23. Aftermath
I continued laying quietly on the forest floor as I waited for the pain to finally hit. My thoughts drifted back to the details from Valerie Townsend's medical report, and I knew mine was going to be similar.
Even worse, I couldn't help thinking about the physical changes Ms. Townsend was going through. I was extremely happy with my new femme body, and the thought of some alien magic or DNA forcing me to become more masc again turned my stomach. Even if the changes were androgynous rather than actually masculine, the idea still filled me with dread and dysphoria.
In fact I was so focused on those fears it took me a while to realize there still wasn't any pain. Meanwhile my breathing and heart-rate had both returned to normal, as though I'd completed a strenuous sparring session rather than just barely surviving a fight for my life.
Confused, I cautiously pulled myself upright. Then I froze again, when I saw the blood stain soaking into my shredded jacket and hoodie.
It took me another second or two to realize the blood wasn't mine. After that it finally began to dawn on me that I was entirely unharmed. Despite the entity's claws and teeth slicing through my clothes like wet tissue, my skin beneath wasn't even bruised. That fact left me momentarily baffled, until I remembered those 'protection amulets' Owen gave Phoebe and I.
I suddenly let out a long deep sigh of relief, as those fears of sharing Ms. Townsend's fate quickly faded. Thanks to the amulet I hadn't suffered so much as a scratch, so odds were my body wouldn't be changing again after all.
Finally I glanced over at my partner and asked, "Are you ok?"
The cute redhead was sitting on the ground a couple meters away, slumped so her back was leaning against the base of a tree. Her jacket had four ragged cuts clean through it, running diagonally from low on the right side of her chest across to her left shoulder. There was no sign of any blood though, and no indication she'd been hurt. Except she had a distant, troubled expression on her face, and she appeared to be staring at some nondescript spot on the ground near her feet.
"Phoebe?" I asked again, "Are you alright?"
She finally responded, "I'm fine. Bloody magical amulet did its thing. You?"
I hesitated, then glanced to my right where the entity lay dead. My gut lurched slightly, and I ended up staring at their body for the next few seconds. They were still shifted into their monstrous hyena-like form, head and hands looking more animal than human. Their eyes remained open, staring blankly up at the forest canopy above us.
Their stolen military fatigues didn't fit them at all in this shape, it looked like the material was uncomfortably tight across their shoulders and chest, as well as around their hips. Most jarring though was the large red smear across their mid-section, staining the mottled green camouflage pattern.
I finally tore my eyes away and looked back at my partner instead as I sighed, "I'm not hurt, but I don't think I'm ok."
"I killed them," I added softly. "They were intelligent, sapient, they were a person like you or me. Brought here against their will, they were just trying to survive, to rebuild their life. I know they killed some people, but this wasn't how I wanted to stop them. We were supposed to find a peaceful solution, and now they're dead. They didn't deserve this."
Phoebe grimaced then shook her head, "Don't blame yourself, Trillium. You did your best. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. You were relying on me to stop her when talking didn't work."
I frowned, "I thought you couldn't enspell them while they were right on top of me? That's what Martin said up in Yorkshire, I had to get you and Inspector Carter clear of that monster before he could blast it with his spell."
"Different spells," the redhead replied in a quiet guilty monotone. "I could have stunned her without affecting you."
My frown grew a little deeper as I asked, "Then why didn't you?"
She let out a long sigh before finally admitting, "I froze. I'm sorry Trillium. Twenty-two years doing this sort of work, and I've never froze up like that before."
"Please don't tell Owen or Grace?" she asked, as she looked over and our eyes met. It seemed like she was dealing with some guilt, but more than that she appeared anxious. "They'll think I've lost my nerve, lost my edge. That I'm not fit for duty anymore."
Her gaze drifted back down towards the ground again as she added, "I know I've no right to ask that of you, but please. I swear it won't happen again. I just... I can't lose this. It's all I have."
I watched her for another second or two, before realizing she looked truly frightened at the possibility of losing her job. That fear seemed out of place to me, but then again I already knew she was scared of our mysterious boss. As far as I was concerned though, if anyone at LIES even mentioned dismissal I'd absolutely try and intervene. I was positive my partner needed counselling, not discipline.
The last time we faced one of these entities she'd charged right in without a second thought, and it turned her life upside-down in ways she was still coming to terms with. I knew that had to be traumatizing for her. And we'd both seen how Valerie Townsend was suffering some similar but opposite effects after being attacked by this creature. It wasn't hard to understand that this encounter could be triggering for the busty redhead.
"Alright Phoebe," I finally responded. "That stays between you and I, for now. We'll talk more later, but right now we need to deal with this mess. Dr. Bishop was expecting us to bring the entity in alive. Do we still contact her, even though I killed them? Or what should we do?"
