Chapter 41: Choking Comfort
At the end of her fourteenth first day at Darkmoon University, Suria sank back into the most comfortable bed she had ever felt in her life and wondered just how bad things were.
Despite the violent beginning to this loop, everything had settled down afterward, which was actually what worried her. It seemed as though she wasn't under suspicion of being in the time loop, though she couldn't even be certain of that, because it was always possible that the professors were lying to her so that she would lure out more loopers.
That might be paranoia, however, and their actions were compatible with truly recruiting her. She had been treated very well since the initial meeting, given one of the nicest available rooms in the Cerulean Sanctum and even a stipend in addition to her scholarship. All of her usual busywork had been taken care of except for class choices, which they indicated would be a topic of later conversation - Suria didn't like the sound of that and had asked for the course catalogue like a normal student. Since then the professors had retreated to do more serious work, leaving her to her own devices.
The room around her was so at odds with everything she was feeling inside that it made her head spin. It was five times the size of the standard rooms in the Taedric Building, with two enormous fluffy beds on each side as well as writing desks, sorcerous circles, and an entire row of closets. Most dramatically, the back wall of the room was made of blue glass and looked out over the lake, offering what she was sure would be a gorgeous view. All she wanted now was to close the shades.
Her first priority had to be self-preservation, since she was forced to work directly with the people who were the biggest threat to her. That meant behaving like a normal student and not slipping up regarding knowledge from other timelines. Just to cover a lot of basic facts, she'd asked for someone to give her a tour and introduce her to some people around campus - disappointingly, it was a bored journeymage instead of Kiznua, but it still served to give her an excuse for all the basic knowledge she might accidentally display, like being oriented to the campus layout.
Second came her highest long term priority of learning more about the conspiracy, which she placed under the first because it was so risky. A normal student in her position would have questions, she just needed to avoid drawing further suspicion, so she hoped that she would learn more naturally.
She couldn't adopt the same attitude when it came to her third priority, which was an open question: what to do about the other loopers. Not least because she needed to consider whether she wanted to protect them, if she even could. If she went too far, she could betray herself in an instant, and it was so easy to imagine Tollvard Rhamsolk just reaching out to crush her soul...
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Suria had to seriously consider whether she should use this position against any of the others. It would certainly be the most ruthless path she had available, especially if her theory was correct and eliminating loopers would extend the cycle. If Adwyrma had still been alive, Suria might have been tempted to target the older woman.
If she wanted to take that option, it would probably be best to leave some kind of letter targeting others, then kill herself safely far away from the thrones. In theory she would be beyond their reach, but Suria didn't want to attempt it for multiple reasons. First, she didn't know the full scope of contingencies the thrones might have available, and second, doing that would completely sacrifice this opportunity to gain more information about the conspiracy.
Given her present situation, she thought targeting other loopers would be a mistake even for the most ruthless agent. The chance of failure was high, either due to loopers who could safely kill themselves like Wynchard or those who hid from everyone else like Xuhriha, so Suria's collaboration with the thrones would likely become common knowledge. If she adopted a scorched earth strategy, she would be making permanent enemies for every future loop. Even aside from that, if she was suspiciously good at finding others, the professors would likely suspect that she was using them for that very purpose.
No, she needed to prioritize her own safety and help only when she saw an opportunity; the question was just how she could do so safely. And despite all of Suria's attempts to think on the subject, she hadn't come up with many good answers.
Hopefully the fact that the initial events had gone so differently, actually destroying the wards, would put everyone else on guard. Jeilin and Qanti were nearby and likely would have seen, plus everyone would notice that Wynchard and Adwyrma were gone. If loopers saw all of that and still took wild risks, Suria wouldn't be able to save them.
All these thoughts swirled through Suria's mind as she sank deeper and deeper into the plush bed. This room was supposed to be one of the most sought-after on campus, but it felt like a prison.
"You there?" Maut-mai opened the door a crack.
"It's your room too," Suria said without getting up. "You don't have to ask."
Maut-mai padded in and went to sit on her bed on the other side of the room, clearly troubled. That made two of them. Aside from a little paperwork that had been done together, they had been taken on entirely different paths, so Suria didn't know what the other student might have been told. It could mean nothing or it could be a trap to draw an inconsistency from her.
"Are you going to do it?" Maut-mai asked eventually.
"Do what?" Suria finally made herself sit up and look at the other woman.
