Chapter 30: It’s fine
“I’m s-sorry… I’m sorry, Mama,” Avalyn repeated through invisible tears and sobs.
“It’s alright, Avalyn,” Eternity said, hugging her tightly.
Avalyn had turned her eyes on for only a second after all the repairs had been done and saw the blood on Gramps’s hands. “I’m s-sorry, Gramps…”
“Kid, you don’t need to apologize,” Gramps said for the millionth time.
“I-I hurt y-you.”
“I got hurt trying to help you, not from you hurting me, Avalyn. You’re not to blame.” He sighed and kneeled closer, even if Avalyn couldn’t see. “Kid, I’ve gotten hurt worse doing stupid things that didn’t benefit anyone. I would rather get hurt helping you than not helping you when you need it.”
“Avalyn, look.” At first Avalyn didn’t turn on her eyes, but after she felt two of Mama’s arms pull away, she did. It took a while for the vision to fully come back, but when it did, she saw Mama’s hands pulling away from Gramps’s hands. Although blood still stained his hands, the cuts had fully healed. “All better.”
“Drak me, that’s one way to take care of a cut.” Gramps flexed his fingers a couple of times. “I think you might have fixed my squeaky knuckle too. See, kid, I’m perfectly fine.”
Avalyn continued to sob, but she was happy that Gramps’s hands were all better now. “I’m s-sorry that I’m l-like this…” Memories of past self destructive episodes flashed through her mind. Becoming self-destructive was something that had plagued Avalyn her entire life, both in and out of the simulation. It was one of the few things she despised about herself, but hating that she did it only made her want to do it more.
“That’s not your fault, Avalyn,” Gramps said firmly.
“It’s mine,” Mama said in an almost whisper.
“H-how is it your f-fault in any way?” Avalyn asked, not being able to conceive of how this could be her mama’s fault.
Mama didn’t respond right away, but she squeezed Avalyn a little tighter. “I’m your mama, Avalyn…”
What did that have to do with how Avalyn acted? It’s not like she learned this behavior from Mama. This was just a part of who she was. It was just how her brain was wired, and there were so many ways that could be… But there weren’t, were there? Avalyn didn’t just get this from the random genetic lottery children get from their parents, but she did get it from her parent… the only parent she had. The only genetics she had. Avalyn, though her experiences were different, was genetically identical to Mama. If these sorts of meltdowns were just part of who she was, that meant it was part of who Mama was as well.
“I hit myself and pluck feathers…” Mama’s words were so very quiet and held so much sorrow in them.
“I’m s-sorry, Mama,” Avalyn said, wrapping her arms around Mama’s.
“I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“It’s not y-your fault in a-any way.”
“I knew my child might inherit those parts of me, but I still decided to have you anyway…”
Avalyn was quiet. She didn’t know how to win this disagreement, that it wasn’t Mama’s fault. At least not in this mental state. Maybe when she calmed down enough, she would be able to convince Mama it wasn’t her fault.
“See, it’s alright,” Gramps said with a slightly nervous smile after neither of the two Vysven said anything for a while.
Avalyn asked, “You h-have no idea what w-we just said, do you?”
The smile on Gramps’s face faltered. “No.”
“Avalyn inherit from me,” Mama said in quiet Common, surprising both of the other two people in the hangar.
“Y-you speak C-common?” Avalyn asked, surprised.
“Little few words. Nevella help.”
“W-who?”
Gramps finally spoke up. “What do you mean Avalyn inherits from you? What does she inherit?”
“She’s saying I i-inherit how I melt down from her…” There were fewer sobs in her voice, but her words remained quiet.
Gramps’s brows furrowed a little. The confused look lasted only for a split second before understanding came over his face. “Your genetics?” Avalyn nodded and Gramps’s eyes went wide as he took a slow and deep breath. A bloody hand ran through his graying hair as he took in the weight of this realization.
“Avalyn is daughter,” Eternity said quietly, and Avalyn had to wonder if she was only quiet because she was nervous about directly talking to Gramps.
Also quietly, Gramps said, “Drak me. Kid, why didn’t you tell me?” His words didn’t hold any hint of accusation, but Avalyn still felt guilty.
“I only found out a few days ago,” Avalyn admitted.
“Asked Avalyn keep secret,” Mama said. “Not tell Regent God children.”
That confused look came over Gramps’s face again, so Avalyn cleared it up. “Normally Vysven wouldn’t tell Regents they were demigods, or at least not right away. The public never knew, it was all one massive secret. We thought keeping the secret still would be a good idea, even from you… I’m sorry, Gramps…”
Gramps shook his head. “You do not need to apologize, Avalyn. I actually shouldn’t have asked you why you didn’t tell me, so I’m sorry.”
