She Who Woke Among Eternity

It took a long time for Avalyn to calm down from her sobbing and notice that her mama was gently humming a song while stroking her head and back with two of her hands. Being hugged by four arms was so nice, and Avalyn could feel the wings surrounding them, laying on her legs like a warm weighted blanket. It had been so long since she had felt so comfortable, and she so dearly hoped she would be able to feel this again.

“Feeling better?” Mama asked after a little while of silence from Avalyn. The regent nodded but didn’t make any move to pull away. “Do you want to stay like this for a little while?”

“Please.” Her voice was so soft and clearly still filled with a little fear of letting go. It was a little while longer before Avalyn spoke again. “This isn’t going to be the most traditional mother-daughter relationship, is it?”

Mama’s arms squeezed her a little tighter. “Not exactly,” she admitted. “But for now there are no other Vysven to draw my attention away from you.”

“You think there will be more of us?” While that sounded wonderful, Avalyn didn’t like the idea of not getting her mama’s full attention.

“I hope so. Now that there is a regent alive, hopefully more of the gods will wake up.”

“I really can wake up more gods?” She had wondered about that, but that was when Avalyn hadn’t realized Eternity was her mama. They had a familial tie, but that wasn’t a possibility she would have for the rest of the Vysven gods.

“Potentially.”

“I don’t suppose I woke the god of magic by commandeering some spellwork?”

“Sadly, no, but in an odd way if there is another god you could wake up it would be Zien.”

“How so?”

“Out of all of us, he’s the one who wouldn’t have disappeared like the rest of us when the last Vysven died. Even today there are still spells at work that were cast by our people so long ago, so our magic is still alive. He is out there somewhere, but potentially in a hibernation-like state. So for now he is lost to us, but I’m sure we can find him.”

That was promising, but something came to mind. “If he’s lost, shouldn’t the goddess of the lost know where he is?”

“Did I know where you were when we woke up, or did I have to search for you until you called out to me?” There was a little, a playful, matter-of-fact tone in her voice.

If Avalyn had an organic body, she would have flushed a little. “That’s a fair point.”

“I might be the goddess of the lost, but that doesn’t mean I know everything, Avalyn. As I said he is lost to us, but in whatever state he is in, he probably doesn’t consider himself lost, so I would have even less draw to him than I did to you. Not to mention I have even more of a connection to you since you’re my daughter.”

“I hadn’t considered that,” Avalyn admitted. “You’re not related to Zien?” There was a hesitation from her mama that caused Avalyn to say, “Sorry. I suppose that’s something I need to discover for myself.”

“It’s alright. I don’t fully know how much people of today know about us, but… No, I’m not related to any of the other gods in any way.”

“Was that common knowledge among Vysven?” Mama hesitated again, and this time Avalyn waited instead of saying something.

“I never told anyone how I came into being or where I came from. To the other gods and our people, I just showed up one day, much to everyone’s confusion, and that’s what records that have survived would say.” Her voice was quiet, and she hugged Avalyn a little tighter. “I had always hoped that someone would figure it out one day, but I did nothing to help anyone, and no one ever figured it out…”

Avalyn hugged her a little tighter too. “Why didn’t you help people if you wanted them to figure it out?” There was another hesitation. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

“I’m… I’m a rather shy and nervous person…” she admitted quietly. “I always hated being the center of attention, and I was such massive news when I appeared.” Her gentle strokes got a little shaky. “I started regretting revealing myself almost immediately; the reaction was so large, and I wasn’t remotely prepared.” Eternity shook a little more full-bodied now as the memories clearly replayed in her mind.

Avalyn knew those feelings all too well and squeezed her mama tightly. “I’m sorry, Mama. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been.”

Curling in a little more into Avalyn, Mama pressed herself tighter against her daughter. “I hated it, and somehow I felt even more alone that when I was actually alone…”

“You don’t have to be alone anymore,” Avalyn said.

“Thank you, Avalyn. That means so much to me.” There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again. “Luckily, I hid my face when I first presented myself because I couldn’t have survived having my face plastered everywhere.”

Avalyn looked up at her mama’s face for the first time. “So that’s why you wear the mask?”

She nodded. “It helps me feel calm when interacting with people. Especially new people.”

“I’m surprised you took it off so fast when you met me.” The mask had come off almost right away when they first met. Then, Avalyn had felt a small sense of uncanny valley when looking at her mama, and now that feeling was gone. All she saw was a beautiful woman with the kind of face Avalyn could only ever dream of having.

Mama smiled. “I was very excited to have found you. When your cradle was lost, I feared I would never get to meet my child, and, yes, I am very well aware of the irony of the goddess of the lost losing her own child.”

