Help Wanted: Resident farm hand. Milk production preferred, collar and childbearing optional.

This time it wasn't a random car pulling up with a special Max-shaped delivery. Xander had taken her car, a large blue sedan, to pick Max up because apparently there wouldn't be any need for cargo space as there had been for Ellen. Honestly, a sedan might have saved me from getting molested on Ellen's first airport pick up, but there was no use dwelling on that particular what-if. Carolyn would have found a way regardless.

Xan took a closer parking spot than usual today, backing up next to the walkway that led to the barn door.

"That's everything?" I lifted the slightly ajar trunk and surveyed the contents. I didn't bother screening the skepticism from my tone.

"Yeah--" Max grunted as he tugged on the largest box-like bag, "--Well, kinda. I donated and sold the furniture and appliances, so it ended up being cheapest to just palletize the stuff that I didn't want to have near at hand."

"Fun fact." Xander chimed in. "The company that delivers our bottles operates near Max, so we were able to work it into their distribution schedule. I think they were happy for the continued business after the dildo incident."

"Do I want to know?"

"Okay, so one of their shipments was full of--"

"It was rhetorical." I interrupted. "I hope you got a good deal then. When can we expect your stuff to get here?" I addressed Max directly, hoping to avoid wild tangents with the direct approach.

"It's going to change trucks like five times so I'm expecting a couple weeks at best. It's really no rush though."

"How very zen of you." I grabbed the matching carry-on sized bag while Xander grabbed the last two smaller items. I leaned forward to peer into the trunk, one bag remained, but I recognized jumper cables peeking out of the side pocket. "And I'm guessing this stays." I pulled it toward the bumper so that it could nestle in the empty pocket that the baggage had been.

Xander turned the bag and hooked its handles into a couple plastic tabs I hadn't seen before. "Yep. It's got everything, the tire pump, jumper cables, fuses, and a set of soft pajamas in case I need to do an overnight at the psych ward-- thaaaat was funnier in my head."

"Is that actually what they are there for?" Max reached into the top and pulled out a bundle of cloth.

"Unironically, unfortunately yes." Xander continued, "I thought I was being smart at the time, thinking ahead and such. Now they stay because they'd be handy for unexpected sleep-overs I guess."

She chuckled as Max unfolded them and underwear tumbled out. "Goofball." Xander took the shirt, holding it up to consider it. "If you like this set I'll get you your own some time, but these are mine."

"I didn't- I…" Max stammered, stealing glances at me of all people as he turned red.

"Would the intent of wearing these in the psych ward be to shorten or prolong your stay?" I tried not to laugh as I read. The shirt had a cartoon bee on it with the caption "I bee-lieve in you!" written in comic sans around it.

Xander tilted her head to the side. "You know, I don't think I thought that far ahead. They're just soft and I like bees." She shook out the wrinkles before laying it over the bumper, arranging the matching pants on top of it, and then rolling both garments around the underwear into a tight bundle.

"Sorry." Max finally unfroze.

"Don't worry about it! Besides, you're going to have to get used to seeing this sort of thing if you're going to be my roommate."

"Roommate? I thought he was getting his own room?" I cursed internally as I saw the all-too-familiar wince from Max. I'd tried to be careful about avoiding pronouns entirely, but gender had become a minefield.

Ellen and I agreed that we must have really fucked up the prime directive because if Max couldn't come out to us of all people that reflected reaaaaally poorly on us. Though there was something to be said for the chasm that can form between logic and feelings.

Regardless, clearly they felt safe around Xander, so there probably wasn't anything to worry about.

Hopefully.

"I suggested she stay with me, actually." Xander piped up. "At least for a couple days so we can see how it goes. It'll give us more time to catch up."

"Mhmm." I settled for a tight-lipped nod. Max had winced again at being referred to as 'she' by Xander, though this time they had immediately looked to me, as if checking to see if I'd somehow failed to notice this time on top of the dozens of times Xan had done this already. Maybe that was just me reading too far into it though.