"Take their offer. I can't believe they'd recruit students for something like this! I mean... these loopers have probably gone mad, right? Like Hrakik the Irredeemable? You saw how one of them just killed Shuguja, without even thinking about it. If you control a time loop, life doesn't have any meaning to you, does it?"
"I don't think they're sending us to hunt people down," Suria said in order to dodge all the other questions. "They just want us to keep our eyes open, because people might let their guards down around new students."
"But that's terrifying." Maut-mai hunched lower on her bed. "I'm not a spy. I can't take the tension. Just knowing that they're out there... and the way the professors just attacked each other... something like this would never happen in Febek-Rai."
Suria resisted the urge to glance around the room, since that would make her look guilty, but she thought it was at least reasonably likely that there was some sort of spell that would listen to them. The nice room was likely more than just a gift, after all. Of course, it was perfectly reasonable to be upset after seeing the thrones doing battle with one another.
As they lapsed into silence, Suria wondered if the amiability afterward was even more disturbing: was it normal for professors to work together even though they were apparently willing to attack one another? Was casting lethal spells just the equivalent of light shoving for archmages? Based on how they had acted with one another, they were definitely colleagues, not friends - united by their positions and common interests, not deeper commitments.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
Or perhaps this was how a fundamental argument over values was worked out. Suria still remembered clearly how Lia Huen Rei had spoken about disagreements over what Darkmoon University should fundamentally be, and that might be the best explanation.
It did seem like she had confirmed that Zaasif Drazen had called the meeting, and the other professors suspected he was involved with the time loop somehow. If he had called them to propose using forbidden time magic for some purpose, that might explain the highly varying conflict. She just wished she knew how the professors fell out... they were all hiding their own agendas in the same way she was.
Then again, all of those theories might be completely incorrect. It could have been a normal faculty meeting that went wrong, or someone else might have attacked, or the time loop had come into being for a completely unrelated reason. She couldn't let her desire for answers close her eyes to new evidence.
"I can't do it." It had seemed like Maut-mai was composed, but suddenly she lurched back to her feet and began pacing around the room. "I just can't, Darkmoon isn't worth this. Let's just... just go. We can be on the next leyferry out of the city."
"I can't," Suria said numbly.
"Why not? Are you afraid of them? My family is important in Febek-Rai; they can't just mistreat us like this!"
"No, I couldn't afford a hotel, much less a leyferry ticket."
Maut-mai blinked multiple times in a row, thrown from her funk by an idea that seemed astonishing to her. "That... it doesn't matter, does it? I can pay for both of us. You saved me back there - I'm glad to do it."
"I'm sorry." Suria fell back onto her bed and let her arms flop to her sides. "Being a mage is all I ever wanted, and Darkmoon is my best chance."
That made the mood between them even worse, though Maut-mai didn't push after that. Soon all their requests showed up, from their books to their robes, but unlike the first cycle, Maut-mai didn't seem at all excited by her official robes. Suria decided to ignore hers as well and just set up the pile of books beside her on the bed.
She'd made sure to request the course catalogue as well as other books that were reasonable introductions. Fortunately, there were so many subjects that Suria hadn't studied that there was still plenty to read. Whatever happened, she would at least make progress for the next cycle.
Assuming that she made it through this one.
~ ~ ~
The second day of the loop began quietly enough, especially because Suria discovered that students could request specific foods in the Cerulean Sanctum. It really was the nicest housing she'd experienced on campus and she didn't want to know how much it cost normally. But since she suspected she was going to be called in soon, she couldn't really enjoy any of it.
On her own, Suria would have been happy to stay inside and read her new books, but Maut-mai made that increasingly unpleasant. The other woman shifted from crying to raging to repeating the same statements about how all of this was unfair, as if being unfair was a reason something would change. The constant stream was increasingly getting under Suria's skin and none of the attempts she made to shift Maut-mai to a different course had any effect.
Despite the frustration, Suria swallowed all her annoyance. She had seen Maut-mai become several different people across different timelines, but in this one, before they even knew one another, Maut-mai had risked herself to help multiple times. There was a better Maut-mai somewhere across time and Suria would work to find her, even if this iteration was getting on her nerves.
Besides, she was becoming increasingly aware of how much everyone was shaped by their circumstances. If she could meet the Suria she had been before the loops started, the two would be more different than she wanted to believe. And if this continued, she wasn't sure who she would become.