Avalyn wished her mama could see her inner smile. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” That got a small chuckle from Mama, and it made Avalyn so happy.

“I’m so happy I did get to finally meet you, Avalyn, and I am so excited to see what the future holds for you.”

“I’m very happy I met you, too.” Though this was a happy moment, sadness came over her. “You saved me from ending it all.” As soon as the words came out, she regretted them, seeing the smile fade away from her mama’s face.

Mama pulled Avalyn in tighter as one of her hands cupped her daughter’s cheek. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there sooner.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Mama. I was already lost to you, and when I woke up, I didn’t think this universe had magic or gods for me to call upon. There wasn’t any provable or tangible magic in my simulation, and though I believed in gods, it was more faith than belief based on physical evidence. Most of the stories I had in the simulation didn’t tie in magic to a universe where technology was advanced enough to travel the stars.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Mama said, “That’s very interesting. I would have thought that with the information the cradle took from this ship, the simulation would add some magic to what you lived in considering how prevalent it is in their technology.”

That brought up an interesting thought. “Was the simulation not meant to have magic if it was purely Vysven?”

A small, smirking smile crossed Mama’s face. “I’ll leave that up to be something for you to discover for yourself.”

Avalyn nodded. “I do have one question about the simulation though, that I feel I am owed the answer to.”

“What would that be?” Eternity looked a little cautious. “Remember, I don’t actually know what you experienced in that life.”

“What’s the point of the simulation? To give me a personality?” A hurt built in her chest. “It honestly feels incredibly cruel to make me live an entire life only to die, lose everything, and then learn it was all fake. That every love I ever had, that every sorrow, all the suffering, all the joy, and anything I ever did doesn’t matter.”

The caution on Mama’s face gave way to a gentle sorrow. “I am sorry, my darling Avalyn. I can not deny that it is cruel in that regard, but that life had meaning. That life and even your death are the reason you could even come into being. To be more than just artificial intelligence without a soul, to artificially create a soul, and one that has the ability to control the immense power you have, you need to live a life first. You need to live and then you need to die, and that is the only way we could find to create you.”

Avalyn wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “Wouldn’t just having an organic demigod child work?”

Eternity shook her head. “An organic demigod couldn’t have power over technology the same way you do. They wouldn’t be able to make it a true part of themselves as you are able to. You are the height of both magic and technology made into one being with the ability to balance both sides of themselves. We know of no other way to have such a person.”

“Why… why would you even need to do that? Why create regents in the first place?” When she didn’t get an answer, she said, “That’s something I need to learn for myself, isn’t it?”

“That’s something that all regents need to find for themselves, not only you.”

It was a little hard to process all of this, and Avalyn just felt a little numb to it. There was some satisfaction in knowing that her life in the simulation wasn’t just some cruel way of creating a personality, but it still hurt to know it was all fake. Avalyn turned her face away from her mama and went back to just cuddling into her. “Is it worth it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is the life I have now worth everything I lost? I was happy in the simulation… Sure, I was poor, lived in a country falling to fascism, had a body that was wrong beyond measure, but there were things there that made me so happy.” Avalyn squeezed Mama harder, and her internal tears were clear in her voice. “I had friends I miss, I had a family I’ll never see again, and I had a spouse that I’ll never get to say I love you to anymore… Even that wrong body actually let me feel things unlike this forsaken fucking automaton prison I’m stuck in now…” She started shaking a little. “I don’t think the power I have as a regent is worth losing all of that.”

Mama was silent for a little while as she continued her gentle strokes along Avalyn’s body. The silence only made Avalyn more worried until she felt something drip down on her head. Looking back up, she found tears running down her mama’s face again.

“Life is worth it, Avalyn,” she said, clearly trying to hold in a sob. “I’m so sorry about all that is wrong with how you came into being, but it will be worth it. You will have a wonderful life full of love and wonder, I promise you.”

Avalyn squeezed her tighter. She wanted that so desperately, but it was hard to imagine such a future when she had barely any understanding of reality. It was hard to imagine a life in which she could be happy in this body. “I’m scared…” she admitted, crying herself. “I’m scared I can’t have that…”

“You will, Avalyn,” Mama said firmly.

“But I don’t know anything about the reality I find myself in. Everything is foreign to me, and I don’t know how to find a life among these people. I could barely fucking find one in the damn simulation.”

“You will find your way, Avalyn, and there will be people there to help you. You already have two who will always be there to help you, even if I’m foreign to this time too.”

“Even if I have people helping me, most people aren’t even going to think I’m a really fucking person. You are literally the only person I have met in this life that hasn’t tried to shut me down like I’m some robot. I’m going to have to constantly fight to prove I’m real, and even if there are organic-looking bodies I could take control of, they’re stupidly expensive and restricted behind light years of red tape. I don’t even know if it would feel like a real body again. I don’t think I can last if I have to live like—”

“I will get you a body,” Eternity said, cutting her off, tears still streaming down her face.

