Pure Route in a Netorare School

“Slut!”

Those words surfaced in my head again.

So clearly, as if someone had just shouted them right now.

Even though several years had already passed since then.

I sat at the table across from Ren, but I could barely see him or the food.

In front of my eyes was a completely different room.

My old classroom.

A desk covered in scribbles.

My name was written on it in thick black marker, and next to it — another piece of filth.

Sometimes the writing appeared on the chair.

Sometimes on the locker.

Once, someone even wrote it on my uniform with white paint.

I stood in the bathroom for a long time that day, trying to wipe it off with wet wipes.

It didn’t work.

I had to wear my gym jacket buttoned all the way up to my chin for the rest of the day.

Everyone saw it.

No one said anything.

It went on like that for almost a year.

They hid my clothes after PE.

They cut my shoes with scissors.

They poured water into my pencil case.

They passed my phone around the class while I begged for it back, burning with shame.

Sometimes it all looked like ordinary teasing.

Completely harmless.

At least, to those who were laughing.

But the worst thing wasn’t even the things they did.

The worst thing was the silence.

When I sat down next to someone, the conversation immediately stopped.

When the teacher asked us to split into pairs, everyone quickly found a partner.

I was always left last.

As if there was something contagious about me.

As if just one conversation with me could turn the next person into the following victim.

I didn’t tell anyone.

Not my mom.

Not my dad.

I didn’t want them to worry.

And even more, I didn’t want to see pity in their eyes.

Every evening I came home, smiled, and said everything was fine.

Mom would ask:

— How was your day?

— Normal.

Dad would ask about my grades.

I showed him my tests.

We had dinner.

And then I would lock myself in my room and check my phone.

New messages.

New photos.

New mockery.

Sometimes it seemed to me that if I was quiet and invisible enough, they would get bored.

They didn’t.

Mom found out by accident.

She saw my cut-up shoes.

I lied and said I had caught them on something on the way.

She didn’t believe me.

Then she found my ruined uniform in the trash can.

And a few days later, she came to pick me up from school early and saw several girls push me near the gates.

I will never forget the look on her face.

She didn’t scream.

She didn’t make a scene.

She simply walked up, took me by the hand, and led me away.

At home, Mom was silent for a long time.

Then she asked:

— Why didn’t you say anything?

I couldn’t answer.

I just started crying.

I entered high school already by her decision.

Mom worked there as a teacher and was sure that under her watch everything would be different.

I wanted to believe it.

But on the very first day, I still walked into the classroom with my head down.

I was already expecting the looks.

The whispers.

The laughter.

The new place didn’t change anything.

I remained myself.

Which meant everything could start all over again.

My desk was by the window.

I just couldn’t sit down at it.

Some girl was already sitting on my textbooks.

She was sitting right on top of them and loudly talking with her friends.

I stopped next to her.

— Excuse me… this is my seat.

She didn’t even turn around.

— It’s mine now.

Her friends laughed.

My hands immediately went cold.

It was too familiar.

I was already about to walk away.

Find an empty chair.

Pretend nothing had happened.

And then a voice came from right beside me:

— She said this is her seat.

I turned around.

Hayato was standing slightly behind me.

Back then, we weren’t even acquaintances yet.

I had only seen his name on the class list.

The girl reluctantly looked at him.

— And what business is it of yours?

— None.

He shrugged.

— Just get off someone else’s desk.

There was no threat in his voice.

He didn’t even look angry.

But he continued standing there and looking at her.

The girl snorted.

— Found yourself a protector.

— Maybe.

She still got up.

She swept my textbooks onto the floor and walked back to her friends.

Hayato picked up the fallen notebook from the floor.

He held it out to me.

— Here.

I looked at him and couldn’t say anything.

He frowned slightly.

— Are you okay?

I quickly nodded.

— Yeah.

— Then sit down. The teacher will be here soon.

He said it so simply.

As if he hadn’t done anything special.

But for me, it was special.

The entire previous year, I had been waiting for at least one person to say: “Enough.”

No one did.

But Hayato did it on the very first day.

After class, he came up to me again.

— You live near the old shopping district, right?

I became cautious.

— How do you know?

— I saw you at the bus stop this morning. I live nearby too.

He smiled.

— We can walk together.

My first thought was to refuse.

I still didn’t know how to trust people.