I sighed and pulled up the telescoping handle of the bag. "Let's get these up to your room then. Are either of you feeling hungry?"

"Ooooh we could make a pizza to take up to the bedroom, really make a party out of it." Xander spoke, even as Max shook their head.

"What would we put on it? What can you and Maddie even have on a pizza?"

"Tons of stuff." I tapped the button for the automatic doors and stepped off to the side to kick off the little slippers I wore for going outside. With the previous hoof version Deyha and I had just used a boot scrubber and a soft towel to clear off dirt when coming back inside, but I wasn't quite done growing my Hoof 2.0s. For now, I just kept some regular ol slippers next to the door and enjoyed my sock collection while they were still comfy. Soon the bones would be done and then Carolyn would turn the fur back on.

I led the way to the pulley system I'd rigged up. "Tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, olives… you'd be surprised how well hummus can stand in for cheese."

I busied myself securing the bag in place of the basket that I usually had on the rope before checking to see if I'd horrified Max with the suggestion.

They hadn't followed me. Max and Xander stood at the base of the stairs watching me with confusion and amusement respectively.

"What? I'm a weenie, I'm not lugging this up the stairs."

They began to climb as I joined them.

"I feel like whatever contraption you rigged up is probably more effort though. It certainly looks complicated enough-- Jesus Christ." Max groaned. "You motorized it?"

"Yep! It's simple really, I printed a little remote enclosure that clamps onto the rope and it doubles to hit the limit switch at the top! Then another switch on the spool checks when all the rope has been let out to stop the descent."

"That's… so extra."

"Extra convenient." I countered. "Back me up Xan, it's awesome, right?"

"It's something."

"Judas."

"What is it with you two and the bible shit?" Xander set down her bags at the top of the stairs and shook her hands out. "I won't accuse you of being religious, what with the blaspheming, but…"

"Eh, we'll grow out of it eventually, just keep being your pagan self and it will eventually rub off."

Xander squinted at me now. "I never said I was pagan."

"Huh. that's on me for assuming I suppose. Carolyn and Deyha always say 'gods' so I just assumed that with the commune being one big happy cult…"

"Ugh." Xander picked up the bags again.

"For clarity's sake, are you pagan?" I smirked as Xander groaned again.

"Technically, if you call any sort of spirituality 'religious' and any religion other than one of the abrahamic faiths…"

"I get it." I cut in. "I'm sorry for assuming and applying labels."

Xander shrugged. "It's a fair assumption. We do literal witchcraft here."

"And you haven't invited me to dance naked in the woods? I'm hurt."

Max chuckled at that one and I held up my hand for a high-five.

"No, Maddie." Xander rubbed her brow. "The gene modding. It's magic."

Her expression gave me pause. I might not be the best at recognizing tones and gestures, but there was absolutely nothing to indicate she was less than sincere.

"I mean… any sufficiently advanced technology would seem--"

She cut me off. "No, it's magic. Technology comes into it, sure, but I'm talking about runes and imposing our will through unobservable forces."

"I feel like the results are pretty observable." I spoke without thinking, not taking the time to make sure I sounded polite, and I regretted it as her eyes narrowed. But what was I supposed to say? What did she expect? Carolyn was a doctor! This was medical technology! And now Xander was donning her tinfoil hat and acting like there was a conspiracy.

"I guess Carolyn will have to explain it to you." Xander seemed irritated suddenly, and didn't wait for my reply before heading for her bedroom.

"I believe you." Max spoke up.

I muttered "Kiss up." and Xander chuckled.

"I'm glad, It will make indoctrinating you so much easier."

"Hey, I'm the one who got him--... here." I grit my teeth as I realized my slip a moment too late. Xander wasn't looking at me though, and the unspoken conversation of expressions only included Max and Xander for the moment; Max looking sheepish, and Xander looking something akin to chagrined. Disappointed but unsurprised all at once.

"We'll call it a group effort in corruption then." Xander opened her bedroom door and led the way in.