“What?”

“I will get you a body, Avalyn.” There was so much conviction in her voice. “I am your Mama, and I am going to make sure you have the body you deserve. I won’t rest till I have gotten you a body that feels right.”

Though Mama’s words were easy to understand, Avalyn found it hard to process her own thoughts on the matter. With a shaky and tearful voice, Avalyn said, “Please make sure to rest.”

Mama smiled, and for the first time, Avalyn felt like things were going to be okay in this new life. “Oh, Avalyn.” Leaning down, she kissed Avalyn’s forehead. “I’ll be sure to rest when I need to.” She squeezed her tighter. “I can’t promise how long it will take me to achieve it, but I will do it, Avalyn. You will have a body that is truly you.”

“I believe you, Mama.” She truly did, but she still had some fears. “I’m… I’m still a little scared…”

“Scared of what?”

“I’m scared of not knowing what I will look like. My body was so wrong in the simulation, so I’m just scared of that happening again…”

“Well, the only actual genetics you have are mine, so you would look like me unless you would like to change anything.”

That made Avalyn pause for a moment. “I would look like you?”

“Not the whole glowing goddess body, but me if I was just a regular person.”

Avalyn had already thought that she wished she could look like her Mama, but… “I suppose you would want me to change my appearance then.”

The feathers on one side of Mama’s head lifted up as her head tilted to the side slightly. “Why would I want that?”

“Because I would look like you.”

“Do you not like how I look?”

“What? No, you’re so beautiful, I would give so much to look like you, but would you really want your daughter walking around with your exact appearance?”

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Eternity said plainly.

Avalyn supposed she wasn’t making her thoughts clear enough. “When I get my Vysven body, I’m not really going to be going around hiding the fact that I am Vysven, and I have a feeling that’s going to be really big news.”

“Probably.”

“My face might be plastered all over the place.”

“Would you also like a mask? I can make you one as well.” Mama appeared a little excited by that prospect.

“No. I would be happy to show that face to the galaxy. At least I think I would be.” She paused for a moment as she thought about it a little more about the idea of having her face plastered everywhere. “Maybe I would like a mask… Still, if I choose to show my face and it gets plastered everywhere, wouldn’t that make you uncomfortable?”

“No. Why would it?”

“Because it’s your face.”

“But it would be your face, not mine, Avalyn.”

“We would have the same face.”

“It would still be your face, not mine.”

“Even though we would look exactly the same?”

“Yes. I would still hide my face, and that’s what would make me most comfortable. If you want to show your face, that’s fine.”

“Aren’t you afraid of people knowing what you look like?”

“Oh, I see where you’re coming from.” She paused for a moment. “I still think it would be a good idea to keep your being a demigod a secret. Maybe that will change, and even if it does, people knowing you’re my daughter wouldn’t necessarily mean they would know what I look like. Even if they did figure it out, I’m not upset about people knowing what I look like; I just don’t want my face plastered everywhere. If the time comes and I need to take some action about that, I will, but for now I don’t see that being a problem even if you show your face and admit you’re my daughter.”

That was interesting to Avalyn that her mama wasn’t concerned about what she looked like, just having her face displayed. “Are you sure you would be okay with me looking like you?”

“Of course I am.”

Avalyn snuggled a little deeper into her Mama, enjoying the feeling of warmth not only from Mama’s body, but the one growing in her ghost of a body. “Wait, if my body is based on genetics, does that mean it would be an organic body?”

“Not truly, but it will be able to simulate an organic body down to about the cellular level. Your heart and genetic code you have within you are what will define how it will naturally look like, but that is also something you will be able to easily change if you wish.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Avalyn wished she could show her Mama her inner smile. Of course, it might be awhile before she got this body, but knowing that she will have it put her at so much ease. “Thank you, Mama.” A gentle pitter-patter sound came from the clear ceiling, and looking up, Avalyn found the stars hidden behind rain clouds. “Speaking of wonderful sounds,” Avalyn said with a pleased sigh.

Eternity chuckled lightly. “Do you like the rain?”

“I love the rain so dearly, and thunderstorms too. I couldn’t ask for a better end to the day than to fall asleep in a warm embrace with the sound of rain.” After saying that, she realized her mama might not stay that long. “Not to ask you to stay that long…”

“I have nowhere else to be other than at your side, Avalyn.” Mama curled her wings in tighter around them, though it was a little awkward on the floor of the smallish space between the table and cockpit door. “Maybe when you upgrade this ship, you can redesign it to be a little more Vysven-sized and oriented. The people of today are so small and so few-limbed.”