Especially those who suddenly showed kindness.

It seemed to me that behind every smile there had to be mockery.

But Hayato simply stood there and waited.

He didn’t rush me.

He didn’t ask why I was thinking for so long.

— Okay, — I finally answered.

From that day on, we almost always walked home together.

At first, we only talked about studying.

Then about music.

Movies.

Food.

Stupid school rumors.

Hayato wasn’t particularly talkative.

Sometimes we could walk half the way in silence.

But next to him, that silence didn’t press down on me.

It was calm.

Safe.

A few days later, he introduced me to Miu.

— We’ve been friends since childhood, — he explained.

Miu smiled and immediately took me by the arm.

— Finally he has another friend. Otherwise he’s only talked to me his whole life.

Back then, her words didn’t seem strange to me.

Later I met Aya.

Hayato introduced her as his younger sister.

She was energetic, loud, and completely unashamed.

— So this is that Yuki? — she asked, carefully looking me over.

Hayato immediately turned red.

— What do you mean, “that Yuki”?

Aya just laughed.

I got embarrassed too.

But it felt warm inside.

“That Yuki.”

He had probably been telling them about me at home.

Later, other moments appeared.

One day I forgot my lunch.

Hayato silently split his in half.

When I got sick, he brought me my notes and a bag of fruit.

Admittedly, half of the notes were completely illegible.

I laughed, trying to understand his handwriting, while he sat on the edge of the chair and defended himself:

— The main thing is the content.

— You can’t read anything here at all.

— But I can explain it myself.

He sat with me for almost two hours.

Explained every topic.

Got confused.

Went back.

Drew diagrams.

And never once complained.

But I truly fell in love with him in the rain.

That day, a downpour started suddenly.

I was standing under the awning near the store, waiting for it to ease up.

That’s when I noticed Hayato.

He was sitting right by the road on his haunches…

Without an umbrella.

His hair was soaked, his uniform stuck to his body.

At first I thought he had lost something.

Then I saw a small face peeking out from under his jacket.

Kittens.

Three of them.

Dirty.

Wet.

One was shaking so hard it could barely stay on its paws.

Hayato was hiding them under his clothes and trying to warm them up.

— What are you doing?! — I shouted, running up with the umbrella.

— They were sitting in a box.

— You’re completely soaked!

— They are too.

As if that explained everything.

I held the umbrella over him while he carefully moved the kittens into his bag.

There was nothing heroic on his face.

He was just worried about them.

He wasn’t thinking about his uniform.

About catching a cold.

About how he looked from the side.

In that moment, he really did seem like a shining knight to me.

Not because he was strong.

But because he was kind even when no one saw it and no one could praise him for it.

After that, I started noticing every little thing.

How he always held the door.

How he stood on the outer side of the sidewalk when cars drove by.

How he gave me the last candy even though he wanted it himself.

How he remembered that I didn’t like coffee that was too bitter.

How he once walked back two stops because he noticed I had forgotten my scarf.

He never did anything grand.

He never made beautiful speeches.

But gradually he became a part of every one of my days.

The first person I texted in the morning.

The last one I wished good night.

Next to him, I learned to laugh again without looking over my shoulder.

I stopped waiting for a blow after every kind word.

I started believing that it was actually possible to be friends with me.

And one day I realized that I loved him.

Not in one moment.

Not like in a romantic drama.

Just one day I imagined Hayato starting to date another girl.

And my heart ached.

The first two years were almost perfect.

We were together.

Hayato, Miu, Aya, and me.

Sometimes others joined us.

But we remained the core.

I didn’t even notice how fragile that peace was.

Everything changed in the third year.

First, Aya admitted that she wasn’t Hayato’s real sister.

I found out by accident.

They were arguing at home, and she shouted:

— We’re not even related by blood!

After that, her attitude toward him changed.

Or maybe it had always been like that, and I just hadn’t noticed before.

She started clinging to him more often.

Getting jealous.

Bursting into his room without knocking.

Saying that Hayato’s future girlfriend had to get her approval first.

When I tried to joke about it, Aya looked at me too seriously.

Miu changed too.

One day she admitted to me:

— You know, sometimes it’s hard to stay just a childhood friend your whole life.

She smiled.

But I understood.

Miu loved him.

Maybe she had loved him long before I appeared.

Then Rin appeared.