"I can't take it," Maut-mai was saying. "I thought I wanted to join the Water Society more than anything, but it's like a prison. We're trapped in-"
"Why don't we take a walk?" Suria suggested on a whim.
"What?" Maut-mai fell out of her rant and stared at her. "Where?"
"Just around campus. I don't think being stuck in here is good for you."
"Well... I suppose we could."
Going on a walk apparently required Maut-mai to change clothes and jewelry, but Suria waited patiently until they were both ready. This early in the cycle, the Cerulean Sanctum was almost entirely empty, so there was no one to bother them as they walked down to the main entrance and headed across Darkmoon campus.
At first they walked in silence, which was an improvement as far as Suria was concerned, since she had plenty of their own thoughts. As they headed south, however, she became increasingly aware of a clamor coming from atop the Taedric Building. Her mind tried to fit the sounds into a battle or something else terrible until she realized that it was a gathering.
"Are they celebrating?" Maut-mai asked, shielding her eyes to peer at the tower. A bottle went over the edge and shattered below, leading to wild laughter. "How vulgar! We should give them a tongue-lashing!"
"I don't... yes, we should." Suria couldn't see individuals from below, but she'd already seen this pattern once. She couldn't overlook this opportunity.
As they climbed the stairs up to the tower, she had time for second thoughts, since it was possible that they were being monitored. But this truly had come about by coincidence, so she needed to take advantage. If she couldn't test her boundaries even like this, she wouldn't be able to accomplish anything this cycle.
Before they reached the top, they were stopped by a locked door. Suria guessed that the drinkers above had used an unlocking glyph and, after a little experimentation, managed to get the door open herself. They headed up the last staircase, the sounds growing ever more raucous, and Maut-mai was increasingly irritated.
"What are you doing?" she demanded as she reached the top. "I can hardly think with all this noise!"
"Oh, go away..." It was one of the Junnite loopers - Misbalf, Suria thought his name was. There were the other three Junnites as well, along with three Endelythans and half a dozen other students who Suria didn't think were loopers at all.
Whatever Misbalf had been intending to say, he trailed off when he saw Suria. Several of them were drunk, which she realized could be a problem.
"Have you no shame?" Maut-mai demanded. "You call yourselves students?"
"Yeah!" Suria tried to shout and it came out awkwardly. "This is serious!"
Everyone who hadn't been staring at her before was staring at her now, including Maut-mai. Suria refused to let herself blush, since behaving off-kilter was the entire point.
"You better clean up your act," Suria told them, "or there will be consequences. Do you hear me? We'll come back up here."
"Sorry," Misbalf mumbled, and a few of the others apologized as well. The non-loopers looked baffled, but Suria hoped that she had made her point.
"And another thing..." Maut-mai started to warm up for a rant, but Suria grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"Let's not push our luck," Suria whispered. "They're drunk and they could become violent."
That was apparently enough to convince Maut-mai, though she seemed a little puzzled as they headed back down the stairs. Suria wondered if she had overplayed her hand or made a stupid mistake, and it was all too easy to imagine reaching the bottom and finding a professor waiting for her. Ironically, she might have been more effective at warning these loopers if she'd spent less time studying magic and more time drinking.
No professors waited for them at the bottom, and as they left the Taedric Building, Suria saw that the gathering had quieted down. She would have to hope that had been enough, because she couldn't stick her neck out for them even more.
"I'm impressed you yelled at them," Maut-mai said quietly. "I didn't think you would... maybe you're a different person than I thought."
Suria choked back a laugh. "Maybe. I don't know what came over me."
"I know it's silly, but I feel like that was the last straw." Maut-mai toyed with her necklace as they walked. "I wasn't really angry with them, just... it's everything. I don't feel safe here. I want to leave, I really do. Do you think they'd let me?"
The honest answer was that Suria didn't know. Maut-mai had witnessed the conspiracy and overheard some significant information, so would Darkmoon University let her simply walk away? She didn't want to believe that they'd murder a student over this, but that might be wishful thinking.
"I can see how unhappy you are," Suria said eventually. "If you want to go, I think you should go. Write me a letter when you get somewhere safe, okay?"
"Agreed," Maut-mai said, grasping her arm. Apparently she'd just needed someone to give her permission, because after that she seemed to refocus entirely on her plan to leave. Hopefully the letter - or its absence - would at least give Suria information about the university.
All such plans had to be delayed, however, because when they returned they found a request waiting for them in their room. They were invited to the Hall of Thrones.