye «Then take responsibility and teach me. Don't let me risk again because of my ignorance.»
«Taking responsibility, huh...» Izuku repeated, massaging his chin «Why do you want to put your person in danger?»
«Because I want to be a Heroine.»
«You can be one without the martial Ka'thas. What's the real reason?»
«......I feel frustrated.» she admitted sincerely «Not because I lost, but because when I gave my all, when I used Conservai, I felt... myself, as if I had known a part of myself that I didn't think I had. When you placed those bans, I thought I saw that part of me tear off. I want you to teach me because I want to know even better who I am.»
They were staring at each other. Izuku didn't interrupt her, listening and absorbing Melissa's every single word. Their eyes kept crossing. Melissa was determined to show her resolve to continue learning the martial Ka'thas, while Izuku was intent on finding the slightest trace of doubt or hesitation in that silent communication.
«Sigh. Seems you won't change your mind.» Izuku said.
«?! Then...»
«Your uncle and Recovery Girl will want my head, but we'll resume training once your cast's off.»
Melissa unconsciously smiled happily at Izuku's statement, eager to get back to training.
«But the ban on using Conservai to its full potential remains until I deem you ready. This is not negotiable, clear?» he asked, getting up.
«Yes!» she exclaimed happily.
Suddenly, Izuku's rough, calloused hand landed on Melissa's head and began to caress her. Melissa was surprised by the act.
«Midoriya-san?»
«You did well.» he said with a faint smile «Congrats on your fourth place, Shield-san»
Hearing those words, Melissa smiled, her cheeks warming and her heart racing. If this is my prize for fourth place, I don't mind at all.