CH 75: Great Space Mall Quests
Lex had no idea what to do when a nearly billion-year-old fairy fainted in front of him simply because she had learned who his father was.
Fortunately, before he could come up with an answer, the ceiling above them suddenly opened like a window being cut through reality itself. Brilliant daylight poured down into the enormous marble hall, illuminating Lulu where she lay sprawled on the floor, her black magical dress slowly shifting through shades of yellow and pink as though even unconscious embarrassment had somehow become a property of the fabric. The light caught her pale skin and translucent, star-speckled wings, making her look less like someone who had just collapsed and more like an unusually elaborate decoration someone had forgotten to put back on a shelf.
Lulu's eyes eventually fluttered open.
“Sir…” Her voice was weak at first, and then she pushed herself upright with considerably more urgency. “C-can you call the management already? I even fainted…”
Lex stared at her for a moment, unsure whether he should be impressed or concerned.
“Ahh… well, if you insist.” He finally sighed, deciding that apparently this was simply how his introduction to the Great Space Mall was going to go. “How do I call management again?”
“I don't know,” Lulu admitted.
Lex blinked.
“They just come whenever any customer wants to call them.”
“So they're supposed to magically know when someone wants them?”
“Yes.”
“And nobody's coming?”
“No.”
“Right.”
Lulu nodded solemnly, apparently seeing no contradiction whatsoever.
“Well, since no one's coming anyways, why don't you tell me about the quests?”
Lulu's wings twitched behind her as she considered the question, and her expression became slightly more professional despite the fact that she was still sitting on the floor after fainting. “Well, sir… you're a bit too spacial, so the quests haven't been generated yet.”
“...Special?”
“Yes, that.”
Lex decided not to question why she had pronounced it that way.
“All VIP guests have some special privileges, sir. Would you like to hear them?”
The black of her dress gradually shifted into a soft blue as she spoke, the magical fabric responding to her emotional state with a subtle glow. Lex had already noticed that the dress seemed to have a life of its own, but he still hadn't figured out what each colour represented, so he simply wondered about it for a moment before nodding.
“Well, for Cosmic Card VVIP, you can take unlimited quests, the tax is completely exempted, you gain twelve percent yearly interest on all your Mall Points, and you can change the reward of any quest to MP. You also get free life insurance, meaning if you die, we'll bring you back to life for the cost of just one million to seventeen-to-the-power-of-nine-E-twenty-four Googolplex MP, depending on your cause of death and condition.”
Lulu delivered the number with the casual tone of someone explaining the price of a cup of coffee.
“Of course, the last one isn't really true, since that's just the number of all circulating Mall Points in existence, so one person can't have it. But if you did, then that's that.”
Lex stared at her.
“Hey, Raphael…”
<Yes, Master?>
“How big is that number?”
There was a short pause.
<Very big.>
“...”
Lex wasn't sure whether that answer was technically useful, but he supposed it was accurate.
“Oh! VIPs also get free coffee and cookies. Would you like some?”
“Sure.”
The response was immediate.
The empty space beside them suddenly rippled, and a coffee machine the size of a small house materialized onto the marble floor. It was an absurdly elaborate machine, covered in pipes, brass fittings, glowing symbols and several components that Lex couldn't even identify. Lulu immediately flew around it, her tiny figure darting between the machinery with the confidence of someone who had clearly operated the thing many times before.
“What kind of coffee do you like, sir?”
“Just a normal milk coffee is alright.”
“Milk? What kind of milk? Cow, sheep, camel, some exotic variety? Orc, Ogre, Succubus, Fairy, Goddess—”
She stopped.
Lex slowly turned his head toward her.
Lulu's face reddened.
The black dress turned a vivid pink.
“Ahh… not mine, sir. Ahmn… I don't know whose…”
Lex stared at her for another second before deciding that asking follow-up questions was probably a terrible idea.
“Let's try Goddess milk.”
Lulu nodded far too enthusiastically.
“Yes, sir!”
She began operating the machine.
The next twenty minutes became an experience Lex wasn't entirely sure he would ever understand. Lulu flew around the enormous device, switching levers, pressing buttons, pouring ingredients into containers that seemed to appear from nowhere, and occasionally opening another tiny portal to retrieve something she apparently needed. Steam rose through the open ceiling while, at one point, the sky itself opened and a beam of concentrated heat descended upon the mixture as though the coffee required divine intervention.
Finally, Lulu emerged from the cloud of steam carrying a single cup.
Lex took it from her and drank.
His eyes widened.