A foreign student who had recently transferred to us.

Bright.

Confident.

Completely unlike the others.

Hayato helped her with Japanese, showed her around the city, and explained the local rules.

They quickly grew close.

Rin wasn’t shy about taking him by the arm and leaning in too close.

When I made a comment, she innocently asked:

— Don’t friends do that in Japan?

I didn’t know whether to believe her or not.

Then Satomi appeared.

They had studied together in middle school.

She told me that in middle school she had been overweight, quiet, and constantly became the target of mockery.

He helped her.

Protected her.

Shared his lunch.

Talked to her when others ignored her.

Now Satomi had changed.

She had lost weight.

She had become a real beauty.

And she returned to his life with a completely clear goal.

She looked at Hayato like she had been preparing for this meeting for all those years.

Even my mom liked him too much.

Of course, Hayato was her student.

Polite.

Kind.

Always ready to help.

But sometimes Mom looked at him strangely.

Too attentively.

She could ask him to stay after class.

Praise him for a long time.

Maybe I was just jealous.

Probably that’s why I started noticing things that weren’t there.

But back then it seemed to me that the whole world had suddenly decided to take him away from me.

Rivals appeared one after another.

Each one was more beautiful.

Bolder.

Closer to him in their own way.

Aya knew him at home.

Miu — since childhood.

Rin attracted him with her unusualness.

Satomi was connected to his past and his sense of gratitude.

Each of them had something I didn’t.

I started getting scared.

Again.

Only now it wasn’t about mockery.

I was afraid of losing the only person who had once been the first to stand by my side.

Hayato didn’t notice what was happening.

Or he pretended not to.

He continued smiling at each of them.

Helping them.

Walking them home.

Saying they were just friends.

And I clung more and more tightly to the memories of that boy who had chased a girl off my desk.

Of the guy who shared his lunch.

Of the rain-soaked knight with dirty kittens under his jacket.

It was him I loved.

And that’s exactly why I couldn’t just refuse Hayato after one mistake.

Even if the mistakes were becoming more and more frequent.

Even if, in the scariest moment, he didn’t understand me.

Even if another person was now standing beside me.

The one who noticed everything.

The one next to whom I no longer had to be weak.

Ren.

I gripped the fork tighter.

And suddenly realized that the memories of Hayato still warmed me.

But I had already agreed.

Even if I hadn’t clearly said “yes.”

Even if Ren had almost forced me to accept his conditions without giving me time to calmly think everything through.

He had always been like that.

Strong.

Confident.

Used to taking the situation into his own hands and deciding for others when they started to hesitate.

Before, it annoyed me.

Now I felt relief more and more often.

Next to him, I didn’t have to deal with the chaos in my own head alone. While I was torn between fear, guilt, and desires I didn’t want to admit, Ren had already chosen the direction and was pulling me along with him.

Probably, this was wrong.

I still had Hayato.

I had loved him for three years.

I had treasured every kind little thing, every day we spent together, every memory of that boy who had once been the first to stand on my side.

But now Ren was sitting in front of me.

The person who had seen my fear before I managed to tell him about it.

The person next to whom I felt like I could allow myself anything.

Even to make mistakes.

Even to be selfish.

Even to forget for two days what a “proper girl” was supposed to be.

There was nowhere left to run.

At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.

As if the decision had already been made by him, and all I had left was to submit.

It was easier that way.

I didn’t have to admit that some part of me had wanted to agree on its own.

That at the words “my girlfriend,” my heart hadn’t only clenched in fear.

It had started beating faster.

My instincts were literally screaming that I needed to stay.

That I couldn’t push Ren away again.

That if I refused now, he would really step aside and never look at me like that again.

I lowered my gaze to the half-eaten cheesecake.

— Until Monday morning, — I repeated, as if these words could draw a safe boundary between us.

— Until Monday morning, — Ren confirmed.

He spoke calmly.

Too calmly.

— And then I decide for myself.

— Of course.

I raised my eyes.

— Really for myself?

A barely noticeable smile appeared on his lips.

— I’ll show you the possible choice. But you’ll have to make it.

For some reason, this made me even more anxious.

It would have been easier if he had really decided everything for me.

Then I could have blamed him.

Told myself that I didn’t want this.

That I was forced.

But Ren was leaving the final word to me.

And he seemed to understand perfectly well what answer I was already starting to want to give.