I hadn't seen the room before and suddenly the offer to share with Max seemed practical. She had a full size bed, a futon, and a bag chair more than double the size of the one in my stall. The space was practically purpose-built for sleepovers, and it still had enough free and open floor space to facilitate a VR setup if she wanted. Though that was probably only something I would consider.

"How do you have so much space?" I turned in place as I took in the scenery. This room had everything I'd ever need to never be seen again-- well, aside from the computer stuff… or food/bathroom… so maybe it wasn't actually the end-all-be-all activity room but it was damn cozy and welcoming. By the time I'd done a full spin, Max was already sinking into the middle of the bag chair.

"It's great, right?" Xander gestured around her. "Yeah, I don't want to brag, but I actually stole a Tardis and used it's Bigger On The Inside tech to expand my room those extra few inches."

"Oh, so you robbed a doctor. Classy."

"Not just a doctor; The Doctor."

I squinted at Xander. "My mistake. Regardless, your room is pretty perfect for sleepovers. What do you and Max have planned?"

"I was planning to sleep." Max spoke up, seeming uncertain of even this inevitability.

Xander flopped onto the bed across the room from Max. "And I was going to invite you and Ellen to make up lost time with spin the bottle, seven minutes of heaven, and an orgy."

I was acclimated enough to Xander's humor that this only elicited a heavy sigh from me. Max however sputtered as if choking on air.

"W-what? Xander? What the fuck?"

"Is spin the bottle too much? We don't have to."

"You know damn well--"

"Relax, Max. I'm just tormenting you. This is a no-orgy zone. Promise." Xander, like Deyha, completely botched the scout salute, but Max didn't seem to fixate on that like I did. Or maybe it just didn't register in contrast to other offenses.

"I can go find Ellen and see if she's interested I guess." I considered making a joke about how the orgy free zone could be a put-off for her, but that seemed to go excessively past the point of being mean. Everyone had to draw a line somewhere.

"Cool," Xander clapped her hands together. "I'll see about getting us some pizza and libations." Xander wiggled her eyebrows at me. "And Max… you can start picking out games, I guess? Or do you want to come with me?"

"I'll follow you." Max was already scrambling to escape the plush chair.

"Of course you will." I muttered, just loud enough that Xander would hear me.

She winked and shot finger-guns at me.

"Wait," the implications of 'libations' finally sunk in for me. "Should you and I really be drinking? Doesn't the alcohol make it into the milk?"

"It sure does, so make sure you collect some before you sleep." Xander was grinning broadly now, even as my face flushed. "I-- I'm not sure Carolyn would--"

"Then ask her. I guarantee she's down to give it a shot, though it might kill the mood when she tests it for alcohol content."

"There's no way-- it's not like a noticeable amount would make it from my blood anyways! Even if I got hammered then the milk would still be weaker than the weakest beer."

"You won't know until Carolyn tries it~" Xander sang as she took Max's hand and headed for the door. She shoved bags out of the way with her foot before stepping outside.

"Wait--" Max nearly ran into Xander as she stopped. "-- Are you saying that Carolyn drinks Maddie's milk?"

I glared at Xander, refusing to answer the question and willing her to lie for me, but she shrugged. "Yeah. Ellen too, probably. It's not like it's a secret."

"Damn it Xan…"

"Geeze." Max followed Xander out the door and I shut it behind us.

There were two sets of stairs down, so I waited to see which direction Xander took them so I could go the other way.

"Hey."

They both jumped, and I chuckled as they knocked their knees into each other as they turned to face me.

"You haven't been answering your phones." I put my hands on my hips, but did my best not to seem otherwise upset about it. The walk to search for Ellen was probably good for me anyways.

"Sorry." Ellen stood and rubbed her face. "I guess we were kinda in a groove. What's up, babe?"

I saw Carolyn raise an eyebrow.

"So you two are a thing after all?" Carolyn sounded coy, but I remembered what she'd said before about putting restrictions on my flirtations.