He had tasted an absurd number of things since gaining the Essence of Transcend Self, and with his perfect memory, he could recall every one of them with absolute clarity. Yet even with all of that experience, he couldn't find a single comparison for what he was drinking now. The sweetness was perfectly balanced against the creaminess, the bitterness was somehow present without being harsh, and even the caffeine seemed to have been refined into something closer to liquid perfection than an ordinary stimulant.
It wasn't merely good coffee.
It was coffee that made every other coffee Lex had ever tasted feel like an approximation.
He took another sip.
Then another.
Then another.
“Oh, the quests are ready,” Lulu announced.
Lex ignored her.
The most disturbing part was that Raphael appeared to be enjoying the coffee as well, despite not actually having a mouth with which to drink it.
<Master, this beverage is quite exceptional.>
Even you like it?
<Yes.>
That somehow made Lex even more impressed.
He continued drinking until Lulu finally interrupted him.
“Sir… the coffee won't get finished if you're waiting for that.”
Lex froze.
For a moment, the strange perfection of the drink had completely occupied his attention. Fortunately, the Essence of Transcend Self made him immune to addiction and similar effects, otherwise he suspected he might have spent the next several years standing beside that machine with a cup permanently attached to his hand.
“Right.” He reluctantly placed the cup aside. “So, what are those quests?”
“Yes, sir.”
Lulu waved her hand, and several enormous translucent screens appeared in the air before Lex.
The first quest immediately made him regret asking.
---
{Quest: Livestream Your Sexual Escapades}
Description: As the Ultimate Chad, your nightly activities are in extreme demand. You'll have complete rights to whom this footage may end up to.
Objective:
1. 24 Hour Livestream
Reward: 1 Billion MP + 100 Million MP per Extra Hour.
2. 24 Hour Footage
Reward: 100 Million MP + 10 Million MP per Extra Hour.
3. 1 Hour Footage
Reward: …
…
Settings:
…
By limiting it to a single gender, your rewards will get 20% less.
By limiting…
…
---
Lex's expression slowly became blank.
He scrolled down.
---
{Quest: Donate Your Blood}
Description: As the Transcend Self, your blood has a high demand.
Repeatable Quest.
Objective:
1. Donate 1 Drop of your Blood
Reward: 10 Quadrillion MP
2. Donate 1 Drop of Blood to your chosen customer from a list of 1 Billion Customers
Reward: 1 Trillion MP
---
Lex stared at that one considerably longer.
The absurd reward made sense in a strange way. His blood carried the properties of the Essence of Transcend Self, and considering what a single drop could potentially provide to someone else, he could understand why the Mall would place such a ridiculous value on it. What he didn't know was how much control the Mall would have over anything it granted through the quest, or whether the normal rules of his Essence would still allow him to revoke benefits afterward.
That uncertainty alone made him unwilling to casually accept it.
He continued.
---
{Quest: Be the Whore}
Description: As the Ultimate Chad, your sexual prowess is unimaginable, wanted by all females.
Objective: Spend one mating season pleasing the designated customer.
Reward: 1.5 Sextillion MP
---
Lex stared at the screen.
“No.”
He moved on.
---
{Quest: Model}
Description: As the Transcend Self and Ultimate Chad, your looks are above all. Please model for us.
Objective: Become the Brand Ambassador of the Great Space Mall Branch C6419-DFT83HQ.
Reward: Source Ship
---
That one was different.
Lex leaned back slightly, considering it.
Becoming a model wasn't exactly something he had dreamed about, but it wasn't against any of his principles either. He also had absolutely no idea what a Source Ship was, which made the reward difficult to judge, but the fact that it was apparently valuable enough to be offered as payment by a place capable of dealing in things on this scale made him curious.
I'll probably do this eventually, he decided. When I have time.
The next quest appeared.
---
{Quest: Dog Walking}
Description: As one of the greatest dog walkers in this reality, walk a dog.
Objective:
1. Take the Chaos Devouring Cerberus to a walk.
(The walk must last 8 years minimum and 24 years maximum.)
Reward: 50 Million MP
2. Take the Angel of Redemption — Doghead Lucia to a walk.
(The walk must last 30 years minimum and 100 years maximum.)
Reward: 800 Million MP
---
Lex looked at the durations.
“I don't think I have the patience for eight years of dog walking.”
The next quest was considerably more interesting.
---
{Quest: Dragon Taming}
Description: As the holder of the Bloodline of Io, you've some talent in helping tame dragons.
Quest Repeatable.
Objective: Help tame a dragon.
Reward: Depends on tamed dragon's quality.
---
Lex raised an eyebrow.
That one actually made sense.
The Bloodline of Io had only recently awakened within him, and while he still had a great deal to learn about it, the connection between dragons and the quest wasn't difficult to understand. If the Mall's system was creating quests based on his abilities and circumstances, then his newly awakened bloodline had clearly been recognized almost immediately.
