Chapter 38: You Have a lot of Hands
Yawning quietly and tapping away on the screen of her companion, Nevella went about doing her morning routine of playing some simple word games. Most people would say a cup of coffee was the best way to wake themselves up in the morning, and for most that would be wonderful, but for gods on the other hand… Gods didn’t need to eat the same amount as normal people, nor did they have the same reactions to food as normal people. If Nevella wanted to get the same kick out of a cup of coffee as most people, she would need a coffee that was at least 15 times stronger than regular coffee. Yes, of course, many gods of cooking and food had made stuff like that, but Nevella hadn’t gotten into that. Simple brain-activating word games were the best way she had found to get her sleepy mind running. Without realizing it, the goddess’s gaze moved away from the companion in her hands and to the other goddess in the room.
The conversation around finding a sort of base camp for their attempts to make Avalyn a body had been an easy discussion between Eternity and Nevella. The hardest part of it was establishing where that was to be. Eternity had taken her to so many wonderful places that she desperately wanted to spend so much more time exploring, but in the end they ended up right back where they started. At least for the moment. The plan was to spend the next ten or so days salvaging all they could from the place that had originally been where Avalyn was built and transfer it all to a more secure location, away from both Alliance and Yechun space. The other benefit to this was that it would make the place look as if it had already been raided, and thus hinder the active search for Avalyn.
In the meantime, that hadn’t stopped the pair of gods from making themselves comfortable here. That being said, it had taken a lot of convincing to get Eternity to agree to eventually get some sleep here. Nevella wasn’t sure why, but the golden goddess had almost appeared scared to go to sleep. Maybe the human had been misreading all the cues the movements of Eternity’s feathers had been giving, and maybe it was a cultural thing that Vysven didn’t like sleeping near strangers. Nevella didn’t know for certain, but she just could shake the feeling Eternity was scared of sleeping. Still, after some time and very clear signs of being tired from both of them, Nevella convinced her that it was time to get some sleep.
One wonderful thing about being a god with the ability to travel the stars far faster than any ship could was that it was easy to bring the comforts of home wherever you were. Though Nevella hadn’t brought an entire bed, she had brought the comfiest sleeping bag and mats with all her favorite pillows and blankets to ensure her comfort. Eternity, on the other hand, had nothing of her own. The clothes she was wearing and the few tattered remnants of her people’s past comforts were all she had. No pillows, no blankets, no soft sleeping bag or mat.
Without even thinking, Nevella quickly brought some of her own stuff over to the revived goddess. Then she went home and brought even more blankets and pillows, her old sleeping mats and bags. Even stuff she may or may not have taken from her sisters without their permission. In the end, Eternity had far more comforts than Nevella. The human had been more than willing to provide more, but then she got caught up in just watching Eternity. Though there had been some remnants of ‘beds’ and living spaces excavated from anceints’ ruins, it didn’t give the clearest picture into how they lived. Virtually no fabrics or organic matter survived the millions of years, so they had no idea how they set up their sleeping areas beyond ‘it was here’.
Eternity had been so precise in her actions as she methodically tested the feel of each new pillow, blanket, mat, and sleeping bag. Everything was carefully weighed in her arms, squished, folded, flattened, even smelled before being sorted into three neat piles. Nevella didn’t know what each pile represented, and she hadn’t dared disturb Eternity in her actions to ask. Eventually, once each pile was made, the Vysven spent the next two entire hours being more methodical in how she laid out her nest. Nest was the right word beyond a shadow of a doubt, and it was fascinating to watch. So much so that Nevella silently watched the entire thing, never once making so much as a peep.
Her friends were going to lose their minds when she was able to tell them that she watched a Vysven make their nest. There were many debates whether Vysven ‘beds’ were more reminiscent of beds of today, or if they were more just a soft flat area to build a nest. Nevella had admittedly thought that Vysven were more advanced as a people than to let ancient nesting instincts rule how they slept, but she had never been happier to be proven wrong. In a strange way, it was sort of adorable to watch this powerful, terrifying ancients goddess build her own little nest of pillows and blankets. She would never admit that to anyone.
Now in the morning she found Eternity still asleep, curled up in her nest, and Nevella found it hard to look away. Eternity looked so comfy curled up in her blankets and pillows, with one wing lying over her as if it were a blanket itself. Still wearing the mask while she slept was a little strange, and Nevella wondered if she would have worn it if she wasn’t around. Did she wear it when she spent the night with her daughter?