"I uh… we--" I lost steam, this was fucking torture at its finest, the sort that Carolyn usually enjoyed even.

Ellen kept her cool better than me though. "We haven't put any labels on it, but personally I'd say our relationship was never really platonic in the first place."

"Interesting… interesting…" Carolyn leaned back into the desk and brushed her nails along the spikes on her jaw. The thrum had a vaguely musical quality under the chorus of clicks.

"I should warn you, I've always struggled with sharing my treasures. You play a dangerous game, particularly if you break my dear Maddie's heart."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"No one ever does." Carolyn smiled, baring her teeth but somehow still seeming pleasant about it despite the thinly veiled threat.

"Anyways!" I cut in. "Ellen, Xander has invited us to a sleepover to welcome Max to the farm, and Carolyn, I wanted to check with you if it's okay to have alcohol."

Carolyn's eyes widened. "Just what kind of party is this?-- and yes, it should be fine in moderation. Just be extra sure you don't miss your probiotic tomorrow."

"Will it ruin the milk?"

"Well sure, the alcohol in your blood will get pulled into the milk along with the nutrients but-- oooh, this could be interesting."

"What?"

Carolyn ignored me, turning back to her screen and starting an internet search. Before it even loaded she was pulling up a second window and then a third to start other searches simultaneously.

I desperately wanted to interrupt her, but I settled for reading over her shoulder. Barely half of it made sense though.

"Okay, so it looks like it takes roughly an hour for the alcohol to make it to your breast milk in any substantial capacity, so you should do an extraction right about the time you think you're done drinking for the night."

"Just to get it out of my system?"

Ellen chuckled as Carolyn turned slowly to face me.

"Are you implying that you would discard your milk?"

"Well yeah, we can't sell it, and it will probably taste nasty anyways."

Carolyn squinted at me. "I wasn't going to do this, but you've forced my hand."

"What?" I took a step back but Carolyn was up and catching me by the waist before I could turn to escape.

"I'm not going to force you to drink, but if you have so much as a drop of alcohol-- no. regardless of your consumption you will do an extraction this evening and one way or another it better make its way to me or it will be on your ass."

"Jesus." I leaned back as her face drew near to mine.

"Am I understood?" she slipped two fingers up under my collar and pulled me nose-to-nose with her.

"Yes! Fuck! Why are you so intense about this?"

"Oh, right, I got sidetracked." She released me, not quite fast enough to cause me to stumble, but not any sort of gradually. "Legitimately I'm mostly curious how the membranes I designed for your milk glands will handle alcohol, but because you dared to imply you would destroy my treasure I am also going to subject you to teasing."

"More than normal?" Ellen spoke up from behind Carolyn and I shook my head at her. This was not the time to push.

"Henceforth, this will be known as operation: Irish cream."

"I already told you I'm not--"

"Tough luck, pet. Your name is Maddie O'Reilly and your milk is going to be called Irish cream now."

"Just the alcoholic version, right?" I pleaded, and my heart sank as Carolyn's eyes took on a glint.

"Now that you mention it… I don't see why we shouldn't always refer to it as Irish cream."

"You're the worst."

"But you love me."

"Yeah…" I folded my arms. "Yeah… I do."

"Awwwww" Carolyn cooed and pulled me close again, nuzzling her cheek on the top of my head. "I'll restrain my Irish cream jokes to Maddie's hard milk. Don't worry."

"Is this one of those bargaining tactics? You act like something way worse was going to happen so that I'll be happy with a compromise?"

I felt Carolyn's nod against the top of my head. "The trouble for you is, I think it will work even if you know it's happening. Admit it, you're relieved that I'm not taking the joke further."

"Maybe I'll try really hard and refuse to be satisfied." I squinted up at Carolyn but she only smiled sweetly.

"And then I'll just call all your cream Irish and we're back to square one. Face it, you don't win this one."

"When do I ever?"

I intended to stay mad at her for a while longer, but she cupped my cheeks in her hands, I considered shaking her off but she was already moving to massage my ears and comb her fingers through my hair. I had to hold her waist for balance as warmth flooded down my shoulders.