He kept reading.
---
{Quest: Open Casino}
Description: As the Embodiment of Gacha, you are the true gambler. Help others gamble too.
Objective: Auction your next hundred rolls.
Reward: Auction Amount + 1 Million MP
---
Lex immediately dismissed that one.
There were plenty of things he was willing to gamble with, but his Gacha wasn't one of them. Whatever the Mall thought his Essence represented, he wasn't about to start auctioning off his own future pulls simply because someone had attached a ridiculous quest to them.
Then came another.
---
{Quest: Invitation}
Description: Your father was important.
Objective: Accept the Invitation.
Reward: Unknown
---
Lex stared at it.
His expression became considerably more suspicious.
“Yeah, no.”
Anything involving his father's arrangements was automatically interesting, but an invitation with an unknown reward and virtually no explanation was exactly the kind of thing that sounded like a trap.
He continued scrolling.
The next quest contained far more objectives.
---
{Quest: Marvel}
Description: You're in Marvel, so help out the fans.
Objectives:
1. NTR Thanos
Reward: 1 Million MP
2. Save Iron Man from His Original Death
Reward: 10,000 MP
3. Help Wanda
Reward: 10,000 MP
4. Make Riri Williams go through Tony Stark's experience
Reward: 50,000 MP
5. Let Natasha not Sacrifice Herself
Reward: 8,000 MP
6. NTR Reed
Reward: 7,500 MP
7. Show Prof. X that actions have Consequences
Reward: 2,000 MP
8. Lift Mjolnir
Reward: 1,000 MP
9. Torture Paul
Reward: 50,000 MP
10. Let Peter have a decent life
Reward: 250,000 MP
---
Lex slowly looked at Lulu.
Lulu simply smiled.
“What?”
“Who assigned these?”
“I don't know.”
“They're weird.”
“I don't disagree.”
Lex went back to reading.
Two of the objectives involved NTRing people he didn't even know, although the second one immediately made him wonder whether the Reed in question was Reed Richards. Considering that he had only recently met Reed, it would be an impressive coincidence if the Mall happened to be referring to the same person.
<If this world's Marvel properties correspond to fictional entertainment from another reality, it is possible that these objectives were generated from the desires of its audience.>
Raphael's observation made Lex pause.
So basically, someone's fanfiction wish list became a quest board?
<That is one possible interpretation.>
“Great.”
Lex looked over the remaining objectives.
Professor X was probably Charles Xavier, and Iron Man obviously meant Tony Stark. Natasha and Wanda were almost certainly the women he knew, although he had barely interacted with Wanda beyond meeting her recently. Thanos, Peter, Riri and Paul were less certain, although Lex could make educated guesses about some of them.
He wasn't about to start changing people's lives merely because a mysterious quest screen offered him a few thousand Mall Points, however that didn't mean he wouldn't do it at all, if it was something he wanted to do, he would.
The final quest appeared beneath it.
---
{Quest: Clone Supply}
Description: Supply clones of Marvel Characters.
Objective: Supply clones or simply blood of known Marvel characters and, depending on the character, earn MP.
---
Lex immediately ignored that one as well.
There was something deeply unsettling about a quest that casually asked him to provide clones of people from the universe he was living in, especially when he had no idea what the Mall intended to do with them.
After several moments of silence, Lex finally leaned back.
The quests were absolutely bizarre.
He had no idea who had designed them, but the further he read, the more they felt less like conventional missions and more like someone had taken every ridiculous thing an unimaginably powerful fan might want to see happen and turned the list into objectives.
The first three were out immediately. Lex wasn't going to turn his private life into pornography, he certainly wasn't going to sleep with strangers for Mall Points, and he wasn't willing to hand his blood to random customers when he didn't even know what the Mall could or couldn't do with the benefits derived from it.
The modelling quest was actually reasonable, and the Dragon Taming quest interested him, although both could wait until he had a better understanding of the time and effort involved. Dog walking was amusing enough to consider, but eight years was simply excessive, while thirty years was completely ridiculous.
The casino quest could stay untouched, and the Invitation quest was suspicious enough that Lex had no intention of accepting it blindly.
The Marvel quest was the strangest of all, but for now, Lex could simply keep an eye on them.
“Alright,” Lex said, finally turning toward Lulu. “I'll see if I can complete any of these quests and accept them when I feel like it.”
“Very good, sir.”
Lex started walking toward the exit.
Then he paused.
He looked back at the fairy.
“By the way, Lulu?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Can you please stop calling me sir?”
“Yes, sir.”
Lex sighed.
Apparently, that was going to be a much harder quest than any of the ones on the screen.