— Okay, — I said quietly.

This time, it was a real agreement.

Mine.

Ren looked at me for a few seconds, then nodded:

— Then from this moment on, you’re my girlfriend.

A shiver ran through my body at those words.

Only for two days.

It meant nothing.

Just a lesson.

A chance to figure myself out.

I kept repeating this to myself over and over again.

Ren finally stood up from the table.

I was about to ask what he was going to do, but I didn’t get the chance.

He leaned down, scooped me up into his arms, and easily pulled me against him.

— Hey…

I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck.

Next to him, I always felt the difference between us especially strongly.

His broad shoulders.

Strong arms.

The firm chest I was pressing my cheek against.

Compared to him, I felt tiny.

Almost weightless.

He carried me so easily, as if he didn’t notice my weight at all. One arm supported me under my knees, the other held my back.

I didn’t need to hold on to anything.

I didn’t need to think about where he was taking me.

I could just relax.

In his arms, I felt protected from the entire world.

As if, as long as Ren was holding me, nothing bad could possibly happen.

He walked into the living room and sat down on the wide sofa.

But he didn’t put me down beside him.

Instead, he settled me on his lap.

I immediately tensed up.

— Ren…

He held me by the waist, not letting me pull away.

Not roughly.

But firmly enough for me to understand — this was exactly how he wanted me to sit.

His face became serious.

— Now let’s talk about the rules.

— What rules?

— The rules of our relationship.

I swallowed.

Just the word “relationship” made my heart beat faster.

Even if it was only for two days.

Even if we called it a lesson.

Right now I was sitting on his lap, my back pressed against his chest, and everything felt far too real.

Ren looked me straight in the eyes.

— My girlfriend must be unconditionally loyal to me and do everything I want from her.

I froze.

He said it without a smile.

Like a condition that wasn’t up for discussion.

But then he added:

— In return, I will do everything she wants.

Everything I want…

My heart started beating even faster.

A lot of thoughts immediately flashed through my head.

Rare manga volumes that had long gone out of print.

Collectible figures that cost absurd amounts of money.

Limited editions.

Clothes.

Jewelry.

Trips.

With this car and this house, it was obvious that for Ren, the word “expensive” barely existed.

I had already pictured a separate room completely filled with shelves of manga and figures.

But almost immediately I felt awkward.

He wasn’t only talking about things.

And I understood that.

“Do everything he wants…”

It sounded frightening.

But even without these words, I was already ready to do a lot for him.

After everything he had done for me, refusing him was becoming harder and harder.

Ren slowly ran his palm over my hair.

— A woman should feel on an instinctive level who she can trust.

His voice became quieter.

— And next to the right man, she doesn’t have to constantly fight for control.

I could feel the warmth of his palm.

I could hear his steady breathing behind my back.

And I hated how convincing these words sounded right now.

Because next to him, I really didn’t want to control everything.

I had been afraid for too long today.

I had tried to find a way out on my own for too long.

And then Ren appeared — and everything ended.

He solved the problem.

He took me off the roof.

He put me behind the wheel.

He made me laugh again.

Now he was holding me like I belonged only in this safe space between his arms.

— You talk like you’ve already decided everything, — I muttered.

— Almost everything.

— And what about my opinion?

— I’ll definitely listen to it.

— But you’ll still do things your way?

A small smile appeared on his lips.

— If I decide it’s better for you.

I frowned.

This should have made me angry.

A normal girl would probably have immediately demanded that he put her on the floor.

But instead, I only leaned back against him more.

Ren noticed.

Of course he noticed.

His hand ran over my head again.

Slowly.

Soothingly.

— Do you feel it? — he asked.

— What?

— You’ve already stopped resisting.

I wanted to argue.

To say that I was just sitting comfortably.

That I didn’t feel anything like that.

But the words got stuck in my throat.

Because he was right.

My body had relaxed before my mind had even made a decision.

I felt small.

Protected.

And for some reason, this state felt like the most correct one right now.

— It’s only for two days, — I reminded him.

— Of course, Yuki.

He said it too calmly.

I turned my head and looked at him suspiciously.

— Why does it feel like you don’t believe me?

— I believe that in two days you’ll make a choice.

— And what will it be?

Ren held me a little tighter around the waist.

— That’s exactly what I’m going to show you.