"What are you…" I trailed off-- out of breath suddenly as the warmth turned into an inferno.

I pulled her closer instinctively and before I knew it her lips were against mine, further ripping the strength from my protest as she cradled my neck. She kissed me the way she did when she was fucking me, breathing hot against my face as if she had to be an inch away just to hear me crying her name.

But now, as quickly as her touch had escalated, she withdrew. I was panting and so fucking horny and it couldn't have been more than a couple seconds of touch.

"Interesting." She mused, and I remembered that we weren't alone as Ellen echoed the sentiment from somewhere past Carolyn's shoulder.

"What? Oh- god damn it." I groaned as I recognized the wet feeling on my shirt. I'd been played, and it seemed like Carolyn was practicing ways to put me out of sorts as fast as possible.

It had only ever been a matter of time before she capitalized on my appetite for touch, and now she was dispensing affection like a cheat code with practiced precision.

"I shouldn't keep you from your little reunion." Carolyn eased her grasp on me but I held tight.

"What happened to not starting anything you couldn't finish?"

I didn't know where I came up with the audacity to challenge her, especially in front of Ellen, but even as out of sorts as I was now I certainly hadn't forgotten her promise.

"Ah, yes. It's good that you keep me honest." Carolyn took my hands and squeezed them before stepping past me and tugging me along toward the door.

"What about the mods?"

"Can you hit save for me?" Carolyn gestured past Ellen to the forgotten computer. "I'm sorry to bail on you but an urgent matter has come up."

"Have fun then."

"I'm sure you're welcome to join if you'd like. Maddie, why don't you invite your girlfriend along?" She said it so casually, but the question felt loaded to the brim with insinuation and challenge. I still remembered the first ride with Ellen, and I was certain this would inevitably be more of the same. But it had been fun, right? Nothing bad had happened anyway…

I rubbed my eyes and looked from Carolyn to Ellen. "Would you like to join us?"

"Sure." Ellen finished at the computer and put it to sleep. "What are we doing? Is it snack time?"

Carolyn cackled but I did my best to pass off my amusement as a conveniently timed cough.

"Sure. It's snack time." I stared pointedly at the door. "What's one more innuendo-ridden inside joke amongst friends?"

"Snack time does sound like a pretty good code word, but I can see it also leading to confusion." Ellen joined Carolyn and me in the hallway and flanked my other side as Carolyn led us toward the barn.

"Poor horny Maddie." Carolyn cooed. "Soon there won't be any phrases that don't set off a connection of some sort."

"Eventually my libido will calm down. Presumably." I muttered. It was nice to be so loved and taken care of, but no matter how many assurances they gave, the teasing always left me with the feeling that I was weirdly high maintenance.

"Is hypersexuality new to you?" Carolyn took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. The teasing tone had evaporated so suddenly it left me a little shocked.

"Uh… yes and no? I didn't have sex at all before coming to the farm so before that it was just a bad relationship with porn. I would get pretty irritable after even a day without uh… the point is all that's really changed about my sex drive in the last few years is that I hate myself less for it. I'm pretty completely certain that I haven't had a dry spell longer than a week since I was twelve. All of that to say the sex drive has always been there, but the sex itself is pretty new to me."

"Well, you aren't having sex every day here so things must be a little calmer, right?" Carolyn gave me a reassuring smile, but I didn't have it in me to smile back.

"Yeahhhh… but my vibrator still sees daily use. Soooo."

"Once a day isn't awful." Carolyn's voice was an unsettling mix of hopeful and concerned now, to the point that I figured it was best if I didn't correct her assumption.

Theoretically, once a day wouldn't be awful, but the reality was more like three times a day at least with a couple record breaking outliers. Before coming to the farm my record had been seven times in one day, but now it was nine.

"Is it… more than once a day?" Carolyn at least sounded uncertain, but evidently my expression and silence had spoken volumes.