Phoebe grimaced again, then shook her head. She slowly got to her feet and gestured, "Move away from the body please? I need to destroy it. It's evidence of a non-human alien life-form, we can't risk it getting out to the public."
"You don't think Dr. Bishop will want to study their remains?" I asked. "Should we at least gather some samples or something?"
The redhead nodded towards me, "You're wearing more than enough samples. Alien blood on your jacket, there's probably saliva on your sleeve. We'll package it all up for the doctor when we get back to the Grandland. I've got some evidence bags in there."
That made sense, and it was certainly a lot easier than lugging an entire body back through the woods. As I got to my feet I spotted the handgun in the mud next to where I'd been laying, and carefully picked that up. I removed the magazine and cycled the action to extract the round from the chamber, then stuffed it in one of my jacket pockets for now.
As I moved to my partner's side I pulled out my phone, and quickly took a few pictures of the entity. I figured we'd need them for our final report, plus Dr. Bishop would probably want to see what they looked like. After that I watched quietly while Phoebe used her magic to cremate the body where it lay. And despite not being a religious person I whispered a silent prayer for them, and for the four people they'd killed.
When it was all over the two of us turned and set off back the way we came. As we trudged together along the trail I commented quietly, "We never even learned their name."
Phoebe didn't respond, it looked like she was still dealing with some strong emotions regarding her reaction during the fight.
I decided to leave her to her thoughts for now. I still had some processing of my own to do, considering it was the first time I'd ever taken a life. Even though I knew intellectually I'd done what was necessary in the heat of a fight, it still weighed on my conscience. Especially knowing in retrospect that I wasn't actually in mortal danger after all, thanks to that amulet.
It only took us some ten or twelve minutes to get back to the SUV, but during that time the rain started coming down. At first it was just a gentle drizzle, but I could tell it was only going to get worse. The two of us hurried the last hundred meters or so, then when we got there I quickly shrugged off my jacket and hoodie while Phoebe opened the cargo door at the back of the vehicle. She had what looked like a black toolbox in there, but instead of tools it was full of a very eclectic assortment of gear. A few items were familiar enough though, including some large plastic evidence bags.
The two of us spent the next couple minutes sorting things out into separate bags. I stuffed the handgun in one of them, while Phoebe folded up her jacket and sealed it in another. My jacket and hoodie went into a third, but only after I'd made sure to retrieve all my possessions out of the pockets.
"I only just got that hoodie up in Whitby two weeks ago," I grumbled as we stuffed the loaded evidence bags into the back of her SUV.
The redhead flashed me a sympathetic smile, "It happens. We're both going to need to pick up new jackets after this. And if you don't mind, I think we should get ourselves something to drink too. For when we get back to the hotel."
Her suggestion reminded me of what she'd said the other day, about this line of work and sometimes needing a drink to keep the darkness away. And at least for today I decided I agreed with that sentiment.
• • • • •
As planned we made a couple brief stops on our way back to the hotel. The first was at a clothing shop, where the two of us picked up some new jackets, hoodies, and a few other items. And we came away from the second with a dozen cans of ale and lager, along with a bottle of Scotch whisky.
Once back at our hotel suite we both had a couple shots of the whisky, for medicinal reasons of course. Then Phoebe spent a half hour or so relaxing in another hot bath, while I sent Dr. Bishop a very abbreviated report. As promised I didn't say anything about my partner's momentary lapse. I did explain that the encounter ended badly and the entity didn't survive. I assured the doctor that my partner and I were both safe, but told her we needed some downtime after the encounter. And finally I promised to send her a detailed report the following day.
Then after the cute redhead was finished in the bath I decided to follow her example and spent a while soaking in the large comfortable tub myself. We took advantage of room service when it was time for dinner, but neither of us talked much. In the end Phoebe settled in front of the TV for an evening of beer and football, while I spent my time studying that magic ebook.
The two of us slept in again Sunday morning, but we were up in time to take brunch at the hotel's buffet. Both of us were clearly dressed for comfort though, as we made our way down to the restaurant. I was in sneakers, loose light grey sweat pants, a t-shirt, and my latest hoodie. That was an over-sized navy blue number, especially cozy with warm soft fleece. Phoebe was in tight leggings, a long tunic-top, and she'd also opted for sneakers and a hoodie.
As we got started on our food my partner asked, "So what's our plan for today?"
"If we're heading back to Wales we'll have to rush through breakfast," she added. "Check-out time is half-past ten."
I glanced at her then shrugged, "I don't mind staying an extra day. The only thing on my agenda is writing up our final report so I can send that off to Dr. Bishop."
Phoebe nodded, "So we'll aim to head back tomorrow then."