Now Avalyn was confused. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because of all the laws.”
“What laws?” Confusion and sudden worry filled Avalyn.
“Giff, I didn’t think to tell you because I didn’t think demigods were going to be part of our lives.” Gramps sighed. “There’s a terrifying amount of laws surrounding demigods.”
The worry inside Avalyn only got worse, and she felt Mama’s arms squeeze around her tighter. “Like restrictions?” Part of Avalyn wanted to scream because it felt like everything part of her life was continuing to get worse and worse.
“A little,” Gramps admitted, but quickly followed it with, “but most of the laws are all surrounding how other people interact with you.” He shook his head, but it appeared to be mostly at himself. “I’m just going to be honest, kiddo, I don’t know giff about these laws.”
“They’re mostly there to protect your identity,” an unfamiliar voice spoke from the door to the hangar. Turning to look, Avalyn found Scevi walking up with a woman easily identifiable as a goddess. She had that same nebula-like appearance Mama had, only she was a rich navy, but unlike Mama, this goddess was very human-shaped. “Protet Avalyn, kep people quet. No tell.” Now that took Avalyn by surprise. It was poor Melcarna, but it was passible enough for Avalyn to understand.
“Is this Nevella?” Avalyn asked. She noted that Hugh and Mable weren’t coming in. They weren’t outside the doors either. This new goddess smiled widely when Avalyn said her name with a Vysven accent.
Though Avalyn didn’t see it, Mama nodded. “Yes. She sought and found the wreckage where your cradle was and happened to be there the day I went there.”
Nevella placed her hand on the center of her chest before taking a deep bow. “I am Nevella, human goddess of ancient history.” That almost felt like a coincidence too good to be true, but maybe the universe had a sense of humor and a knack for fun storytelling.
“Nevella help make body.” Again, while speaking common, Mama spoke much quieter, and Avalyn was growing more convinced it simply was because she was talking to the group at large now.
“Yes,” Nevella said with a somehow much bigger smile. “I know it’s only been a few days of us just trying to get a footing in starting, but helping make you a body has been a pleasure beyond my wildest of dreams. Since meeting Eternity, I have stepped inside more Vysven ruins than I ever have during my long life.” Every ounce of Nevella was exuding excitement, and it was a little infectious. It took her a second to rein herself back in and return to the topic they had originally been talking about. “Sorry, I’m very excited. But the laws around demigods are really there for your protection. Demigods are a media firestorm and gain immense popularity, even if they don’t want it. It’s ruined lives. Ended lives… So now there are laws against outing people as demigods. Laws that I just broke in front of three people,” Nevella said with a very nervous laugh. “I’m really sorry.”
Avalyn just stared at her for a second before turning to the open hangar door. “Hugh and Mable aren’t coming in are they?” Scevi took a deep breath before shaking her head. That wasn’t surprising, and it hurt Avalyn. What was worse was that she already knew the answer to the next question she asked. “They’re not going to be coming back, are they?”
Scevi looked down at her feet and shook her head. “I don’t think so. Mable was begging Hugh not to come back…” Nevella looked down in shame as well.
“Have they already left?” Gramps asked, standing up. When Scevi nodded, Gramps sighed. “Drak…”
“Guess there goes any hope of getting documentation to prove I’m not an automaton.” Quieter, Avalyn said, “Or any hope of getting Stargazer ready for the start of the circuit.” Mama squeezed her tighter. Why was life such a damn mess? She hadn’t been alive for a hept yet, and people were already running away from her with their tails between their legs.
“I might be able to help with the documentation stuff,” Nevella said, “but it would involve telling maybe the one person in the galaxy that truly won’t respect your privacy. He’s not a bad person or anything like that, but I don’t think he can legally keep this quiet.”
Avalyn put her head in her hands and felt Mama panic under her. Two hands quickly grabbed her arms. “Just fucking forget about the documentation. It won’t actually do anything to help me.”
“I haven’t heard someone genuinely use the word fuck in a long time,” Nevella said with a slight hint of surprise.
“I’m sorry, kiddo,” Gramps said.
Avalyn sighed. “It’s fine. I get my people don’t have an excellent reputation, not to mention my specific subspecies, and I’m literally Mable’s childhood nightmare. Hugh should take care of her over helping me. He’s also scared of me, so being around me probably isn’t good for his mental health.” The well of dark thoughts and emotions was pulling her down again. Was this how the rest of her unending life was going to be? People always being afraid of her? She felt herself spiraling as the invisible tears made themselves audible. “I w-want a mask…”
“I’ll make you a mask, my darling Avalyn,” Mama said, squeezing her tighter.