"It's two or three, but it's fine, honestly. I'm just glad that relief doesn't come packaged with dysphoria and self-loathing."

"That sounds really disruptive." Ellen shared Carolyn's tone now.

"I doubt it's that weird. It has to be one of those things that everyone just… I don't know."

"Is it disruptive for you?" Carolyn's voice had become clinical, and not in the sexy way.

I shrugged. "It's all I've ever known."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"I know, but what am I supposed to say? I feel like you're reading really far into this. Asking if my sex drive is disruptive is like asking if eating or breathing is… disruptive, now that doesn't even sound like a real word! Does it matter? It's a fact of my life that I adjust to accommodate."

"I guess that's not a bad way of looking at it, but three times a day sounds a bit extreme, you aren't secretly half succubus are you?" Finally a bit of the humor was back in Carolyn's tone.

"Very funny. I think I'd know if I was."

"Though to be fair, even the half-succubus I know doesn't have that much sex."

"I uh-- what?"

"Have I not told you about Mary? Though to be honest, she's the sort that would probably write you fan-mail about your milk so I'm not sure you'd want to meet her."

"Wait-wait-wait, slow down. Who's Mary?"

Carolyn smirked, and I had the uneasy feeling that I was being led along yet again. "She's a cambion, half succubus on her dad's side."

"Whoa," Ellen murmured from my other side, but I refused to let the topic derail.

"She's half succubus?"

Carolyn nodded.

"Have you had sex with her?"

Carolyn's eyes widened and there was a long pause before she nodded again.

"Is… that a problem?"

"I guess not, I-mean no. It's not, but like, how do you know? Do you just take her word for it or does she have a tail? Or horns?"

"I uh… she's proved it?"

"With sex stuff?"

Carolyn dropped my hand and rubbed hers together, it was a bit unsettling how slow her responses were coming now.

"Yeah, but-- look, Maddie, I'm not sure I want to share all of this with you."

My heart dropped to my feet-- or hooves I guess. "Can… I ask why?"

"Mostly, I just don't think knowing this sort of thing will do you any favors, though unfortunately I'm afraid not knowing might be even worse at this point."

I looked at her hands, still clasped together in front of her, and I struggled not to read into why she wasn't holding my hand anymore. It was hard not to feel a panic in my stomach about her literally pulling away from me like this.

"I'll do my best to be chill about it?" My mind raced trying to fit this puzzle piece into the collage of my life, but it was a round peg and thus far all the spaces I'd made were square holes. "Do you have… other partners?"

"Oh, goodness, no. Mary isn't a partner. She's a friend. You and Deyha are my world."

"Then do you have other 'friends' as you call them?" I tried hard to keep frustration out of my tone, but I felt certain I was failing.

Carolyn stole a glance at Ellen.

"No!" I looked between them, suddenly frenzied.

"What?"

"You and Ellen?"

"I-- no, Maddie it's hardly fair to--"

Ellen cut in, "Carolyn and I haven't done anything."

"Then what was that look‽" My voice sounded shrill now.

"I want to know why you don't want Ellen and me to get along." Carolyn folded her arms now and leaned against the far wall, as if she needed a little bit of perspective to understand me now.

"Because you two team up on me! You have done so since the moment you met! Now answer the damn question!"

"What question?"

"What. Was. That. Look? Don't fucking play dumb with me."

"Gods, Maddie." Carolyn pinched the bridge of her nose. A lesser woman would probably be calling me hysterical by now but all her expression held now was a weariness mixed with pity.

"Ellen and I get along. I expect we will be good friends and if you must know this instant, I can easily see it becoming something more." Carolyn was avoiding looking at either me or Ellen now, and I felt suddenly monstrous.

What was I doing? Why was I lashing out and acting like I was somehow being attacked? Why didn't I want them to get along? I was pretty sure I actually did want them to get along, but it felt scary. Threatening.