After a bite of my French toast I agreed, "Sounds good. Would you mind though if instead of driving straight to Cardiff, we stopped by my flat in Croydon? I'd like to reload my overnight bag with clean clothes. Otherwise I'll be looking for someplace I can do my laundry."
"That's fine," the cute redhead nodded again. "So apart from some report-writing it's a quiet day today, then we'll be spending most of tomorrow on the road."
With our plans in place the rest of the meal passed in silence. When we'd both had enough to eat the two of us made our way back up to our suite. It was about eleven in the morning by that point, and I decided it was time to wrap up the last bit of work. So I headed over to the table where I'd left my laptop, then sat down and waited for my computer to boot up.
Phoebe slipped into the chair right next to mine and asked, "Report writing time?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Don't worry, I won't say anything about..."
She cringed, sighed, then grimaced before responding softly, "Thank you."
I spent the next thirty or forty minutes working on that, although I couldn't help feeling a little self-conscious with my partner sitting so close. At first I thought she meant to help draft the text, but when she stayed quiet I figured she just wanted to read what I was writing. Except she didn't actually seem to be looking at the laptop that much. In the end I decided she was probably just there to keep me company while I worked.
By the time I was done the document was about as thorough as I could make it. I included the photos I'd taken in the aftermath of the fight, and mentioned the evidence bags we'd be bringing back to the office with us. The only detail I'd omitted was the thing Phoebe asked to keep between us. Instead I embroidered the truth very slightly, and stated that the attack was fast and vicious, and that we simply didn't have any opportunity to try and capture or restrain the entity before I'd inadvertently killed them in the heat of the fight.
I gave the report another read-through to make sure I was satisfied. Then before submitting it I glanced at Phoebe and asked, "Did you want to look this over before I send it to Dr. Bishop?"
The redhead hesitated, then shook her head. "I'm sure it's perfect."
That made me smile, and I quietly thanked her before uploading everything to the LIES server. Then as I closed the lid on my laptop I asked, "So we've all afternoon and evening ahead of us. Was there anything you wanted to do while we're here in Southampton?"
"Actually there's one more match I'd like to watch this afternoon," Phoebe responded with a hopeful grin as she gestured towards the big TV. "Spurs versus Fulham."
Her expression became serious again as she added, "If you don't mind, that is?"
I shook my head, "Not at all. Do we have some time to talk first, before it starts?"
"Aye," she sighed as her posture became a little more defensive. "You want to discuss what happened yesterday? Mind if I grab a drink first?"
The two of us ended up moving to the sofa, since it was a lot more comfortable. And she had a can of ale in hand, but I opted for a bottle of water. I was seated on the right, while Phoebe sort of curled up so she was sitting cross-legged, but at an angle so she could face me.
After a gulp of her beer she asked, "I reckon you want to know why I froze?"
"Only if you're comfortable talking about it," I replied.
"And if I'm not?" she asked warily.
I shook my head, "Then we won't talk about that. There's something else I wanted to ask though."
The redhead had another gulp of her drink then nodded, "Go on then, ask away."
"Have you had any sort of counselling or therapy, since the incident in North Yorkshire?" I asked. "Does LIES even offer that sort of support to its employees? I'm asking because it seems like this is exactly the type of work where counselling should be almost mandatory."
I added with a frown, "Self-medicating with alcohol might have been the norm a few decades ago, but it's absolutely not an acceptable substitute for proper mental health care."
Phoebe scowled slightly then shook her head, "You know LIES was formed out of former Brotherhood operatives, right? Apart from Grace, Alys, and yourself, we're all ex-Brotherhood. And that was as old-school old-boys-club as you can get. It was all very much 'stiff upper lip', 'have a drink' and 'walk it off'."
"Needless to say they didn't have anything like a therapist on staff," she continued. "And if anyone was daft enough to discuss Brotherhood business with some outsider, it's a pretty safe bet they'd have been bumped off and the clinic burned to the ground in some sort of 'accident'. The Brotherhood's bosses wouldn't have taken any chances with someone sharing our secrets like that. And any hint of mental health problems would have been considered a distinct liability."
Hearing all that left me frowning even more, "That's barbaric. I can't believe LIES would be anything like that, and if it is then I don't expect to continue my employment with them after all."
"I'm going to email Dr. Bishop and ask about availability of counselling," I decided as I got up to go and fetch my phone. I added, "Don't worry I won't say anything about you. I'm asking for my own peace of mind. After what happened yesterday I might need a little help myself."
My partner nodded slowly, "Good luck Trillium. And thanks again."
I gave her a weak smile as I sat back down, then spent the next few minutes composing another message to the doctor. And after sending that off I decided to email our mysterious boss as well, with some similar questions.