The feathers of Eternity’s crown slowly raised, and for a moment Nevella thought the other goddess had woken up. Then her crown started sporadically moving up and down, and her wings would occasionally twitch in rhythm with it. Delighted beyond measure, Nevella realized Eternity was dreaming. Many species of today dream, but there were some that didn’t, and never had the shape and size of a skull been linked to whether they did or didn’t dream. No one knew whether Vysven dreamed until this very moment, and Nevella felt so honored that she would be the one to find out. Maybe Vestan knew, but he probably didn’t put as much thought into it as she did.
Nevella wasn’t sure how she felt about finding more and more of the things that Eternity did adorable. That was normal though, right? All people were capable of doing adorable things, and there was something about witnessing something new that just added to the experience.
Eternity’s crown suddenly shot right up and stayed up, and Nevella was certain that meant she was awake, but nothing more happened. Then it started to shake and twitch as her wings tucked in tighter, revealing more of her body. Even the feathers stretching down her arms were standing on end. Her crown aggressively flapped once before standing back up. After a moment her feathers started to shake, occasionally doing sharp flaps. Sometimes once, sometimes twice, and sometimes even more.
She was having a nightmare.
~~~
“Don’t leave me!” Eternity screamed, shooting up from her nest. Tears were streaming down her face under her mask as her entire body shook. “I don’t know how to get home!” she half screamed, half sobbed, not fully aware she was in the waking world again. She couldn’t catch her breath as all her hands clutched at the blankets and pillows of her nest, wanting them to be something else. Wanting them to be someone else. Letting out a sobbing scream, two hands clutched at a pillow below her and brought it to her chest.
“Please don’t leave me alone!” No one was there. She was alone. She had no one. There was no one, and she was alone again. Her sobs became hysterical as she fell back down on her nest. “I can’t be alone!”
“Eternity?” A hand landed on her shoulder, and the Vysven’s world suddenly shifted. She wasn’t alone.
All four of her hands reached up and grabbed onto the other person here, desperately clutching at them, not fully aware of who they were. She pulled herself into the smaller person, terrified they would disappear as so many of her figments of imagination had. “Please don’t leave me,” she sobbed. “Please don’t leave me.”
Two arms wrapped around her and held her tight. “I no leave you.”
The words made Eternity sob so much harder, as now not only her arms wrapped around the person, but so did her wings. She clung to them for dear life, so dearly thankful they were here.
~~~
Nevella held onto the other goddess tightly as she cried into her chest. The inside of Eternity’s wings was so warm, and Nevella felt upset that was what was standing out to her. Eternity was sobbing in her arms, and she should think about that, not how soft and warm she was.
Had Eternity been the last Vysven alive? Though she had spoken very fast, Nevella was able to glean that Eternity was afraid of being alone. That she had been begging not to be alone. Nevella had no intention of ever leaving her alone. She squeezed the other woman tighter and leaned her face down into the feathers of her head.
“I no leave,” Nevella assured her.
How horrifying must it have been to watch your entire species die, only to be left entirely alone in the galaxy? Trauma like that must have been scarring beyond measure, and now Nevella saw why Eternity had been afraid to go asleep. Eternity had probably known she would have a nightmare like this, and that’s why she was afraid to go to sleep. This was why she wanted to wait until she was with Avalyn, so she wouldn’t be alone. Not that she was alone with Nevella around, but she supposed when Eternity and Avalyn slept they did it cuddling in some way. Was that normal for Vysven, or was it because of what Eternity had been through? None of that mattered right now. This terrified woman was sobbing into her and Nevella shouldn’t be picking apart the reasoning for it.
~~~
Eternity wasn’t aware of how long it took her to stop sobbing hysterically. She wasn’t aware of how long it took her to realize where she was and who she was desperately holding onto. However, she was exceedingly aware that she continued to hold on to Nevella after she realized it was her for far longer than she should have.
No more words were shared as Eternity slowly came down from her sobbing, then crying, to eventually the tears had dried up. Even then she held onto Nevella for a little longer. There was a part of her that didn’t want to pull away, but Eternity did eventually unwrap her arms and wings from the human goddess. Even with the mask on, she couldn’t look Nevella in the face. Instead, she awkwardly stared at her knees.
Shame flourished inside Eternity as she forced herself to say, “I am sorry.”
“No sorry,” Nevella said firmly. “I sorry mak you slep when not want.”
Eternity’s crown flapped once. “I needed to sleep. Avalyn told me I need to sleep instead of staying up for so long.”
“Dos Avalyn know?”
Eternity flapped her crown once. “I don’t have that nightmare when I’m in physical contact with someone.” Glancing up, she could see that Nevella was struggling to put together what she had said. “No scary sleep when touch person.”
“Nightmare,” Nevella said. “Scary sleep is called a nightmare.”
“Nightmare,” Eternity repeated. “No nightmare when touch person.”