The dark concept surfaced in my stomach. The certainty that Ellen would be better for Carolyn, and that soon I'd be replaced if I didn't do something. It was so dumb, because I'd fought so hard to truly believe that nobody just runs out of room in their heart, especially since Carolyn and Deyha had proved it to me from the moment I arrived on the farm.

Carolyn and Deyha's love was so real, more real and certain than anything I'd known before, but I knew Ellen too. I knew, probably as well as either of them, that Carolyn and Ellen would get along for the same reasons I loved each of them in turn. But that good and perfect thing dredged up jealousy with it. The mere thought that they could be better for each other than anything I could be a part of dissolved all my certainties.

It was fucked up. That anxiety had me by the throat and the fool-proof method to latch on and not let go was to… lash out at them? To accuse and vent my insecurities with anger and distrust? All I was doing now was bringing about the dark and scary future that I feared.

"I--..." My vision blurred and my voice was choked off by the guilt stuck in my throat.

My next attempt at speaking was just a broken sob, and I devolved into gasping for air as Ellen pulled me into a hug from behind.

The touch stung, but I was so dizzy and out of breath that all I could do was collapse in the middle of the hallway, making a controlled sort of landing as Ellen and Carolyn caught me.

"Breathe, Maddie. Don't rush, we're not going anywhere."

Ellen wouldn't let go, and I was too weak now to wriggle out of her grasp enough to even wipe my own eyes now. All I could do was take shuddering breaths as she rocked us from side to side.

Carolyn's coat rasped against the wallpaper as she slid down, sitting with her back to the wall and one foot tucked under her.

"You have to admit--" Carolyn spoke after I had more or less gotten control of myself. "Getting tag teamed is a little less bad when it applies to care as well."

I nodded. I was certainly in no position to argue now. "Why am I such a bitch?" I groaned and sank back into Ellen's embrace. It didn't sting anymore, and she wasn't holding me like I needed to be restrained for my own safety.

Carolyn shrugged as she picked at her shoe. "Dunno. You can blame me for it if you want though."

I let out a broken laugh, echoed by Ellen behind me. "Aren't you supposed to reassure me that I'm not?"

Carolyn smiled but shook her head. "Lying wouldn't do you any favors."

"Oof." Ellen chuckled. "Harsh."

"I deserve that one I suppose." I reached out a leg to rest my sock-clad pseudo-hoof against the bottom of her shoe, and she gave a light press back.

"I don't think it's about deserving anything." Carolyn twisted her ankle back and forth, rocking my hoof with her foot as she fidgeted. "It's kinda strange being on the receiving end of that possessive energy, and I have to say it's not just the easiest to manage."

"I know it's not my place to--"

"It's not that. Sorry, I shouldn't interrupt, it's just… whatever power exchange we do doesn't have to be 24/7, Maddie. You're an equal part in this relationship, not just a pet, and you should be comfortable expressing yourself as such but--"

Carolyn rubbed her face with both hands. "That was not cool of you, ya know?"

"Yeah…" I focused on the feeling of her foot against mine. I didn't think I could bear to meet her eye right now. "I feel foolish to not have seen it coming I guess. I spend so much time trying to reprogram my own mind out of toxic monogamy but I was so surprised-- and I had no right to pry and dig into your feelings like that. I don't even really understand why you let me."

Carolyn shrugged. "Yeah, that was a cat I very much did not want to let out of the bag, but I hope you can at least appreciate how readily I would give up my secrets for you."

I felt Ellen shaking behind me and she let out a soft chuckle as Carolyn half-smiled.

"I… do appreciate that, but what's so funny?"

"Just a bit of modding humor." Ellen rested her chin on my shoulder. "It'll make sense later."

"Uh huh…" I had my doubts, but I'd definitely done more than my share of pressing today so that would have to be a mystery that I let go for now.

Carolyn stood and held out her hands to me, pulling me up to my hooves before helping Ellen up as well.

I wiped my face properly and cast my gaze around for a bathroom or at least a tissue dispenser to clear my nose.