Avalyn nodded, still looking up at the rain falling on her ceiling. “Build the ship for the body you want, not for the body you have.” Eternity looked down at her a little quizzically with feathers on one side of her head lifting. “A joke on a saying from the simulation. I suppose I’m going to need to research Vysven design and furniture. I wonder how much information there is on all that.” It could be a problem if there wasn’t much to go on. Though since she knew what she would look like and the size she would be, she could try designing her own furniture.

“While there are things about our people I will leave for you to discover, I will help in this regard since it will be related to your physical body. If I find furniture, do you think Vestan would be opposed to me leaving it in the hangar?”

Avalyn shook her head. “I don’t think he would mind. I might just need to warn him before furniture suddenly starts appearing.” Thinking about Gramps, a question came to her. “When you brought me to Gramps, was he just a random person you picked?”

“No,” Mama said with a more somber tone. “When I was searching for you and couldn’t find you, I was getting very upset and overwhelmed. There was a whole galaxy for me to search, and no matter where I looked I couldn’t find you…” Her hold of Avalyn got a little tighter as well as a little shaky. “I was at my breaking point, terrified that even though you were out there that I wouldn’t be able to find you. In my panic, I just ended up looking to any being who was lost or looking for the lost, just in hopes maybe one of them might be with you. That’s how I came across him. He was in a junkyard, searching every single nook and cranny with the deepest held belief that there was something lost and forgotten in there for him to find. Something that was deserving of being found after so many years of being lost.

“It was calming just to watch him, and his dedication to the search for the lost helped me bring back my hopes of finding you. After a while, I went back to my search and eventually you called out to me. I thought maybe he would enjoy finding a treasure lost in space after all of his effort to find something out there.”

The story filled Avalyn with happiness, knowing that it wasn’t just a random coincident that it was Gramps she was brought to. “I would say his search paid off very well. Even if a little more extreme than anything he was expecting to find.”

Mama chuckled. “I’m happy that he’s living up to the challenge of guiding a young Vysven into the galaxy of today. At least so far.”

Avalyn nodded. “I think the problem isn’t going to be with Gramps, but with how to galaxy will react to me.”

Mama sighed and hugged her tighter. “I fear that may be true. I don’t know enough about these people of today, but I worry that until I get you your body, you are going to have to deal with some strife from them.”

“I hate to say it, but I’m already a little used to the from my simulation. Basically, for the exact same reason too.” She sighed, thinking that she didn’t want to go back to talking about her upsetting situation. In an effort to try to find something else to talk about, her eyes drifted across the cradle. “What should we do with the cradle? Heather asked for it to be destroyed, but if it can be used to make another regent, then I feel like as a species I’m obligated not to destroy it.”

“Your cradle can’t be used to make another regent,” Mama said gently. “Each cradle is unique to the regent and can only be used once.” Looking at the cradle herself Mama clearly thought for a moment. “Destroy what it was and make something new out of the materials. Something Heather might be approving of.”

“Like what?”

“I have no idea, but the cradle is made of precious and useful material. I’m sure during your time with Vestan you’ll find something that you could use our technology and materials to improve upon for your ship. Maybe even something just for yourself and not Stargazer.”

Avalyn liked that idea, but there was still a part of her that wondered if even that would be disrespectful. The cradle would be destroyed but the materials would still be on the ship. What were the materials even good for? What was something that Heather would approve of? Something to make the ship go faster? There were so many possibilities for what she could use them for, but for right now she didn’t need to focus on that. That was a tomorrow activity.

“Do I have any cool titles as a regent?”

“Hm?”

“Like Avalyn, Resurrector of Gods. The first to return. Stuff like that?”

Eternity gave a light giggle as the feathers on her head did gentle flaps. “How about ‘Avalyn Lyr Rys, the Found Regent, Child of the Lost’?”

“Isn’t that a little too on the nose of me being your child? Also, why Lyr as my middle name?” She hadn’t picked a middle name yet.

Mama smiled down at her. “I would like to have a little say in my child’s name. As for why Lyr specifically, well, that is something you’ll have to discover yourself. Child of the lost however, is an actual title our people had. The Children of the Lost were people who had been lost themselves and after being found sought to find what was lost. If you really intend on finding the lost remnants of our people, then you are more than deserving of the title.” A little smirk crossed her face. “And yes, you are the actual child of the lost, so sneakily people will be acknowledging who you truly are, even if they don’t know it.”

That was a good title, but it felt like there was something more she could add, but nothing came to mind. She had plenty of time to think about it before she actually started going around proclaiming herself as Vysven openly.

“The mask I make for you would also signify you are a Child of the Lost, but I will admit yours will be a little different since I will personally be making it.”

“I look forward to it.”