~~~
Was this something that Eternity had before waking up again? Was this something from before the death of her people? She was the goddess of the lost… Had Eternity once been lost and alone? She had said something that at the time was faster than Nevella could put together, but looking back she had said something close to not knowing where home was. Had Eternity not been born the goddess of the lost and became it through events? It was pretty rare for a god to become the god of something else through events, but it happened. Nevella didn’t want to speculate too much. Eternity kept her identity a secret, and maybe there was a very good reason for that. Besides, many of even her own people had probably tried to figure it out, but none did so, so her simple theory wasn’t probably up to snuff.
“That why wait Avalyn?” Eternity’s crown flapped twice. “Shold wait Avalyn future?” Eternity hesitated for a moment before flapping her crown once. “Why not?”
~~~
Eternity felt her face warm up under the mask as her feathers all began to rise. Her gaze once again shifted far away from Nevella. Two of her hands nervously fiddled with one another while she thought about how best to answer that. She couldn’t just admit she was embarrassed could she?
“Are you… fuck, what’s the word… shit.” Nevella sighed before saying, “Are you embarrassed?”
All of Eternity’s feathers suddenly tucked in tight. After a few moments she gently flapped her crown twice. “Not normal. People strange find.”
“It’s not strange to have nightmares,” Nevella said with such confidence. “When I was little, I would have terrible nightmares of dragons coming to eat me in the night.”
Golden feathers became more relaxed as she looked back up at Nevella. Eternity found it strange that Nevella was smiling as the human’s gaze drifted away in memory.
“My sisters would get so angry at me because I would wake up in the night loudly crying.” Her smile only grew.
“That nice remember?” Eternity asked, confused as to why Nevella found that nice. Granted, Eternity wasn’t sure what a dragon was, so for all she knew it could be something small and harmless that it would be funny for a god to be afraid of.
“Memory,” Nevella corrected. “The nightmares weren’t nice, but what I remember most is my dad coming to comfort me when I would wake up.” Her gaze shifted back to Eternity. “He would tell me to ignore my sisters and to never be sorry or embarrassed for having nightmares. Dreams aren’t things we can always control, no matter how hard we try.”
Eternity looked down at her fiddling hands, trying to think of a response. “Goddess of the lost should not afraid of be lost and alone.”
“No shoulds or should-nots,” Nevella said gently. “If anything, being afraid of being lost probably makes you a very good goddess of the lost.”
“I did my best to help all those who were lost and alone,” Eternity said more to herself than to Nevella. “But now I feel lost and alone again.”
“You not alone. Hav Avalyn. Hav me. Not lost. Here.”
That made Eternity feel very warm inside, and her feathers gently ruffled at the feeling. Without realizing it, her spread-out wings moved slightly closer to encircling Nevella. “Still fear tell Avalyn…” she admitted quietly. “Avalyn says sleep when need. Rest when need, not wait for her.”
~~~
Nevella could understand being afraid of admitting you’re not perfect to your child. That was something nearly all parents felt at one point or another. But Avalyn was an adult, and Nevella was sure she would understand. However, pushing the matter probably wasn’t the best way to go about this.
“Avalyn will understand, but if you still don’t want to tell her, I’m always here.” The second those words came out of her mouth, Nevella felt her face heat up. Nervously she looked away as she was sure her cheeks were turning a darker shade of navy. “I-I mean, I’m here w-when you wake up. Not to say that you have to always go through terrible nightmares to sleep, nor that I wouldn’t want to touch you. I w-wouldn’t want to assume—I don’t know y-your customs around touch. I just meant that…” Her vision landed on Eternity’s four hands between them. Her voice became quiet as she said, “You have a lot of hands.”
Irritated with her words, Nevella internally berated herself as she sought for the right words to fix what she had just said. Nothing came to mind. How could she have just flubbed her attempt at trying to assure Eternity? She needed to have assured the other goddess, not spoken so fast that she was sure Eternity was having trouble understanding what she said.
“My nest would need to be bigger,” Eternity said after a few awkward moments of silence. Nevella looked back up to find Eternity looking around her nest, then at Nevella’s little bedding set up. “I don’t know what comfort standards humans like.” For some reason the blush on Nevella’s face grew far worse. Was Eternity really just accepting the idea of them sleeping in the same nest? To cuddle each other? “Does only having one free hand not feel limiting?”
Nevella almost sighed in relief as she realized Eternity was just talking about holding hands. Which made a lot more sense than Eternity talking about cuddling, considering Nevella’s last words being about her hands. Then, strangely, that realizing made her guts feel all fluttery. Eternity wanted to make sure her nest was comfy for Nevella and that they would be holding hands all night long. “No.”