“I wish I didn't do this all the time. I–” I trailed off. I was thinking ahead now and I knew wondering aloud why they put up with me counted as self-depreciating, though it was fucking hard to think I had value right now.

“Hmm?” Carolyn looped her arm around my waist. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing.”

“Maddie…”

“I was going to say something self-deprecating, but I didn't.”

“Oooh. Good job then.” She gave me a squeeze and pulled me closer to kiss my temple. “Now say something nice about yourself.”

“Carolynnnn! I didn't say it! Why are you punishing me?”

Ellen and Carolyn both chuckled now, but Carolyn, as usual, was unmoved. “Nobody said training was easy. Come on now, you can do it.”

“Just one thing?”

“Sure. I'm feeling merciful.”

I searched my memory, trying to remember previous answers I’d given before. Sadly, I’d gone through this exercise many, many times now and all the easy ones were long since used up.

“I… I’m always learning and growing?”

“A little abstract, but good.”

“Sorry, I'm just trying to… I don't know. Dig a little deeper?”

“Makes sense. So you're trying to avoid repeats?” Carolyn let go of me to step ahead and open a door, but she wasted no time pulling me close again afterwards.

“Yeah. Should I not?”

Carolyn shrugged. “It sounds like a good exercise, but I feel like you're avoiding saying things that make you sound competent and capable.”

I pursed my lips. Avoiding self-sabotage was not getting easier today. “I don't want to foster unearned confidence like some sort of middle aged white guy.”

“Better you than them. Give bragging a shot.”

I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. “I'm exceptionally good at puzzle solving and developing novel solutions to issues.”

“Like rubiks cubes and such?”

“Hah, specifically not rubiks cubes actually. I focus on stripping down problems into as few pieces as possible and a cube has, what? Nine-times-six little stickers? Fiiiiifty four? I know there's guides for strategies and patterns to recognize but I think it was one of those things that I wasn't immediately the best at so I just hated it. But when I was assigned to program a maze solving robot in college I was the fastest to cut the problem down into logical chucks that could be executed in a very tight loop.”

“Nice. Very cool.”

I glowed with pride even as my mind raced to tear down any confidence I could have built. I'd been the first to solve the original maze, but when they scrambled the walls and made it a speed test I came in second because someone else had unlocked multi-thread capabilities.

Carolyn's voice brought me out of my thoughts. “I love when you do that.”

“Do… what?”

“When you find a groove. You have so much going on up in your little head and I love when it all spills out like that.”

“Like… an info dump?”

“A little, though to your credit, that was a very concise story example. I like the long-winded tangents too though.”

I turned to Ellen. “She likes me for my ‘tism.”

“Tism?” Carolyn laughed. “What is that?”

“I don't know where it comes from but that's what my brother-in-law calls ‘autism’. It just seemed like a funny way to say it for the moment.”

“Goofball.” Carolyn shook her head, but she was smiling easily now. It was like seeing a rainbow after a storm– though in this case the storm was like a freakish five minute downpour, but whatever.

“So what were we doing before I blew up and acted like I don't know nobody?”

Ellen was laughing too now. “I think Carolyn was going to finish what she started and I was invited along for moral support.”

“More like to fucking double-team me as usual.” I grumbled, but I made sure not to sound actually upset about it.

“You know,” Carolyn mused, “the promise about finishing what I start is pretty open ended, so it doesn't have to be a dogpile on Maddie.”

I squinted at her. “What are you suggesting?”

“Just that, pending Ellen’s consent, this could be your opportunity to exact your revenge for the truck incident.”

“Uh oh.” Ellen giggled.

“oooOOooh.” I turned to Ellen. “I never did get my back seat blowie.”

Ellen laughed outright now. “Don't call it that! And why do you call it ‘yours’ anyway if you would be the giver in the scenario?”

“Eating out is a privilege.” I tried and failed to sound pretentious. But the desired result of both Ellen and Carolyn in stitches was still reached.

“Awful, but fuck it. If it makes you feel better.”

“It will, but we should try not to be late for Max’s sleepover welcome party.”